Lin-lin

I've just sent you a PM.... *steam coming out of ears* !!!!!!

Mine was on the 21st November 2009.

Hello again, The only experience I have is counselling through a neuro psychologist. I speak very highly of the experience and my psychologist validated many of my feelings. Acknowledging my ‘right’ to be feeling the way I did was an important step towards my progress. It allowed me to build more constructive and positive thoughts upon it. My counselling is free through Headway. So there have been no costs. I have no experience of more generic counselling. With my neuro counselling, my psychologist is able to talk me through the environmental things which I have reacted to, (loss of career, friends and athleticism,) but he is also able to offer insight into how some of my thought processes are familiar themes amongst people with brain injuries. I.e. problems with working memory, inflexibility and emotional lability. This has been very important to me. I was once very hard on myself for feeling low and tearful; but I now understand how a brain injury can lead to different reactions and ways of behaving. I also understand, (as do my family, thankfully!) why I can be quite entrenched in my routines, whereas previously I was once chaotic. Maybe I would not have received this insight through generic counselling; but I am not a professional in this area and you will have greater knowledge than me. That’s all I can vouch for is that neuro counselling has been an amazing experience and I feel I am a better person for it. I am far more empathic and I see things more holistically than before. Counselling has also helped me to see what my brain injury has given me, not just taken away. Lynne xx

Hello and welcome to BTG! Depression is a common symptom of SAH and being a psychologist will not make you immune from feeling low. So don’t feel that because of your professional status that you are somehow not entitled to feeling the way you do. Don’t feel guilty about having a normal reaction to something. A lot has gone on in your life recently. You have suffered ill health and there have been numerous bereavements. You are also concerned about your job. These, in fairness to you, are big events. To react emotionally is normal. No-one would be able to sail through a succession of traumatic events like the ones you describe. Your SAH is very recent. Recovery is measured in years, not weeks. To feel depressed after ill health is a common symptom. It is common because it is so understandable. Having your life suddenly change, without warning and wanting it to change, is not easy to digest immediately. To react against it is healthy - but it feels so rotten, doesn’t it? Your brain’s capacity, at present is dented. You do not have an intellectual incapacity – but rather the brain’s ability to process things is more fragile than what you are used to. Do some research on ‘brain injury’ as it is something which helped me enormously. When our brain’s are working at a lower capacity in terms of energy; it becomes harder to work through stress. So emotional recovery from a brain injury, becomes rather unfairly, a tad trickier. The very thing we need to help us with our emotions, i.e. our brain’s, is the very thing that is ‘broken.’ When we are in this state, the smallest of stresses become enormous. To put genuinely big stresses into the equation, such as job loss and bereavement, is in fairness to your brain, almost too much for it to bear. I recall being depressed after my SAH. The very person who helped me, was a psychologist! I accessed counselling (CBT) with a consultant neuro psychologist at my local branch of Headway – a charity which helps adults who have brain injuries. There I met other survivors and my friendship base became more meaningful; and my emotional recovery was assisted further through having friends who could relate to my circumstance. I know of some people who have accessed counselling through their GP’s, so maybe you could try this; but Headway was my personal route; albeit a bit late at 12 months post SAH. I could have done with help a lot earlier and that first year was bleak to say the least. Here is a link for Headway, which you may find helpful. It has fact sheets which deal with depression post brain injury. http://www.headway.org.uk/home.aspx Lynne

It’s ironic that you should pose this question today as I went for a nap at 1.30pm earlier, (could not keep my eyes open,) and I just got up at 4 pm. The deep sleep you talk of is familiar to me and I am nearly two and a half years post SAH. The process of waking up is usually a long drawn out affair. To put my history into a context for you, I was exceptionally fit prior to my SAH, having run the Berlin Marathon eight weeks before I was ill. I also trained regularly in a gym with an ex- marine. To be working 30 hours six months post SAH is massive. I am very impressed. I manage 14-16 hours of voluntary work per week, (although I am pregnant now and have had to scale back,) but pregnancy aside, 16 hours is the maximum I have been able to manage as healthily as can be. The fact that you can already work 30 hours, may mean that your capabilities post SAH allow you to go to the gym too; I am aware that Kel Bel on BTG is able to go to aerobic classes after work, so it does not mean that it is impossible. For me, I still exercise, (not like before!) but I am only able to get a productive work out on the days I do not work. I recall coming home from work before my SAH and feeling ‘tired’ but somehow a trip to the gym would energise me. (I could even run ten miles plus complaining I was ‘tired’ beforehand.) But fatigue is not like tiredness. If you want to go to the gym after work, it may really work for you; but don’t confuse brain injury fatigue with tiredness. They are totally different conditions. You can work through tiredness, but you have to respect fatigue a bit better. Brain ‘injury’ is the key word. Think if you had an injured ankle. Putting weight on it and training through it would not improve it. You would need to rest it, in order to help it improve. It’s a similar concept with the brain, but because we can’t see it and look ‘fine’ we very much underestimate the overwhelming need that it has to rest. Why don’t you try exercising on a non- working day first and see how that develops? Exercising on a non- working day may help improve your stamina better, as training when fatigued is not likely to bring about quick results. Training can reduce mental capacity – which was ok when I was a marathon runner, as I had enough energy in reserve. But most definitely, heavy training affects your ability to think coherently and slows down your processes. (Try having a complex conversation with someone who’s just finished a long run!) Combining this with a brain injury may not be ideal. Maybe your brain needs to get used to the concept of training first. ‘You tube’ can have very good resistance work outs - (I don’t know whether you have any dumbbells in the house?) but it is possible to do something at home, just as a starter. Some of the people on ‘you tube’ are very competent professional instructors, so you get a good technical work out. I tried going to the gym seven months post SAH and the noise, music and conversations tired me out before I even started any training. I therefore cancelled my subscription and built my stamina up at home and it worked very well for me. Good luck!

This really made me laugh!! Alison - Glad to hear your good news. I wish your family well. Lynne xx

Hi Michelle, Bill and Jess, Thank you for your very good contributions to this thread. But to answer Michelle’s post: ‘Two ticks’ or not ‘two ticks’ that is the question! I know of some people who have been employed for years through the ‘disability route’ and so they talk very positively about it. Others, who have been to one failed interview after the other, feel that the ‘two tick’ scheme has been a waste of their time. Furthermore, the word ‘guaranteed’ is misleading. I know of some disabled people who didn’t get an interview, despite the ‘two ticks.’ There is a theory, that because hundreds of people are trying for one job at present, let us say, around 50 were disabled; it would be impossible to interview them all if the company only has one day to interview. I think that instead, companies interview a representation of their applicants; so some disabled people do get an interview, while others do not. The point of the scheme is to help disabled people get a foot in the door, fearing that it may be the natural tendency of employers to dismiss recruiting a person with a disability without giving them a fair chance. I have no personal experience of it and so I cannot comment; but I am not instinctively put off from trying it. Who knows, after many failed attempts, I may see it differently. There is another method which can help people with disabilities re-enter employment. I work as a volunteer with Sure Start, meaning the local health board is my employer. I wish to work for Sure Start one day and I hope that through voluntary work, it will become a greater possibility. As a volunteer, I qualify to receive internal job applications and I am told a lot of vacancies are advertised internally. The local Health Board is big enough an organisation to adapt to my condition. When they received my application for volunteering, which disclosed my SAH; I was whisked off to Occupational Health immediately and the conversation was centered on what adaptions to work did I need. So if I go for an interview with Sure Start, to not disclose my SAH would seem a bit odd. They all know about it anyway. I think I will try the ‘two tick’ route with Sure Start, but I feel that my voluntary work will be of help too. It’s a longer route admittedly, but in a way, I need the time to acclimatise to the job gently. I become anxious in new situations, it’s ‘too much information overload;’ so applying for a job and starting it ‘cold’ is not something I feel comfortable with. In a way, I need a length of time volunteering, to get my brain used to new procedures and environments. To apply for a job which is familiar to me, makes the experience less daunting. This is a highly individual experience however and there is no right or wrong way. Lynne

Oo, my favourite topic!! (Thanks for the endorsement Gill!) Whether to disclose your SAH history to a new employer is a personal choice. Under the Disability Discrimination Act, you do not have to tell a prospective employer about your disability, condition or impairment. However, if you choose not to disclose your condition, your employer cannot make the necessary adaptions to assist you. This could place you under stress and you may not be able to sustain work long term. It is a matter for the individual as to whether they feel that they could cope with the demands of work without the symptoms of their condition becoming apparent. I know of a person with a brain injury who has not disclosed his condition to his new work placement, fearing he would not get the job; and as a result he is permanently exhausted. He is unable to engage in social events because all spare energy is needed for work. I haven’t seen him in a while and I do worry about him. Let’s say a person does not disclose. It could be awkward if the employer subsequently finds out; as it is relevant information that bosses may feel they should have been told at the outset. Not declaring a condition, when in fact you have one, could be considered ‘misleading information’. It is not unrealistic to foresee that this could lead to disciplinary procedures for some. It is a delicate balancing act, as some employers can be reluctant to recruit a person with a disability/condition. This is the reason why people do not like to disclose their condition. It is true that disabled people are heavily underrepresented in the employment market, so the fear of discrimination is not misplaced. Some employers however, will be committed to equal opportunities and may wish to recruit a certain percentage of people with disabilities. Look out for the ‘two ticks’ logo, which means that the employer has signed up to the ‘guaranteed interview scheme’. This means that they are committed to offering all disabled applicants an interview if they meet the minimum requirements for the job. ('Disability' is a broad term in an employment sense and includes conditions / impairements.) Some employers are better than others. The best statistically are larger companies or public sector employers (e.g. local authorities.) Some people speak positively about the ‘two ticks’ scheme and it has led to employment; others feel it has been a waste of their time. I cannot comment yet, as I have not been through it. Personally, I cannot hide my brain injury. I react badly if I have no structure to my week and cope badly with spontaneous requests. Crowded venues are very confusing and I do not like loud noise. I become tired without regular breaks and too many tasks at once lead to my reactions becoming slower. At the end of a working day, (voluntary work,) I look visibly shattered and so I am unsure how I would hide this. People certainly notice and comment upon it. The way I see it, is that I am capable of work – providing the employer makes some adaptions to help me sustain work. The adaptions I need are concenring hours of work and the pace of work. If I do not disclose, I cannot request adaptions. If I have no adaptions, I cannot sustain work. As I said, the decision to disclose is a personal one and it is my choice to tell prospective employers about my SAH; but choosing the correct working environment undoubtedly helps too. Here is a link of a factsheet from Headway, titled ‘Returning to work after a brain injury.’ http://www.headway.org.uk/returning-to-work.aspx Good luck, Lynne

Hello Dawn, We’ve not ‘met’ before. Welcome to BTG. I have been reading your posts however and think that you start excellent topics. To put my experience in context for you, my SAH was two years ago. The jumpiness you describe is very common and I still suffer with it. I am a member of Headway, a charity for adults with brain injuries, and my friends there suffer with the same problem. My understanding is the reason we react so strongly to outside stimuli is because of our ‘startle reflex.’ We had a ‘startle reflex’ before our SAH. That’s why we remove our hands from hot stoves or blink uncontrollably if we have dust in our eyes. The startle reflex keeps us safe. However, our brains have suffered a trauma; and it is the brain which controls the startle reflex. An exaggerated startle reflex is a condition in itself, but trauma to the brain can cause it too. To become ‘startled’ (brain injured or not) can invoke an emotional state too. Maybe this explains our ‘fight or flight’ mechanism. Sometimes we need lots of adrenaline, (to feel scared/ nervous) to help us react quickly. In the context of our ancestors running away from a wolf, it is handy; but for us to react emotionally when a door slams, perhaps isn’t as convenient! An exaggerated startle reflex can also be a symptom of an anxious state. I am certainly more anxious post SAH and seem to become flustered easier. There are ways to manage this and it is helpful to have immediate family aware of the situation so that they can help. I do not react well to spontaneous events, i.e. unexpected visitors. If I am requested to join in on a gathering or a family visit, I am given enough notice so that I can adjust to the idea first. I keep a diary of all events regarding any contact I have with people, i.e. medical appointments, social events, voluntary work commitments; and I am able to see on any given week what I have on in the days ahead. If there are too many appointments on consecutive days, I know that this will heighten my anxiety and so I re-arrange or cancel some appointments so that my diary looks clearer. However, being more ‘jumpy’ is something which I and others have become through a brain injury. As I have outlined, there are ways to reduce it and time management is very effective. Nevertheless, have a little chat with your GP as fainting is unpleasant and s/he may be able to help you further. I haven’t had an experience of fainting with fright, but as you say, you have had a stressful time what with the tests and lack of sleep this week. However, fainting after using the loo can be a symptom of blood pressure issues (I can’t remember if it’s a sign of it being high/low) so a trip to the surgery to have your blood pressure checked will be helpful. Take care, Lynne p.s. after writing this, I have just read Karen's post and we have basically said the same thing!

Hello Alison, I have not chatted with you before, but I have been eagerly following your thread and I am happy to learn that Chris is stable. I am sorry to learn of your circumstances and I wish your family the very best. I notice that you are enquiring about assistance with the cost of hospital fares when visiting family. I enclose for your attention this NHS link regarding ‘Help with NHS Costs.’ http://www.nhs.uk/nhsengland/Healthcosts/pages/Travelcosts.aspx You will notice that it deals primarily with the costs of the patient and not family members; but that does not mean that there is no help available at all to visitors. Despite the website saying, ‘You cannot claim help with travel costs, if you are visiting someone in hospital..’ , the website then goes on to mention that individuals may receive help from the ‘Social Fund.’ The Social Fund is a Government scheme which aims to help people on a low income with expenses that they find difficult to meet. There are different types of Social Fund benefits. With most, you have to be receiving certain other benefits to qualify. Obviously, I do not know your financial circumstances and so cannot give you specific advice. The NHS website recommends that you contact JobCentre Plus for further advice. There is nothing wrong with this, however, the JobCentre is a government agency and so may not be entirely helpful in exploring your situation. I.e. if you do not qualify for a certain benefit, they may not be eager to tell you that you qualify for something else. Instead, asking an independent organisation such as the Citizens Advice Bureau may be better because they will explore all aspects of your situation. It may be the case that you do not qualify for the Social Fund, but they may point out that there are other benefits which you should be receiving. I also enclose for your attention details for your local Citizens Advice Bureau, listing their phone numbers, contact details and opening times. http://advicefinder.turn2us.org.uk/?q=node/1006890 Good luck with everything, Lynne xx

As a British citizen, I totally take for granted that our health care is for free. (That’s not to say that certain politicians in our country have not introduced privatisation ‘through the back door’ and continue to want to do more of this; but in general terms we have free health care.) I cannot imagine the dreadful situation of having to work to pay for health insurance/ care. We simply accept in this country that no matter our financial circumstances, we will receive health care for free. I think this should be used as a warning to all British citizens of how lucky we are to have our National Health Service and to be very vigilant about any present attacks upon it. (I would say more about these ‘attacks’ but this is not a political forum!) I think posts like Mary’s bring it home to us how fabulous the principle of free health care is, as health care should never be run for profit. Hey Carl – Sorry for hijacking your thread!! I understand that you have free health care in Canada too; imagine how emotional we would both be without it!!! Yikes!!! Lynne

Hello Carl, What a good thread! Welcome to BTG. I have tried to welcome you on numerous occasions this week, but I have been exceptionally tired of late so I have been unable to contribute. Sorry for the delay, but a very warm welcome. Analogies are a very helpful way of getting the message across, particularly if you match the analogy to something that the other person can relate to. I once told some politically active people that my brain was like a very militant trade union and that if I imposed unfair working conditions upon it, it would go on strike! Other times I have used a computer analogy, telling people that when you put too many programmes on your computer, it slows it down. It is the same with my mental capacity; too much stimulation can reduce the speed of my processes. One helpful analogy I read but cannot recall by whom, is by a person who asked us to imagine the brain’s neuro paths like a busy intersection of road. Imagine a car crash that blocks the road. Other traffic is diverted. Smaller roads get used and alternative routes are found. The journey is often completed, but it takes a little longer. Similarly with a SAH – a neuro path (and the surrounding ones) are damaged and cannot be used. This means the brain has to find alternative connections, and in time it does, but it is a different route, which takes a little longer. I read that it is this different route which contributes to the sometimes subtle and sometimes obvious differences in our personalities. It’s just a case of the brain having to work differently. For me, this meant living differently after the SAH. If my brain does not work as before, it does not feel comfortable (to me) to slot back into the life I once had. (I’ve got different tools for the job now!) I resigned from my career and now do voluntary work, helping impoverished people in the main overcome difficulties. I hope this will lead to employment one day. I have changed my hobbies and my social base, opting for pursuits and people that I enjoy and like as the person I am now – not the person I was. What I do is less in terms of how many tasks, but the quality is better. For example, I have fewer friends, but they are all positive and supportive people. The negative, awkward, contrary and pushy ones just had to go!! Sometimes working at a reduced capacity can force us to make wiser choices. We don’t have the energy for all the meaningless things and unnecessary awkward people in our lives. Ultimately this can lead to a more fulfilling life. Granted I still moan about specifics, (my loss of athleticism and career remain big issues for me ,) but in general terms, I make better choices post SAH. I am guessing that sometimes – less is more!! Chat soon, Lynne

I don't know whether this is a symptom, but Kel's post prompted me to contribute. I was a migraine sufferer since childhood. I would have an attack roughly once a month. Since the SAH... nothing. I get headaches (which are more of an inconvenience than anything else,) but no more migraines. Lynne xx

Hello I had to read some of your earlier posts to jog my memory as to your precise circumstances. I did remember your name and that you are a teacher, but had forgotten that you were an assistant head teacher. Working four and a half days is more or less full time, isn’t it!?? Those few hours off a week are unlikely to make the world of difference between working a full week and working reduced hours. This means that you are back to working just about as before. Amazing after a SAH – and so soon! So well done! If you had written that you were working four and a half days, feeling great and bursting with energy in the evenings and weekends I would be amazed at your perfect recovery. But you say you feel jaded. Frustrating I know, but what you write sounds very typical. We just can’t seem to perform as well as before, can we? On top of the recovery from the SAH, you have an inflammation. This is an added trauma for the brain to adjust to. It is a very sensitive organ. Injuries affect the capacity it works at. Your brain is not firing on all cylinders and yet it is expected to work more or less, the same as before. Maybe this explains why you are tired. It is not for anyone to suggest to you how you live your life. It is for you instead to decide what you want from your life. If you want your life just to encompass work – and nothing else – then that is a matter for you. But if you would prefer some balance, with the ability to enjoy doing things outside of work, then maybe scaling back work hours would be an option?? (Only if you want to!) You are a public sector worker and you are therefore more protected than most. You may not feel that you have options – as we can all feel like this with work stress – but the protection that public sector workers have when battling ill health is far superior to the private sector. (I really wish that I had been a public sector worker when I was ill as I would have been far better looked after. One of the many reasons that I am now looking for employment within the public sector!) Any working environment which is not driven by profit will look after the needs of its staff better. Hopefully you have been able to rest over Christmas and maybe the rest will bring some clarity to how you want to make things better for yourself. Think of ways you can control elements of your life. Reducing work hours is something in your capacity and control – perhaps not for ever; but for a short while so you can restore some balance to your life. It is a matter for you what you do and maybe I am suggesting something that you feel is impossible. I am just assessing that the reason you feel fatigued and the reason you don’t feel good; is because your brain is over worked. Maybe – just maybe – giving it some rest may lead to it performing better which will lead to you feeling better. It is a method which has worked for me and countless others on this site. It is up to you if you want to try the same; but if you find an alternative – let us all know!!! Take care, Lynne xx

What you describe sounds very familiar and ‘normal’ for a SAH recovery; but that aside, it is not nice to go through, is it? Sleep deprivation is just awful. I have suffered with this myself and it is so debilitating. I have lost count how many times I have been to the GP to explain my symptoms, but you may be aware that doctors are reluctant to prescribe sleeping tablets. I was eventually put on amitriptyline (an anti-depressant but prescribed for insomnia), which helped marginally for a bit. It was no magic wand, but can give a short respite. My family relationships and friendships suffered a lot post SAH. I was like an imposter in my own body. People tried to relate to me in how they remembered me and it didn’t seem to fit the person I was now. Matters improved for me when I contacted Headway – a charity for people with brain injuries. (A SAH is a trauma to the brain and is therefore considered a brain injury.) I receive counselling there which has helped me come to terms with my situation. Also, in learning that I have a brain injury, I am able to read books and browse the internet on the subject and share my experience with my family. When they understood what had happened to me and how I was processing things differently, our relationship improved. It was easier for everyone, including myself, when we all allowed the ‘old me’ to fade and concentrate on the person I had become. Change can be a good thing. I look upon my SAH as something which allowed me to iron out all the habits and traits which had developed over the years and needed to go. One positive change is that I used to allow people to ‘put on’ me a bit; but I am far more assertive these days because I have to be. I also have a different value on life. I resent commercialism and materialism to a massive extent and receive much more pleasure in helping people hence all the community work I now do. I could not have done this without counselling however. I was very skeptical at first because I was ‘not the type.’ I now know there is no such type, but sometimes in life we need a bit of help to order things in our minds. Here is a link to Headway, which has been an enormous help for me and my family. Maybe you have a group nearby. http://www.headway.org.uk/home.aspx Lynne

I Love this!!!!!! Keep up the good work!!! Lynne

Well, I don’t think you’re insane at all. I think you are having very normal reactions to events which are abnormal. Your job ending, although for very good reasons, marks a new phase in your life. It’s an adjustment which you are going to reflect upon. Although you understand that it will bring a better quality of life for the person you are now; you will naturally remember the old times and how the decision to quit was forced upon you by circumstances beyond your control. It isn’t a bad thing that you were in tears because you were overwhelmed by your friends’ kindness. To me, it shows how sensitive and sweet you are and how their gesture touched you beyond words. Post SAH, I cry more, particularly when someone does something nice for me. I have more gratitude than previously, which is a change for the better. I totally understand your frustration regarding the PE Teacher and it is not good enough that the teacher has suggested that your son brings a note in next time. The trouble with brain injuries is that people can seem ‘fine’, and even function to a ‘normal’ extent, but some activities, such as sport, may not be suitable on that day. The PE Teacher is, I guess, very unaware regarding the complication around brain injuries, and so, he must be told. Would it be possible to set up a meeting within the next week or so with either the PE Teacher or the Head of his department? Perhaps you can take in leaflets regarding your son’s condition for them to read. Explain that his condition is not as straightforward as a physical injury which often heals completely. This is a permanent impairment, even use the phrase ‘hidden disability’ and explain how being pushed in his condition is detrimental to his health. Make it clear that if your son wishes to be excused from sport, letter or not, he must be listened to. Insist upon their co-operation, because if not, you will take matters further with the Local Authority. Make it clear that if he is pushed to take part in sports when he says he’s unwell, your immediate recourse will be to the Local Education Authority. Since the Children Act 2004, the LEA is also a children’s services authority and the director of children’s services is the person responsible. Any complaints should go to him/ her. I am sorry that the woman at the taxi service upset you. It can be difficult to protect ourselves from people’s comments, because shutting ourselves off completely is not possible. Some people are not skilled when talking to others; maybe if you focus on addressing things with the school, then this comment will become less painful because you will be doing something constructive with your general anger. When we are dealing with a lot emotionally, we can feel that we are losing control and it is an unpleasant feeling. Reclaiming tiny bits of control can always be helpful, so long as we do little bits at a time and don’t try to do too much too quickly. Have a little think about how you want to deal with the school matter, because perhaps this is the matter which is causing you the greatest pain. Have a think about communicating to the school, be it email, letter or face to face. Maybe you could write to them in the first instance and request a face to face meeting. It may be the case that you start to feel better if you channel your emotions in this constructive way and it will have the bonus that you no longer have to worry about your son being pushed to take part in sport. All the best, Lynne

Oh Robert, how fab to hear from you. I am so glad that the operation was a success and is now behind you. Of course, the emotional journey is not an easy one to negotiate and I hope you are able to find some comfort form BTG on the way. Bear in mind that there may be twists and turns, even little dips; but there will also be ascents and clear straights for you to enjoy. Regarding the pain in the groin following a brain operation; there is potentially a joke here about men’s brains being harnessed in a certain area of the body, but I do not know you well enough to make that joke and of course, I am far too polite!!!! So in order to avoid causing any offence, I’ll just wish you well and leave it at that! Lynne

Welcome to BTG. I hope you have been feeling better lately. I sympathise with the loss of fitness. Eight weeks before my SAH I ran the Berlin Marathon and I cannot pretend that the loss of fitness didn't hit me hard. I can still jog and I know that I am fortunate not to have lost mobility. Nevertheless, my 'loss' has been my level of athleticism which I have found difficult to adjust to. When this first happened to me, I thought it was the worst thing ever; I have adjusted to my situation better now and I no longer think of it as the 'disaster' it first was. There are people on this site you have resumed cycling and I am not saying you will not return to your level. I am simply explaining my circumstance which by no means will reflect yours. I simply saying that I battled a similar situation and so I understand where you are coming from. I am certain that I could cover high distances again; but it would need to be approached differently. I.e. walking and jogging instead of running full pelt, taking regular breaks and accepting that I would be one of the last to finish. This is my realistic assessment. I am by no means pessimistic; I just know what it takes to RUN a marathon and I know I don't possess that ability anymore. I am not as resilient and hardy as I was. The thing is, with my running diminished, other things have come into my life. I do more community work and I acknowledge that the things I do now are more collaborative and are of help to others. My running was a very individualistic pursuit and all about me, myself and I. In that element of my life ending, a more emotionally rewarding pass time has replaced it. It does take time to adjust however. I am two years post SAH and so my present circumstances have become 'normal.' Don't give up on fitness however, just re-introduce your body back into it sensibly. Keeping active is important. I started doing yoga and pilates DVDs to help during my recovery and it was noticeable how much I improved. I think I was only doing 5 mins initially. Measure your yardstick in how you were 'last week'; not how you were before the SAH. This way you can measure improvement, not 'loss.' I have adjusted to my new pace of life, but it took time and I have had counselling to help. I cannot stress enough that your circumstances may be better than mine. I am not trying to bring you down. I am just acknowledging how hard it is to be unwell when your life and social life previously revolved around fitness and training. I felt better when I started to approach things differently and looked upon fitness as trying to improve my present circumstances, instead of trying to get back to where I was. I hope you find an approach that brings you some peace too. Good luck, Lynne

I am very sorry to learn of your circumstances. I empathise that the two of you are battling very difficult issues, which perhaps combined are spilling over into proportions which are unmanageable. Post SAH our emotional resources to deal with other people become limited. I know this is the case for me as I previously had very broad shoulders in dealing with others. I imagine your wife's resources are similarly dented, and when under stress we can perhaps lose our ability to empathise and can become focused on our own issues. This is not uncommon and maybe it is a deep rooted survival instinct of ours. Whatever the reason, it perhaps needs addressing in a way which is healthy for you both. My first port of call in your circumstances, would be to contact brain injury charities, (in the UK we have Headway,) and contact a cancer charity, (here we have Macmillan.) I would explain the combined anxieties within the relationship and ask for help before it reaches a crisis. This could involve the charities visiting us in the home and perhaps directing us to their own counselling services which could take the form individually or as a couple. Prior to my SAH I would never have accessed counselling. I did not feel that I was the 'type' (I now know there is no type,) but it was completely off my radar. Before I sought counselling, a psychologist, perhaps sensing my reluctance, told me that if my boiler broke, I would call a plumber, if I needed help to tidy my garden, I would ask my Dad; if I need help with my emotions, why not call a psychologist? Put it that way, it sounded obvious and straightforward, and is a process which has helped me enormously. Good luck, Lynne

You appear to have made a very good recovery which is very encouraging. You come across very positive. If you are interested in helping others, contributing on this site is a good start. We frequently get newbie’s joining, some who are only a matter of weeks post SAH. Their anxiety, fear and frustrations are quite palpable in their initial posts and so it is nice to be able to tell them that we felt the same at their stage in recovery and that it gets better. It is always a lovely experience to sense how their posts become more ‘relaxed’ as the months unfold as they gradually learn to accept what has happened. If you are interested in helping further, Headway do some outreach work where volunteers visit local neuro rehab wards (I think there’s one in Port Talbot,) and they spend some time talking to patients and share experiences. This is something that I am interested in, although I am not quite emotionally ready yet. It is certainly a long term goal nevertheless. My main priority at present is re-entering employment as I had to leave my career. The environment was totally unsuitable post SAH and I had to be realistic. All my mental energy is used for trying to get a job at the moment and together with my voluntary work, I do not have enough mental energy ‘spare’ to help Headway. That is what I find most frustrating post SAH – the reduced mental energy and the inability to be as busy as I was. I am accepting it slowly, but that does not mean that I always like it! The sense that I am missing out on the usual milestones at my life’s stage can be irksome! However my friend’s at Headway have gone through the same and so I do receive some comfort from the shared experiences. Anyway, I’m hi-jacking your thread with my own personal problems….you see – you’re helping out already!! Lynne

I agree that you should have the courtesy of a follow up appointment, just for peace of mind. That said, follow up appointments concentrate recovery on the physical only, (as is important,) but if your physically 'fine' there can be an expectation that you should then 'just get on with it.' The neuro psychologist I see at Headway is actually a Consultant from Morriston, so I don't know whether he could give you some pointers. Alternatively, maybe the first port of call is your GP. I don't know whether you were coiled or clipped, (I am guessing clipped because I understand from friends at Headway that clipping was the familiar procedure at Morriston at that time,) but as a matter of course you should have been re-called for a check up. I am aware that there are some basic neuro equipment left at Morriston and I have had CT Scans there, but for better scans I have had to travel to Heath, Cardiff; so maybe you will have to travel a bit further afield for them these days. Maybe your GP needs to be told your story. Your treatment does not seem to have followed the usual pattern and you need an explanation as to why. Take care, Lynne

Hi Carole, Thanks for posting your story it was interesting to read, perhaps doubly so for me as I live nearby! I live in Skewen, just up the road from you! I am assuming that you were treated at Morriston? You may be aware that the neuro ward has since closed. I was treated at the Heath, Cardiff, two years ago in November 2009. My recovery has been good physically although I do moan that I cannot run as fast as before and I am not as ‘dynamic’ when it comes to yoga and pilates; but I do acknowledge that I am lucky to be able to grumble about such things. The greatest challenges for me have been emotional and psychological. I just feel different. I don’t like the same things and find it hard to engage with some of my old friends. It’s a very strange. I look the same and sound the same, but I am not the same. I can sometimes feel detached from people. I receive help from Headway. We meet at Penllergaer which is where the Swansea branch is based. I receive group counselling with a counsultant neuro psychologist which has been invaluable. I have also made friends which have helped with my emotional recovery. I have found adjusting to my new circumstances very difficult, grappling with a loss of career, athletic ability and social life. Headway has been a life saver for me, as has this site. Here is a link for Headway, http://www.headway.org.uk/home.aspx Look forward to chatting soon, Lynne

Hello Welcome to BTG. My SAH was two years ago tomorrow (21 Nov 2009) so I am a bit further down the line than you. I remember the three month mark as one of frustration and wanting to get my life back immediately. I felt that three months had been long enough to be unwell and I found it very frustrating when people told me it was early days and to rest lots. One of my mistakes was to think obsessively about how I was before my SAH and became overly focused at getting back to that level. My recovery became easier when I measured things differently. I then began looking back at the month before and focusing on how I had improved. The emotional and psychological affect of a SAH can be quite deep, although not with everyone. Some are less affected, but my personal experience is that the psychological affects have been the most 'disabling.' This does not mean it will happen to you however. I receive help from Headway as do others here. I receive counselling, attend coffee afternoons and I attend social events which I feel I can cope with. Here is a link http://www.headway.org.uk/home.aspx Lynne

Hi Mike, Welcome; and thanks for sharing your account. I look forward to 'chatting' more soon. I agree that the 'Haemorrhage Plan' is a very good diet. I lost three days!!! Lynne