Hello: help needed!!

[Kazroz]

Hi everyone, it is a long time since i posted any news, I blame my attempt at returning to work. I had got back up to working 4 and a half days when it all began to go wrong!! If I had checked on here I would have seen why!!!!!. If I had sense I would have been back sooner- Im sorry I wasn't

Believing even though I didnt say that I was back to who I was. I am not. I dont seem to have the energy or the abilities. This is not something Im moaning about or looking for sympathy. I just want to share my experiences to help others. I had my SAH in Sept 2010. I felt at my one year event I was making progress. The neuro kept calling me in for MRI scans and then on Dec 1st this year informed me that I had an inflamation between two of the lobes in my brain that had not grown or decreased in size since they first saw it shortly after my SAH

If you remember Im the woman who had two annis. One small one that ruptured and one large one that was clipped and wrapped in muslin!! Unusual these days apparantly probably coz it can lead to inflamation. Since getting this info I have to admit I dont feel too good, Have I been suppressing these feelings up to now? Have I been lying to myself thinking I can go back to over 40 hours a week working in a tough challenging High school. Me thinks reality is biting!!! I have been in bed at 8pm every nite and up at 6.30!!! Maybe the op left me a bit insane!!!

Well apparantly they will scan again in 6mths and I may need another brain op :shock:

Yes a bit of a shock!!!

Apparantly quite a dangerous op coz they dont really know what they are going to find- they expected me to be pretty poorley and not have proper use of my right side, problems with speech or worsening seizures. Im not really poorley other than seizures and fatigue. However I feel a bit lost and alone. I was so positive but now feel every bit of confidence has been wiped out from me. Do I have to feel like this for the next 6mths until the scan?????

So why am I talking to you.............................. Because you always give the answers and I forgot that!!!!

If the answers arent there then good advice and support is. Does anyone out there have any experience of this??? If not then I promise to share mine with you in case there is someone in the future. Please feel free to ask questions if you want

Thank You for taking the time to read this, hopefully some of you will remember me and will feel you can help

Regards

Karen x:confused:

[tennissmithy]

I was only thinking about you a few days ago thinking that we had both survived the term at school but by the sounds of it mine has been more successful then yours. I need to thank you immensely for making me feel much more confident about the start of term. I wouldn't say its been easy but I've got through.

I'm sure the hospital know what will be best for you hun and I wish you all the best with the consultants. Your health is more important than school and if you need to sleeo etc then so be it, thats my new attitude to life and school.

Love and hugs

Lxxxxxx

[Sandi K]

Hi Karen, welcome back. : )

I would imagine your docs will want you at your best health heading into surgery. Is it possible for you to scale back your hours next term? The docs will help you by writing any notes or letters you need. You are still recovering from round 1 and need time to prep for round 2. Congratulations on what you have accomplished! It really is amazing that you've done so much and mostly on your own. It's also a very good thing that you recognize that you aren't well and the fatigue is taking over. I would say that you definately are not insane but I sure can understand if you feel that way. It's so easy to get caught up in wanting to be 'normal' and feel well and we forget to pay attention to what is really happening. Pretty soon our world is out of control. I've been there a few times the past year! I think you are doing great hon. Listen to your brain and get your docs to help you find better balance.

Sandi K.

[Winb143]

If possible try and keep positive .... look at it as boxing match...

Round 1 ...Sah wallops us we are down but with help (Docs) we are up and fighting

Round 2... Still a bit groggy from the blow in the first round ...we take it easy, float like a butterfly etc

Round 3.. Feeling fitter we laugh at the SAH,, We give SAH uppercut to the jaw wallop we feel better (doing the Ali shuffle)

Round 4... We will overcome this SAH and remaining calm we go for knockout punch...relax and

deep breathing and with love, laughter we sing and laugh ~look it cannot hurt us anymore !!!

Keep happy and smiling all when possible after what we have been through we deserve to be happy good days bad days

we had them before our SAH ....

Love to All

WinB143 xxxxxxxxx

Edited December 28, 2011 by Winb143

[Lin-lin]

Hello

I had to read some of your earlier posts to jog my memory as to your precise circumstances. I did remember your name and that you are a teacher, but had forgotten that you were an assistant head teacher.

Working four and a half days is more or less full time, isn’t it!?? Those few hours off a week are unlikely to make the world of difference between working a full week and working reduced hours. This means that you are back to working just about as before. Amazing after a SAH – and so soon! So well done!

If you had written that you were working four and a half days, feeling great and bursting with energy in the evenings and weekends I would be amazed at your perfect recovery. But you say you feel jaded. Frustrating I know, but what you write sounds very typical. We just can’t seem to perform as well as before, can we?

On top of the recovery from the SAH, you have an inflammation. This is an added trauma for the brain to adjust to. It is a very sensitive organ. Injuries affect the capacity it works at. Your brain is not firing on all cylinders and yet it is expected to work more or less, the same as before. Maybe this explains why you are tired.

It is not for anyone to suggest to you how you live your life. It is for you instead to decide what you want from your life. If you want your life just to encompass work – and nothing else – then that is a matter for you. But if you would prefer some balance, with the ability to enjoy doing things outside of work, then maybe scaling back work hours would be an option?? (Only if you want to!)

You are a public sector worker and you are therefore more protected than most. You may not feel that you have options – as we can all feel like this with work stress – but the protection that public sector workers have when battling ill health is far superior to the private sector. (I really wish that I had been a public sector worker when I was ill as I would have been far better looked after. One of the many reasons that I am now looking for employment within the public sector!) Any working environment which is not driven by profit will look after the needs of its staff better.

Hopefully you have been able to rest over Christmas and maybe the rest will bring some clarity to how you want to make things better for yourself. Think of ways you can control elements of your life. Reducing work hours is something in your capacity and control – perhaps not for ever; but for a short while so you can restore some balance to your life.

It is a matter for you what you do and maybe I am suggesting something that you feel is impossible. I am just assessing that the reason you feel fatigued and the reason you don’t feel good; is because your brain is over worked. Maybe – just maybe – giving it some rest may lead to it performing better which will lead to you feeling better.

It is a method which has worked for me and countless others on this site. It is up to you if you want to try the same; but if you find an alternative – let us all know!!!

Take care,

Lynne xx

[Liz D]

I have to agree with Lin. I was back working my normal hours of 35 per week at 16 months post SAH. It felt great and made me feel I was getting back to 'normal'. But my weekends were spent recovering from work and getting ready for the next week. I was very tired in the evenings and was getting a lot of headaches. After 4 months of working 35 hours I decided (after much soul searching) that I needed to be living my life and not just working my way through life. I cut my hours back to 18 3/4 and what a difference. My days are no longer revolving around my work. In fact work is now a welcome interlude in my day. I am back to enjoying my hobbies and can enjoy my social life, without worrying that I'm going to be too tired for work!

Everyone has to get the work life balance right, for them. Whether they have had a SAH or are in perfect health. I watched a programme last night about Hilary Devey (the new member off Dragon's Den) and how she made her fortune. She said she worked every hour, never took a sick day but neither did she have a family life and this is her biggest regret. She had a stroke 3 years ago and had to re-evaluate her life and look at all she had missed out on, especially time with her son, because she was always working.

This is what we have to do. Decide what is really important to us and if it's work then keep on plugging, you will get there. You may need to scale back on your hours for a bit and then start to increase them again. The new sick notes that the government introduced are so much better now. If you feel that you need to cut your hours back, go see your GP and get him/her to write you a 'fit note' for the hours that you think you are able to cope with. But you should always listen to your body when it's telling you that it needs a break! Take care, you really are doing very well.

[simplesan]

I had my anuerysm clipped in September 2010 as well, after they had tried to coil it first. I like you am back to work full time, sometimes doing 42,43 hours a week in a hospital. I go to bed around 8 and get up at 5.15, too exhausted to do anything else.I now feel I am splitting into two people, one the world sees coping well and making people laugh, the other one sad and lonely, because I haven't got the energy or impetus to do anything else,I seem to shut myself down away from work because all my energy goes into that it has to, I need my concentration levels to be high there. I am wondering more and more what the answer is, I'm getting very frustrated not knowing what to do to make things better.I need a life away from work but too exhausted to get one.

You obviously have more of a problem going on in your head, but if you come to any conclusions as to how to live in a more energetic and fulfilling way please let me know. Take Care xxx

[Bill B]

Hi Simplesan.

Yes it is hard, and the residual fatigue that is the legacy of SAH is invisible to all, but to people ,who have experienced it.

First of all, 40+ hours is far too much. The mental strength and concentration involved is sapping all your available resource.

So, what do you do? You need the money, so you must work?

Well, here's what I did.

I re-negotiated every cost- based contract that I was involved in.

I changed my home insurance,car insurance, tv package,internet package,pet insurance,mortgage, and stopped all the leakage of money that just

accumulates over a lifetime.

The net result was, cutting my expenditure in half.

This allowed me to reduce my hours to three, six hour, days, which is what I can cope with.

I know that I will never have the energy for full- time work, so I cut my cloth accordingly.

My leisure time is essential to me, and all my strength comes from my recharged batteries, fueled by my down time

The road you are on is familiar to me, depression and despair.I fueled it all with alcohol, and plumbed the depths of despair, before taking charge of

my life and making a plan to change things.

Mr Pickwick said, 20 shillings income- 19 shillings outgoings = happiness, but , 20 shillings income- 21 schillings outgoings = misery.

Non of us would work , if we didn't have too.

So the trick is , balancing income with outgoings and leaving enough time for your leisure and recharging.

Be ruthless with your providers, they will all cave -in when you tell them you are leaving them.

I hope this helps, It worked for me.

All the best.

Bill B.

[goldfish.girl]

I would just like to echo what Bill has said (so well).

A year ago I had no idea how I would cope financially if I left my job (I had already cut my hours twice & was being pressured to do more hours, take on more work etc). I have worked all my life, so applying for benefits was daunting to say the least but Bill is right, it is amazing how much you can cut your outgoings to fit your pocket. It really hasn't been that painful at all. Life can still be hard, I still have constant headaches & fatigue but it is so much easier to deal with now that my very limited energy is not used up soley to get through the hours at work, then be fit for nothing afterwards.

I suppose the point is that you can't buy your health back & if cutting hours (or leaving) is the only away to achieve any quality of life where you have energy to enjoy things, it is a step worth considering, although I know it is a very big & scary step to take.

Michelle xx