3 years later, I'm still not getting it right!

[sallym25]

Hello people,

I am feeling really guilty today. I have often told myself " SAH has been the worst thing I've ever had to deal with" I do still believe this is true, and I remember thinking that I can never ever repay those nurses and doctors ( who saved my life). I also thought that even they don't know just how much they help us when we really really need it. I was totally in awe of them.

In the last year or so I have thought about approaching the hospital to ask if I, as a survivor of this, could visit with people who are currently having to deal with it in the initial stages ( Which I know is the worst thing ever) with the intention that it could give them hope for the future.

Today, I have found two new members writing in with information of Patients who have been in there ( Southern General in Glasgow) fairly recently. I now feel so so guilty that, had I acted on my instincts earlier, I could have been helping give these particular people hope.

Fortunately, I know that, now they have found BTG they will still have contact with others who have been through the same as they. the guilt and the knowledge that I could do better for those going through such a hard time will hopefully spur me on now.

[goldfish.girl]

Hi Sally

Keep in mind that you have helped many people through BTG already! You are also trying to work full time and look after your family too. Never feel like you haven't helped people so far. If you can add to that, that's brilliant

Michelle xx

[Gill C]

Hi Sally

don't feel guilty, I mentioned mentoring or buddying to our SAH nurse specialist but nothing has come from it. I guess I should have pressed for it as I do think its a valuable system but it might be pretty difficult to implement as we're not medically trained. I do know that our nurse specialist does give new sah'ers contact info for others further down the line but I think that is mainly for people who are in constant contact with them.

The lady at Ians work who was coiled at Wessex I really wanted to help, I asked hubby to pass on my moby No but he was embarrassed cos he doesn't know her that well.

I think just being here on BTG helps so many of us & reaches all four corners of the world not just one hospital. You've helped all of us on here so don't feel guilty, life gets in the way xxx

[KeithH]

Hi Sally and all other SAH Survivors.

Please never feel guilty, everyone in there own way are helping others get through it.

As most are aware, I've not had SAH, mine was almost, well lets put it this way, I wouldn't be here.

For the first few months I just sat there, feeling sorry for myself, asking all those "why me", and "what if" questions.

I'll never be able to go back to full or part time work, but I'm doing things I never ever dreamed of.

I started Volunteering over 12 years ago, it help me, and I know I've helped many.

I work along side our Stroke Team, offering Advocay & Empathy to Stroke Survivors, Carers & Family Members.

That is something no one can find in books or leaflets. As everybody is different.

It's great when a relative say thankyou, and a real boost when they say, why arn't Doctors so helpfull.

Have a good look back at your past posts. Your wit and banter brightens many peoples days.

Lets now sit back and wait for other comments.

[Daffodil]

In hospital I was either away with the fairies, drugged to eyeballs or in a euphoric state of 'I'm alive'. I'm not sure I would have wanted to talk to someone at that point or welcomed it. Move the clock a few months and I NEEDED to talk to someone like me. someone who could explain these feelings, sensations, the uncertainty, the anxiety, who could reassure and listen. Then I found you all. And not just in recent posts Sally, but in older posts going back years. (I know for instance about Bogbrush being Morph, back in 98 I think)

I read old posts when I am unsure of things with me and they lift me up , inform me, and sometimes make me smile. I bet you all have reached so many people in the same way. The Words from people who have shared this experience are the blanket of hope and comfort to people just arriving. Just because you are not sat in the hospital Sally does not mean you have not been sat at my bedside on many nights. I'm sure other across the world would agree.

Do what you can because you want to. I send my thanks to all bTGers past and present for the help on this journey.

[Winb143]

It / BTG has cheered me up no end, as I sit here laughing at what I type or what has been typed by others.

My Al thinks I have lost it as I am laughing when reading your posts and also when I am typing mine.

This is from a woman who was told she should be put in a home and would never walk again.

I must admit I am a bit daft lol ..but BTG and all of you have really helped me.

So remember laughter is great for us all,

Sally You and GG would make a good pair, go do it xx

Love to All

WinB143 xx xx

[sallym25]

aww,

I feel so humbled now. Daffodil, thank you for your kind words. I'm not even sure I've said hello to you in the past. That's also something I'm guilty of. I am regularly overwhelmed by how many people register here and find it hard to say hello to everyone. I must admit that this makes me not reply to people often as I know my memory will not keep all their details in tow. Asking the same question twice of the same person also has an adverse effect. ( I don't want to appear rude!)

Keith, the wit and banter is all in the past posts. I've run out of that now. I wasn't aware you hadn't had a haemorrhage! Tell me what you did experience then? Sorry, I know it's just my lack of concentration thats caused this. I do agree that, when someone thanks you for your help and tells you how much more you have helped in comparasin to the hospital staff, the satisfaction would be immense. Well done to you. I hope you are really proud of yourself.

In relation to the feeling of satisfaction you must feel, I sooo wish I had the range of vocabulary Michelle and Lynne have. Don't they just get it right every time? I hope they too, know just what a huge difference their perfectly worded posts make. x

Unfortunately, I am with hubbys footy team in this department. Third division (me) v's Premier League( Lynne and Micherlle). Luv you both and thank you sooooo much. xx

It has taken me so long to write, re read and correct this post, I have almost lost track of what I am trying to say now. :confused:

I do remember I am here to thank you all though. So thank you thank you.

Sally. x

Daffodil, welcome to BTG. Hope you are feeling good an I promise to read up on all threads to 'spy' on how you're progressing. xxx

[goldfish.girl]

Sally, as we were all saying.....look at how much you have helped people already!

I am honoured to be in Lin-lins league, thank you. (Sorry Lin-Lin that's more of a compliment to me than it is to you I think ) The DLA form lady on Thursday told me I was 'so articulate, it would be a shame to let that go to waste'. I must come across much better than I think I do - once again YOU have helped me by highlighting that too . Just don't expect me to speak as well as I write especially when I am tired or my head hurts!!

Keep doing what you are doing, you are helping people even if you don't recognise that.

Michelle xx

[MaryB]

Sally,

Last weekend my ICU Neuro nurse was married at the church around the corner from us- weird as the hospital was 45 minutes away. I was feeling like I really need to send a card to her. I have not (yet?). I cannot even tell you her name or what she looked like as I spent that time so doped up. But my husband knows much about her. I am that way all the time with cards, thank you's etc. I have good intentions and the next thing I know times has past. Although I believe never too much time has passed.

SO that said and feelgin guilty about not doing more of many things I should do. ......last night while having dinner one of the waitresses came to our table and handed my neighbor and I cards. We work togther as well. She was beating on my door about 3 weeks ago with the dog limp & bleeding in her arms after being hit by a car. It was bad and I had no idea who she was as I am "brain damaged" most of the time. ( we have gone to that pub for dinner almost every Friday night for 6 years). She was crying and said she just ran to my house because she knew that I would help her. I am wondering "who is this person & how does she know where I live?". Anyway I offered the help I could which was I could put the dog to sleep or she had to get in her car and get to an emergency hosptial ASAP. I was thinking that the dog needed major heroics but the kindest thing was to put her to sleep. ANyway I could not really help her but to offer that. The dog did not make it to the emergency hospital and I felt bad that I could not help her more but in her mind we did a wonderful job and was very helpful. she had cards and gift certifcates for each of us but coudl not talk as she would cry but wanted to thank us.

So Sally Bally although we sometimes think we should, could or would do more I think in the end we end up being even with the other acts we do to help people when we do not even realize it.

Gosh, I hate how long my post are when I am trying to make a point. I feel I too am not witty or have the way with words others have and I am a rude American as well. (LOL) but that said I think all the past people including you have help everyone with the wisdom, kindness and thoughtfulness that BTG is.

maryb

[MaryB]

I can't speak or write so be thankful you can do BOTH of them Michelle!

Edited October 6, 2012 by MaryB