winter

I had a tubal ligation in 86. I do not have the coil, but several years ago my GYN suggested it - so I think it's safe regardless of sterilization. Funny you should mention feeling as though you may pass out. This is what happened to me several days ago - but this time I did pass out! Since the SAH, all previous pre-menstrual problems have worsened, including the feelings you get just before you faint. My neurologist told me as soon as those feelings start to come on, sit down immediately and put your head between your knees OR lay flat on your back. Coming home from the hospital after the SAH, I didn't have a period for 3 months. I was hoping the SAH had thrown me into full blown menapause!!! NOT Had my hormones checked about 6 mo. afterward - all fine. So still with the hot flashes, night sweats, cramps, and emotional drama! Here's to being a woman

Thank you all so much for your support and caring replies. It means so much to me to have a place like this where we can let it all out. Huge hugs to each of you ((( )))xxoo! Love you all As Lynne suggested, I had hit bottom. I'm only now beginning to really accept the fact that I'm no longer the independant woman I once was. So now I must learn to do things differently and make the best of it. I expect, with each day, it will get better - it is a process. The syncope issue is a small one, in comparison to what many of you are dealing with. I am now taking salt tablets and WILL be drinking my 3 liters of water daily. If the pre-domal symptoms continue to occur, I'll have to surrender my driver's license. Hopefully, this won't happen. If it does - I'll have to deal with it. It is atrocious, that in the United States, we have no proper health care for those without insurance. After having been in the health care field for 15 years, I have seen for myself how many have suffered, even died, for lack of care. It is truly shameful!!! While I was employed, and making a decent living, my insurance premiums were $344 a month - 1/2 being provided by my employer, and this was at a discounted group rate. I am thankful when my SAH occurred, I was insured. The total bills came to $155,000! I also was carrying supplemental insurance, which covered what my regular insurance did not. The MRA I received 6 mo. post SAH, cost $14,500. There is now and has been for the last 2 years, a huge debate in congress regarding health care reform. As of today, no bills have been passed, as they can't agree on the right way to go about it all! Michael Moore's movie, "Sicko" was right on target. The government is not too fond of him, as he tells it as it truly is: a horrific embarassment to the government and horrendous injustice to the citizens of the US. Hopefully things will change as citizens continue to rally for socialized health care system. Until then, we have to keep going in the best ways we can. Sorry about that rant!!! I could go on and on about it, but will stop here Again, I thank you all for your wonderful support and friendship here With love and light, Carolyn

Hi all. Just felt the need to share an episode I experienced Tuesday evening, of which now I can say has taught me some very valuable lessons and hopefully pushed me into taking better care of myself and getting on with life, no matter what! Might be a bit lengthy - but need to get it out. Tuesday night, while reading and smoking a cig. , I began to cough. Was coughing so hard, my chest started to hurt. My eyes began watering, started sweating and feeling a bit nauseated. Went into the bathroom to find my face and neck were beet red. I leaned on the sink. Heart was pounding so hard I thought it would pop out of my chest. Panic set in and crazy thoughts came into my head. My partner had followed me into the bathroom to keep an eye on me and was encouraging me to take deep breaths and relax. Asked him to stop talking, as it was hurting my head! Soon my vision began to blur and I felt out of touch with what was happening. I was terrified of what could be going on. I feared another SAH, heart attack, TIA. Couldn't calm down. I felt Nick's presence behind me and felt as if he were hugging me. Next I knew, Nick was asking me if I felt like I could stand up. Told him I was standing and asked him what the loud noise was. He told me I was not standing, but sitting on the floor and there was nothing making noise. I looked all around, trying to comprehend what was going on. There was a deafening sound of crickets. I kept looking to see where the sound was coming from and repeatedly asked him if he could hear it. Of course he couldn't! The sound finally began to quiet some and Nick asked me if I knew my name, age, where I was, etc... answered all questions correctly. Yay. Starting to feel better. He helped me up and we went to living room. Began discussing whether to go to ER or not. I had no horrible headache, just a dull one. Concerned about cost of going to ER w/ no insurance now. Would be several thousand dollars easily, of which we don't have. Fear crept in again as to all of the "what ifs". Took BP - 120/70. Temp - normal. Respirations - normal. Decided to wait it out and if anything else occured, to call 911. Took a xanax. Began to feel better physically and finally went to bed, despite feeling terrified of what might be. Wednesday morning - woke up. Hooray, I didn't die in my sleep. Called and made appt. w/GP (I first asked what the charges would be). Saw nurse practitioner instead of GP. She was very concerned that I hadn't gone to ER and said I needed to have a head scan and should consult my neurologist or go to ER right then. Also had her check the rash that I thought were the start of shingles. Good news - contact dermatitis! Called neuro and was told to go to diagnostic facility immediately and to have someone drive me. Terror creeping in again. Son was home so he took me to facility. During the ride, my son began expressing his feelings of how he was furious w/me for not having told him what had occurred the night before (he'd been at work). He was angry at Nick for not overriding my decision to go to ER, angry at me for continuuing to smoke, etc... it went on and on (45 minute drive). I was in tears and trying to explain money situation. This made him even angrier. He asked me if I would rather be dead or alive. Alive, of course, was my answer. He pulled off the road, demanded I hand over the cigarettes and promise to not keep things from him and no matter what the cost, to seek the medical attention I need. I felt as if I was secretly being taped for a segment on the tv show, Intervention. As I've gone on quite a bit here I'll try to wrap it up! Had the CT scan - Radiologist was given permission by neuro to advise me of results immediately! No bleed, coils in proper place, brain looking good! Followed up w/neuro yesterday - also chastised by him, for not having gone to ER when incident occurred Have now been diagnosed w/ neuro cardiogenic syncope. Have had many prior episodes of symptoms, without the actual fainting. Will be dealing with this and handling appropriately! I believe I finally am coming to terms with life as it is now. My son made me realize what is truly important - I am alive and have much to continue living for. I can get through anything that comes my way, and will do so with the help of my family and friends. All I have to do is ask! This has been one long post I know so many of us are struggling with getting through each day - I wish to be of help to others here, as you all have helped me. Love and good health to all, Carolyn

Karen, Come here whenever you want! Even if you don't post, it's still helpful. Like Sami said, no need for apologies here!!! We've all gone through these rough patches - that's what we're here for. BTG is what's kept me going this past year. We're all at different stages post SAH, and we all need help from time to time. I haven't had seizures, but I'm sure it must be upsetting and scary for you. Hopefully the doctors can help to get your meds right so that you may start to feel a bit better. Keeping you in my thoughts, Carolyn

Just read the actual report - thanks for sharing the link Jen! And Momo, thanks for starting the thread!! And thanks to everyone at BTG, for sharing and helping one another. Karen, very excited to hear any updates on related surveys, studies. It would be wonderful to help contribute to something that could be so beneficial for so many!

Hi Donna! I'm sorry to hear you're having a rough time of it. I'm just past the 1 yr. mark and understand what you're feeling. I've had many changes since the SAH and I'm trying to deal with them the best I can, which sometimes is not so great! I've found that I isolate myself a lot. I no longer have a job to go to, no people to talk to throughout the day, depression, anxiety, PTSD and in general, don't know where my life is headed. I try to stay positive, it's just not always so easy to do! I'm on meds for the emotional stuff, and it does help. But I no longer have health insurance and can't afford out of pocket costs for dr. appts., couseling, wasn't able to have my MRA done in Jan. (hoping those lovely platinum coils are still doing their job!) and my partner is an alcoholic - so he's really not here, even when he's here I'm so thankful to have BTG friends who understand. I do get out and have fun - usually with my daughter and 2 different friends who do understand what I'm dealing with. Thank God for them!!! I'm still working on getting through all this. I know that some parts of me will never change, others will and I'm working on those issues. Hang in there and know that things will get better eventually. PM me anytime, and keep coming here at BTG. It has helped me tremendously and again, I am so thankful for all of you here. We can help each other and do. Keeping you in my thoughts and sending HUGE HUGS!!! Carolyn

Morning ladies! Yes, interesting read. Wonder if the docs in the US have read the study! It could be extremely helpful for so many people who are in need of help afterward. Hope you've both had a lovely Sunday so far!!! Carolyn

I was massaging a patient when mine happened. Minutes before I had become EXTREMELY angry with another patient who'd said some very inappropriate things to one of my co-workers. I was the supervisor and knew I would have to deal w/that patient. I'm normally a very laid back person, actually have low blood pressure. However, there had been (and still is) a lot of stress in my home life. I've never been good with anger - don't like it (who does ), but now I fear becoming angry and also can't handle it when others express it! Just want to live in peace and harmony! Is there such a place?

Best of luck, Karen! I'm sure all will be well It's interesting to read that several of you have taken part in these trials. Would love to read what these doctors have found. And like Momo, I also wonder about any clinical trials regarding recovery - especially since MANY doctors don't seem to be very informed about after effects. I would gladly participate in something like that! Will be thinking of you Miss Karen!!! xxxooo, Carolyn

We are all lucky to be alive, but no, it doesn't negate our feelings of inadequacy, depression, anxiety, etc... in the mean time. I also feel badly for feeling badly when I know there are many others who are suffering so much more. Even though I know I shouldn't feel that way! None of us asked to get sick - that was out of our control. Loved Lynne's "punch you in the face" remark Thank God for a great sense of humor, right??? I'm glad I can laugh at myself most of the time. Usually it's after the fact, but eventually find the humor I understand about not wanting people to know as it does seem to carry a stigma and I certainly don't want another's sympathy! I do want to feel that I'm understood in certain situations (family, friends, co-workers) though. Maybe the more I say it - I have a brain injury, I'll become more accepting of my new self? Recently I was explaining something to my son and was having trouble getting some of the words out. He asked me what was wrong with me and I said I have some brain damage, son. His reply was, "No you don't!" Guess we have some denial going on there, too! Ah well... hopefully time will help and acceptance will come sooner than later!

Morning folks. What everyone has said certainly hits home with me as well. Since I was laid off at December's end, I have been struggling with many things - and not getting anywhere. I do try to stay positive, but as Myra said, it's not always easy to do. Don't remember getting in line for the roller coaster again Think I'm still in a bit of denial... I have, on several different occasions, told people I have brain damage - only to get the sad puppy dog eyes from them and then they stopped talking to me at all! Maybe I'll get someof those T-shirts that say, "I have brain damage, what's your excuse?" Maybe with more time, I'll get to the full acceptance stage. I'm working on it. I have to say, I do admire all of you! So thankful for BTG and everyone here supporting one another. Carolyn

I'm now 13 mo. post SAH. I have days where I do feel 100% - then I am reminded by problems with words, phrasing, headaches and fatigue, emotions, etc... I'm just not like I used to be. I guess this is me now. Frustrating as it it, I have to keep going. Sometimes I don't want to! Having to repeatedly explain to others why I''m like this is getting old. Even my daughter, who has been so patient and loving, gets annoyed when I' not getting something or having trouble with words. While I am still on meds for depression and anxiety (and they have been very helpful), I still have issues in these areas. Had a great weekend filled with lots of fun and activity. I felt 100% NORMAL. Even posted (bragged ) about no after affects. Shoot, thought I got away with it - today I am extemely tired and having headaches, teary and just don't feel well! Seems to catch up with me a few days later.... At least I did have a wonderful time with friends and family! I do know I am able to do so much more now than even 4 months ago. So, realistically - I've made a lot of progress. Must come to terms with the facts that this may be as good as it gets. If it gets even better with more time, I'll take it Hang in there sweetie. Sending big hugs(((()))) Carolyn

Hi Dermot! I agree with the others regarding speaking to your dr. and a personal trainer. A reputable trainer will ask you to have medical clearance with specifics as to what's allowable for your situation.What kind of lifting are you doing? Heavy lifting can be dangerous if not done properly (body mechanics, spotters, proper breathing, etc...) even for people with perfect health. Please do be careful and get some answers from your doctor first. I used to be a personal trainer (had to be certified w/my massage license in order to bill for exercise). To see me now, you'd be ROFL Like Sarah, I mostly lift grocery bags! Personally, my dr. said nothing over 10 lbs, no pushing, pulling, straining of any kind for the first several months. Walking was encouraged. I'm still in the walking stages - and don't do enough of it Hope you get some good info from your dr. Good luck to you!!! Carolyn

Hi ladies. Sandi - Sorry this happened to you, but glad you were able to enjoy the movie!!! I've had ocular migraines too. The 1st one was back in 96. I was baking cookies and suddenly couldn't see anything clearly. I got the zig-zag arc with flashing lights and things appeared to be doubled, on top of each other. Felt like a tight band was around my forehead. This was preceded by extreme frustration and anger from an argument with my husband. He took me to my dr., who suggested an ocular migraine. He sent me to an opthamologist directly. Did some visual testing and diagnosed as ocular migraine. It occured several times within that year - always after high stress situation. Divorced the husband and didn't have another for 7 years Seriously - believe mine are brought on by stress and anger (I don't do anger too well ) Have had many since the SAH, though. Good idea, Sarah - to keep diary of occurences. I will start doing that! I , too, just wait them out. The aura part lasts between 15 - 20 min. Then I'm very tired and don't feel well, the headache part can last for hours or all day for me. I just take over the counter pain relief and go to bed. One of the arteries in my brain is smaller than it should be, dr. says it's congenital and probably why an aneurysm formed. Personally, I believe the migraines are related in my situation. I think I had several warning signals prior to the SAH, but to dr.s I saw at those times, nothing to worry about. Hadn't done a brain scan so they wouldn't have known! Take care all, Carolyn

Hi Nessie! Glad you are here I was overwhelmed with navigating around here at first. Read everything over time, and finally decided to join in. It's been a godsend for me and helped immensely over the last year. Take your time sweetie and join in when you can and feel up to it. Looking forward to hearing from you Carolyn

Welcome to BTG! OMG, you are already out there walking!!! You're only 2 weeks post SAH, bless your heart. I'm glad you overcame your fear of getting on here. You'll find a wealth of knowledge and caring support from all of us here. Don't be afraid to ask any questions or complain or rant about how you're feeling - that's what we're here for. It's unfortunate that most of us didn't get any information about aftercare and what's normal or not. Thank God for this site - it's gotten me through the past year with my ups and downs, and I've certainly learned A LOT!!! As for headaches, I think most of us have had problems with that and some continue to deal with them. Our brains have a tremendous amount of healing to do after what has happened and it can be quite a process. There are many common symptoms amongst us all - headaches, extreme fatigue, heightened emotions, confusion, etc... Depending on the severity of the bleed, some also deal with physical and neurological defecits common with strokes. We are all at different points in the recovery process. It's been just over a year for me, and I am doing soooooooooooooo much better than the early days. Do read people's stories and all the infomation sites here. There is a post, "Letter to My Brain", that is excellent reading. It will help you to understand what your body is going through. In the mean time, get plenty of rest - sleep as much as you can right now. Drink plenty of water, take medications as prescribed, and take it easy! You will find, by trial and error, what you're capable of - and when you've overdone it, your body will let you know. I know many others will be posting soon. It's about 8 p.m. their time (I see your in the states-me too). Hope to hear more from you soon. Take care and get some rest!!! Carolyn

Welcome to BTG Harry! You've come to the right place. Everyone here is helpful and understanding and full of information! As the others have said, take it easy and listen to your body and brain! Our recoveries are all different and on-going, but we're all doing it together here Hope to hear more from you soon. Take care, Carolyn

Good thread going here! I went back to work WAY too soon. The neuro surgeon told me I needed to stay home for at least a month, maybe longer. Neurologist told me, at 7 weeks, I could go back to work - see how it goes! So I did. I did go back slowly, a couple hours every other day. Did that for a few weeks then added more days and hours fairly quickly. I'm a massage therapist and the constant leaning over and exerting pressure was doing me in. I felt ok as I was working, but would come home shattered, massive headaches and would sleep for hours. I was very emotional and became more depressed as I seemed to be digressing. About 2 months of that and our receptionist was fired and I took her position. Headaches got better and the fatigue also lessened somewhat. Increased my hours once again, but that proved to be too much as well. Using my brain, multitasking was almost harder than the physical work I'd been doing! Cut my hours back to about 20 a week and improvements were better. Did this until end of Dec. when I was laid off! Now looking for another job - has been a struggle and I feel as though I've slipped backward once again. Confidence is not there, but I'm working on it. I no longer have health insurance and am not getting healthcare as needed! I am receiving unemployment comp. and this is a help, but am struggling financially, as many of us are. I know things will get better eventually and just have to keep at it. The previous posts have been encouraging and well written. We can only do what we are able and must come to terms with it and move forward with what we are capable of, whatever that is! Our health must always come first. Good for all of us for the decisions we have made to stay well Carolyn

I also have some memory issues. Mostly short term, but I don't remember the Christmas before my SAH in Jan.! If it's not pertinent to me, I seem to forget things. My daughter is good at reminding me and somehow helps to jog my memory. I have trouble with finding the right words - I know in my head what I mean to say, just can't get it out at times. Hopefully things will improve with time for your hubby! Hang in there sweetie and come to BTG for more support. That's what we're here for:-D Carolyn

Hi Chris Welcome to BTG. Glad you found us and are sharing your story here. Sounds as though you are doing well with your recovery. It is definitely a process that takes a good deal of time for most of us. I'm just a little past the first year and can now look back and see how much progress I've made. Still have some issues that I deal with from day to day, but so much better now. So glad you've joined us here. Hope to hear more from you! Carolyn

Yay Zoe!!! So happy for you all! May this good fortune continue Huge hugs, Carolyn

Anna, Thinking of you and your family - surrounding you with much love and light. I am so sorry you are having to go through this! Wish I was there to help and give you a big hug. We're all here for you, sweetie. Sending love your way, Carolyn

Hi again Anna, I know you are so very scared right now. Do ask the doctors any questions you think of and ask them to explain everything to you. Your mom has been through a very serious event and no one can say exactly what will happen as each person's circumstances are different. Hopefully the fact that your mom is young and strong and is beginning to breathe on her own, will help in her recovery. The fact that you are there will also be very reassuring to her and help. I know it's hard to stay strong right now, but try to not think too far ahead and worry. It'll make you feel even worse sweetie. You also need to get some rest, if possible, so you don't become run down. The next few days will be hard on all of you, not knowing what's happening is the hardest part I think. I hope you and your dad and brother can hang together - you'll get through this with strength and love. Again, feel free to pm me at any time. We're all here to help each other through these times. Thinking of you all and looking forward to hearing from you again. With much love, Carolyn

Oh Anna, so sorry to hear this about your mom, honey. This is a very scary time for you and all of your family! It's good that she got to the hospital quickly and is in stable condition. If she's starting to breathe on her own, that too is a great sign. I'm so glad you found this site, we'll help you get through this - lots of caring people here to answer questions and give you emotional support. I'm 48 and had my SAH a year ago. My daughter, 24, was w/me at the hospital 24/7 and I know it was probably the most difficult thing she's ever been through. Not knowing what will happen next is frightening and overwhelming. Please feel free to private message me if you need or want to chat. I'm off and on the computer throughout the day. Hang in there sweetie and know that the dr.s are doing everything they can for your mom. I will keep you all in my thoughts and prayers. Please keep us posted! Sending huge hugs your way. Carolyn

Hello Nick Glad to hear you are doing so well and are geting a new start. No fun not having friends around...hopefully as you get to know your way around, you will begin meeting many wonderful folks! Good luck to you with your new adventures Carolyn