First "annie"versary worries

[Juliette]

Hi all,

Still have 3 months to go till the 1st anniversary of my SAH and i'mstarting to panic!! Silly i know, but was triggered by a letter from school saying about my daughters panto trip this year. Last year i dropped off my youngest to nursery, then my eldest to school - she was very excited about her trip to the panto. straight after dropping her off is when i had the SAH - the date december 15th. The date of her panto this year, december 15th! Feeling a bit panicked about de ja vu since will be dropping off yongest at nursery as last year. Did anyone else panic this far in advance? Up until now i've been really positive, but starting to worry the teensiest bit:crazy:

Thinking to have someone with me for day to try and make something different!! Did anyone else try to make their 1st anniversary slightly different??

Thank you, Juliette xx

[Gill C]

Juliette I think its only natural to worry but for 9 months you have been fine so there is no reason why anything will change over the next 3 months. If you are really worried about the deja vu thing can you get someone else to drop your daughter off to the panto?

I had a wierd mix of emotions for my 1st anni which were mostly feeling down for some reason (maybe it's because I think a year post SAH I think I SHOULD back to normal & I'm not!). We didn't celebrate my anni versary & TBH I was gutted that hubby didn't do anything but he doesn't want to remember the day he almost lost me so can kind of see his point (even if it still hurt). I would have liked a nice meal out & some flowers but got nothing but I do ad have my life which is the most precious gift ever given to me!!

Don't feel bad for worrying I think we've a had times like this, jsut don't let the fear take over your life - you're a survivor!

[SarahLou]

Hello Juliette,

I think it's natural to have a mixture of emotions on the run up to your anniversary. I know that I did.

I celebrated it, had a lovely meal on the date it happened and then on the date of my op we celebrated with family and close friends. I wanted to do something special to mark the occasion as I'm so lucky to still be here, as we all are.

I won't have a party every year but will always have a meal out to mark the anniversary, as we do with my hubs transplant anniversary date.

You've been given the gift of life, cherish every day.

Ride with all your different emotions, it's natural to feel as you do.

Take care,

SarahLou Xx

[Liz D]

Hi Julette

What your feeling is very normal. I work with psychologists and I'm always asking them 'is it normal to feel like .....'!

I'm absolutely fine all year round but in the lead up to my anniversary I can get quite emotional. My aneurysm ruptured on the 10 Feb and I had a sequential bleed on the 14 Feb. It's my birthday on the 13Feb and we were outside the restaurant when I collapsed on the 14th. So my difficulty is separating my birthday from this. My 1st anniversary was also my 50th and we had a quiet family dinner but I had to be out of town on the 14th, so we went away for the day. I had this overwhelming desire to feel safe! On the lead up to my 2nd anniversary I had arranged to take annual leave but was thinking of cancelling it about 5 weeks prior because I felt so calm. But 2 weeks before it, my husband came into our bedroom to find me in tears, it was all coming back to me again. Again I had to go away for the day because of this desire to feel safe! My husband also takes time off to be with me, don't think I'm ready to cope this with on my own yet.

What I was told by the consultant psychologist was that, when you suffer a trauma you are not always aware of the triggers that will bring it all back. It can be a trigger that your subconscious picks up on and so out of the blue you are having to deal with all sorts of emotions. So you really have got some triggers going on at the moment! He told me that because I can only deal with these feelings once a year it could take me several years for most of the emotion to subside. So I have to deal with it bit by bit. This year my goal is to try and stay at home and not run away from it!

You should do what you need to do. If you feel you need someone with you then that's what you should do, make sure it's someone who is very understanding of what you are going through. But it such a great feeling when it's over and you realise that a whole year has passed!

[SarahLou]

Hi Liz,

I just want to say that I think it's perfectly ok to feel the need to want to run away from it every year.

Maybe that's the thing to do, every year go out for the day. Sounds very nice to me.

The place I like 'running' to is a little village called Swanage which is about an hour and half drive away from where we live. I couldn't wait to go there asap after my SAH, I couldn't do the cliff top walks that I cherish but just to be there and look out to sea, listening to all the sounds, was enough for me. It's a place very dear to my heart and soul.

Gosh,sorry, I've rabbited on.

You enjoy those anniversary days out!

Take care,

SarahLou Xx

[KelBel]

Hi Juliette

I was also very anxious to the build up to my 1st anniversary.

My SAH happened on the night of my works Xmas do and I was nervous about attending it a year later. The xmas do landed on the day before my 1st SAH anniversary so it was still difficult, but I went.

I drove alone to the venue, I drank only water all night long and I partied all night long, lasting way past what I had envisioned I would be able to handle and didn't leave there until 12:30! I don't think I have ever danced so much at a party!

My mate had a few tears for me at the end of the night (she was drunk ) and it caused me to have a few tears too, but I made it through and everything was fine, and it felt good afterwards that I had managed to overcome that fear.

We are not all the same, and we all have to do what we need to do to get through it, but it is not as scary as you think it might be.

Good luck getting through the other side of that first milestone year.

Kel x

p.s. I didn't actually end up celebrating my 1st annie-versary as no-one seemed willing

[Winb143]

Had my first Anni and didn't know .......so my 2nd was special for me......hubby took me out for a meal then another.....

then my daughter took me out for another meal...bliming hospital have now put me on diet grrrrrrr lol

Try not to worry and make it a special Day

Good luck Juliette

Love

WinB143 xx

[Skippy]

Hi Juliette

Yes, perfectly normal to be feeling the way you do - it's the first anniversary that's the worst. Janet and myself see it as our second birthday's and we either treat ourselves, our hubbies treat us or both Making it a special day gives you the motivation to look forward with hope rather than with dread. It is irrational to think that something is going to happen on exactly the day but thats how an SAH affects us - my irrational thoughts were through the roof for the first year.

If it does worry you that much, then as someone else said, arrange for someone else to pick up and drop off. Personally, I'd take the bull by the horns for the sheer self satisfaction after I've done it - I'm not trivialising your feelings or anxieties in any hun, so please don't think I am. It's just I know from my experience that it builds up your confidence by doing the things that the SAH makes you scared of/worried about.

We'll all be rooting for you and supporting you through your anni-versary - so I promise you, you won't be alone.

Take care of you

[Juliette]

Thank you all for your replies - think the letter has just triggered craziness! I'm going to try and think of it as another day - might not work but i will try. Been chatting to hubby and think he will help with the drop offs - once i've got out of the school i'm hoping all will be calm!!!

Might sound terrible, but i'm glad some others felt the same way i do - means i've not totally lost the plot...yet!!

Thanks again, good to talk

Juliette xx

[Lin-lin]

I can’t really remember if I did anything on my annie day. I have a recollection that I had the flu around that time which more or less dealt with the issue. I’ve tried to look at previous posts to see what I was up to around that time, but I can only find posts about me moaning about my cold! (And I’m still doing the same this week – how depressing!)

That said, just because the annie date is not a trigger for me, it does not mean that I don’t suffer any triggers at all, (I think Liz summed this up very well.)

My triggers can be things like music, people, and places. This causes me more of a problem than a date in the calendar as they are things which can crop up un-expectantly and are always present.

Maybe your anxiety is not only the date in the calendar, but the fact that the day seems to be mirroring the day of the SAH a bit too closely.

I think it is very natural that you are feeling panicky. Something horrible happened to you last year and the anniversary of the day is following a similar routine which isn’t given you emotional respite.

Is it possible to rearrange the day, so that the reminders of the day are not so acute? Is there a family member / friend who can accompany you on the school run to make the routine different? And if you are in the company of someone, why don’t you go off and do something nice after dropping the children off?

As I don’t know you very well, I do not know the type of things you enjoy, but you could have a spa treat or elevenses at a nice coffee shop or a nice lunch somewhere? This will make the pattern of the day different and may help you celebrate the day instead of being anxious about it.

We all have our triggers and the advantage of a trigger being the annie date is that you know it is coming and you can plan for it. It is not something that it going to catch you unawares. This means you can take control of the day. (And taking control reduces anxiety.)

Lynne xx

[Kate71]

Hi Juliette

I'm with you! My anniversary is 6 December... I have been left with no real physical symptoms (for which I count my blessings) but real heightened anxiety and a tendency to panic that I never had - I've noticed the impending date and wondered how to deal with it....

We had moved into our new home/area and just had a baby girl 3 months before the 6 Dec last year, so we had planned to have a Xmas party/house warming very close to that date - so I have suggested that we have it this year instead near that date (10 Dec) and celebrate the fact that we're still here etc. That said, I'm wondering whether it's the right thing to do and whether (emotionally) it will be too much for me...

If you're anything like me - distracting yourself won't work. I think there's a lot of value in acknowledging it. Get some help with the drop offs - is there anyway your husband can do it with you?? Then maybe you can go for breakfast together afterwards (or similar)... you've got me thinking about how to deal with the day itself - I think facing up to it gently with support may be the way to go...

if you come up with any tips/hints - I'll be happy to hear them!!

xx