less tolerant post SAH???

[Anne Fleming]

Hi all

This week I fell out with someone who's been a close friend for the past 15 years. This is very unusual for me as I've never fallen out with a friend in my life and am quite easy going. I think normally I would have been more tolerant of her behaviour though still wouldn't have liked it. Has anyone else experience of falling out with friends post SAH? It's the last thing I need right now as have enough to cope with.

It's almost as if post-SAH I feel very certain of my values and what I find acceptable - maybe I'm becoming intolerant?

Anne x

[Karen]

Hi Anne,

I think that perhaps we become a little blunter post SAH especially in the early days, definetly less tolerant to people that display selfish behaviour and we probably adopt the view "that life is too short" etc .... I know exactly where you're coming from, as I know that I'm a lot less tolerant of certain people.... but, I think that we need to realise that other people around us haven't suffered this, thankfully for them, they wouldn't have a clue what it's like to deal with a brain injury and it's something that all of us SAH'ers need to understand and be a bit more tolerant of ..... you haven't said why you've fallen out with your friend, but if it's making you feel bad for falling out, then it might be worth burying the hatchet and making up .... if she doesn't understand your circumstances post SAH, then get her to read this message board... only you will know what you need to do and if you can live without her and she is an absolute pain and totally insensitive etc then you know that you've done the right thing ..... in the early days post SAH we're probably emotionally more sensitive than we would normally be, but that does ease up with time...good luck xx

[jess]

I am alot less tolerant now and if she annoyed you then good for you for telling her that, if she is a true friend she will understand why and the row will be forgotten about. Jess.xxx

[Louise]

Sadly I understand this all too well, I used to be so easy going before....

Yes, if she's a true friend she will understand, I found that out the hard way I lost friends and my sister-in-law who I was very close to, but their loss........

Anne I really do understand what your going through although I cant explain - sorry.....

Take care hope your ok, hugs

Louise.xx

[Holly]

Hi,

I haven't lost friends, but before my SAH I knew that I always would agree to do things I really I knew I didn't want to do, or either I didn't agree with, just to keep the peace.

I truly feel liberated, if that is the right word, now because after my SAH, I have taken on a stronger personality. I must admit it is for the better. I now say NO, and I don't feel bad about it. I know that sounds feeble, but I must express I never said it before.

Louise, you listen to your inner self now. I certainly do, and I wish I had before.

Good luck with the friend thing. If she is a true friend she will understand.

H xxx

[Karen]

Holly, I'm the same as you and do kind of feel liberated since the SAH......I also haven't lost any friends ..... well... not yet anyway!

[myratas]

I think we all change to certain extent post SAH, i know i have. I am more tolerant of other people, i just let it go. I have told a few friends about this website and they do understand when i am unable to do certain things as i get tired and still suffer from headaches but i have notice that they do not include me as much as before but that's ok too because i found new friends here we all understand each other and if one of us has a bad day we are there for each other. Life is full of changes some good and some bad, i put it down to experience and friends that cannot understand our health issues or make fun at us, oh yes, i have had some friends who made fun of me then i do not need them. I am glad that i survived this i just want to enjoy the rest of the time i do have.

myra xx

[Tina]

Hi Anne

I am lucky i have not lost any friends, or had any fall outs, but i certainly would say how i feel , instead of maybe thinking oh well let it go, and not be happy about it. I am a great believer in talking about things.

Life is too short, i really hope you can sort things out with your friend, and as the others have said, show her this and i am sure she will understand.

Take care

Love Tinaxx

[Anne Fleming]

Thanks everyone. I've thought it through and I don't think I am less tolerant post-SAH. I think his friend's behaviour would have upset me pre-SAH but I probably wouldn't have said anything. Now I'm less good at "putting up and shutting up".

[Shanti]

Hi Anne

Like you I temporarily lost a very old and trusted friend post SAH. (Though she did come round a few months later and we did sort it out - I quietly told her that she had gone over the dividing line and it wasn't on and I wouldn't tolerate such behaviour in my life anymore. Thankfully we saved the friendship).

Like other replies on here, I too don't have the same level of tolerance of people. I also used to let people get away with too much. Always trying to be nice and not make waves. Well as I've been given a second chance at life I don't mess about if people upset me now. I don't shout or throw a tantrum though, just calmly tell it as it is.

I've also learnt to keep away from certain people as much as possible (my father being one! - but he's an exceptional case, he really would try the patience of a saint).

In a nutshell: definitely less putting up and shutting up like you say.

Its also had an effect on my relationship with Paul. But because we have a lot of love and respect for each other, I don't take advantage of being ill to be horrible to him, I just calmly have to point out that I can't cope with such and such. Bless him, he's very good and understands. (I also encourage him to tell me when I've upset him too - its not a one way street).

Big hug

Lesley xxx

[Nurianna]

Hi everyone!

Pre-SAH I used to have an intolerant streak to a certain extent and with some people, places and situations it has just got worse! What I have noticed is that I can be much more understanding and compassionate with people who struggle with physical and mental issues. I can relate to a much deeper level. Something I could never do before.

I have to watch my "I´ve been THERE" attitude at times....it can lead me to self-pity and a sort of disdainful arrogance which acts as cover-up for feelings of inadequacy.

I just try to be honest with myself and about what I really feel at all times. My feelings and emotions do not have to rule my behaviour but I do need to acknowledge them to myself, to what I choose to call God and to at least one compassionate human being. I don´t feel isolated or alone when I do. Sometimes the difficulty for me is remembering to do it.

I had my SAH surgery 3 months ago and have been out of hospital one month. I´m trying to adapt to my new life. In a way I feel the sadness of saying Bye! to some parts of the old "me" but I can also feel the excitement and am looking forward to the new things all this experience will bring with it. It´s a sweet-sour kinda feeling. I´m ok when I am in the center and in balance. Depression and euphoria/wishfull thinking are the extremes for me. I have to try to be aware if I am tipping into either of them.

On this board I have picked up "something" from each person I have read. That "something" is Courage.

Lots of love,

Nurianna