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does struggling to talk about my op mean I haven't accepted what happened to me?


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Does accepting your SAH mean that you can talk about it without getting upset or emotional? I really struggle to talk about my op & the time in hospital without crying or getting upset, today at the mood management course I dissolved into tears again. I think it's more the effect it had on my family that upsets me but also the struggle to get people to understand I'm looking well but not necesaarily feeling like my old self inside.

I'm trying to accept the new me & thought I was doing ok but does being able to talk about mean really accepting it or is that I'm not ready to accept it yet? I thought I'd done the blaming & angry & bargaining phases & even the grieveing (.maybe the emotional side means I'm not done grieving yet?)

Your thoughts would be gratefully recieved as I can't seem to see the answer for myself yet

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Hey Gill,

It could have been me writing that.. :)

Today it the psych We were talking about that as well. The question was if I could cope with it all happening again (question part of EMDR treatment). I broke down in tears. I think I feel like I can cope, but I feel horrible for my husband.

I did, still do and also for the future feel like I am a weight around his neck sometimes. Mind you he does NOT say that or show that at all. It is just me. The fact that I caused him so much grief and sorrow is just... *cries another lake*

*sends big hugs*

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Gill maybe you need courcelling to be able to talk to/with someone about what all happened, I guess these work shops are all very well but sometimes one to one with a coucellor helps....

I still at times struggle with what Ronnie had to go through, but heck I had to go through it too so cut yourself some slack Louise I'd think yeh they went through it but I live it 24/7.....it helped me.

I dont remember anything even now so in a way there's no re-living stuff which is good.

Downside I have no memories at all.....

Nessie, The fact that I caused him so much grief and sorrow is just... *cries another lake* So understand but you survived and that cant be sorrow or grief for him?

take care...

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no it dosn't sweetheart it is part of the healing process and dont fight the tears its normal over time you will find that the tears wont flow as much but you will always feel that little pull it no wonder as you have gone through the most traumatic time and had no control over events and possiblity of no memory of when you came too after the op so let them flow and hopefully you will be able to talk about it without to much sadness take care

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Hi Gill,

It will be 3yrs for me in July, I still struggle to talk about it without being upset. I think I have recently (finally) accepted things but the actual event, ambulances, operation etc will always cause me distress. What my children saw & went through will always upset me more. I don't think it means you haven't come to terms with it - I think it was an incredibly traumatic event & it's normal to be upset remembering what happened.

I choose not to discuss the event itself as I think I have learned all that I can from those who witnessed it and now accept that it may always be upsetting for me to talk about it. I do think though that questioning relatives over & over again until I had a full understanding of it all has helped. I've done all the tears & can now comfortably lay it to rest - it happened, it still upsets me to re-live it but I have all the facts and choose to put it away as much as I can.

Hope this helps you xx

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Hey there

It doesn't mean you haven't accepted it all hun - it means that you're still healing and the whole experience is still raw for you - all understandable.

It took me more than a year to accept what had happened to me and to stop being angry or blaming myself. I'm nearly 5yrs in and on bad days I get emotional when I think of what happened and it does still reduce me to tears. I agree that counselling would help though - it helped me enormously, as has this site.

Take all the time you need to come to terms with everything and to able to talk about it - people will just have to learn to be patient hun xx

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