Stephanie Rubeck Posted September 26, 2012 Share Posted September 26, 2012 I feel very much 'to blame' for alot of things lately. My daughter told me the other night that she is constantly worried that I will die. I tried talking to my husband about it, but he said 'me too'...sigh, he's afraid I'm going to die too?! So, that only leaves my 13 year old son who hasn't actually said out loud that he thinks I'm going to drop dead any minute from another brain bleed or another heart attack. I take total blame for the heart attack, I was a smoker for over 20 years (quit two years ago in Dec.) but now I'm feeling guilty for the SAH as well because of the effect it's having on my family. How do I reassure them that I am not going anywhere? How do I make them feel comfortable letting me live my life, instead of watching and waiting for me to die? It's not good for them for sure, and it's not good for me either. I want my family to be happy, and they can't be if they are constantly worried Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaryB Posted September 27, 2012 Share Posted September 27, 2012 Hi hun, Sorry you are feeling so bad and your family is so worried. I woudl ask you r doctor to maybe speak to them or show them the facts for how uncommon a second SAH would be. It is normal to worry. I just think with younger children it is so much harder. Mine are 25 & 28 and do not live near me. So they worry but they do not obcess I do not think. I never really worried about it as I was too numb ( or dumb) to even consider that thought! There is a thead on here about children - I do not know exactly what the name of it is but it may be helpful. But try looking up CHILDREN and it will lead you there is it pretty recent like last week? Good Luck, Maryb Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaryB Posted September 27, 2012 Share Posted September 27, 2012 How have your children fared? I do not know how to link you to this but you may try looking this one up. XO Goodnight, mb Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jess Posted September 27, 2012 Share Posted September 27, 2012 Hi there do not feel guilty yeah you smoked but so what everyone makes wrong decisions in life and you have stopped now so you have put that right. Tell your children you love them everyday. My children came after my sah so they just see it has a part of me so I don't really know what to say however there are alot here who had got children when it happened. Jess.xxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnS Posted September 27, 2012 Share Posted September 27, 2012 Hi Stephanie, I do remember that my partner followed me just about everywhere for weeks. It was really hard for him to go back to work and leave me for a full 8 hours. He tells me that he wasn't actually worried about me having another bleed or dying but he says that I didn't know what I was doing and was very clumsy so I hurt myself often. As with all things, your family's reaction will get better with time. My step-daughter was really scared when I first had the sah but she's 18 and what happened to me a year ago really doesn't factor in her life anymore I used to feel really bad for the impact all this had on my partner - having to pay all the bills and food by himself while I 'helped out' with my ESA. But my partner's dad said to me (quite sharply) one day that I was being stupid, I didn't plan it and Andy is ok just I should just use all my energy up on getting better instead of worrying about my partner. It was harsh, but fair! I wish you all the best, Dawn x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Winb143 Posted September 27, 2012 Share Posted September 27, 2012 Stephanie, My daughter is older than your children as I have said before but she cries when she looks back at it, then we laugh and have a cake so bang goes my diet lol I know it has shaken her to think she nearly lost me so all I can do is get better every day for her sake. You tell your children Mum has no plans yet to go anywhere ...Tell them you have prolonged life by not smoking. Good Luck Stephanie to You and Family ..keep bright for Childrens and Hubbys sake and Yours of course xxxx Good luck and sing lol WinB143 xx xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Louise Posted September 27, 2012 Share Posted September 27, 2012 Oh honey sorry to hear that, DONT feel guilty about anything I think its so unfair people saying things like that even to people they love my reaction is to tell them straight non of us knows whats going to happen. But please dont feel guilty for the SAH its something that you couldnt have stopped or anything, tell them that explain to them how you feel how this is hurting you. I had mine 13years in Nov in the begining I was worried but now its part of my life.... take care and cuddles becasue I think you need them.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaryB Posted September 27, 2012 Share Posted September 27, 2012 My husband & I would text back and forth when he finally returned to work. He had just started a new job as well. I also live next door to a co worker and dear friend. Work is 3 blocks away so I had way too many people checking on me but it was sure needed at first. It is so normal to be frightened by this, I worry more about my co workers, friends and family that do not take care of themselves than I do myself or husband that had heart surgery. Guilt??? Hey, I WIN on that, I could not quit smoking when I was pregnant! How shameful is that!!!!!!! Granted it was 28 years ago but I still would sneak 2-3 a day. I could not quit until I was 30 and had to be on hormone replacement therapy- I knew I was a ticking heart attack / stroke waiting to happen with my cholesterol numbers. So do not feel quilty, we all have done things we are not proud of but it is what you learned from that. AND how you take care of your self and family now. I say teach by example. The more relaxed you are may help them relax. You are still so early on. I was still sleeping 10 hours during the day at your point. Good luck, maryB Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jess Posted September 27, 2012 Share Posted September 27, 2012 That is another thing my neurosurgeon told me my aneurysm would of ruptured with or without smoking it may of taken longer but like he said if it had of took longer I would of been older and may not of survived. Jess.xxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kpaggett Posted September 28, 2012 Share Posted September 28, 2012 Also, I don't smoke, I am thin, I eat organic, I have LOW-normal blood pressure, I exercise regularly, I still had a SAH. Many people have smoked and didn't have a SAH. We all live our lives and sometimes a curve ball is thrown at us. There is no point in condemning ourselves as EVERYONE does things that are human. However, let your loved ones feel how they feel. This was probably the most traumatic thing for them as well. They don't want to go through it again. Let them ease into safety/confidence with as much time as they need. As they see you doing better and better, they will get more and more confident with it. ~Kris Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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