Passion for life

[lisac]

I'm almost 4 months post sah and have noticed that my passion for life seems to be missing. I have little interest in things I used to do, even

the things I really enjoyed. For example, I used to love going to auctions. We have a house from the early 1900s and going to auctions

looking for antiques and collectibles was exciting. There was a huge 2 day auction a few weekends ago which I normally would have been

bouncing off the walls to get to. I had absolutely no interest and only went because my husband wanted to. I had several creative hobbies

I used to enjoy. I can't even begin to think about them now. I lived to run and bike pre sah. Now my body just doesn't feel or react the same way to physical activity. I'm not sure I have the passion or energy to try to get my body back to the way it was. I just can't seem to find any excitement,

happiness or fun in life lately.

I'm curious if this is part of depression or a side effect of going through a traumatic event or maybe my "new" personality doesn't care for these things.

Does anyone else relate to these feelings or have any insight?

Lisa

[MaryB]

LisaC,

You are so early in your recovery to judge if this will last. I have my days and I think I have lost desire but I think I am just too fatigued to do those things right now. Chin up it gets better! I can say every month I get better. I wish I had journal it early on when I felt bad and could look back at it now. It woudl interesting and cathartic to read. mary

[amexdm]

Hello,

Lisa I agree with Mary. It is early in your recovery. I felt EXACTLY the same way at 4 months and it was also Christmas. Talk about depressed. The good news Lisa is that the passion will come back. I am at 9 1/2 months and my passion for life is back. I want to golf and plant my garden and all summer things. I just don't have as much energy as I would like but the passion is back.

The doctor told me it takes 6 months to get over a major loss in life. You're at 4 months. So it will come back. I'm sure the fine folks that follow me on this thread can offer opinions as well but I'll bet they'll be positive.

Regards,

David

[cathmat]

hi everyone was thinking the same thing myself i feel i have nothing to look forward to and dont get excited about anything anymore , im still not slepping and have no motivation . its been 6 months post for me and i was wondering if i was depressed . what you think ? has anybody taken any medication that has helped

Cath

[rprice38]

I also have a lack of drive and purpose post stroke. I am on the waiting list to speak to a counsellor to help with my depression and anxiety. What keeps me positive are my husband and kids. A hug from them makes me want to keep going. My children are 5 & 6 - they don't know what a stroke is - we just say that Mummy has a poorly arm. They still need me to be there for them so that keeps me focussed. I have taken medication for depression in the past but find that you can't pinpoint whether you are feeing better because of the drugs or that you are learning to deal with things better on your own.

[Winb143]

When I woke up after having shunt fitted..I was so glad to be alive..and see my family....dignity was gone ..pride..etc...but I was determined to be me again.(carers washing me !!)....Now 2yrs on since shunt was fitted...I wont say back to norrmal...as I've never been normal...lol j/k I think ! !

I started to wash myself.. ..my hubby got me a new shower...and it was like being a child learning to walk and do things for myself...

But I am nearly there apart from real bad backache...which stops me walking and standing too long...

I am so glad to be alive and all my family think I have done great...but still more to do.....I feel for those worse than me and their families.

Never Give Up xx we can do it... and when we have a bad day there is always BTG to bring us back to realise just how far we

have come on...so chin up all and try and be happy if possible xx

Look at me I can argue with hubby(poor hubby)...rant on here then be glad to be alive xx and I still have passion for life xx...and chocs lol

Love

WinB143 xxxx

Edited May 17, 2012 by Winb143

[Gill C]

Cath I think you need to see your GP & talk to him/her, we're not really best situated to advise on your situation. I will say however that I got to the stage where my fatigue was ruling my life & it was just eat school run & sleep for me. I went to see my GP & all the bloods came back normal so he asked me if I was depressed. I didn't think I was depressed just very low but having tried most avenues I felt I was stood still so agreed to give anti d's a try. Within the first week I remembered what it was like not to feel angry all the time & by the second week what it was like to feel happy as it had been such a long time I felt that way.

I still don't think I was clinically depressed but had sunk so low & it had been so gradual I hadn't realised how bad I had got. I am still taking the low dose anti D & I still suffer majorly from fatigue but it doesn't completely rule my life. I still try to do my card making which gives me a feeling of calm & achievement.

I still don't go out as much as I used to, I don't do things on impulse any more & I shop online always but I feel less frustrated & angry. If any of that resonates with you then I would say it can't hurt to give it a go but the deicision needs to be made in conjunction with talking to yout GP & maye exploring other options such as CBT

[Macca]

Lisa,

I've lost some of that too!! I am a Manchester United fan (that's soccer). They've just had the biggest battle in years with their nearest rivals Manchester City, and when it came right down to it, I just didn't care. Anyone that knows me will tell you that just isn't me, but I thought 'hey, there are more important things in life to worry about'. I didn't used to think like that. I've just been back to hospital today, I've been told I have to have a second round of blood tests. I am deficient in growth hormone which affects all sorts of things in your body. I had glucagon tests to provoke my pituitary gland into producing growth hormone, but it didn't work. I went back today thinking I would be starting treatment with replacement growth hormone. Today I was told I have to have more blood tests this time using Argenine instead of glucagon and only if this fails will I be approved for growth hormone replacement. So now I will have had two lots of tests - apparently it's so they can ensure the treatment only goes to the most deserving cases - presumably you get nothing if you are borderline - but I have to wait another ten weeks before I get tested.

That's another ten weeks of chronic fatigue. Doctor says they already effectively know what the outcome will be in my case, but we have to go through the motions and measure everything correctly. So maybe I am a victim of government cutbacks. I know they have to measure correctly because too much of this hormone can be harmful but what a process to go through to get it! Keep your chin up Lisa, keep setting goals and make them a focus to look forward too even if some of these irritants geet in your way from time to time. Go to your antiques fairs, maybe once you are actually there, it will stir something in you, rather than just sitting at home thinking you won't enjoy it. Hard I know but you can do it Lisa - keep telling yourself that - we understand - but it's hard for those around you as well. They need you to be strong and help you from a position of strength. If they can see you are trying to help yourself, they will be more willing to provide the support you need. You, (and I), have to try, even though we might not feel like it at the time. Often you will be pleased after you come back and wonder what you were troubled by.

I wish you well

Macca

[cathmat]

thanks Gill. think i smile less than i used too, im bored with hearing myself moan now lol. i used to be a real jolly nothing s gonna get me down attitude kinda of person . think i will see my gp, was gonna speak to headways when i go for my first appointment but think my gp may be more appropriate.

Bagpuss i need some of your attitude i think xx

[cathmat]

spoons are going i meant Win s atitude ha ha sorry

[Winb143]

We do have these days...lol...when we get names a...upwards..lol..a... is a swear word but it only means botty..lol

Take care and cheer up...xxxx

Love

WinB143 xxxx

Song ~ Father and son by Cat Stevens who name has changed to ??? hmmmm lol

Father: singing/talking to son

It's not time to make a change...just relax take it easyyyy/slowly

You're still young thats your fault... theres so much you have to know

Find a girl settle down........if you want to you can marry

Look at me I am old but I'm happyyyyyyy ....whooooo hooooo whoooo (backing)

[Kaz]

I think these are all 'normal' feelings and part of the healing process.

Now almost 8 months post SAH I can look back over the months and see how far I have come. It's not been an easy ride, and its not over yet. The depression has been the hardest to come to terms with, again like most I have always been an active person, easy going and nothing phased me. Since SAH I have struggled to cope with the most simplistic tasks and getting very frustrated and angry - lacking motivation to do things - possibly because I have been anxious and worried about something happening again and even doubting my ablility to return to work and do my job.

Fortunately I have a very supportive family and friends and my GP has been fab. I am now on low dose anti d's (which initially I was not keen on purely because of the stigma attached to them) but they have been the best thing - I can think straight, I don't get anxious or worried, infact I have almost been feeling like my old pre SAH self.

In essence, it takes time, be patient but talk to your GP sooner rather than later.

Keep smiling and keep drinking the water ....

[lisac]

Well, it sounds like this is just another dip in the post-aneurysm roller coaster. I really want to get off this ride! The depression has been

the absolute worst thing for me to deal with. I'm on 2 anti-d's, go to therapy and I'm still struggling daily.

Macca, I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I hope it all turns out well and you feel better. You are right about it being hard on our loved ones and I do try to be positive and help myself, but some days it's very difficult. I know what you mean when you said you thought there were more important things in life to worry about than a soccer game. That's how I feel about lots of things too. At the auction, I remember looking around and thinking

how shallow the whole thing seemed.

Once again, thank you all for your input. It really helps me feel "normal" and not alone. I can't even imagine going through all these strange changes and not having this website to put things in perspective.

[Teechur]

Lisa I know EXACTLY how you feel...I'm right there with you, but I've had some glimpses of the old me so I know she's there and she'll be back. So will the old Lisa. She might be a little different and might redefine some of her passions, but that's okay. It's just part of the evolution of you.

[Macca]

Lisa,

thanks for your post. Today's another day and come what may I'm not going to let them grind me down - I'm being positive today and if it turns out well, I'm going to do it again tomorrow! At least, that's what i'm telling my self - fingers and toes crossed that it works.

I hope you are progressing and gettingt better - keep us informed and I will do likewise!

Teechur, you are truly inspirational - I love your positive attitude, I wish I could replicate it, bottle it and sell it! Brilliant! Thank you!

Macca