Being alone with my son

[Sarahg]

Hi all

I wonder if you could help me, I'm six weeks

Post SAH/clipping surgery and here is my problem

My husband Jeff who has been a godsend

Throughout the whole nightmare has been invited

Out with friends tonight I really feel it would do him

The world of good to go but I'm scared of being alone

For the evening with my 11 year old son!

Am I being irrational ? just got this horrid feeling

What if I have another one whilst my husband

Is out and my son has to deal with it! I know I'm

Being daft so please help with your words of wisdom

Love Sarahg x

[Winb143]

Tell hubby Sarahg, explain what you wrote on here.

You'll be okay but keep phone at your side.

I was scared the first time I was left, not anymore it's peaceful.

Guess it is different as my daughters grown up and can look after herself ~ cough cough lol j/k

Just tell/ask hubby, can he come home earlier as it is your first time alone.

Oh tell him you'll miss him also as men like that xx ha.

Good luck xx and keep calm

Love

WinB143 xx xx

[Super Mario]

You are forced to be apprehensive, so try and relax and take the evening in your stride.

It would be extremely unusual for it to happen again.

Think of something that you and your son can do together to distract you from the fear.

As you have said your hubby really needs to get out and I think in the long term for you to be left on your own with your son will be a big confidence booster for you after the evening has passed uneventfully.

I used to have the same fear when I was left alone in the early days, only natural.

[Gill C]

I understand how you feel totally. My son was only 4 when I had my op. Hubby was allowed to work at home for 2 weeks after I came out & Nath went to nursery for some of the week after that.

I would say def talk out how you feel & then perhaps build up to him going out for the evening by him leaving you for an hour & then maybe 2 to see how you get on. Keep your phone with you & say you will text him every half hour or so to say just 'ok'. If you don't text then he is to ring home straight away?

If your 11 year old is sensible he will be fine just as long as he knows what to do in case you need some help. The first few weeks home after 24/7 care are scary but I just made myself remember they wouldn't let me home unless I was 100% ok.

Be kind to yourself & be honest about how you are feeling & I'm sure you will do just fine x

[cheezo]

Sarah. I know how you feel because i feel anxious at the thought of my hubby leaving me on my own for any length of time- but as you say its irrational It Wont happen to us again- we cant help how we feel though so just tell him and ask if he would come home if you phone him.

You will be ok- good luck xxxx

[Sarahg]

Thanks all it really helped x

[Karen]

Hi Sarah,

We've all gone through the same as you and not wanting to be left alone ... it's so scary right at the beginning. You're not being irrational at all and it's going to take some time to re-build your confidence that nothing bad is going to happen to you again.

My husband works away quite a lot (abroad quite a bit) ... both of my kids have now left home and yes it sometimes feels as though my comfort blanket has been whipped away, especially if I'm not feeling so good.

I always have a phone next to me and in the early days when Eric was away or out for the evening, he would give me a quick call to make sure I was okay.

I've also written a note about my medical condition and I keep it handy when I'm on my own (had it for ages now) - it states what meds I'm on and who to call in an emergency (next of kin) if I have to be taken into hospital. Never had to use it yet, but it helps!

I also use ICE (in case of emergency) on my mobile phone. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/In_case_of_emergency it kind of helps with peace of mind when I am on my own.

I does take a lot of time to feel confident again.

Hope you're okay. xx

[goldfish.girl]

Hi Sarah

Yes, it is scary but as someone else said (Penny??) it will be good for your husband to have a break for a few hours. It's been a huge event for all of you & some normality for him this evening is a good thing too.

I hope this helps you to get it into perspective.....I am a single mum, my older son had left home by the time I had SAH, my younger son was 7 & alone with me when it happened. We had someone staying with us for 3 weeks after I got home but after that it was just the two of us so I had to get over the worry & I know that is really not easy (to put it mildly!).

I always had my mobile with me, even to go to the loo & myself & family had made sure that he understood how to ring 999 & give our address IF it was required - it never was thankfully. Also, make sure your husband has his mobile with him & that your son knows how to get hold of him. I'm sure you won't need to but just that safety net will help your anxiety.

Enjoy a lovely night to yourself & look forward to how pleased you feel with that milestone tomorrow when all has passed without incident & your husband is feeling chirpy because he got to enjoy a night out with his pals

Michelle x

[MaryB]

My husband made me text him every hour. I say be sure to have your phone and text say every 30 mintues? I started with doing ok than it was Thumbs up onto Ok..K

[iola]

Hi Sarah,

I so understand. I have an 8 yr old and the second week home my hubby had to go back to work and I had to get up get my daughter ready for school and to the bus. It was frightening and I cried buckets after I put her on the bus. Keep your phone close. My hubby called throughout the day, which made me feel good.

I

[Sarahg]

Hi really disappointed with myself the nerves/anxiety was just too much so my hubby stayed in, I feel terrible today and I'm sure he is also disappointed that he didn't get his few hours off although he would never say it!

As a consequence I feel very under the wether today aches and pains, nausea, loss of appetite and pains in my head and neck.

What an emotional roller coaster although looking back at all your comments six weeks is still early days so that does give me some reassurance that things will improve

My appointment to attend the neuropsychology dept came through in writing this morning, its next Wednesday at 2pm please god let it help with my anxiety as I am sure this is what is making my symptoms 100 times worse

Sarahg x

[Gill C]

Sarah be kind to yourself, its very early days still so perfectly normal to be anxious. How about gradually increasing the time he goes out for until you feel confident you can manage an evening? Things are much easier broken down into baby steps. Say 20mins to go the local shop & then add on 10 or 20 mins until it gets easier?

I remember having panic attacks when I went to college for the first time away from home. I set myself a goal of doing something nice for myself if I managed all week without wanting to run home. I found & it much easier to break down the time & aim for something small as being alone (I wasn't alone but I was away from home) for a whole week seemed so daunting.

As for the feeling rough just rest as much as you can, I remember sleeping in in the mornings & having a nap in the afternoon, making tea & then going to bed in the early weeks. Again gradually you will build up the time you can be up & active. Lots of water will help too.

Read a letter from your brain (home page under inspiration) & that helps to put things into perspective.

Big hugs to you Sarah xx

[goldfish.girl]

Hi Sarah,

Try not to be so hard on yourself. The early days are incredibly hard with anxiety & feeling so unwell & vulnerable. Keep in mind that you WILL get much better than you are right now & normal activities for you (and your husband) will be possible again. It takes time and it's good to hear your husband understands your anxiety and changed his plans. He'll have nights out again eventually.

I found the neuro psychology input enormously helpful & I am sure that you will too. Better times are ahead, try not to force them to happen before you are ready to. You will get there.

Michelle xx