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Afraid to be intimate

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Well tell hubby how you feel and say "Until I get 100% better can we just hug each other".


I am sure he'll understand xx Good luck Mandie  xx


I like a hug but my husband who I love so much, seemed distant and eventually we spoke about it and I told him "I need a hug at night and a kiss in the morning, deal Hubs ?",  he went "tut okay then".  (I also like my back scratched but I didn't push it lol).


Keep well Mandie and hubs !! xx


Win xxxx

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The anxiety will make it worse for sure. Take things slow. Really slow. Work up to it in stages? talk to each other as you'll both be nervous and pretending nothing's changed in the relationship won't work . I'm not going to say this ones easy but with love care and patience in time you will find your new rhythm if you excuse the pun :) until then Plenty of hugs, kisses and hand holding as win prescribes.

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Hi Mandie,


I had exactly the same fear as you are having early on in my recovery,

we found other ways of being intimate and it worked, I did ask for some 

advice from BTG members and I put that advice to good use.


It`s 14 months since my SAH and we are getting there, it takes time to

rebuild that confidence back up, as time goes on you will do that,

We just enjoyed each other in other ways until I felt more comfortable.


When it does happen it`s like finding each other all over again :)


Just take your time, it will happen.

Good Luck

Love Michelle xx

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Sex is so rarely talked about in our society in general regarding average interactions.  It is REALLY not talked about when one partner has had a medical issue that can affect sex.  Some people may not want to have sex after SAH, some people do.  The area of your brain that affects desire may have been altered or the area of your brain that has to do with movement or sensations.  Some spouses are scared to touch you because they don't know how fragile you are yet.  


It all takes time, exploration, and love for one another.  The act is just another manifestation of your life.  How do you navigate daily now?  Is it changed?  If it is, why would you or anyone expect that sex is somehow exempt from a change as well?  Just work it together like you do everything else.  Even then, it may or may not happen when you/your spouse want it to, but when it is the right time, it will.  


it took us a long time, personally, and the first time wasn't all that pretty.



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  • 3 weeks later...
  • 1 month later...

The return to, as my Dr. put it, "Normal nocturnal activities" is a frightening thing.  I was scared to even try anything as well.   But it does come back. 


You may find that toning down the intensity of your sessions will help rebuild your confidence.   I've found that longer, low intensity foreplay awakened a very different experience you may not have enjoyed before.  


Listen to your body and your head.   Tone it down a bit and just enjoy the moment if you have to.   The "Mind blowing sex" you used to have now takes on a more literal meaning and may seem like a frightening thing now more than an enjoyable experience.  


If your Dr. has said that you can return to "Normal Nocturnal Activities" then trust him but also trust yourself.   Just relax and enjoy it again.  

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