winter

Mine was right anterior communicating artery followed by small stroke after coiling. I don't know what part of brain the small stroke occurred in! I have all the records back home. I've looked at them lots of different times, but I can't remember that part right now! Probably where ever our memories are stored!

Hi Stephanie! Happy you've found this site - as you've seen already, so much information and caring support from others who've been through/are going through many of the same things that you are. I've just read through all the replies and even though I'm 2 1/2 yrs. post sah/stroke, I still find myself thinking I should be over it by now as well. Intellectually, I know better. Emotionally, that's another story. Working on it. It is definitely a process. Hang in there sweetie and come here often! We're all here to help one another get through this "stuff" I'll be keeping you in my thoughts, as well as your husband - for surgery to go well and perfect healing to follow. Big hugs, Carolyn

Oh David! I sooo feel for you. And glad you shared your feelings here, too We do get it and care about you and hate that you're feeling so down and in pain! As the others have said, please talk to your primary doc or neurologist. When I went back to work(and it was too soon really) I has a constant headache. I continued on...the neuro put me on amitriptyline. It helped some but not much to make a difference In Feb I started taking depakote. It has made a HUGE difference for me. Unfortunately I'm not working- but I think that too, has helped keep the headaches at bay. I understand that "not working" may seem like an impossibility financially You might want to talk to a lawyer or disability advocate. They can help determine if it would be plausable to start the process now. It takes a good deal of time and is one of those areas you might want to think about. When you're in the middle of that dark tunnel it's hard to see the light - I know, just getting toward the end of that tunnel myself. The light is there- just hard to see right now hon. I'm keeping you in my thoughts for strength and peace. Sending lots of good energy and hugs your way, Carolyn

I can identify with everything you've all said. I am soooooooooooooo not in a happy place right now, either. While I am so very grateful to be alive and lucky to have not suffered many of the problems others have, I still have to deal with the problems I do have and they are valid for me. As to the stages of grief, I had never really thought of it that way. I'm almost 2 1/2 yrs. post SAH, and silly me, thought I'd be so much further along in the "acceptance" thing. I know it's a process and is different for each of us. For me, I seem to visit the different stages, going back and forth. Then I get to a point where I'm feeling the acceptance and something else comes along and knocks me for a loop and I fall back into another stage. That's part of the process too. I'm realizing a lot of things about my life, not just the SAH stuff. I've had a lot of loss in my life, a lot in the past few years - much of it very difficult. I've gotten through it and I know I'll continue to get through it again. I'm just "f"ing tired of it all and I'm really, really (insert lots of ugly swear words here) angry. Maybe I don't know how to "be" anymore either. I don't seem to fit in to a lot of places where I once did. That's ok, but it's another loss to grieve for. So on it goes. I do wish I could get some counseling - the county health plan doesn't cover that, and with no income, it leaves me to myself and a very limited number of people (some whom have become tired, I think, of hearing it and don't understand why I can't just move on). Coming onto BTG has been the biggest help for me. I know you all get it, have gone through it or are still going through it. So thank you all for being here!!! We all just have to stick together and support one another - as is the norm for this wonderful bunch of people!!! Gonna go cut up some watermelon, change my thoughts (is it cognitive behaviour therapy?) and see where the day takes me. Big hugs to everyone

Hi Paul and girlfriend! Welcome to BTG - glad you found this site so early on!!! So much information, help and support. Best place to be! We're all here for one another as we get through our recoveries' Hope to hear more from you. Hang in there, it will and does get better Big hugs to both of you, Carolyn

The last posts, as usual, have been perfectly timed - thanks to GG, Lin, MaryB, Macca, Sandi, SarhaLou! I guess we all will reach a point in our own recoveries when we realize what we are capable of and what we are not. And that will be good enough, jobs well done (pun intended:lol:) That word "acceptance" just popped into my head. It seems to be popping into my head a lot lately - I'm getting there, little baby steps with that too. Someone asked me today if I would be doing the May market (for my cookies). My answer surprised me, as I told the person, "No, I will not." I expected to feel guilt, shame and defeat - once again. But those feelings didn't come!!! I felt relief and ok about it. I don't feel I gave up on it (at least today I don't!) - I gave it my best shot for 3 months, decided it was really too much for me and I'm not going to put myself through the stress anymore. Yay Me!!! I'm proud of what I did - I gave it the old college try, did it, and now I'm moving on to something else - not sure what, but I'll get there

Hi Sally, it just doesn't make any sense! Is there an advocate who could help you through all of this mess? I'm sure its frustrating and makes you want to spit nails!!! It just seems so unfair for so many people who are struggling to simply put there lives back together ans have to deal with financial worries at the same time. if you do decide to try full time, I wish you all the luck in the world. In the mean time, hang in there tough girl. Whatever you decide to do will be the right thing for you. And if you need to change your mind, you can do that too! Keeping you in my thoughts and sending big hugs. Carolyn

Hi guys. Not sure I've posted on this thread yet, although I've been reading all along the way. Agree with what Sami and Sandi and lots of you have said. It definitely is a fine line we walk...finding the balance and staying with it. I believe I went back to work way too soon. I think it was about 6 weeks post SAH. Although it was phased return, I found the more hours I put in, the more fatigued I became and the headaches and other symptoms increased. I pressed on until I finally realized I could no longer function as a lic. massage therapist. I felt so grateful when after several months, a receptionist position came open at our office. I thought it would be a piece of cake - I'd been the office manager, receptionist, massage therapist, everything - when we first opened the office, so how hard could it be? I found that the constant ringing of phones, scheduling appts., dealing with patients, entering data, - multi-tasking, was even harder on the brain than the physical job I'd been doing! This was a major set back for me at the time. Still, I continued on, even working up to 35 and 40 hrs some weeks. The migraines, fatigue, body aches, depression - all of it was horrible. I didn't want to admit defeat and just kept thinking that surely things would get better, I'd get used to it, adjust - life would go back to normal! Then, toward the end of that year - WHAM!!! I was laid off. The owner decided to eliminate the receptionist position. I was gutted, angry, hurt to think that after 10 years of hard work and going above and beyond for the company and every patient who walked through that door, that the owner would just toss me out like she did! Well, it was really a blessing in disguise!!! While I loved my work and helping patients in their recoveries, I didn't love the owner of the company and the way she ran things. I also realized I had been pushing myself to the point of exhaustion most days and my quality of life was pretty nil. My home life wasn't much better either. The months that I've been able to "not" work, have been good in a lot of different ways. Not having any sort of income, well... that's not good and has caused a lot of stress, however; I have been so very fortunate to have wonderful people who've taken me into their homes and given me shelter, cared for me in ways that my ex was incapable of. I still get fatigued, still have problems with my feet and legs swelling - have appt. to check that at end of month, and still am dealing with depression. I've gotten through many things in my life, and I know I'll get through this and find the perfect job where I can provide for myself and feel useful, once again. The cookie business has been fun, but at the same time, has not been very profitable! It's also a lot of work!!! Who knew baking cookies every day would tire you out?! Plus, I put a lot of pressure on myself, which then causes stress, etc... I am my worst enemy. But I can also be my greatest supporter In short, I am determined to find my place in the work force. It may take a while, but I will get there. Didn't mean to go on so... Just want to say, I too, am so proud of all of you - whether you work outside of your homes or not. We all have had to make the decisions that are best for us in our situations and we are all worthy survivors and deserve the best! Hugs to everyone

Hi Eddie. So glad you found this site as early as you did. Its very frightening to have gone through what you have,to then be sent home without any real after care or information on recovery! Come here often-its a tremendous help to have others to talk to who've been through the same things. Take care. Looking forward to hearing more from you! Carolyn

Hi Tom! So very, very happy for you and your family too Ditto what everyone else has said! Thank you for sharing your wonderful news here. You've made my day!!! Big hugs to you and yours, Carolyn

I haven't posted on this thread before, but have been reading, all along. I definitely have to do SOMETHING 30 minutes a day. Stretching and walking have worked best for me. I can't seem to tolerate anything that is jarring to my head or joints (like jogging). I have noticed, though-like last night- if I am already a little fatigued, even the walking pushes me to the wall. I only made it about 1/2 mile last night when my legs became heavy and I felt I would have to drag them for each step. So I turned back and let the dogs drag me home! I felt so exhausted, that I could do nothing more than go to bed - and it was only 8 p.m., very early for me. I also slept for 12 hours, which is also unusual for me. Exercise, like most everything else for SAHs, must be a trial and error thing until we've found the balance that works for us. Mornings seem to be the best times for me to exercise - I've had no real stressors yet, I'm pretty cheery and positive at that point. As the day goes on, the energy levels tend to drop and by evening - that dog walking can really do me in! Good luck to everyone on finding the right stuff And remember, any movement is better than no movement.

Hi Tom, Will keep you in my thoughts for the angio tomorrow morning. Hopefully by now, you've seen the consultant and were able to talk about the medications. After my angio, at 6 months, I had to lay flat for 4 hours at the hospital. It was done as an outpatient procedure in a day surgery unit. When the 4 hours had gone by, I was given instructions to go home and rest. No activity of any sort - just lay around, watch tv, read, whatever... I was told not to drive for 24 hrs. following the procedure. There was some bruising and a little pain at the femoral insertion site - but it was do-able. Hope you're able to get some sleep tonight, try to relax and know that this time tomorrow, you'll be back in your own bed! Take care and keep us posted, as you're able. Carolyn

I agree with what all the others have said. It is so frustrating and maddening (I just posted on another thread before this one!) that the medical community appears to know so little! I even said to my old neurologist, you would think it'd be a great learning experience to have a SAH survivor as a patient. I think my comment made him uncomfortable, because he clearly could have cared less about my "issues" after the sah. It would be a great thing if all of our doctors, therapists, anyone who has to deal with our issues, would join in here. Hang in there and know that we are all here for you. Come here often - it's a HUGE help and relief to know that everyone here has been there, done that and yeah - we got the Tshirt. Please keep us posted, when you're up to it, as to how your scan went today. Keeping you in my thoughts, Carolyn

Oh, Michelle... How very frustrating it is when the doctors appear to know so little!!! It makes me wonder why they've chosen the path they have, when too many times, it boils down to just not giving a *#*# Wouldn't it be fantastic if they said, "Gee, I'm not really sure what's going on here, let's look into this together and see what can be done!" I must be dreaming to think that would happen - my experience through this whole SAH ordeal, has been eye-opening and shocking and I have to say I am sorely disappointed with the medical community where I live. Learned behavior? Are they crazy? Like you, I refuse to believe that anyone would "choose" to live in our shoes! It is highly insulting and makes me absolutely livid Can you tell? Right here, at BTG, there a lot of us that suffer with the fatigue. Wonder if anyone's done a study on that yet. We could print threads on fatigue, take them to our doctors, mail them to the hospitals, neurology departments at universities, etc... I liked Carl's analogy of re-routing. When you have to take a different road than you're used to, chances are, you may need more petrol go get there. The car will be in motion for a longer period of time, therefore using more petrol (energy). When you arrive at the destination, the engine may be hotter than usual, the tires a bit worn, etc... I sometimes think of my brain like that of a car with a few parts that need repair. It just doesn't run like it used to. If the car overheats, you've got to pull off the road. Obviously that's not a fix for the fatigue issue. Would be interesting to see if your Dr. is willing to try some of the meds MaryB was talking about. Not to be a Debbie Downer (no offense to any of our Debbies!!!), just being honest about some of my stuff: I'm hypothyroid, since the SAH, and on meds for that. I do have/suffer from depression and taking Rxs for that. I have anxiety/panic attacks - currently not on meds, but have been and they really helped those issues. Since SAH, have migraines that I do take meds for. I still get fatigue. I've had lots of blood work done. I'm taking Vit. D because I'm deficient there. I'm on Vit. B12, also due to deficiency. The fatigue still comes. I have begun to think this is possibly a permanent thing. I hope it's not - because it certainly does affect every aspect of someone's life. I would also be willing to be a guinea pig for any studies! In the mean time, Michelle, you hang in there and keep at'em!!! You are a strong, intelligent woman and I believe you will find the answers. Love and hugs to you, Carolyn

Hi! First I'll apologize for not saying hello sooner . I'm glad you found BTG. So much information and support here. I remember feeling so many of those things, experiences, thoughts that you've been dealing with. I was afraid of every little thing that was happening with my body, every headache and pain. I was afraid my head was going to explode again, afraid I would die in the middle of the night, the list goes on. That was a little over 2 years ago now. You've been through a very scary, life threatening experience and like the others have said, what you're experiencing is pretty normal. You're definitely not alone. Do consult with your doctors when you feel something is wrong. It is hard for family and friends to see us in our varying states of recovery, but I found that for the most part, they are stronger than we think they are. A good friend here, at BTG, reminded me just the other day of that. My daughter (25) has been here for me since the day I had the SAH. While I hated to see her going through all of this with me, and even felt guilty for all of the time she was losing being with her friends, missing a semester of college, etc... I know she did that and continues to do that for me, because she loves me. And I love her and I'm so proud of how strong and courageous she's been through all of this. I'll be keeping you and your family in my thoughts. You will get through this. Good luck with your tests this week! Please keep us posted as to how you're doing. Carolyn

Hi Lizzy, I don't think I've said hello before ! So, glad to meet you and that you've found BTG. I agree with what the other ladies have said, regarding your 6 month visit and ringing your consultant about what to expect. It appears to be different with all the different places we're in - When I had a 6 month check, it was a cerebral angiogram to check the coils. I was a bit anxious about it all, but everything went well. As Louise said, it's normal to feel that way - think we all get a little anxious in the early days, and even in later times. How've you been doing? Carolyn

Hi John, Another warm welcome to you! It IS GOOD you've found us at this point in your recovery. Tons of great information here, wonderful people who "get it" and know just what you're going through! Looking forward to hearing from you again! Carolyn

Hi Tim, Good to see you here! So glad you found us. BTG has been my lifeline for a good while now - I truly don't know where I'd be without all of these wonderful people So much information and support is right here at your fingertips, and someone is always around to answer questions or hold your hand through all of this. It's comforting to know we're not alone in this. Look forward to hearing more from you! Carolyn

Dawn - Good for you with the busses! That's quite a feat to deal with AND learn something new!!!

YES!!! This is a great thread The other day I started a "Things I'm Thankful For" journal. Writing at least 10 things, each day (more is a + and always allowed ) So, I'll share today's list here, as I haven't gotten to the notebook yet! 1. I'm thankful just to be alive. 2. I'm so very thankful to BTG (that of course includes each and everyone of you wonderful people!) 3. I'm thankful it's Friday (even though I don't work outside of the kitchen, Friday's always feel like mini vacation time). 4. I'm thankful that the sun has come up and is shining. 5. I'm thankful for my daughter, who has been my bright light throughout my recovery. 6. I'm thankful for my sisters, who are always there for me and ready to help in whatever way they can (I'm the baby of the family, so I'm special ) 7. I'm thankful I still have a sense of humor and can laugh at things, and make other people laugh too. 8. I'm thankful I have some very special friends that I can share good times with (and the bad too). 9. I'm thankful for music, which has always moved me and been with me through all times. 10. I'm thankful I can sit outside, drink my coffee and listen to the birds chirping, watch the sky turn from dark to light in the early morning hours. As I've been typing, so MANY things are popping into my head. I'll put the rest in my journal-might write for a good while Sandi - I loved your post with all the smilies. Made me laugh and feel happy for you. You go girl! Kris - Thanks for starting this with your question about positive signs!!! Most excellent! Congrats to you on starting the cello lessons - I'm sure you'll be brilliant. Win - You and your singing - love it! Keep at it. Here's an oldie but goodie: Sing...sing a song. Sing out loud...sing out strong. Sing of good things, not bad........ MaryB.- Yum...dinner and cake. Smiles to you.

Hang in there, hon! You are doing so well to keep going with it!!! Are they injecting saline or steroids? It def is a process that can take a good while. Remember to drink your water and get the rest you need Sending good energy and lots of hugs your way, Carolyn

Yes, very nice thread!!! Like Liz, I'm sure my dog was very aware that something was not quite right with me. The day my brain blew, my Emmett had been following me around the house while I was getting ready for work. So much so that he was underfoot and I nearly tripped over him several times. He sat at my feet while I was putting my make up on, he whimpered and stared at me. I too, thought something was wrong with him!!! I seriously contemplated calling in sick from work, thinking I'd better get Emmett to the vet. His behavior was strange and kind of freaked me out I second guessed myself and decided to go to work, that I was being silly - after all, Emmett hadn't been sick so... I'm glad that I was at work, with people to help me, when the annie blew! When I came home from the hospital, Emmett stayed next to me 24/7 for many weeks. Slept at my feet and followed me everywhere I went. My cat, Benny, also kept close watch and slept wherever he wanted (that's how cats are ) on whatever body part I would allow. When I'm having a down day or teary times, Emmett, I believe, attempts to cheer me up. He'll suddenly roll on his back and try to bite his tail. Then he'll jump up and chase his tail for a while, looking at me inbetween each try. He does make me laugh. I love my animals!

Welcome to BTG Leon! Thanks for sharing your story here. It is so frustrating for so many, that we must fight to get the help needed! I'm in the US and it's pretty much the same story for folks in our situations. Will keep my fingers crossed for you that you get the proper benefits you deserve!!! Hope to hear more from you. Carolyn

Sue - I love your positive spirit and outlook on life! Sending you lots of good energy for perfect healing and strength to endure what you are facing with the upcoming treatments! Take good care, Carolyn

Welcome Jordan! Glad you found this site - so much information and support to help you and Saori get through this. Great to hear her sense of humor is in tact! She is lucky to have good support from you and her mother - I think this is also crucial in our recoveries and can make a huge difference! Just don't forget to take care of yourself along the way!!! As the others have said, drinking plenty of water is soooooooooo helpful. I was told 3 liters a day which seemed like an ocean to me, at the time! Will keep you all in my thoughts and send good energy your way for her procedure with the cyber knife!!! Anxious to hear more from you and how you are all getting on. Big hugs, Carolyn