Frustrated and Annoyed

[Stephanie Rubeck]

Hi,

I've been on here for a few months now. I had my SAH in Feb. of this year. I know that I was in a coma for a month and that I was in a nursing home for another month after that. But I get so frustrated and annoyed now because I want my life to go back to 'normal'. For the most part, I FEEL fine. But I can't seem to do the things I used to do. Like today for instance. We bought our daughter a new bed for her birthday, and I helped put the frame together and put the queen size box springs and mattress on the frame. I collapsed onto the bed as soon as we were finished from total exhaustion. I've never gotten that exhausted so easily.

I get annoyed because every time I think I'm doing better, a headache will come and knock me down. Or, I will be doing something and my husband will stop me and make me sit down because he says 'you worry me sometimes'. Well, I worry myself sometimes too, but I have to keep living...don't I?

I don't know, I guess I'm just rambling and whining. Some days I need to just do that for a little while. Thanks for taking the time to read this nonsense lol

Oh, does anyone ever have an issue with a feeling of pressure in your head? There are times, like now, that I feel like I'm wearing a hat 5 sizes too small and it's just squeezing me.

Stephanie

[MaryB]

Stephanie I am sorry you feel so bad. Healing comes slowly and for most of us much too slow. I am finally getting back to more normal now that it has been a year. I certainly would not of had the energy to even think about putting a bed together!! Hope you start to feel better soon. Maryb

[Daffodil]

Hi Stephanie, I had my SAH the month after you and share some of your frustration at the pace I currently move at. Its really hard making that adjustment and acceptance and i cant say Im there yet. But wow, aren't we just amazing being here, walking, talking, laughing , loving.

A dear friend said to me ," if you had broken your leg in three places you wouldn't expect to be up ballroom dancing so just be more patient with your healing". Hard for me to hear but advice I am trying to heed. Our brains need plenty of downtime, quiet and rest cos so they're busy running the rest of the body ship at the same time as trying to heal and repair itself. We just need to gve it time honey. You're not alone. The bed building will come!! XX

I wish you al the best and I hope today is a better day. Daff

[Winb143]

I was browsing the web, and it said do not pick really heavy things after SAH,

They said no heavier than 10lb, So I let hubby do fetching while I unpack.

You will get better Stephanie, give it time and more time etc it is a long haul

Be happy ..thats the main thing, have a rest and make the most of your break while you can.

Be Well and Smile xx you will get there, I was told I'd never walk but I can do little walks now so be strong xx

WinB143

[Louise]

SO been there on this one, it got me SO Frustrated and Annoyed then one day it was not quite so bad I hadnt really realized when it happened it just did.

Feb isnt really all that long you hubby sounds just like mine, we're lucky....

its all swings and roundabouts but it gets easier...

[MaryB]

I have had so many up and downs th epast year but I could never fight the fatigue - it took energy to be angry and fight and I coudl not waste it. I think I was certainly mad as hell but I just had to except it was a way my body had to heal.

Chin up , Have a good day. I wish I had an assistant, helper, worker someone I could boss around all day to help me get what I wanted to get done but I am poor so that was never going to happen!

Speaking of poor I am off to work! That KILLS me

[Carl]

Just as you feel I get the same way. It comes in cycles. Somedays I could take on the world and then an hour later I need to curl up in cotton wool and let the world slip by.

The other day I picked up my wife from her nail appointment, She rode her bike there so I needed to put the bike in the back of the car.

What an ordeal. We got it in the back and then I tied the hatch down. When I got home I could not figure out how to get it out of the car. My wife told me to step back and she merely turned the handlebars and pulled it out.

I felt like the cartoon where someone tries to go through a doorway with a long stick and doesnt have the sense to turn it. I don't understand why some days are good and others are not, I think that is the frustration.

If I knew my limitations, and they were constant, then I would just be annoyed.

Being a glass half full person is a huge benefit. I know that the next task will be easier than the last. And no headache will be as bad as the big one.

[DawnS]

Hiya Stephanie,

It's really hard not to compare yourself to who you were before, but try to compare yourself to who you were last month instead and it changes the frustrations completely. Suddenly you will see progress instead of loss and it's a much nicer feeling.

As for the weird feeling in your head, when I get that it's my brain yelling at me to please stop and rest. I actually can't keep going when I get that feeling, it's like someone unplugged me from the mains. The lights are on but no-one is home.

You will hear this a lot, but it's early days! I'm almost 14 months in and it definitely gets better with time.

I wish you all the best,

Dawn x

[Stephanie Rubeck]

thank you all for your kind words and replying...and yes, I do feel very fortunate and blessed most of the time.

I just have those days when I feel sorry for myself I suppose. But I know how very far I have come since Feb.

I mean, first they told my husband that I would not survive, to call family to tell me goodbye. Then they told him if I did by some miracle survive, I would be in a vegetative state, then when I woke up from my coma, they told him I wouldn't be 'the same' and I'd never walk again....Well, I'm not running any marathons, but I am walking, talking, cooking, cleaning, and obviously typing; so I proved those doctors wrong at every turn. I will continue to prove people wrong on what I am capable of accomplishing.

I survived a widow maker heart attack in dec. 2010 when they said I wouldn't...I sure as heck am not going to let a bleed in my brain stop me.

[Winb143]

That's the spirit Stephanie,

Prove them wrong at every turn..keep fighting it.

And as my Mum used to say "laugh and the world laughs with you, Cry and you cry alone, mind she had some weird

sayings.lol

Keep in good spirits

All the Best for you and Family xx

WinB143 xx

[kpaggett]

Steph,

You're thread reflects all our frustrations as days come and go. Sometimes we're great and sometimes it is the most devastating. It's so hard when you know you CAN do something, just not right at this moment. Why? I hate this. I know I can put together a bed, but not all the time. It creeps up on you when you're unawares too. Sometimes it's what Carl says: like the big stick in the doorway...then you think later...DUH!!!! But at the time, you're just dumbfounded. I always find that having the executive functioning/analytical part of my brain working perfectly, but the basic parts like the hind-brain malfunctioning poses a huge disconnect where you can observe all your deficiencies, and yet not be able to change them. Even during one of my existential 'Rants', I tell myself that I am not REALLY sad and even so, the emotion is so overpowering that it disallows any reasoning...at the time. Later, I can't even believe that it was me. Because it wasn't. I have no existential crisis when I'm going about my day. So weird.

To the good days and the bad,

~Kris