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Partners not "getting it " Oops, as in SAH!


Nita
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Relationships - Not sex

My partner tells everyone my problems, physical, mental and just plain stupid! But he just can't accept them himself. It is 15 months since SAH. We are strangers. What he says to other people and how he treats me are two different things! Any suggestions?

Nita

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Nita, what was your relationship like prior to the SAH?

PS. we do have a SAH Patients Experiences DVD, that might be helpful to you and your Husband ..... it can often hi-light to our Partners the problems that us SAH'ers have with recovery ..... let me know if you're interested in borrowing it .... it doesn't cost anything, apart from forwarding it back to myself or the next person that wants to view it .... think that the forwarding postage was under a £1. If you fancy taking a peak then please private message me with your address. I can only say that it all helps ....

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Blondie,

We have talked about my SAH. He also tells everyone else about it, but he is the one that upsets and stresses me out the most.

Karen,

My aneurysm ruptured twice. Just before the first bleed I was in the process of leaving him. Two days after the first one, I did. Two days later I had the second one and the NS told my family to prepare for the worst. 96% chance I wouldn't make it. I came through it and somehow we ended back together. We have split up twice since and got back together. He knows all there is to know about SAH and is the first to moan if anyone else puts too much on me. But he doesnt put into practice what he preaches, so I don't think the DVD would help with him. I would like to see it, so I will pm my address to you.

Nita x

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Hi Nita,

You sound pretty fed up and probably that's not surprising in the circumstances. I can remember you saying in your other post that you don't feel as though you're making progress with your recovery....may be, the stress from the problems with your relationship, is hindering your recovery to some degree? I have some personal understanding with what you're going through.....but can I ask, what made you return to him, after you were brave enough to leave him....I'm sure that it couldn't have been easy for you? Did anything change, even for a few weeks?

A lot of marriages/relationships are strengthened after a SAH, but that's probably because they were good and solid, prior to it ..... However, the personal "life change" or "near-death experience" that most of us feel after a SAH, means, that those of us that have had serious relationship problems before it, really don't want to have to endure any more unecessary stress in our lives and we also re-evaluate our life. We are able to realise that life is really "too short" and we've been lucky enough to have been given the chance to start again and try to put things right.

Unfortunately, the Husband/Partner, hasn't encountered this experience and doesn't have to deal with the aftermath and the life changing events that mentally and physically affect us .... but it's now something that we have to live with .... we also tend to feel that our life choices/options post SAH have been stripped, especially if we aren't able to work and our recovery is slower than we hoped.....

Anyway, I think that you're very brave and honest with your post .... and Nita, I'm sure that your posting will help any one of us that happen to pass by, who are experiencing the same.... I'm sure that the other members will agree .... Whether this is a comfort to you or not, but you're the first person that's been brave enough to post about relationship problems... so, all power to you.....if you would prefer and need an ear and somebody to listen to you, then please PM me.

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Hi Nita

Thanks for being so honest. You have been really brave by posting, and I hope it helps to get things off your chest. I can empathise a lot with you. When I had my SAH, my then partner and I were fine, but we have since split up. Like Karen, I am more than happy to talk with you here, or by pm, if you would like to talk.

Take good care, Blondie x

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  • 5 months later...

Hello everyone,

When I get up in the morning I turn on the computer, make my coffee and start off the day reading everyones posts. Sets me up for the day. Weather(?. I used to be able to spell. Now, every word that looks wrong, no matter how I spell it, doesn't look right!) I am ok or ! I would not have got as far as I am now, had it not been for this site. Thank you all for being so honest and willing to share most things with everyone.

I know most people on here have had their relationships strengthened by SAH :) . But mine was ending just before mine happened :evil: . I have tried to get out of it a few times since, but wasn't up to it. Most of it due to *($5%*(_"%&(<!....... Well, I feel like I can cope with it now. It's gonna be so hard, but I feel that the I'm getting with my partner is draining energy that I could put to good use in getting myself to a better place.

I have had to make desicions that prior SAH would have been hard, but after SAH, until now were impossible. (Tried and failed) I know I can do it now.

It will be in the next couple of months. A lot of it will be waiting and hoping it will be soon :roll: . But I will get there and I am at a place where I know I can do it.

I know there will be down days and I will need support from people who know where I'm at. (SAH wise) Everyone (most) think I'm back to how I was. I wish :wink: !!! I look normal, so Hey!

I know a lot of people on here have lots to deal with, but just a hello or a smiley :) when I do post will be appreciated sooo much.

Thanks for reading this and I will keep you updated when things start to happen.

Lots of Love and Hugs

Nita xxx

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Hi Nita,

Please remember to take care of yourself. You are the one who matters. Stress is not good for you now.

I myself have not suffered a SAH, my husband Jim did so I guess in a way so did I :wink: It has been very hard for him and at times also for me but we have a solid relationship and will get through this.

Be good to yourself!

Hugs and Kisses

XXX

Cal

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Hi Nita

You really do have to do what's best for you and your recovery. Being miserable isn't going to help you get better and if you can do something to take the misery away and you're sure it's what you want, then do it.

We'll always be here with a smiley and a virtual hug hun.

Take care, but don't make any rash decisions - it's the rest of your life you'll be affecting.

Sami xxxx

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Hi Nita,

It's not always "roses around the door", whether you have a SAH or not ... I hope that you have family and good friends that can support you through this time....

Added stress, doesn't help with SAH recovery and if you can find the strength, then do what's good for you ....... it may be hard at first, but eventually you'll find some peace of mind..... thinking of you xx

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