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Hi there everyone ,I had a SAH 5 years ago this October coming . I went back to work after 4 months and I thought I got through it.I'm on here because I have not I've spent this time working and drinking through what I think is my own nightmare.this is not coming across very well I've just read it back .I used to be a very social person but now find myself preferring my own company so much so I go out if my way to do this,I got myself a dog as company and he's sound don't get me wrong but what's wrong with me will it get any better ? The reason I'm on here is lately as in probably last 6 months everything seems to be amplified I thought I was getting over it but now I'm not.I can't go to a crowded place without picking up what numerous people are saying ,so much so I think its sending me round the bend ? I would be grateful for any reply.

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Hi Stevieboy!

Welcome. I have no great words of wisdom for you but many of us experience that same thing. I recently started to see a therapist that understands brain injury and it was very enlightening. I thought I had it all figured out and work through it but guess I needed more help. It was well worth talking to someone.

Do you still see a neurologist or have a GP that you see? Have you talked to them about this?

Also when over tired I cannot be in a crowd or heck at work with intercoms, phones, and people listening to the radio etc., all of it makes me not be able to think straight.

Good luck, Wiser people will follow soon.

Maryb

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Thank you for replying so quickly. I don't see a gp nor my surgeon I thought I was over the worst. This might seem od but does it make you feel you have life completely sussed out ? Almost like were not real ? Then I walk to a crowded place it brings me down with a bang " oh yeah we are real and I'm ***** my pants "

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Like Mary, I don't have any wise words. I'm about 16 months out and still deal with daily chronic headaches (I wish there was a more descriptive word). It has changed my life dramatically. I don't feel like the same person and I miss that old person.

I was pretty sure I was going to be completely back to normal within a month or two, max. Because of that I think I had a much harder time accepting the fact that I had been through a serious health crisis and it wasn't going to be over any time soon.

I am more to an acceptance level now. I try to be sure to do what I can on good days and enjoy every moment of it, and feel no shame in saying "I'm having a hard day". I'm still trying to do all the things I used to do before the SAH (full time teacher, run my own small business as a running coach, personal trainer, and fitness class instructor, as well as do my own exercise). Some days I can do that with little slowing down, other days it's take to the bed, try not to think about the money I'm losing, but rest rest rest.

I think you should at least go see your GP. Most major medical issues do carry with them emotional and mental impacts that can be longstanding and can make the physical symptoms more of a challenge. PTSD after a stroke or SAH is very common and talking to your GP or a neurologist can go a long way towards helping you figure out why you're still feeling this way, and how to move forward.

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I also really miss the old me. I was going to defy the medical pundits and be back doing everything again really soon, but I now (19 months out) still find myself getting very tired very easily. People find this hard to understand. I look ok, but I still have vision, speech and balance difficulties. Background noise can be very tricky, but people don't realise either. Sometimes I just prefer my own company - how anti-social is that? I loved that line in the movie "Snow Cake" where the heroine says "I don't do social!" I often feel like that myself.

What is nice is when people tell me how far I've come, and how much healing I've experienced already. My brain still works, although the rest of me is catching up! Even building up concentration is hard work.

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Hi Stevie and Doggie,

I cannot stand noise as much as I used to.

My hubbys heavy metal music gets to me. (ahhh scream).

I do hope you get help from Doc or hospital, Good luck on recovery.

Before my SAH I used to listen to what one person was saying and be talking to another, darn I cannot earwig anymore.

I have not had a drink since SAH, sometimes I want one but instead I have decaff drinks, no cigs boring life lol.

Be Well and Happy if possible and think "I made it yeahhh"

Best Wishes to you and your best friend (Doggie)

WinB143 x earwig means listening in to others conversations

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Hi Stevieboy & welcome to BTG

I was the same as you, thought I could defy the surgeons & be back to myself within months. Now I can visit the cinema with my son & thats about it. About 3 months post op I arranged the cinema, lunch & a shopping trip thinking I could do it al, Boy did I crash & burn & it took me a whole week to recover.

Now I plan short trips, don't visit the shops because the noise, light & movement tire me out like nothing else! I too avoid social occasions although I do try to visit friends once a week, we all had kids around the same time but now there are 12 of them plus us 5 adults & it can be too much too.

Are you in the US or UK? if you are in the UK try & see if you have a local Headway to you. I thought I could cope on my own but Headway helped me enormously & would definately recommend seeing them. If you are from the US is there any way you could see a counsellor to help you work through your feelings?

Like the others say you have done hugely well to be back at work within 4 months but perhaps that is part of the problem as we really do need quiet time to heal, perhaps you went back before you were really ready? Not that I can talk or offer advice on work as I am not working 3 years out:crazy:

Take care

Edited by penny
abbreviations edited to full words
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Hi there

Welcome good you found us, No your not alone, we've all had similar I guess.

I don't see a gp nor my surgeon 

, maybe you should make an appt with the GP & asked to be referred for councelling it really does help or Headway is a good source too.

The first step is realising there is a problem so good for you, hope you find the site useful..

take care

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Hi Stevie.

Welcome and glad that in general you're doing alright. like everyone else has said i agree it may be worth chatting to someone. I had counselling just after I had my shunt put in and I am planning to go back for some more in a few weeks as I know that I have been retreating inwards again and need a bit of help to talk through that so it doesn't become create a problem.

It's a strange thing I find that in many way I Am less fearful about so much in my life now, I realise there is no control over so many things but at the same time I hold back from placing myself into situations that I know will wipe me out and could potentially lead to pain or discomfort. Just this week i opted out of doing something that i wouldnt have thought twice about prior to SAH.

It's Natural enough I suppose to avoid bumps in the road but I want to get out and enjoy life, not just spend time hiding with my cats and dog which it would be easier to do.

I'm lucky in a way in that I have young children which means that they unknowingly force me to get involved and do things that otherwise I might opt out of.

Edited by Daffodil
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Hi Stevie and welcome to BTG.

I was another one that believed I would recover completely and get right back to where I was. I told everyone I would recover 100%. 2.5 years on and I know my brain is different and will always be different. Now, instead of trying to get back to where I was I'm learning to live differently and listen to what my brain needs.

Loud places bother me too. It's difficult to concentrate and triggers my fatigue. We went to a loud restaraunt for lunch yesterday. I remembered my earplugs and popped them in! I never go anywhere without earplugs, sunglasses, and bottles of water. It doesn't make it 'all better' but it really helps if I can buffer the noise, the light, and keep from getting thirsty.

Sandi K.

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SB33,

I think that is a common thing after basically what we would call a near death experience. I think it differs with age as well and where we are in our life. It may be part of PTSD ( which is common). I have done much soul searching and I am not the only one who seems to be looking at myself from the outside in. I think we all have profoundly changed our thinking, and some of us just feel we are a totally different person. I certainly feel I am different, I am just not who I use to be, I feel different, I even look different. Am I understanding what you are trying to explain?

At 54 I have much more peace with my life. I have come to terms with my past etc and feel at peace where I am today. Not to morbid but I just have come to terms with where I have been, my path, my journey and where i am now. Not that I am 100% all the time happy that I have physical and mental limits set on me.

Maryb

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I've come on here seeking I don't really know what . My earlier post ment I think were not real its open doors in my head that should be kept shut ? I constantly think who are we ? What are we ? Are we some great consciences? Am I talking nonsense?

Not at all. A visit to Headway will most likely be HUGELY beneficial - I too got back to work/normal-life super quick, maybe too quickly I don't know. I've never liked to sit around feeling useless. Looking back I think I didn't fully turn the corner until I had an hour long chat with a lovely lady at Headway Basingstoke. The visit was also of great benefit to my wife, who seemed to be more in shock about my SAH than I was (often the way!). I think that was a big part of the problem, though - I was trying to carry my wifes emotions and as well as keeping my own in check to be strong for my wife, even though I was the one who'd had the brain-fart!

Best advice I can give - don't try to be macho. Let your feelings out! It's like ripping off a plaster from a hairy leg - hurts like anything but let's the wound underneath heal better. :)

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