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Why do I Feel Guilt


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Annie has had a pretty good week and I have been able to go fishing for an hour. It’s funny, I have been lectured this week by my wonderful children. If Jes, Sarah or Andy are reading this, I’m not complaining just making a statement. On Thursday Annie went to an Activity Centre. She left at 10 am and returned home at 8 pm, again I found myself thumb twiddling.

I knew that I could go fishing but there was something inside saying you should be doing something more productive so I went shopping. Then I found myself with time to waste from 3 o’clock to 8 o’clock so I did more washing and tidying. What held me back from using the time I had on Thursday. Guilt, yes guilt,

Sorry to stop there, you can read more on my blog at www.chrisomalley.co.uk

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Don't feel guilt.  You've been looking after Annie so much you've forgotten that you have a life too!  You can only help those in a weaker position than yourself when you are in a position of strength.

 

It's no good if you are also pulled down to a position of weakness.  You need to have time to recuperate and re-charge your batteries.  So enjoy your fishing when you get the chance.  It also means you get time to think about things and perhaps even improve your care for Annie.

 

Feeling guilty is to attach blame.  For what?  You've done nothing but good.  Enjoy your reward of a few hours to yourself.  What you should feel is pride, not guilt!  You left Annie in good hands and you have done the right things.  You can't do everything by yourself, everyone needs some respite, no matter how loving and dedicated they are.

 

You should also be proud of your kids, they sound like they have their heads screwed on - and they love their Dad!

 

Best wishes

 

Macca

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Don't be feeling guilty hun - that's why its called Respite care - it gives you time to be you and you will and do need it.  For you to give Annie some sense of normality you have to be able to have it for yourself too xx

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You need to get your confidence back too Chris, to relearn that it is ok to go and do something for you and not be 'on call' but it's hard to break the habit.

So don't beat yourself up about today, I imagine there was some down time in it and that's ok and as macca said you did some stuff which probably helped you to just get it done without half an eye on something else. Fishing will come, promise and far nicer to be sat in the warmth of the spring sunshine yes than the cold damp day it was today.

Baby steps. Glad Annie is doing ok at the respite, you pleased with it?

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hi Chris

               I understand how you feel. im in much the same situation  although lin is still in a home we are able to go out together I still don't want to do anything else .

             I feel lost to say the least when im on my own I think we both need to make that concerted effort to try and relax the hold that we feel we have to our other half.

 

             its not forced on us but we do it because of the love we have for our partner im still reluctant to do anything on my own because we have worked ourselves into a position of love to care for our other half of ourselves  and nothing else matters.

 

     I will try and have the odd weekend now and then to recharge my batteries with friends who have supported me I don't want to go but I have realised that once I come back I feel I have more energy and yes I do feel better  I miss lin but im in a better place and can care for even better as such

 

      so s** the housework and go fishing relax in the sunshine enjoy a full breaky at a café and relax as you catch fish even take a boat out and catch some cod or mackerel for Annie to eat on her return from the centre

 

  as I get told repeatly you will not be able to help lin if you don't relax every once in a while and through experience it does work Chris

 

think again take a deep breathe and go and relax please

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No need for guilt at all....

 

I always say to the carers you have to have time for YOURSELF because otherwise you'll be no help to US have YOU time re-charge the batteries and if fishing does it for you then enjoy it....

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  • 2 weeks later...

This is so typical.  I see it with caregivers all the time where I volunteer.  Caregivers for loved ones with any sort of issue.  It is natural to feel this way, so I say really feel it.  Go through the feelings, work them with your rational mind as well.  Do what you have to do to help yourself take the step towards realization that even though you are in a sense condemning yourself to a life of a caregiver, it is your choice.

You choose to love, to serve, to make another's life easier...AND you do it in spite of wanting things to be different for the two of you.  You are allowed to take a break.  To find a new self that resides outside of this all consuming important role you've inherited.  You are not just a care giver, you are a whole person and by taking small steps and short time outs, you will find the rest of yourself once again.

 

Happy fishing.

~Kris

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