SAH, 14 years on.

[Bill B]

Last night, an old friend told me of an impending gig. Musicians I have known for 40 years. I told him I would need to write the details down. He asked why? I said, Altziemers!  He backed away ,in embarresment. I only said Altziemers, because, to explain Third nerve palsy, SAH, and all the resulting carnage, is too difficult. Altziemers shuts everyone up! It is simpler than ,having to explain memory loss, balance loss, anger, intolerance and depression.

 

 

After years of expecting a re-occurence of the pain of the first event,( not flying for ten years) there was a period of numbness. 14 years on,...I don't fear SAH anymore. I just like to keep myself  , too myself. I can't seem to interact with folk. My wife pushes me into social contact. I try to respond. I just can't be bothered. Is this normal?

[Lorna]

On 29/10/2018 at 22:03, Bill B said:

Last night, an old friend told me of an impending gig. Musicians I have known for 40 years. I told him I would need to write the details down. He asked why? I said, Altziemers!  He backed away ,in embarresment. I only said Altziemers, because, to explain Third nerve palsy, SAH, and all the resulting carnage, is too difficult. Altziemers shuts everyone up! It is simpler than ,having to explain memory loss, balance loss, anger, intolerance and depression.

 

 

After years of expecting a re-occurence of the pain of the first event,( not flying for ten years) there was a period of numbness. 14 years on,...I don't fear SAH anymore. I just like to keep myself  , too myself. I can't seem to interact with folk. My wife pushes me into social contact. I try to respond. I just can't be bothered. Is this normal?

 

Hi im Lorna i suffered my Sah in may this year and im really struggling the same way. I used to love going out and seeing live bands and loved people now iv become a miserable hermit. I just cant cope im sure it never used to be so loud!! I just want to be who i used to be its horrible xxx

[Bill B]

I have come to a, personal, realisation, that people are disappointing. Best thing is, to avoid them! Get a dog. Get a cat. Get any creature that will not let you down! I don't want to be negative, but life is what it is. 

 

[Bill B]

7 hours ago, Lorna said:

Hi im Lorna i suffered my Sah in may this year and im really struggling the same way. I used to love going out and seeing live bands and loved people now iv become a miserable hermit. I just cant cope im sure it never used to be so loud!! I just want to be who i used to be its horrible xxx

 

Hi Lorna. The restrictions on social interaction are manyfold. Balance, noise, movement, intolererence, ........ad infinitum!        In fact,...every- thing has changed. I am the worst person to give advice. I have crashed and burned, over the last 14 years. You will never be who you were. However, you will find that people on this site have been through , exactly, what you are experiencing. 

[Swishy]

I too have struggled with feeling it is easier to just stay home.  I think some of it has to do with the fact that when I am up and moving around I am a bit off balance (just doesn't feel like it use to feel) I am 18 months out from my SAH followed by Vasospasm.  I must also say the more I encourage myself to do it the more comfortable I have become.  

 

Is it the same as before, no it is not.  I am searching for my new normal, having accepted the old one has changed.  I give myself permission to refuse certain things but I am a social person and know I won't be content spending too much time alone. 

It does get old trying to educate people about what happened to me.  I don't spend much time trying unless the person is someone who is close to me or someone I will see frequently. 

 

I am the only one who really knows how I feel, and that is ok.  I am better and happier than I was a year ago and looking to be my best self possible.  Everyday is a challenge but I am up to it (mostly haha)...

Jean

[Macca]

Hi Jean,

 

You have a positive outlook which is great. You are right in that you are 'the only one who knows how you feel' and that 'you are looking to be the best self possible.' 

 

Wasn't that always the case, but that now you are just simply more conscious of it?  Now you are aware that something was trying to stop you doing that, but instead of making you fail, all it did was to reinforce your need to redouble your efforts to be the best you can?  That is fantastic because far from defeating you, you have become a new you, a different ,resilient you with a new and invigorated value of the importance of making the most of your life.

 

Those people who have never had a SAH don't get that .  You don't do anything better or worse you just do it differently.

 

Every day is a challenge, you say, but wasn't that always the case too? 

 

I hope others take heart from your words and derive some comfort from them.

 

I think you have recovered well, not just physically, but mentally also, and you are an example for us to look to for inspiration.  There is always room for improvement, (and recovering from a SAH doesn't make it easy, I know), but we think that when we are one hundred per cent well too don't we?  Embrace the changes in your life. I think you are doing just great.

 

Well done!

 

Best wishes,

 

Macca

[Swishy]

Thanks so much Macca, your words have been so inspirational to me....I can't even explain how much I appreciate it.

Sincerely,

Jean

 

[Bill B]

Something that hurts me, is when people think I am drunk. I wobble, and stagger, sometimes, ....if I don't have my stick, I have very poor balance.

 

 

[Super Mario]

I, too, have been accused of being drunk. Initially it made me angry but now I just laugh at the comments and say "I wish"

[Louise]

I wobble too but have to say nobody's said that to me 'yet' but I'd be like SM and just laugh it off I have been told 'your slow' when a jokes being told or something like that I just laugh that off to my brain works slow...

[Bill B]

I was a rugby fly half. Later a goalkeeper. 

 

Now I have little balance and vision. It is difficult to be weak, when I was once, so in control.

 

I struggle with the loss. Not ,only walking , but having to sit in chairs with arms.  I am embarrassed by myself. Staying in my house is, increasingly, the best option.

 

At the time of writing this, I have not left my house since October 5th.  My car did 241 miles last year,..that is travelling to the tip , and back. It feels like the final chord, at the end of Sergeant Pepper.