1 yr anniversary of my SAH

[Epaul1967]

One year ago I suffered the worst experience of my life. While the SAH and the doctors left me clueless, the incredible members of this site helped me find the information I needed. They also gave me the right questions to ask the doctors.

By the grace of God I have fully recovered.

This is such a great group of people.

[Sandi K]

Hello, it's wonderful to see you back here and even better to read that you are doing so well. I agree with you on how helpful this site is. It has kept me sane.

Sandi K.

[Epaul1967]

I don't know why, but I have actually been dreading the 1yr mark. I guess it's because of the horrible memories. I'm doing great but I struggle with the Why Me's. Why did it happen to me? Why did I live?

[Gill C]

Happy anniversary.

I found the first anniversary really difficult, I think its cos we 'expect' to be 100% better after all a year is a long time? Given that Wessex told me recovery was 3-6 months I felt I was way off the mark & therefore there was something wrong with me for not being much better. Also we are expected to feel grateful to be alive when you are struggling to accept the new you it certainly isn't easy!!

It does get easier & i will be having my 3rd anniversary this month & again in June when my clipping took place. We've never done anything special although I feel I should mark it in some way my hubby seems to want to forget it as soon as possible. For him the worry was so much worse whereas I had nurses & Dr's 24/7 to look after me, he had no idea how I would be when I came home!

[Winb143]

Congratulations on 1 Year and many more EP

Yeahhhhhh WTG.

Love

WinB143 xxxxxxxx

[Daffodil]

I wasn't too keen on the one year mark either. Mine was in March this year. I Wasn't sure what to do, how to mark it. In fact some family were horrified I wanted to mark it all.

I did though. I brought together the scaffolding group of family and friends who have held me up over the last year and just had a quiet and thankful meal with them. I wore sunnies and ear plugs and didn't chat much but it was a good new memory to create for them and me and to mark how far I'd come.

I hope next year maybe to do something noisier and more active but we will see.

At the end of the day we survived something many did not. We all have different recoveries and deficits to deal with. We have mental and physical scarring that will take time to heal if it ever does. I decided to view my first year anniversary as a marker for how much had improved in that time. There was hope to be found in that year where everyone said there was no hope. So there's hope going forward.

Congratulations on your first year passed!

[MaryB]

I was not a happy one to get that under my either. It was more of a dread, I think I believed it it had not come back at one year it was lost forever. BUT I was pleasantly suprised by putting that myth to sleep.

Congrats. mary

[kpaggett]

In many ways I felt then like it was a more important date to me that year than my birthday. I really didn't want any family member celebrating the day I was born, but the day my new life started. I'm not sure if I'll feel the same way come fall this year, but we'll see. My family was equally horrified or not understanding at all. I was still not very happy I survived either. I almost died and I wish I had then. Now, I have to admit that I feel a lot worse than I was before SAH, but I've made it this far so I might as well keep going and see what happens. I'm still not all that satisfied that I lived, but I'm wouldn't be satisfied to give up either.

Congratz on the date. Congratz on the endless striving.

~Kris

[Epaul1967]

I have decided to get a Tattoo to mark the anniversary. A cross with the date of my NEW birthday. I know some people don't approve of them but its a permanent way for me to mark what happened and a reminder to always celebrate and live life to the fullest.

Thanks for all the wonderfull comments. You people are truly the best. God bless you all.

[Winb143]

Well EP sing us all a song to celebrate over the year anni, ermm what can you sing

Happy Birthay to you Happy Birthday to you Happy Birthday.

Think of one and write it down ..Go on

Once more many congrats.

WinB143

[Teechur]

I don't think there is any "wrong" way to celebrate or not your SAHnniverary. Mine was Jan 28 of this year and I'm not really sure how I felt about it. When I had my SAH I suffered from being the Queen of Denial. I wrote emails saying "It's nothing serious. I will be out of the hospital in a few weeks. Fortunately I feel fantastic." Not sure who that woman was, but that wasn't remotely the truth. Even when I got out my expectations were that I'd go right back into my old life 100%. I've always been a "Let's just GO for it!" kinda gal and I thought I could do the same here. Ha! Nature has a way of saying "Neener" when you least expect it.

I am thankful to have lived, but don't understand why me and not the guy from our running club two years younger, just as healthy as I was, didn't. He left two daughters and a wife. I would have left 3 dogs and a husband. I still do question the purpose of it. I had had a big health issue earlier in my life and it was both the worst and best thing to ever happen to me (pancreatic pre-cancerous tumor). I learned to never put things off, that the body is an amazing work of art and we have the responsibility to feed it the best food and move it every day. I never ever took my health for granted after that. It was a full year of recovery but the recovery was very normal (better today than yesterday all the way through).

So yes, I get it. Why us? I know--why not us? What's the lesson? I got the "take a bite out of life" lesson, so far maybe the lesson is "be patient, you're not entirely in control, so stop being so controlling" or maybe there IS no lesson.

And like others, I thought by one year it would just be something bad that happened a year ago, but instead it's something bad that I'm still recovering from.

We may never know why, and there are days when platitudes are meaningless (yes, I get that I'm lucky to be alive...if you say that one more time I'm going to give you the same experience if I allow you to live). Other days we're the ones saying "Such a blessing to be alive and out here and able to do what I can do!"

And like celebrating an anniversary, I think we should feel okay with feeling whatever we are feeling at any given moment...good, bad, angry, sad, thankful, ticked off. It's all okay. After all, no one would ever tell us to heal physically faster or in a certain way, so there is no reason we should be pressured to heal emotionally faster. This entire thing was a mind-blowing (heh...truly no pun intended) experience. In a way it's has made me fascinated in the way the brain works. In another way, I'd just as soon go back to running every day, teaching, running my coaching business, sleeping 5-6 hours a night, and travelling all over the country for races...please and thank you.

[Louise]

Onwards & forward.... do what you want to do

[bsaints1]

One month SAHnniversary for me today. Happy to have lived, happy to be progressing toward a one year SAHnniversary. (I love that reference Teechur, very clever!) I am so happy I decided to tell somebody I needed medical attention. The alternate decision would have ended much differently.

I too love this site. I find myself coming to it often. Thank you Karen for your creation and thank you to everyone who posts. Your comments are so worthy and helpful.

[iola]

I am celebrating two months and done with my third angiogram. I can't wait for my one year. Not sure if I will sing out to the world but I will definitely thank God and all the wonderful people that helped and sometimes pushed me through this difficult time.

i