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Maria R.

My story up to now - Maria

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On the last days of this terrible 2017, and when it will be one year since I last spent time with Paul before everything changed, I just wanted to thank you all for the support you have given me these months and wish the best for you and your loved ones, 

Mariax

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Thank you Maria, may 2018 be a much better year for you and Paul. Hoping that he will continue to improve and that eventually you will have the life together that you had planned.

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Hi all, 

 

It's been a while since I last posted but there haven't been changes in Paul's situation, or at least noticeable ones that could bring any hope now that's been one year since he had his hemorrhage. He's been out of the wheel chair for some time now but as I haven't seen him (though keep calling every day) not sure how mobile he is. 

 

I'm writing this because this Friday I'm flying to the US to spend a few days with Paul (well, at a hotel close to his center) and his family told me that they would try to help me take him out of the center some time during the 6 days I'll be there (don't know the details yet). So I keep thinking what would you recommend to be my response when he asks for the things in our life that don't belong to his life now, like when he says he can't find his phone, or when he comments about something that doesn't have any relation with now, or me, .. Do I try to make some correction? Is it worth for any kind of recovery? 

 

It's easier to deal with this situations on a phone call (upsetting as they are anyway), but I would like to make my stay count, even if it's only a bit, because I'm doing this for him, and because I miss him every day.. 

 

Maria x

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Hi Maria,

 

Thanks for the update.  This must be tough for you.  What I would say is judge for yourself when you get there, but before you see him, speak to his family and get their opinions face to face.  No matter what you have said by email, Skype or whatever, it's never as good as face to face, when you can judge the atmosphere, watch the body language and so on.  Compare what they say with the situation you find yourself in when you finally get to see him.

 

I think you have to play it all by ear.  It will be a tough experience for you but it may also be uplifting if you see progress that others haven't.  Nobody ever said his or your journey would be easy.  Recovery is a long and winding road and everyone goes at their own pace some  a lot slower than others, unfortunately.

 

Don't build up any false hopes, as that will set you up for a fall if reality doesn't meet your expectations.  So deal with what you see, hear and feel.  Speak to doctors if you can for their opinions and speak to family and carers, so you have as full a picture as possible.  Then sit down and analyse for yourself, if you can, to make sense of it all.  If you can't do it by yourself then sit down with someone you know and trust and talk it over.

 

Lastly, try not to over think things before you go - that is just torturing yourself.  What you have to deal with is what is - not what might be, so get the facts first and then put all the red herrings to one side and deal with what is left.  Only you can make those calls Maria but you have to do it with a clear head and by offloading as much emotional feelings as you can.  I don't mean to sound uncaring there, I just mean in order to do the best you can both for him and yourself by making the right decisions.

 

Good luck and please come back to us. I hope this helps.

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Maria I hope you have a lovely time visiting with Paul don't try to guess your responses just let things happen...

 

I'm not quite sure about the don't belong to his life now.

 

Let us know how things went take care honey.

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Thanks for your wishes Louise, 

What I meant (with my English being not my first or second language, thanks for the patience there) is that he has been in a center for more than half a year, not being aware of where he is, just making up the answer every day when I call (usually he is working, sometimes at a wedding..) so he doesn't have a phone, nor his money, his case, his home.. That's why I asked now I'm able to visit him again

Maria x

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Thanks for the detailed answer Macca, it looks like you read my mind (not sure if that's good 😁) 

I was counting on checking with his family (I'm staying at a hotel but I'm always asking for updates and I have made sure they know when I'll be there and my hope to make it count). 

I'll be honest and won't say I'm not overthinking because I am and have been these last days, but don't worry because I have no hopes on the outcome. I have got myself used not to expect anything good after this year, and keep writing some words to Paul every day (5 notebooks already and counting) telling him how he was on our call and how I feel, pointing out those little things like when he says my name,or how he is himself.. 

Yes your words always help, one way or another, so thanks again, I'll update when I get back

Maria x

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11 hours ago, Tina said:

Maria thoughts are with you and hope your visit goes well with Paul, take care xx

Thanks Tina for your wishes, warms a heart that needs a lot of that 

Maria xx

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Maria, just be aware that all our thoughts are with you and we wish you all the very best on your journey and hope that you get as much as you can from it.

 

Macca

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