winter

Welcome Gaynor! Glad you found us here. I see some folks are saying we Americans might be speaking funny! I resemble that I'm in Florida - so I could say I'm an expert at it Very scary for you to have read up on it while at a restaurant, and yes, in a foreign country at that. I'm glad you pulled through and it sounds as you've got a great attitude. Actually, you're really quite funny - are you also a comedienne? Whatever the case, hang in there and do drink the water! Would love to hear more from you as you deal with the recovery. Are you still in the states? Hope you're comfortable, where ever you are and are getting good care Keeping you in my thoughts for a healthy recovery, Carolyn

Jan, Awww - I'm sorry you've had a bad night! I imagine with everything you've been dealing with since Thursday (and incredibley rude and uncaring people making horrid comments ) your own sysem isn't working so well right now. It's a lot to have to deal with, hon, and you're doing the best you can! So glad to hear your sister will be with you soon, to help you through this. Hopefully the dr.s will get your husband's medications sorted soon and he'll be able to come home. Keeping you and hubby in my thoughts, Carolyn

I'm glad for you that the registrar gave you results over the phone! Hopefully your complaints will be looked into and taken very seriously. It's hard enough dealing with our own issues and then to have to chase dr.s, appts, down to get things right. Good for you for continuing on with it!!! Maybe you'll get a call for a re-scheduled appt. sooner than December! Hang in there - keeping you in my thoughts for all good Carolyn

Good morning Jan - What a scary thing for both of you! I hope the hospital keeps him there until they figure out cause of the bleed and what's happening with the little strokes!!! Wisihing you well and keeping you and your husband in my thoughts. Please let us know, as you're able, how things are going. Hugs, Carolyn

Awwww... I know those feelings too. I'm so glad you have today to rest and recoop from yesterday!!! I think we do forget, at times, to pace ourselves and do as ordered - we're on a roll, into the event, whatever it is and glad to be feeling "normal". And then wham! We hit that wall and it's doubley scary when we're alone. The brain and body kicks in and says, "ok, you've used up all your spoons" (Spoon Theory on But You Don't Look Sick site) now what? Glad you were able to get home safely, Wonder Woman! You had a REALLY long day and a rough one at that. I was outside 2 weekends ago, digging w/shovel - yes I was, to make area for patio we're putting in. Nick kept telling me to take a break, I wanted to get it done. I did take a few breaks, but continued for longer than I should've. Even my neighbor came outside and asked if I was trying to kill myself That one made me think and I said, "Kind of looks that way, doesn't it?" Went in shortly afterwards, drank lots of water and hit the bed. Will I ever learn? Rest up you. Go easy and stay safe Hugs coming your way, Carolyn

Win - Congratulations on the stairs!!! You've done exceptionally well - so very happy for you! What a spirit you have in continuing the climb, in everything you do. Huge hugs from across the big pond, Carolyn

Oh Zoe, I am so sorry that you are facing such a difficult decision!!! I know you have been through the mill and have done everything possible to be there for Richard and help him through his recovery. I can understand your concern for the safety of your children and you, as well - even Richard's own safety is at stake. I wish I had some magic words that would make everything alright for you - I can only send you huge hugs and keep you all in my thoughts and prayers for the perfect outcome for all of you, whatever that may be. I don't know what I would do in your situation. You've been so courageous all this time. I agree with Michelle as far as maybe talking to a neuro-psych or counselor - for yourself, if you haven't done so already. They may have some suggestions or know of other resources for dealing with these kinds of things. The safety of your children and you come first and you all deserve to have peace and happiness in your lives. Know that whatever you decide, it will be the right decision and you'll feel that within your heart and soul. You will always have support here, no matter what! Sending love and caring thoughts to all of you, Carolyn

Hi James, welcome to BTG and thank you for sharing your story! Glad you're here Hope to hear more from you. Carolyn

Interesting thread here. I have TMJD and have had it for a number of years. It never caused me much trouble as far as pain being unbearable - just my jaw would occasionally get stuck in the open position. As a massage therapist, I worked on my own muscles of head, neck, shoulders and jaw (which included work inside my mouth). Also had my therapist friends work on me as well. It did help quite a bit - the clicking and spasming of jaw muscles did lessen. Since the SAH, my symptoms (for whatever reason?) have gotten worse. If I sleep on my back, I frequently wake with my jaw stuck in open position - it's the left side that gets stuck and clicks! Sometimes it gets caught while I'm talking or singing - it's freaky and scary at the same time. My jaw clicks EVERY time I open and close my mouth, sometimes it's so loud that others can hear it Hopefully, once I can get some type of medical coverage, I will look into having this corrected and my jaw re-aligned. The surgery is not a fun one - not that any surgery is, but the jaw will have to be broken to re-align, wired shut for 6 weeks as it heals. Would be great for losing weight though - lol. Hopefully your cranial - sacral work will help ease your pain. Stick with it and best of luck to you. Sending hugs, Carolyn

FancyDancer - Welcome to BTG. I'm sure you'll find tons of help here through many links of information, reading stories and discussions, and most importantly - great support from people who've gone through a SAH, just like you. Love your name - reminds me of many pow wows I've attended here in the US. During the grand entrances, the Fancy Dancers come in and celebrate the opening of the gathering Look forward to hearing more from you! Carolyn

Hi Victoria! Welcome to Behind The Gray!!! You've definitely come to the right place - you will find tons of informtion on recovery, personal experiences, all kind of great resources here All the folks here know what you're going through, 'cause we've been there too. Ask any questions, read as much as you're able and come here often. This place has been my lifeline and has helped me in my recovery as no other could have!!! What's happened is a hard thing to grasp and accept. Learning to listen to your body is so important. Whe you are tired, sleep! The brain is in a healing process and it does take a good deal of time. While each of us recover at different rates, it seems we all share many after effects and have to learn to deal with them. You are so early, at this point, in your recovery and it is hard to know what's ok and what's not. Sometimes it is trial and error as we attempt to do things, get back on track with life. My dr.s told me no driving, work, lifting, or strenuous activities for at least a month. This made me think that at the month's end, I would be back to my normal self and back in the swing of things! Not exactly the way it happened for me!!! So, take your time and be good to yourself. Looking forward to hearing more from you, Carolyn

Hi Elaine and welcome to BTG!!! So glad you found the site - we're all here to help and support one another through our recoveries. There is so much information here and loads of wonderful people who know just what you're going through. It's ok to feel scared and angry and everything in between! You've been through a very serious and traumatic event - and it takes a good while to wrap your head around it all!!! Feel free to ask questions, rant and rave and moan! We've all been there and are still here Hope to hear more from you soon!! Hugs to you, Carolyn

Hey Momo- Very interesting article! Had to look up the haemo...stress definition. It seems to me that it can be from various types of pressures within the arteries - from high blood pressures to sudden rise in blood pressures in folks without chronic HBP. Those medical studies aren't easy reading:lol: Interesting stuff though. I've never had high blood pressure in my life, fact mine tends to run on the low side. Even when I had my SAH, all my vitals were normal! Passed the stroke tests with flying colors. I do wonder though, just minutes prior to my SAH, if extreme anger caused a rapid but short lived rise in my bp - maybe enough to cause the actual bursting of the aneurysm. If my BP wasn't elevated during those moments prior, I know my emotional stress level had certainly gone through the roof. My neurologist didn't seem to think that could have caused the burst - but what does he know? I thnk I may be his 1st SAH survivor patient, and he's probably hoping I'm the last! Too much for him to look into these things and possibly learn something new. I hope SAH survivors will be studied more so than they have previously done - their early lives, daily living habits, all kinds of things prior to their brain bleeds. Personally, I have put in my will, that upon my death (hopefully MANY years from now!) my body is to be donated to a medical university, where they can study the different surprises they find in my old noggin!

I think you've done very wellwith your phased return. You seem to be very aware of what your body and brain can handle and take steps to slow down as needed. In looking back with my experience, I went back WAY to soon (around 6 wks.) and did way too much in the beginning. It took me several months to realize I couldn't handle doing massage anymore. The reception position was easier in some ways, as I was seated - but the multi-tasking was harder than the physical work of massage! I think I did pretty well though, considering. I did have a lot of fatigue throughout the remaining time of working. My evenings and weekends were spent recuperating/sleeping. I did get out and do fun things at different points and would pay for it later - but well worth several hours of being "normal". I think the fatigue was the biggest problem for me. The emotional stuff of not feeling adequate came into play - don't think I was near ready to accept any limitations then. You're an extremely intelligent woman with a good grasp on your capabilities. I would just take each day as it comes, evaluate how you feel with increased hours, and adjust as needed - if possible. You and your health are the most important thing - listen to your body and emotions, they speak the truth. I believe with time, and a slow progression of work load, you'll have increased stamina and well being with the new "fit". Keeping you in my thoughts and sending loads of energy to get you through the added hours! carolyn

Hi Samantha, I'm so sorry for the loss of your young friend! It's such a shame that he was unable to seek help. We can never know what goes through one's mind when this happens. I've dealt with this several times in my life - my uncle took his own life many years ago, found out he had cancer that had metastisized throughout his whole body. He left a note for the family saying he didn't want them to have to suffer through his illness!!! Was heartbreaking for everyone. My neice has attempted suicide several times. I cleaned her apt. after her last attempt, which was 6 yrs. ago. It is heartwrenching and maddening at the same time. Severe depression and mental illness that goes untreated can wreak havoc within one's mind. I can relate to how you're feeling with things. I've had some very horrible times since my SAH as well and many times felt life was not worth living anymore. Anger, sadness, feeling worthless, why me? I'm no longer the person I once was - there are things that I can no longer do, and I've felt guilty for feeling sorry for myself as I know so many people who have suffered far worse than I! Yet I still have to deal with my own stuff. The others have mentioned counseling and talking to your dr. about medication - good advice! It can help tremendously. I'm on anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds and am so thankful there are medications to help me through all of this. I still have my down times, I'm still learning and working on "accepting" the new me (it's a process!) but I know now, things can and DO get better. Hang in there, sweetie - it WILL get better! The people here on BTG have been my lifeline for over a year now. We're all here to help one another get through these tough times - we're here for you too, you are not alone! Huge hugs, Carolyn

Hi robert! Welcome to BTG Sorry to hear you're having to deal with this again, wow! Once is bad enough - your feelings are certainly understandable! My neurologist told me my 2 adult children should have scans, just to be on the safe side. I have no known family members that've had SAHs but was told it can be genetic. I was also told my aneurysm was probably there since birth - I also have a hypoplastic artery in the brain, which could have caused the aneurysm in the other artery to eventually burst, since that artery had to work harder to get the blood through. Good luck to you and glad you found us here! Hope to hear more from you, Carolyn

I've had weight gain as well. I'm sure some was do to activity in the beginning. Good advice from Karen!!! I was recently diagnosed w/hypothyroidism and put on synthroid. I've been on it for almost 2 months now and have lost 7lbs. If your thyroid isn't working properly, you won't lose any weight. I'm not sure why mine decided to quit working, but glad I found out when I did! Def talk to your dr. about it and good luck to you, hon.

Hi Katie and welcome to BTG! So glad you found this site and so early on - a great thing All good info and suggestions from the others who've posted! I hope you're able to read and check out the information here, as you feel able. If you can get your husband to get on the computer and learn about what's happened to you, it will REALLY benefit you and your family. There is little information (from the dr.s and hospitals) for us once they've "fixed" us and sent us home! I'm in FL and it seems they've no real idea of what we go through afterwards. It takes a bit of time for us (SAHers) to realize just what's happened and how serious the actual event was and then to give ourselves the time to heal and come to grips with everything. Come here often - there are lots of good people here who will help you through and answer questions or point you in the right direction. We're all here to help and support one another. Look forward to talking with you, Carolyn

Hey Jess - Glad you got your appointment set. Good for you for wanting to be an advocate for proper after care!!! Much needed everywhere! Hope you're feeling a bit better and good luck for the appt. Sending good vibes your way Carolyn

Good words of advice from Karen! Maybe you could call the dr.s office back and tell them you feel you can't wait 4 weeks and need to be seen sooner than that. Not sure how the health system is where you are.

Hi Janet - Yeah, unfortunately it is normal. Know you don't want to hear this probably, but you are still very early on in recovery. You've experienced a tremendous shock to your body - a huge thing has happened to you. That doesn't make you feel better, but it's your brain in the healing process and it does take a while. Like Kelv said, we all recover at different rates and I think it's safe to say for most of us, it's months before those "feelings" let up a bit. Not trying to discourage you at all, just being realistic. It is a process, and not a fun one at that! Things will improve with time, it's just hard while you're experiencing these things now. Donna was right - you'll have good days and bad. Give yourself a big hug and know that it will get better. Hang in there - you're not alone in this. I'm glad you're coming here and asking questions - It took me about 5 months before I started posting anything at BTG. Wish i'd started sooner, like you have. It's given me great comfort to know everyone here knows what I'm going through and how I'm feeling. Sending big hugs and good energy from across the pond, Carolyn

Hi Elaine! Welcome to BTG - great place to be, lots of information and support here. You were quite brave to get out there and try the market and driving alone!!! Especially so early in recovery. I think what you're experiencing is normal. I would check with your dr. about looking up and the connection w/stiff neck, but that kind of thing occurred with me as well. I was (and still am to a degree) sensitive to lights, noises, crowds. My neuro told me it was ok to go back to work, drive, etc... after 1 month of being home. Found this was way too much for me. Prior to driving, I did go into stores a few times with my daughter and husband. Not pleasant experiences! It was way to much stimulation from so many different things - think my brain couldn't process everything all at once. It seemed people were just popping out at me from no where and trying to find items at the same time was near impossible then. Same kind of thing happened when I first started driving - didn't go it alone, I was afraid to and in retrospect, glad I had someone with me. I did ok, but it was very hard to concentrate on the task at hand! Driving requires multi-tasking and I felt like I was in a different world when behind the wheel - kind of like a video game or something. I pushed myself with all of it as I wanted and felt I neede to be back to work. Was very tired, slept a lot, had weird feelings in my head, headaches, dizziness, emotional, on and on. All very normal after effects, I learned later through this site! When you feel you are shutting down, it's your brain telling you to slow down, rest and give yourself some time to heal. Drinking 3 liters of water a day was advised and truly does help. Sleep as much as you need. Looking forward to hearing more from you! Take care, Carolyn

Hi Janet. Welcome to BTG - so glad you found this site as early as you have! I am so sorry to hear that you received such atrocious care during such a frightening and life threatening experience!!! You have every reason to feel angry with the way you were treated. You would hope that making a formal complaint would serve to correct any further errors and horrid treatment for anyone else in the future! As far as others (family members especially) saying things that are hurtful, they obviously have no understanding of what's happened to you and what you're going through! I know that doesn't feel good!!! Someone before mentioned suggesting they come on this site - great idea, for if they do, they'll soon learn that what you're dealing with are the after effects of SAH and all of us here have and are still dealing with these things at different levels. There are several posts and links on this site that may be helpful to you and family members: A Letter to Your Brain (I don't know how to insert the links:roll: - I'm sure someone here will come along and help with that!) another was posted by Riane and links you to a booklet written by a neuropsychologist - http://www.tbiguide.com/index.html. The booklet is great, easy to read and will reassure you that what you are experiencing is "normal" for SAHers. This is a great place to be - tons of information to help you through and most importantly, for me anyway, support from others who know what you're going through. You're not alone. You can ask questions, rant and rave, have friendly chats, whatever you need - someone is always here Look forward to hearing more from you! Take care and get the rest you and your brain need, Carolyn Link to A Letter To Your Brain - http://www.behindthegray.net/vbulletin/content.php?151-A-Letter-From-Your-Brain

Glad to hear you've got the appt. set!!! Good for you Waiting is hard and our minds tend to worry and wonder. It's a shame they can't give you results sooner! Hopefully, the time will pass quickly for you and before you know it, the day will have come and gone and the results will be GOOD! Will keep you in my thoughts for calm days ahead and with no worries. Hang in there! Big hugs from across the pond, Carolyn

Hi Di! I, too, can relate to this and agree with all the others, in their comments. I was 47 when my head exploded, and will be 49 this year. Prior to the big day, I was working 40-50 hrs. a week as a massage therapist, supervised the staff, was great at multi-tasking, had a social life and was a pretty positive person. I could remember patients' names from years past, lyrics to most songs, on and on. Now, I'm so very different. I've had people say things about "the aging process", and how they forgt things too, etc.., including my GP and neurologist, even!!! My son, who's 27, has said things that've been quite hurtful - "get off your lazy #*# and get a job, you'll feel better then!" It IS most frustrating and realistically, they have no clue! Hang in there hon, and know we're all right there with you! You're a beautiful and intelligent woman and you're doing the very best you can under circumstances most will never have to deal with or understand!!! It takes all our courage and strength to keep going and accept ourselves as we are now. The acceptance part has been the hardest for me, still working on it - it's a process. Big hugs, Carolyn