Xmartz Posted July 29, 2017 Share Posted July 29, 2017 I had a very large right frontal lobe bleed two years ago. Before then, I was a quiet person who didn't dare speak up for myself even if something really bothered me. In other words, I was a doormat! Now I can't just push my feelings aside and let things go. If something bothers me I need to let it be known. I can't hold my feelings back. Its funny because I also can't hold back my tears when I'm emotional when I used to hold it all inside. Its really difficult to just to not wear my feelings on my sleeve. This is is sometimes very difficult for my family to accept. I have a very outspoken and intrusive mother who tends to treat me like I'm 10 instead of 48 and she was so used to me putting up with it that she's having a hard time accepting the new me. has anyone else had issues with personality changes as well? And, if so, how do you handle the people in your life that can't seem to get that? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paul99 Posted July 29, 2017 Share Posted July 29, 2017 Hi Xmartz I haven't answered your thread before it is well known that the frontal lobe controls your feelings and behaviour and that your personality may change along with you behaviour and that you have little or no control over if they are affected a clinical psychologist may help you come to terms and educate you in how to handle the situation People will or not be able to accept your new self and will need to be educated and accept you for who you are now there will be many who cant handle the situation hence the suggestion that you seek out a clinical psychologist to help you along I found this very helpful when I was dealing with lin it also helped me understand the effects of frontal lobe bleeds and I've been in the advanced health care in the uk for forty five years and Im still learning you never stop learning the only thing I can advise is seek out a clinical psychologist and count to ten before you answer someone who riles you good luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
subzero Posted July 29, 2017 Share Posted July 29, 2017 Hello Mandie Many thanks for your comments about the changes in your personality following your SAH two years ago. I am a carer for my wife following her SAH in May 2011, and your post brought back memories of how I came across BTG 3 1/2 years later, and how much I value the members of BTG who supported me with their comments. If you read my post on 22 January 2015 you will see how I, as the husband was questioning my ability to cope with Mrs Sub`s personality changes... Your husband has been supporting you through such a life changing time for you and your young family, and of course your hubby in particular. You know your husband better than anyone, but the extent of (highs and lows), uncertainty and of course worry, as he has witnessed his wife reach the brink of life. Seen you fight following SAH, and then the trauma of your pulmonary embolism. Many times he has been emotionally fragile. His work, responsibilities as a father and husband, have been pulling him in all directions and he will have often been near exhaustion and despair himself. In all this, he has been willing your recovering back to the wife he once knew, and like yourself no doubt, recovery has been slow and demanding on you both and your family. One of the hardest areas of recovery post SAH for your husband will have been that change of personality to which you refer. You have not mentioned how it affects your hubby, however you admit that your ability to control your emotions and your opinions is totally different now. You can see from my comments in my thread, that I too was trying to come to terms with this. Your bleed has damaged your brain and your ability to take that few extra seconds to weigh up matters you are confronted with. before you reply or act. This as you say, can cause all sorts of reactions from those around you who were familiar with the `old` you prior to SAH. Back in 2015 when I was questioning this, BTG comments helped me understand how and why this confrontational personality trait was something that needed to be understood. Rather than treated with hostility, it was something to be seen in the light of your SAH bleed, and you needed understanding and help to work through this frustrating change in your personality. Mrs Subs and I take a less serious and light hearted approach when this happens. For example, I mentioned Mrs Subs being a `back seat driver` while in he car. Her ability to let me react to driving conditions had changed and she had started to anticipate vocally what I should be doing. So being told to `brake`, change lanes` `go faster` go slower . I no longer get annoyed and often just say laughingly.. who`s driving this car!!! Politics is another explosive issue with Mrs Subs, and if anyone comments with an opinion different to Mrs Subs, they can get a very confrontational `other opinion` which because of it`s lack of tact, may cause offence!!! ( I smile) Mrs Subs often holds arguments with the politicians as they are interviewed on TV. (again I smile and often say, I am trying to hear what`s going on`!!) Family again is an area which can cause friction, where closer family members have show very little interest in the effects of SAH and the tough recovery. It is often mentioned on BTG about the fact that because you may look ok, they think you should act as if you were OK. Recovering from SAH is never OK, just a continuing process. It is a sad fact that former `friends and family` decide they don`t want to be part of your life anymore. Sadly they have failed to understand that you don`t need criticism, you need support and understanding. You will find you make new and closer `real friends`. (BTG friends are special people ..they understand whether they be survivors or carers) Mandie, sorry for going on at length, but with the benefits of 6 1/2 years on from Mrs Sub`s SAH, we have worked on personality issues, and there will be improvement along the way for you too...everyone however is different (thank goodness) Keep positive and accept the ups and downs. Keep those people important in your life aware of your fears and worries and challenges. Especially your husband... he is with you for the long haul and he needs your love and trust more than ever. Take time to pour your heart out to him about your fears and anxieties. Keep having patience and accept that changes and improvement may be slow and frustrating. Wishing you good strength as you deal with your SAH recovery 2 years on. Subs Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xmartz Posted August 2, 2017 Author Share Posted August 2, 2017 Dear Subs, I thank you so much for your supportive response. Last night I had my husband read this post and it helped him immensely. He told me to make sure that I saved it so that he could read it again from time to time as needed. Thank you for helping him find that he is not alone in this struggle!❤️ Mandie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
frmertd Posted November 20, 2017 Share Posted November 20, 2017 Having noted changes from a strongwilled type A personality to more tired and mellow I read with great interest this thread. People in family already criticizing me for things, i want to say to them "dont you understand that was a very serious thing that happened to me??? Support is what is needed, not opinions and criticisms of behavior. " I too have come to see that who your "real" friends are can change. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daffodil Posted November 21, 2017 Share Posted November 21, 2017 Yes you may notice that some people will react differently to this current version of you. Some changes for you may be temporary, others more permanent. Post my bleed I almost had a Tourette's level of honesty. I just said everything as I saw it with no filter. I have relearnt and applied a new filter in the years since but I definately can say the people who are important have stayed with me, the others ? Well let's just say I just enjoyed their company at that time, that place. I don't begrudge them that they can't or don't like this version of me. Everyone changes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Winb143 Posted November 23, 2017 Share Posted November 23, 2017 Mandie Hi, I can no longer take other peoples worries, as I have said so many times and like Daff stated I was sure I had tourette' s when I first woke up. Think it was forgetting where I was in a conversation. So I laughed a lot and sang, it was my way of coping with stress. Met Subs on a site, and as he said I told him to talk about worries on here BTG xx Found this site a God send for me as any worries I just came on here and a Chef alias Keith used to give me advice ha ha. We all have our little gripes and down days. I do find laughter and songs the best for stress but each to their own. You be you and always keep a happy thought close at hand. It is hard for our Carers alias Hubs and Daughter (in my case) to understand but we need to talk to them about our feelings . Also apologise through gritted teeth when we are in the wrong !! lol as we never are ha xxx So good luck and be gentle with them as while we were out of it, they were left worrying xxxx God bless xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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