Ametrine Posted July 4, 2014 Share Posted July 4, 2014 hi, my name is ( i am using a nom de plume, ) Ametrine . after reading the other stories on this page i thought i could add mine to them, thank you for giving me the opportunity to talk with people who will understand what i am going through. i am not after sympathy just want to be able to express what has happened on a non-judgemental page. for about three years before i had been having headaches for a while and when walking it felt like i was veering off to the left, i asked my doctor who said it was most likely stress. and put me onto antidepressants, then when i had an eye test the optician remarked that i had a large amount of blood vessels building up at the top left side of my eye ? he then went onto say it was not a problem. i've wondered if these were the first sign of something going wrong? October 30th/31st 2013, approximately 2am. i woke really needing to use the loo. i did feel queezy but thought if i went back to sleep i would be OK in the morning. the headache just kept getting worse eventually ending up with me vomiting ( a lot ) the next thing i was waking up on the bathroom floor. i do not need to explain the pain in my head to you as you already know what i mean, i really thought my head was going to explode. i tried to get back to my room but my left leg had gone numb. if i hadn’t fell over the cat in the hallway i may have made it back to my room, i can honestly say the cat saved my life as i made so much noise falling over i woke my family. i was as you can appreciate terrified. i had now lost the plot so the rest is a little hazy. i remember not wanting them to call an ambulance ( as i did not want to go to hospital ) i was carried to the ambulance. i can remember someone, i later found out was the consultant, trying to explain what was going on here again it's blurry. i can remember saying i did not want to stay and i wanted to go home. apparently my best friend signed the forms for them to go ahead and treat me, as in his words i was not in a conscious state to understand and do so myself. i woke up in the intensive care unit at Glasgow southern general hospital, and informed i couldn't be in a better place as this is the best nuro unit in the UK, having had a coil implanted .( i had also had a sub-arachnoid haemorrhage ). they moved me onto a ward after a week. i was doing well and allowed to walk about a little but not to tire myself out. then a a few days later, my left arm started to go numb, it was tea time and i could not direct my right arm to feed myself, panic, the doctor was called my meds changed the arm started working ok. a couple of hours later went to the bathroom and as i was standing up my left leg went numb and as i fell over i managed to pull the emergency cord. This led to me going back down to the intensive care unit unfortunately as i was being wheeled down there i started having seizures, i was so terrified i really thought i was going to die, then i thought i could end up a "vegetable " at this point i started to plead with the doctor not to leave me a mess that i would rather be dead. fortunately they didn't listen to me and i ended up with two new intravenous drips one in my neck the other in my right wrist. from there on i started to improve enough to go home two weeks after. i really wanted to write here to share how this has effected my family with people who will understand. please excuse me if i come across as whining it is not intentional. i call this " the best laid plans of mice and men " my son was made unemployed in September 2013, so we took this as an opportunity to re-think what we wanted to do with our lives. i have cfs .ibs and carpel tunnel syndrome in both wrists (from the last job i had), and subsequently also suffer from stress, anxiety and long term depression. my sole mate/best friend who has been living with us for the last ten years is bi-polar. he has always wanted to go and live somewhere quiet and calm ( we were living in a city at this time ) my son has always wanted to get into drawing for animation. so combining the two things ended up with us deciding to move to Scotland as the best uni for my son would be in Aberdeen. we brought a new to us car came up to Scotland found an affordable flat to rent, after putting our things into storage, gave in our keys to the city house. i am/was the only driver in the family ( living in the city there was no need for anyone else to drive ) please remember this point for later. we had a really pleasant 9 hour drive up, taking it easy no real rush. i enjoy/enjoyed driving . three weeks later i was in hospital. there seams to be a recurring three theme going on here our ongoing problems. because he wanted to stay at home to help me and combined with his computer and all his portfolio stuff being in storage, my son missed the intake for collage this year, (and it looks like he'll miss the next one as well ) so has had to sine on. as we are living in a ( beautiful/quiet ) small village in the middle of no wear the last bus from town is 5.25pm so he is having problems with the job center understanding the end of work timing and missing the bus costing from £7 /10 an evening taxi if he takes a job in Glasgow. they are saying he's making himself unemployable. he can't even move to Glasgow as the cost of moving and affordable housing is against him as he would only get a single persons housing allowance. my friend got so worked up with the stress he's not been able to get out into the very countryside he wanted. then an attos review arrived, if anyone else has had this 'wonderful invitation' will understand the stress and mess this can cause, ours is mainly because he is the named tenant and if his benefit is stopped or delayed we will be homeless. i am un-able to live on my own so you can understand what he is going through. to add to all this i have been moved over to the esa and have had to explain my circumstances to a stranger who really did not understand, he decided to re-see me in 6 months after my mri scan results ( which by the way came back ok ) like that would announce i was all right to start looking for work, i do not look that far ahead any more. well this is my life at the moment. three people and two cats living in one room of a three bed flat. on the top floor of a three story block of flats. the rest of the flat needs loads of work to be habitable, we agreed with the landlord we'd do the work, hence the low rent. the deposit money we were going to use to hire a van to fetch our things from storage has been used up paying for the storage ( i am waiting for the dvla to come back with when i can start driving again ), although 'most' inconvenient it has done us a favour in the long run as the flat was so damp during the winter our thing have been safer in storage than here. as far as my self i have overwhelming feelings of guilt. still have a constant headache and i'm exhusted all the time. i know it's early days. but for some reason most of the time i am extremely happy. i have everything i ever wanted here, my family, the cats and wonderfull country side. i am taking each day at a time, this was the fourth brush with death i have had and i'm not going to miss this opportunity i have been given to grow, this is my a new learning experience . i have decided never to say, not able / can’t / wouldn't, to any thing any more and to try to conquer my inner phobias thank you for giving me this opportunity to ' get this off my chest' so to speak Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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