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Don’t mind me as I talk to Mr. Hyde…..

Mr. Hyde…..I remember quite well the day you joined me! What a pleasure meeting you……NOT!

I was at King’s College Hospital at Denmark Hill. I had had a brain operation to coil my aneurysm to prevent further internal bleeding in my head. It was a successful operation as all I had to do was to recover from the op. Yes…. I was a bit drugged up to keep me still and resting but all I needed was some time before to be released. I was in intensive care as they are always concerned about follow on Strokes after Brain Operations. Every single day my Angel visited me…either by Train…£8 ticket during the afternoons or by car in the evenings….use of petrol and parking costs. Over the 2 months I was in there it cost her, as she was working too, £480 is what she invested on me. Many thanks Mr. Hyde making it wasteful

In intensive care I was fine so to speak…..talking to her OK,”Hiya Angel”…how are you?”

“Can I have some tea?” etc “See you tomorrow” I was released from intensive care after 5 days then to the High Dependency Ward on Stroke Watch then after 10 days and no stroke they moved me into a Neurological Ward, after another 4 days Mr. Hyde joined me!

She visited me again. “What moon under next week up over”…..pardon she said. “Leg’s car’s hands over”

I repeated………it made no sense to her….”See it blue underneath houses paper write”….she was somewhat upset. Giving me the paper and a pen I filled the A4 page complete just like this:

asdf prnhgs ccbntrs xxlmpdfg smvccs trfghjklmn ztydfghjkm frtyytcdfgh cvb nmlksrdt yhgfdscbl cnb ytrsdf vbnm sdfgh klhgfdwwb……etc

Perfect letters in line after line until I had filled the whole sheet…and she did notice there was not one vowel (aeiou) saying to my sister who was with her “Houston…we have a problem….!” at the moment they didn’t realise what had happened, they were just concerned…very much. I have been told that at the time there was an Algerian patient who had befriended me was sitting opposite me who also had an operation…..he told them “ Check him out – I think he’s had a Stroke” My Nurses at the time had not noticed. After my Angels concerns and protests the nurses agreed they would have me MRI scanned again. Later it was confirmed – he had a Stroke with Aphasia. Welcome Mr. Hyde!

Just one more question if this is read….. “Has any other had similar experiences?”

OK I got it wrong …two questions. “I have been labelled with Aphasia. Other stroke and SAH survivors can be like me, get words wrong, forget things etc even fatigue, so why am I labelled Aphasic when they are not” Just a question for my own interest. Prizes will be given if someone can educate me.

Many thanks.

Have a good day y’all…..if it’s not good……make it Perfect!

Edited by bogbrush
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I have no idea but you pose an interesting question. At a guess, it might have something to do with the degree of word disturbance why some of us are diagnosed with aphasia and some are not?

But I am grasping at straws!

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A good guess Leo . I only have a small degree of word disturbance blueday....especially when tired, such as a word i was not thinking comes out...but i know i have done it...but dont know why. Or words come out back to front.

Agree with Leo, you pose an interesting question blueday. .

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Good answer.........I wonder if it has anything to do with the bleeding. But no prize yet....many thanks tho.

Edited by bogbrush
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I reckon the others are right, you get called an aphasiac ( is that a proper word?) because of the degree of a muddle you get into :)

I also use the wrong words, make words up and suddenly become silent because I cannot think of the word I want to use. This is worse if I am tired or there is a lot going on and I get confused.

It isn't a big problem for me so I tend to laugh about it, but sometimes get frustrated not being able to express what I want to get across.


Edited by Vivien
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Thanks Vivien............. I will ask a Consultant one day, and I'm sure he will come out with your answers team.

Edited by bogbrush
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Hi Blueday. I'm like the others above - I only say the odd wrong word or blank, but aphasia as I understand it is much more than that. I'm sure your consultant will be able to explain. An example of my little problem is today when I said to my daughter "I thought it was P.I.G." instead of "C.G.I." lol! We laughed for ages :)

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Good Moaning Team...I know I should have said Morning.but I prefer it and it suits me more to be Moaning !

Many thanks to you all for taking the time and effort answering my question. I think you are all on the same lines degree of word disturbance quoted from Leo. I don't know if it is a complete answer myself..if I learn something about it I'll pass it on to you, but many thanks and quoting from Tina Everyone else that follows....'You Know Who You Are'

Points make prizes - what do points make? - Prizes!......

Well, I did use the Prize word ! It was a very close thing almost a tie as all your answers were on the same lines and You get nothing for a pair.

Last night at 8 pm I did the draw. 5 names were placed in the tub. I should explain that my Angel had answered me too. The draw was done by total randomness to keep it fair as I put in Angels name...as it was mixed, I can now announce the winner of the Prize is........Angel (applause)

Points make Prizes..she has won the keys to the Pink Bentley!!!!!!!!!! (just after I have Won the Lottery)

Second was Leo (more applause) as she was the first to answer on the right lines.

She has won (the picture of) a Rolls-Royce with David Beckham as her personal chauffeur!!!!!

Tina, Vivien and Jaykay are Winners too..their Prize is? Wait for it.

as additional Celebrities they have won a Free drink at any time between 6 pm and 8 pm at my local Pub... not counting Bank Holidays or Christmas or New Year...(please read the small print)

More than Welcome!

It could still be a big night if you play your cards right

Many thanks. Nice to see you, to see you Nice!

Edited by bogbrush
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Many thanks Leo, Tina, Vivien and JayKay.....you were all exactly right.

I asked someone with loads of experience dealing with Strokes, Aphasia etc.

Aphasia is the.... "extent of confusion "dealing with speech and language etc.

(numerology, memory and words)

So many thanks to you all......you all Win the Prizes!

So now I can close this page. Now it's official..... I am confused

But remember...."you always were my favourites"

"Nice to see you...........to see you NICE!"

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Just one more addition. One more little waifer

On the subject of Aphasia. the extent of confusion when using words, language even the bigger word ... Communication.

We have all enjoyed the General Election haven't we? (arms may be twisted for some!)

Brown, Cameron and Clegg..(just laid down alphabetically to be unbiased and politically correct)

Without question each one is a qualified communicator.Take your own pick which you did when you voted! The use of language is a gift, so donĺt take it for granted. One day it can get you voted in too.

I enjoyed listening to each one...I may well be a bit confused, but that is my excuse. I should have done a "Poll" on the best communicator, speech maker, use of language. Letĺs face it. it affects us all in our lives.It's a close thing for me. not quite sure we have the best communicator as our Prime Minister. Now I can lay back and say..."History will prove the winner".

With my own disabilities in Language having Aphasia. I can be guilty of constantly moaning about words, moaning about forgetting words, moaning about memory even moaning about my own comprehension.

Now I can lay back again...when I mispronounce or get words wrong I pass over to Officer Crabtree, another qualified communicator as he gets the words over for me.

Enjoy the wrung wirds. Edited by bogbrush
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Blueday....you should be very proud of how well you are doing :) writing words down...spelling etc is all good for the brain. I struggled on the computer because of the light and my double vision....but...it really has helped getting my brain thinking and re connecting...if that makes sense. Aphasia is a very difficult thing to deal with for many. Keep doing what you are doing...:) thanks for officer crabtree...its good to laugh. xx

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  • 1 month later...

Those that are interested in Aphasia for academic reasons or like me, as I have it!

As we ascertained the level of Aphasia is the amount of confusion in communication language ...the disturbance in words.

To simplify the Aphasia Scale, with myself, on 1 to 10 -12345678910- whereas others can be 1 or 2 or even less .5

This has been caused by my ruptured haemorrhage and the extent of internal bleeding in the brain causing damage, as we all know the human body is a very complicated engine but is very resilient.

Aphasia Scale...........7

Apply the same to my Paralysis Scale..7

then Body and Balance Scale.....5

then Headache Scale...........0

Fatigue Scale as we all have that... 5

In this example my score is 24/50 which are just approximations.

This illuminates my level of body and brain disturbance since my SAH.

This is for my benefit for matters to be addressed to my whole body. No other Doctor has analysed the whole body or the complete package. Doctors have offered pills for this, pills for that. Rehabilitation has addressed Speech and Language Therapy. In a disjointed fashion they have all had invaluable help but when I am my own Doctor I want the whole package.

With your own Health Scale above including your own ailments such as; Mood Swings, Learning Ability,

Memory, Depression, Panic Attacks and Incontinence.. these are all very common ailments after SAH or Stroke. Bearing in mind my example above my score should have been less than 5/50 to be so normal and fit and healthy, so I have some work to do on myself.

I had Dominant Hemisphere damage with the extent of blood so no surprise that the Pituitary Gland is affected....to a point. In the winter I cannot naturally regulate my own body temperature. I was always cold for 4 months. Others had a jacket or jumper on..I was under a blanket with the central heating on.

In bed I was always cold, couldnĺt sleep. Eventually I did and I woke up cold. My partner kicked off the duvet with the heating on...even had sweats. I even pinched some of her own body heat by contact. She recognised I was cold in comparison. This is a good indicator that some where the body balance is wrong.

This likewise is a follow on with Dorina's page on Hypothyroidism, the disturbance in the body balance as the Pituitary and Hypothalamus.

Radhia Gleis talks much better than me so she can do the talking for me, and looks a lot better. There is too much information in here so just take out what is relevant and balanced.


Gleis1..If you stick with this Dr.Gleis will go throug her whole DVD..which will put you to sleep!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qdrXc...next=1&index=8 Gleis 2



(sorry about the sound quality in this where a medical student was cheating)

Edited by bogbrush
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Hi Blueday

It is so amazing when you read other peoples stories and it triggers a memory!! Looking back now, I too suffered from vice-like pains in my head as a teenager (coincidentally in the same place as my anyeurism!) and was told by my GP at the time that it was neuralga. Does make me wonder if they were in fact mini-bleeds??!!

As someone else mentioned, I also had a huge amount of nose bleeds. Possibly no connection but who knows?

I haven't had too bad a day today - managed to get up and watch a football tournament, come home do some cleaning but then had to sleep for an hour!!

Its such a shame cos i really don't think the kids know why mummy gets very snappy and has to sleep so much!!

I am very concious of my mood swings (hence my name!!) but really struggle to control my outbursts! I know alot of the time I am being totally unreasonable but can't stop myself.

Hope everyone has a fantastic weekend and heres to a more convincing game from England on Wednesday!!!

Love & Blessings


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I can sympathise with the mood swings :( I didn't notice at first, but more recently it's really beginning to bother me. I can't help it, but it's really upsetting me. It's reassuring to know others suffer from it too.

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Mood swings to us is a mystery to us. Hopefully as we are recovering we usually don't know or realise at first why we ask our own questions.

Why do I get so irritable?

Why did I get so emotional?

What made me cry so quickly for no reason?

Am I as passionate as I was before?

What made me laugh so much...when I didn't even inderstand the Joke?

Was I making sense when I was talking?

Why do I feel so down and depressed?

What's the point....I can't be bothered today?

I'm not going out today....so I'll shower another day, if I remember?

Feels like my brain is shutting down?....and loads of other personal questions.

We all ask our own questions as we understand our own bodies. I see it actually as a good sign. If you ask those questions then you are on the road to recovery, if you don't ask those questions.....then you still need some time to heal.

JayKay and Miss Moody.....yes like me our lives have been "shunted". That is how I describe it. Others will agree........as we know in different ways. The level of change is dependent on our personal scale.

I have a friend at Speech and Language Therapy.....a mature man having had at least two strokes. Talking to me within minutes he can be sad and upset and crying.........then within moments smiling, laughing and being amusing. This I do understand. The shunt of his life. He doesn't analyse himself but he is aware of his change. I don't pacify him if he cries but I do laugh with him as he tries to manage himself. I suppose we all do as we learn about our own "Body Management".

Others have said after their own SAH......they changed, they care more, they can be more observant, they live more for the day, perhaps they are more complete people Survivors. These are the bonuses ! (?)

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Hiya Jaykay...........

Yes you are absolutely right......... so how shrewd you are.Yes it's all about making sense. You have no idea........(well, actually you do) how I have to prove read before I post, but it helps me too.

I'm hoping that what I said may have rang bells to others too.

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Beautifully put Blueday

You speak with such knowledge, experience and humour

I too feel that I am not me I was before my SAH but I am prepared to accept the new me could be better

Before I was often angry with people who didnt do things quick enough and I was impatient and intolerent

Now my pace has slowed and I realise there is no great rush with life and the slower pace gives me time to share moments with people and this is something I am learing to accept and even enjoy

I still have times when I cry for the old confident me I used to be but these moments are getting fewer

Always lovely reading your viewpoint Blueday - much respect



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  • 2 weeks later...

I have been working on my Aphasia for 4 years now….48 months…1,460 days….35,040 hours, but whose counting!

Time has come to personally analyse my improvements.

Talking: YES improvement.

I can say Hello and have a conversation to a point. Thankfully I can order my own Pint!

Reading: YES improvement.

I can read well and enunciate well. Ask me later what did I read? No chance.

Writing: YES improvement.

I don’t write like abdfghk ccklmnt dfg anymore!

Comprehension: YES improvement. (It looks better if I say YES)

Still lose the thread, go White blank, understand what you said to me ‘Poor’

Arithmetic: YES improvement.

Funnily enough it never totally deserted me. I always was an ‘Adder Man’

So for these improvements I personally thank my Speech and Language therapy Group at Queen Mary’s Hospital, Sidcup…..you know who you are, Beryl, Jan and Rosemary and the Volunteer team. I thank you.

Cognitive Behaviour.

Timing: Still Poor.

But I do realise my own deficiencies.

Planning: Poor.

What is a Plan?

Memory: Some improvement.

What did I have for dinner last night? Just give me a chance. I’ll get there.

Concentration: Weak

10 minutes is long enough but push me for 15 minutes. You have to be Cruel to be Kind at times.

Moods: Instable

Still swinging and bouncing around like a ball! Still crying then laughing. Get a GRIP.

Understanding: Be nice..let’s just call it moderately Poor but with improvement.

IQ (quota): Reduced. Last test 3 years ago IQ 80-90. Dull. (Believe me I hate reading that too)

Physicality and Co-ordination.

Right leg spasticity with drop foot and right knee hyperextension. Leg support brace to be upgraded to full calliper with knee support to improve gait and avoid damage to knee and correct back pains.

Medical Background.

7th March 2006 Subarachnoid Haemorrhage after an aneurysm with extensive internal bleeding followed by a Stroke after Coiling.

After the tragic loss of his personal GP no Doctor for the last year, had temporary Practitioners followed by a new Doctor addressing physical difficulties. Started a course for Depression, but that Doctor is no longer present but replaced by an additional new Doctor, not yet been met and unknown. Other problems to be dealt with later after the course for Depression.

Registered as 'Disabled' by local Council.

Positive Achievements:

Active reader and writer at Behind the Gray after Karen’s conception and support from her own family and Bogbrush. (aka Chief Technical Director) noted very good improvement in writing, particularly after continued therapy at BTG.

Maintained continued therapy at Speech and Language, Sidcup over the last 4 years.

Other achievements: None.

I contacted 'Headway' 4 weeks ago where I was assessed for Cognitive assistance. They agreed they could help for one day a week pending funding. Since then I heard nothing. But I did try. Let's face it life doesn't get any easier.

Analysing my own recovery in comparison to others I have thanked those who are responsible for those I am in gratitude forever. Reading through things 6 times to get the ‘gist’…… to spend 7 hours to make sense and spell correctly and re-read things makes me tired. Me and my PC are not actually married, just good friends as it gives me my voice. Methinks it’s time for Blueday to go to bed…..many thanks all, and I mean it!

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Hi Blueday,

Great to get an update .. you certainly put me to shame by the amount you write .. well done. You do not appear to have lost your sense of humour - that shines through in all your posts - it appears you have achieved an awful lot in the past four years. I have just had a look at your photos which are excellent - Izzy is the most adorable dog imaginable!

Take Care


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