Daffodil Posted October 7, 2014 Author Share Posted October 7, 2014 Hi VictoriaSorry to hear you are having a hard time and having other health issues. I think anything that reminds us of darker more painful times can trigger a delayed response and it may be that being ill has done that to you. Your friend is probably right, you do need to quiet the brain before CBT , my GP did say the same, it helps break the cycle and can help, However I think I was able to do that with mindfulness and other activity whilst waiting the 5 months(!) to see a therapist and then was able to apply the CBT techniques. Macca is so right, the talking, sharing and empathy from BTG folk that everything has changed and is different and understanding the choices we make each day is so very helpful and beneficial but I still needed some additional help with the acceptance of what has happened to me and what I have been through.It's probably a good time for an update on this from me on how it went and helped. I have a follow up appointment late this month to check in but my anxiety levels have really come down. My initial assessment showed me with high levels of PTSD, anxiety but my depression score was very low so I do think that getting yourself assessed is the first step to working out what can help. I have learnt to watch and wait and to check myself at times when anxiety starts to rise, that's when I struggle, the anxiety rises, the chemicals flow and then my brain seems to remember a panic response and that's where it sends me. I have beta blockers for moments if it becomes too heightened but have not had to take this recently and I gave back the other ones to my GP. That said I wouldn't hesitate to go back and ask for them if I felt it would help me and i know many people who it has helped them out of a cycle of depression.Hope your GP helps. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
victoria conway Posted October 7, 2014 Share Posted October 7, 2014 Daffodil It is a relief to be back here talking to folk who understand. And my psychiatrist friend is helping too - he has pointed me in a direction and, somehow, just doing that has helped start to sort out the disorder of my mind. There is a load of disorder there, as there is in my house. It's time it was all sorted out. One step forward. Oh, and a year after I applied, I finally had a PIP assessment today. I will post separately about that - because it is a different issue and I think the process and even starting it should be something separate! Thanks! Victoria Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
victoria conway Posted October 7, 2014 Share Posted October 7, 2014 Macca A separate reply for you. I agree - the complete lack of follow up and/or offer of effective help is the root problem. Like you - I came out feeling bewildered and surreal. As far as I can recall - no-one ever explained to me what had even happened - let alone what I should do next. They told my husband what had happened and suggested he should just take me home and "get back to normal". Since we were keen sailors, he took that to mean that I should just get back to sailing two weeks later! Three years later and the very idea is still beyond me - he still doesn't understand - just regrets that I can't. But regret on his part does not help me. He has spent 3 years now trying to "encourage" me to go back - to sailing, to the yacht club. One of my horrible after effects is continual sever tinnitus. I cannot cope with the hubbub of large groups of people. I just don't want to do it. And, honestly, should I have to do anything just to please someone else? My recent problems are engendered by other health issues and, being the way I am, they are all more difficult to cope with. I am listening to my psychiatrist friend and following his advice in terms of talking to doctors. Whether I will ever swallow an anti-depressant - well that's for the future. But I have started a path - possibly a plan. But, really, I suppose, I'm still bewildered. Do I make any sense? Victoria Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
victoria conway Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 An update from me - I have seen a good, listening doctor this week. I waited a while to see him specifically and I told him so up front. He is in agreement with my psychiatrist friend that my current symptoms point to depression and he has referred me for CBT - but that may take a while on the NHS - and I am so impatient! Never have been a good patient. We discussed, at some length, whether I should take anti-depressants. He could obviously tell that I was reluctant, despite prior advice. I'm not sure what the origin of the reluctance is - I take other drugs for physical things - hypertension, acid reflux, the side effects of the drugs for acid reflux, inhalers etc - what is so different about drugs for mental health? It's admission, isn't it? Anyway, he gave me the time to discuss it and made it my decision (that's why he's good!) - and finally, I remembered David, my psychatrist friend's advice (and he has known me for years and took the trouble, in the midst of moving to another part of the country, to come and visit me before giving any opinion) - so I asked for a prescription. Brought them home and read the leaflet on initial side effects - it may be WORSE for the first two weeks and nearly had cold feet. Gave the leaflet to my husband to read - he didn't want to - why can't you tell me while I'm doing something else? No - sit and read it - it matters to me and to you. I have decided to try them and have put the leaflet aside. 4 days in now and so far so good - I don't think it's worse but certainly not any better yet. Meanwhile, I am trying to set up some nice things to do and people to be with. Next week's treat is a visit to my lovely daughter and my sweet little 21 month old grand-daughter. It will involve some anxious train journeys - but the rewards will be great. Lord - I keep trying! Victoria 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carolynusa Posted October 24, 2014 Share Posted October 24, 2014 Hi Victoria - I hope you are feeling continually better each day. It's important to remember that it takes 3 to 4 weeks for anti-depressants to get "settled" in your system and for you to know how you will end up feeling on them. You'll want to pay close attention to your moods, etc. Keep your doctor posted regularly and don't be afraid to make changes either to drug or amount of drug as it is very common. I'm not on them now but have been in the past. My son is bipolar and they have been tried on him several different times. You sound better. Keep it up! I wish you the best. Carolynusa 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Louise Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 Sounds like maybe their working and you don't realise it, have a lovely visit with family... sometimes although informative I think reading the leaflets are not a good thing... But good for you for keeping trying its the only way... take care calming thoughts your way.. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Mike Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 Hi, I hope all is well for you and you feel better in yourself, did you ever read my epic post called "Psychotherapy vs Psychiatrist"? as there is/was some great advice given by my friends here on BTG. In the end I tried a totally different route started with meds ended up talking, if you were to find the right Counsellor you may feel good in yourself again, this changes from person to person, but if you don't try then you will never "know" For me talking and listening worked wonders and I feel great much more often, so much so I am a lot happier in myself, this has been noticed by others too and they like the changes, as do I, so maybe trying what is good for you will help. Wishing you well and fuzzy thoughts to make you smile too 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Macca Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 Hi Victoria, See, listening, caring doctors do exist! he sounds a really good one! Pills, I find, aren't always the answer, they are usually only a short term solution for the here and now. I tried them myself, but the real answer for me was addressing the cause of my upset. It wasn't found in the glass bottom of a pill bottle. I think talking to the right person, being with people who will not let you dwell on your own problems, who will allow you to help them with theirs instead, who will not allow you the time to let your own mind run away with itself can work wonders in the right circumstances! It seems you have some great people around you, as I did! You sound much better now, well done! I hope you eventually managed to enjoy some of those train journeys and the countryside you travelled through! Continue to be well, but if you should falter, remember us here on BTG - we are always here! Macca Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
victoria conway Posted October 30, 2014 Share Posted October 30, 2014 Thanks everyone - I don't know whether I'm any better or not - it's a sort of yo-yo thing at the moment. I'm having some awful times and some real highs but I think ............ no I'm not going to ascribe it to anything. Whatever, I have set a process in motion and next week, I have an appointment with the CBT people - rather earlier than expected - and the next day will see that nice GP - the listening one. Let's see what comes out of it all. Meanwhile, Macca, you're so right about the beneficial effects of being a listener as well as one who wants to be listened to. For the past seven years or so, I have been the manager of a charity which helps disabled folk with financial administration - of their direct payments for care - from local social services or the ILF, a central government source - or of their benefits, where they don't have the capacity to deal with that. We operate solely in Devon and, I think, are the only such organisation in the country. Before my SAH, I was actively thinking about extending the same model into other parts of the country. That was a big think - it needs people who are prepared to commit - not wholly for gain but for care. There are plenty of the big or aspiring operations out there who want to do it for gain! Anyway, the SAH put an end to my big think - it was enough to cope with getting back into it at all. At first, I did about an hour a day before someone delivered me home, then 1 and a half hours ...... till I was working four full days a week. Then the other health issues struck - extreme hypertension followed by horrible sickness (now diagnosed as hiatus hernia with acute acid reflux) and I ain't getting any younger - I am now, officially, an OAP! So, I recruited ANO to take over my management of the charity - because succession matters. But she isn't me (and my staff keep telling me this) and she doesn't care like I do. Sorry - I'm digressing but I think it may all be contributing to the way I'm feeling right now. So, Macca, day by day, I see people who have been massively brain-damaged since birth who seem to be a magnified image of me - the same issues with stairs (fear), noise, hubbub, just too many people ........ and, would you believe it, all seem to have acid reflux problems! People help them to cope. I have no such angel. That's why I am suffering now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Macca Posted October 30, 2014 Share Posted October 30, 2014 Victoria, Take the world off your shoulders, let someone else carry it for a while, you can't do everything, you've given so much already. You need to recover. You can only help others and be of real value to them when you are in a position of strength and you need to take some time out to get as much of yours back as you can. Don't try and set up elsewhere - you have enough on your plate - sell the idea to someone else and let them take it on! I know the ILF is under pressure right now - if it goes under you would be under even more pressure if you try to expand - so don't do it! If you must continue, act like a traffic policeman and direct the traffic a bit more instead of trying to do it all yourself. Delegate!! Keep communicating Victoria. I can tell you get a lot out of what you do, but even a kid in a sweetshop will eventually get sick if they don't give themselves a break! It's ok to rant and it's ok to feel a bit off, but you need a lifeboat at the moment and let the ship take care of itself. It'll still be floating, maybe just a little off course when you get back to it! Well done for the work that you do, though, it must be very rewarding in its own way! Good luck, Macca Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
victoria conway Posted November 19, 2014 Share Posted November 19, 2014 Sorry to have not responded before now. The world is a bit tough. I do try to sell to others - I'm trying to set up my own exit route from the charity. I have recruited someone - but she ain't me and my staff keep telling me so. That's one issue. The other (big to me) - is that she just won't or cannot just try to sort something out. The latest issue is complicated - needs some thought - possibly outside a box. I have picked up on it - suggested a strategy - I'm pretty good outside a box! The fact is, I won't leave the charity until I know it is well managed by someone else. How do I teach someone to think outside a box? It is probably the BIG QUESTION OF LIFE 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Winb143 Posted November 19, 2014 Share Posted November 19, 2014 You need to let go and think of yourself Victoria, what's good for you? and the answer is !! I wish you well in decision making, since my SAH I cannot decide between a large or medium coffee lol Good luck in decision making xx Off for a coffee or shall I shower first !! Be Well WinB143 xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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