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does the old you ever return


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Guest eyeball

hi karen its eyeball not visited the site for a while, it will be two years in feb since my sah and i still dont feel right still fighting to understand the person i have become. i have had leg pain since i got out of hospital that has just got worse over time . now codeine dependent i seem to be loosing the bit of confidence i did have , now on amitriptyline to try and get me off the codeine its a living hell . i had a mri lumber/sacrel spine scan and recieved a letter saying i have a problem with my disc. i phoned hospital and they have once again lost my notes . i am in pain 24 7 and need 4 codeine so i can walk my little girl to school my leg is very painfull. i have started to worry about collapsing when i am out with my little girl she is only 5 because of the codeine i get a horrible pressure in my head though i know it is probably the pills im terrified of another sah, i just seem to live in fear of dying cant eat cant sleep and just cant get round the change in personality that has come from the sah . had to give up work months ago im so fed up . i wonder if i will ever get over this . cant talk to family because they just dont understand . eyeball x

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Hi there

I am so sorry to hear how down you are, I think you should take yourself/or even call the doc in have a good old chat with them tell them how you feel.

Yes I know what its like with the lost your notes thing my case how could they loose 3 huge big files like that....

I totally changed after the SAH I am not the person I once was but for me once I stoped fighting against it & atmitted that the new me was here & here to stay then I started getting a grip....

Its nice to hear from you again hope to hear from you again soon.

Take care

Louise.xx

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Hello,

I agree with Louise, a good chat with your GP will maybe get you some help with what you are feeling.

I think what you are feeling is quite common for us post SAH people, ( I am only 6 months post SAH ) the doctor who treated me at the hospital said it would take a long time both physically and emotionally to recover.

Anyway Good Luck

Vivien x

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Hey there

I'm with the other two on this - talk to your GP he may even be able to refer you to a counsellor to talk to - believe me it helps.

I was still bitter, angry and fighting this "new" me up until a couple of months ago and now - I kinda like the new me - so I may not be able to do all the the things I did before but all that means is that other people ie husband and daughter have to shoulder some of the responsibilty for their own life organisation and I get to take a back seat. The memory thing sucks but if you write stuff down and stick it on the fridge or by the front door - or put reminders in your mobile phone - it can be overcome. Try to look and stay on the positive side - I know it's hard hun, but remember you've actually got through the hard bit - the next bit is accepting and adjusting and it will happen - I'm as stubborn as a mule and I've finally adjusted and stopped fighting.

Take care hun and stay in touch

Sami xxx

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Hi Eyeball, nice to meet you. So sorry you are feeling down at the moment. I hope you have a doctor you can talk to.

I'm 3 years post SAH, and I like the new me now. Sami I think that's beautifully put and sums it all up so well.

Eyeball, I'm with Louise - I think the SAH was a positive for me, because I am a better person nowadays.

Hope to hear from you again soon, take care, love Blondie x

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Guest eyeball

thankyou to everyone , my husband says he loves the new me even more but my children dont . they say i am a harder person and they want the old me back , but i have to concentrate on my 5 year old the other kids are 16 and up and there is six of them. i havent slept for over a week because i am trying to get myself off medication for my little girls sake . i am waiting for a call from the hospital today to see what they are going to do about my disc, i just get fed up of how slow they are . thankyou again for all your support and advice i will be going to see my doctor . the most scary thing for me and im sure everyone has thought it , when you know you can be gone in an instant and when im feeling really ill i thing im going to collapse when im out on my own with my little princess that really gets to me and i cant stop thinking about it , shes so sweet she always asks me if my head or my leg hurts. i think its because she woke up screaming one night and said mummy i dont wont you to die and i said im not darling , she said you are mummy because i saw you . that stays in my mind aswell. i could go on but i dont want to bore you but thanks again everyone godbless you all , eyeball x

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Hey there

I used to hate being left alone with my 10 year old, Siobhan, at first in case it happened again - I didn't want her to see her mum die, so i know where you're coming from. Siobhan asked me if i was going to die and she was terrified for a while - cos she witnessed the whole thing - and I reassured her that, no, I wasn't going anywhere.

I'm the opposite of you now. I was hard and didn't suffer fools gladly, but now I'm not so short tempered and I know I'm a better person for it. I read somewhere something that made me think about my temper etc - it said "you can't change the actions of others, only how you react" and it's true. Don't get me wrong there are still some things that make me lose my temper quickly, but generally I'm a lot calmer and a lot gentler - Paul prefers me to cry when something has upset me rather than shouting and screaming - and I have to admit - I get more of a response from tears than from shouting :wink:.

It's time where everyone involved with you has to adjust to the new you - it's not an overnight process but time will help the kids adjust to the new you and they'll appreciate you for what and who you are.

Take care hun

Sami xxx

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Hi there

I think we have all had those thoughts at one time or another, I know that I have in-fact I thought about it like you all the time 24/7 it became an obsession & that’s not good, you really have to think positive that your not going to, your not going collapse when your out with your daughter.

I hope you haven’t come off your meds on your own? I was on anti seizure meds & I have to say I went cold turkey the hospital just wanted me to stop but my GP said no & I came off them over 3 months thankfully.

You could never bore feel free to un-load.

Take care

Louise.xx

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Guest eyeball

hi everyone its eyeball, i did try to come off medication on my own because when i received letter about my mri on my spine i thought i would be going in for surgery because it said i have a problem with my disc which could be causing my leg pain, finally i got in touch with the hospital and my consultant said he doesnt think the disc is a problem and i have an appointment in 3 weeks time to go back and see neurologist, i really broke down yesterday with frustration , if there is a problem in my eyes it needs fixing dont know where i am half the time , im going to be a granma in 3 weeks my fisrt granson i just want to get back to normal. hope all is well with everyone . love eyeball x

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Just had another conversation with my SO today (his SAH was on the 19.7.07) and we talked about the "being back to normal". He said he feels a bit different but not in a bad way.

And I noticed he is to 99 % back to normal. The only difference still is a bit of a lower energy-which is actually not bad since he was pretty much hyper before the SAH. Now he is calmer and more relaxed.

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Like the others, I think that the changes, overall, have been for the best. Its made me realise the things that are important and made me less patient with the things that are not. The memory sucks, but then that's why God invented post-it notes (when I remember to read them!). Joan

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  • 1 month later...

Hi there, I too felt anxious about being out on my own and also about my little boy not remembering me if i were to die i even started having panic attacks, i would get my husband to drive us everywhere then one day he said no you can do it on your own and at the time i was in tears really upset but looking back i am so glad he did it as i go to the school with my boy to do gardening christmas partys and things like that, as when i sit back and think about it logically wouldn't it be better for our children to remember us for happy things rather than crying all the time and being frightened i don't get panic attacks anymore thank god and i really hope you are feeling much better now too. Jess.xxx

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