An epiphany or just strange?

[lisac]

Hi Everyone, I'm wondering if what I'm feeling is something common to our medical situation or if it's just me.

I'm 7 months post clipping and for the past 3 months or so, I've developed a huge intolerance to people lying,

embellishing stories and just not being "real" or genuine. I have to really bite my tongue in some conversations. This is creating somewhat of an issue between my husband and I because I'm having a difficult time socializing with some people. They come across as so disingenuous that it's all I can focus on. It seems so loud and obvious to me. Prior to the aneurysm, I was around the same people and I was aware of some of these things, but it didn't bother me like it does now.

I talked to my therapist about this and she believes it's sort of an epiphany some have after a life threatening experience. We become more genuine about who we are and have difficulty being around those who aren't.

Curious what you all think.

Lisa

[MaryB]

I have spoke about this before so bare or bear with me...... I have none of those people in my life as "close friends". I think after I dealt with the fibro for so long and only had so much energy a day I could not waste time on people that really gave me no joy. I am worse now after SAH. I keep some people at a distance, I am BLUNT to others (co workers about their personal problems). Life is too short for people to suck any more life out of me than daily living does already!

I also somedays jsut do not feel like talking at all to anyone. My husband is so tolerant of this behavior. But it takes all I have to just stay awake or deal with this that sometimes I just shut down. I am worn out and no one gets the privelage of getting more than their share of my energy!

I distanced family members years and years ago now I talk to them on fb once in a blue moon. I really have no patience for idiots in my life. zero, zilch, none, zippo!

[lisac]

I have spoke about this before so bare or bear with me...... I have none of those people in my life as "close friends". I think after I dealt with the fibro for so long and only had so much energy a day I could not waste time on people that really gave me no joy. I am worse now after SAH. I keep some people at a distance, I am BLUNT to others (co workers about their personal problems). Life is too short for people to suck any more life out of me than daily living does already!

I also somedays jsut do not feel like talking at all to anyone. My husband is so tolerant of this behavior. But it takes all I have to just stay awake or deal with this that sometimes I just shut down. I am worn out and no one gets the privelage of getting more than their share of my energy!

I distanced family members years and years ago now I talk to them on fb once in a blue moon. I really have no patience for idiots or bs in my life. zero, zilch, none, zippo!

Well said Mary! Maybe it's because we realize that life can be taken away from us at any time (and almost was) and we don't have time for unreal shallow people who add nothing to our lives.

[Bill B]

Hi Lisac, this subject is very relevant to my present situation. First of all, following my SAH, I spent years suppressing my feelings of superiority. I know it sounds arrogant, but people irritated me , with their whining, petty, insignificant problems. Secondly, nearly eight years on, things have become so intense, that I can not leave the house, for fear of upsetting someone. I have become brutal in my commentary of other peoples behaviour. I am undergoing therapy for this, and am being instructed in the use of "modesty filters" to curtail my venom. So, to come to your point. You are not alone , in your feeling of genuineness, and, yes, I think a near death experience is what triggers it. I hope you don't fall as far as I have.On the few occasions that I do go out , with friends, they think it is hilarious, but I do not. I can't tell them, that I think they are all insects, with no vision of reality. The social norms and normal subterfuge of polite conversation , the hidden subtext, the subtle flirting, all irritates me. So I stop in! You are not alone with your honesty! This is my first post for months, I've not been well! Good to be back! Bill x

[lisac]

Hi Bill, Glad that you're back and thank you for your post. I can certainly relate to everything you said. I feel very similar, but only with certain types of people. It's like I have a radar for disingenuous people. Does your therapist have any insight as to why you are feeling this way?

It's difficult because it makes me feel like a bad person to be so judgmental of others. I wasn't like that pre-sah.

[Sandi K]

I can't say I'm unforgiving with people and I am able to hold my tongue and smile at their bull * but I'm much more aware and sensitive to it. I pick up on it much more easily. I just remove myself from the conversation by changing the subject to something 'safer' or physically moving away.

Jill Bolte Taylor has a great quote 'take responsibility for the energy you bring into this space'. Don't waste your prescious energy on bull *.

Sandi K. Xoxox

Edited September 18, 2012 by Karen

[MaryB]

I have diagnosed as "mildly" depressed. Really? You think I am ??? And it is expected and normal but I wonder how much of it has to do with my attitude?

Bill, keep up the fight. Are you still seeking help?

Maryb

[amexdm]

Hello,

No Lisa you are right on. Since SAH I have no patience for selfishness, laziness, fake people or complainers. It is because life is short and I don't have time for people who don't get it. As Mary says, I don't have the spoons to waste on people who suck my energy. No negativity either. Fortunately my brain to mouth filter still works well. Although there are times I have to stop and bite my tongue when someone really * me off.

Bill- welcome back hope you are well, you were very helpfult to me in my early days.

David

Edited September 18, 2012 by Karen

[MaryB]

I had very little filter prior to SAH and sorry to say less now unless I am totally ignoring you and I hate you! LOL.

My co worker/ good friend was trying to teach me to ask " IS this one of the time you want me to just listen as a friend or am do you want me to tell you what I think?" Prior to me telling them what I thought. LOL

[Daffodil]

I realised something had changed in my filter in hospital when i challenged a bullying, ignorant and racist woman who was subjecting us all to her opinions and told her to " shut the f up". I may have thought it previously but would never have said it loud. But I have always steered clear of energy stealers and even more so these days, ive none spare to give.

Feel like I could run a truth booth at the fair...roll up , roll up and ask me what I really think!! Hey Mary we could do it together!

[Winb143]

I feel happy as I was told to be happy when I was in cuckooland ie before I got rid of hydrocephalus (spelling) via shunt,

Nowdays I am mostly happy and do not tolerate people/family who seem to take pleasure in hurting others.

Life as we know is too short to have hurtful people in our life.

So Lets have Love and Laughter only in our Lives xx

Sounds easy but isn't ~ but never give up xx

WinB143 xx

[kpaggett]

Lisa,

I get this as well. Sometimes, I just confront and sometimes I think on it later and cry about it. It isn't consistent for me. Sometimes I'm aware that it's happening and that it's just a social norm so I can forgive the action right there. I really HATE excuses. I don't care why a person was late...But I understand that their ego is so strong that they think I care or that they 'Should' give me a reason to justify it to themselves. I forgive that too, but it is so annoying. At this point, when/if I am late for something...I'm late and the real reason is that I had something else I was doing. Maybe it wasn't better, but just something else at the time. So, I need forgiveness too; I'm sorry I was late; I leave it at that.

~Kris

[Bill B]

Hi all, it seems like lots of us have this problem, and it is a problem, because of the debilitating consequences of brutal honesty. I think it is worse for me because I used to perform comedy , in pubs, and much of the improvised act was based on the hipocracy and dishonesty of the audience. When you are in the accepted role of performance, you can get away with outrageous statements, because the rest of the audience suppresses the anger of the target. Not so, in real life, the response to my berating a litter -dropper, is one of hostility, and horror from the public. This causes me to turn on the public, for their inaction, and acceptance of anti social behaviour. So, you see why I don't go out any more! Mary, yes I am having therapy, and slowly, things are calming down. The plus side is the new level of honesty that my wife and I now have. I never hide any feelings from her, and , although this can be painful sometimes, there is a whole new level of trust. Amexdm , thanks for your words, I was a lot stronger back then. Daffodill, I love the idea of an honesty booth, I have a Punch and Judy routine, complete with mini cans of "Stella" all about wife beating and society and the courts, ignoring the massive problem of hidden violence . The sad thing is, people think it's very funny. So I berate the audience with the drunken Punch character. I need help, don't I? Oh yes, I'm getting help...... I forgot. Lisac, you've started something here.....good for you! I'm off to take my tablets. Speak soon! Bill.xx

[MaryB]

Glad to hear from you Bill. I find I cannot really listen to the news too much anymore and I am an addict to the news. I cannot figure out how NOT to pay attention to what goes on in the world as some people NEVER watch the news. I do not know if it is passion or addiction. But it causes me great stress! LOL.

Anyway so glad you are back. I hope things improve daily for you. Maryb