Dramblys Posted July 2, 2020 Share Posted July 2, 2020 It's been about two years since I've been on the forum here., and 2-1/2 years since my wife had her SAH. If you read my previous posts, you'll see that she was generally very fortunate for her outcome. The visual disturbances I mentioned before are largely gone. The chronic headaches are still there but not as bad and being managed with medication. The doctors say she's essentially "healed". She's hardly missed a beat with her work as a songwriter and musician and gets into her home studio most days. But, she says she still feels changed. Yesterday, she said she was glad I understood this when others don't (most see her as "back to herself"). I wish I could always be sufficiently present and thoughtful, though. Lately I've been dealing with my own physical, mental, and emotional health concerns, and I've found that my expressions of my own pain, frustration, sadness, anxiety, etc. affect her more deeply than ever. On some occasions, when I brought up a concern late in the day, what might previously have been a brief conversation (hopefully ending in validation) has exploded into an argument and ruined her evening, her sleep, and her mood the next day, sometimes even causing her physical pain or memory lapses. I have been seeing a clinical psychologist for several months now for my own issues, and a lot of that work has been to become more open and effective in expression of my own "things", but it's hard to put that into practice when my wife (of 22 years) can't handle those expressions as well as she used to. To be fair though, she often pleasantly surprises me with her perception, compassion, and care at times when I'm feeling sure she's deeply disappointed in me and our relationship. Today, she asked me again to avoid any serious discussions at dinnertime or later. She's asked before, and I would love to honor this request, but I don't always know what will seem serious to her and what will not. Fortunately (or not), due to the coronavirus pandemic, I'm working from home and if I'm careful, I can try to get these things out of the way earlier than when I had to wait until after my commute home, when there was only a short window before dinner. Since it's been a while since my last visit, the first thing I saw when I arrived was the thread about Win's passing. I was glad to revisit Win's first advice to me, and I really need to take it to heart: "Do not let wife hear sad stories of doom and gloom. I cannot take sadness anymore !!" 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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