Jump to content

Help-my friends don't know how to help.


Guest gettingdesperate
 Share

Recommended Posts

Guest gettingdesperate

I would like to hear from other spouses of those who have had SAH.

My husband has recovered amazingly from his.Most people don't realise anything is wrong.I am very grateful for this.

But its like living with a different person.His coiling was in the emotional region of his brain and caused a further stroke. He suffers from mood swings and is so self centred. I want to understand how he is feeling and help in any way I can but feel unable to. Aspects of his character have been magnified and he is impossible to "connect with", preferring to be on his own.He is totally unaware of the needs of his family.He is unreasonable and neurotic. We have been married for over 20 years.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi gettingdesperate and welcome.

I am sorry that I will be unable to give you advice on your husband as I am a suffer of SAH and not a carer. But I feel that I have a lot of the traits that you are describing in your husband. I am not sure whether it is because I have suffered a taumatic event and am still trying to come to terms with it or whether there is something that has been affected in my brain. I have noticed that I get moody and I have almost become OCD about things that wouldn't have previously worried me. I am also finding that sometimes I prefer to be on my own. That way I don't have to deal with anyone other than myself. I think part of my problem is that because people see me as looking normal on the outside that I must be OK. And perhaps I feel a bit of resentment towards that. Also after having a SAH we are pretty much sent back into the world and left to our own devices to get on. But apart from all that I see myself as improving all the time and I am very hopeful of making as full a recovery as is possible.

There are carers here who will be better able to advise you on how to cope from their perspective. I wish you all the best and hope to hear more from you. Most of all look after yourself.

Hugs :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hello, gettingdesperate,

I have recently suffered from an SAH, so can give info about what I feel sometimes, and hopefully that can give you some insight into what goes on in our heads, if you will pardon the pun. I was a very sensitive person before this happened to me, but since my SAH, I can get emotional at the drop of a hat. And it doesn't necessarily have to be because of what is happening at that moment either. I can start crying and my boyfriend is looking at me like I am an alien because he can't for the life of him figure out why I am so upset. (and maybe neither can I, haha). Sometimes it just seems like the emotions well up and overflow like a bathtub that someone forgot to turn off. And like Debbie, I seem to have OCD thoughts about things that aren't really important. Maybe we are just trying to control one little thing in our life after suffering from this traumatic event that we had no control over...and at times feel helpless...and angry. I'll even admit to the "why me" type of thinking. And if your husband is anything like me, the thoughts of the family are foremost in his mind, feeling bad about what we have put you guys through. But maybe we just need a little time to feel sorry for ourselves, too. And believe me, I feel guilt everyday for not being "normal" anymore, and for having to take this time off work to heal...and also stress about finances as a result of that. Not being able to do what we used to be capable of is very frustrating, and when you try to do something that is too strenuous, you end up with a bad headache and then you are stressing out that it might be bleeding again! Moody is an understatement, and it sure as heck isn't fun from our point of view either, because I realize how bad of a mood I am in but still can't seem to change it! But it is almost like, even though you know you are going to regret the words as soon as they come out of your mouth....you just have to say them anyway. Well, like I said, hopefully you get some understanding from all this babbling. It's almost like you can't take it personally, that we are mad at the world or whatever caused this, and you (meaning spouses or family), unfortunately are the most available person to take it out on. Just remember that he still loves you, and maybe what we are really looking for when we are at our crankiest is just a big, long hug.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

hi getting desperate

i know how you feel my darling lin had hers in august of 2008 and im still coming to terms with everything you didnt say when this happened to your husband it would be helpful to know when it happened it sound like he is still in the early stages of recovery people do change in behavior and some in other ways and its gong to take a long time to work out what he wants and dont forget he will need time to come to terms with what has happened to him he wont think of the family unfortunantly but once he has come to terms with it himself can you begin to move on i will pm you my number should you wish to have a chat im willing to help if i can or you can pm me this is going to take some time recovery is very much down to the person who has suffered along with yourself and family who will also need support along the way thats what we do here and there are many who will help along the way just hold in there take one day at a time it will get better promise take care will pm you now hugs and cuddles

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi gettingdesperate, thats just how i was until i found this site, then i started to understand, My wife Merrill had an sah on march 27th this year, and i was told by the rehab hospital that it does change the person, and i found Merrill has changed several times over the months, from happy to depressed,anxious and at times very giggly, I think that after an sah there's is lots to come to terms with for him and for you and frustration plays a big part for him and for you, although what you are experiencing can be frustating for you i think in time things will start to improve, i don't know what aftercare you have in place but maybe talking to the gp or even a nueropsycologist who might be able to help him come to terms with what he's been through, i feel certain that time is a healer, be strong and just try to be there for him. Good luck Rod

Edited by rod123
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...