Conni Posted September 27, 2013 Share Posted September 27, 2013 I am 10 years out of my SAH. I had a spontaneous SAH. I am one of the "lucky" ones. I spent 2 weeks in shock trauma. I had 5 lumbar punctures to remove blood and fluid from my brain. I had 1 follow up MRI and was sent on my way. No follow-up, no recommendations; just a "you're lucky to be alive" send off. I live alone and didn't have anyone with me. The doctor said I should not be alone for my first 2 weeks at home because if I were to have another event in normally happens within 2 week to a month of the 1st event and is more often than not, fatal. Looking back on those days is like looking into a nightmare. I slept all the time because when I was awake it was to hard to comprehend what had happened and the depression was crushing. I had survivors guilt and still do. I began a new job 5 months after having the SAH. I had to support myself. I understand you when you say you pretend. Pretend that everything is o.k. and that I am o.k. It was very stressful because my co-workers thought that I was stupid because I had trouble comprehending things. I couldn't connect the dots. I did not want to have to say, "I had a brain hemorrhage, so sometimes I have problems." I would have had to say that a lot. Fatique...tell me about it. All my energy was expended just to get to work and do my job. I had no energy for anything else. For this reason, I became isolated. I was too tired to go out with friends. I had to have enough energy to work. I was 50 when I had the SAH so as the fatigue continued I told myself it just must be that I'm getting older. I have severe depression, and anxiety disorder. I can't cope with things anymore. My threshold for stress is so small. Unfortunately, I have had no alternative but to apply for disability retirement. I don't hold out much hope because I don't have any personally documented records from treating physicians because there's not much to show except prescriptions for anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds. They have just looked at me like I have 2 heads when I try to explain how I feel. I have seen counselors but they haven't been able to help much because they don't understand that the changes in my brain. I continue to be isolated because I'm sad all of the time. I used to be a very sociable person but no longer feel comfortable in groups. I feel like I'm standing in a circle all alone and watching life go on all around me. People are driving, laughing, dining, and connecting with one another and I am just an observer. I am 61 now and continue to pretend because that is all that I can do. I do believe I was saved for a reason and hope that I can find the gifts that are mine to share with others. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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