winter

Another great thread! I too, am consistent with being on that roller coaster!!! A little more than 2 years post sah, I am still looking for that balance. When the "set backs" do come, it seems they are with a vengeance! I get weepy, irritable, headaches, my lower legs and feet swell , have trouble focusing and finding words, and the fatigue hits. I do know that "while" I'm overdoing things, I usually feel pretty good - and like Sandi, think I'm back to normal. Then the "ride" begins again and usually lasts a couple days. For me, knowing when enough is enough, is still somewhat of a process. I still tend to plough right through, until I hit that wall and can go no further. Unless I try something, I feel I will never know what my limits are. And even then, I will keep at it - thinking maybe the next time will be better. So, I'm still learning to listen to the signals telling me to slow it down! I've always been a bit rebellious and have to learn the hard way. Yesterday I re-read "A Letter to Your Brain". I've read it many times before, but it really hit me hard yesterday - that I've been expecting a complete return to the old me, comparing myself to what others' have achieved, never really giving myself a break and that I'm still in a bit of denial (who knew?!?). So, for today, I will listen to my brain and rest when I need to and be kinder to myself. Maybe if I start each day with that thought, the set-backs will come fewer and far between!

BTG has been my life line for the past 1 1/2 years! Never saw this thread before . I'm in Florida and I, like most of you in the UK and other spots, received no real after care, nor did I know what to expect as far as recovery. Still dealing with that to a certain extent. Once the surgeons and other doctors have "fixed" us, we're on our own. I am so thankful for all the wonderful people here at BTG - you're such extraordinary and inspiring people. Special thank you to you, Karen, and the other admins who voluntarily give your time and talents to this site!!! Love you all. I can't think of any suggestions, either - BTG is a superb place to be, with all the information, support, and new friends!

Good morning Allison! So happy to hear you've got an extra voice with your social worker friend. That should be a great help for Chris, and you too!!! Hopefully Chris will be moved soon. You've been so very strong getting through all of this! I'm sure you'll have your down days, but your positive attitude will help keep you going (which you've been doing all along ). I agree with what Kel and others have said - you're going through an enormously huge time in your lives and all your feelings are valid and normal. Give yourself a big hug for what you've gotten through so far. You're really hanging in there and doing everything you can do! My heart goes out to you, hon. Huge hugs for you and the family. Keeping you in my thoughts and sending extra energy your way. Take care of yourself, Carolyn

Hi Lisa! Welcome to BTG. This is the best place - lots of people who've gone through and are experiencing similar after effects! Lots of support and great information here. Seems all of us have been "fixed" and then let loose to deal with everything else on our own. As the others have already said, drink plenty of water! It really does help. And of course rest and sleep are also important. I'm a little over 2 years post SAH and the improvements are huge (as I look back) since the early days. It's normal for your mind to think of what's happened to you. You've had a major surgery and event in your life - it's a HUGE deal. Things will and do get better, it's a process that takes time and patience. The time frame is different for each of us - just know that what you're going through is "normal" for what you've been through. Of course consult with your doctors if things get worse or you feel something isn't right. There are great informational articles here, so much help from members. Don't know if you've read it yet, A Letter From Your Brain. It's very helpful to read and re-read. Hope to hear more from you. Glad you found BTG!!! Like Mary said, it's the best medicine ever. Big hugs to you, Carolyn

Morning ladies! January 27, 2010 for me!

Hi Janet an welcome to BTG! Sounds like you've had your share of ups and downs!!! Glad to have you hear. Look forward to hearing more from you Carolyn

Hi Dawn, Rather annoying that you had to go that far from home, but glad for you there was no lying flat for the 4 hrs. and now that procedure is over with - YAY!!! Hopefully you'll get results quickly and maybe even get some answers to questions at the same time! I'm over due for a cerebral angiogram - should be hearing within a week or two as to when I'm scheduled. At my 6 mo. mark, I was sedated (under what they call a twi-light sleep), they went through the femoral artery in groin region and on up. The procedure lasted about 30 minutes, I did feel a bit of pain after catheter was taken out, when they were pressing to stop bleeding, but after that I was out again. Woke in recovery room and only had 2 hours left of laying flat (sometimes drugs are good ). My daughter was there so we chatted, I was brought a sandwich and some fruit, given instructions about angio-seal and sent home to rest for rest of day and evening. I'm not so concerned about the pain afterward, it's the anxiety of what could happen while they're in there - poking around, lol, what they might find, are the coils still where they're supposed to be, is the aneurysm the same size, are there any others that have popped up or were unseen previously! All this stuff is going through my head now, but I'm sure everything will be fine So nice to hear all the progress you've made in the last 6 months. It's good to look back and see just how far you've come, congrats to you!!! Hope you're able to get some good rest tonight! Take care and big hugs, Carolyn

So glad to hear Chris is stable this morning. The hand squeezing does sound like a very positive sign!!! My heart goes out to you and your boys, and of course, Chris. You've so much to deal with right now hon, make sure you're getting some rest when you can. Keep on doing what you've been - holding Chris' hands, talking, singing, just loving him. Will continue to keep you all in my thoughts - for comfort and healing and some sense of peace during this time. Big hugs to you Allison, Carolyn

Good morning Allison, You've all been through a really scary and rough time of it! It's good you found Behind the Gray, so quickly - tons of information and wonderful people here to help each other through the recovery processes. I'll be keeping you, Chris and your boys in my thoughts and sending healing energy your way. Please do keep us posted, as you're able, on how you're doing and Chris's progress. We're here for you whenever you need/want a chat, have questions, just need to vent! Big hugs to you all, Carolyn

Hi Yjc, Welcome to BTG! We're all here to help one another through our recoveries - you picked a great place to be! Look forward to hearing more from you. Take good care! Hugs across the pond, Carolyn

Welcome to BTG, Debbie! You have been through the mill and back! You'll find this site most helpful - lots of great people here who've been through it too, maybe a little different for each of us, but we all seem to share many of the same after effects. Recovery can bring some scary and anxious times because we don't always know what to expect, I certainly felt that way - and after 2 years, I still, occasionally, get those anxious moments. But it does get better as time goes on. It's a process-this recovery thing!!! I hope you or your husband keep after the medical folks for proper follow-ups! It's a shame we have to do that, but it's really important and can help ease your mind. Skippy's right about the water - drink loads and loads! It really does help to be properly hydrated. Hang in there and know you can ask any questions, voice your concerns, rant and rave if you need/want to! We're all here for one another - the folks here have helped me in so many ways!!! Hope to hear more from you Big hugs across the pond, Carolyn

Welome to BTG, Lesley! Good to have you here - lots of great folks at BTG who've been through it and are all still going strong, in our own ways Look forward to hearing more from you and hope to see you in the green room. Take care, Carolyn

Hi Kaz/Karen - Warm welcome to you! As the others have all said, this site is a great place to be for help - in many areas! We're all here to help support one another through sharing our experiences and offering words of encouragement and comfort as needed; and we do laugh a lot here Look forward to hearing more from you, hope to see you in the green room. Do take care, Carolyn

So glad the occupational therapy has started for you. Sounds like it will be very valuable! Can't wait to hear more about it - helpful for those of us dealing with similar situations, thank you!!! Since I've started my little cookie business, I've found I'm pushing myself even harder and set high expectations that I'm now realizing were a bit (ok, maybe a lot) to high. Good reminder about taking breaks. Your recent posts about missing the "old" you really struck a chord for me! You said exactly what I've been feeling lately. Just when I think I'm accepting the new me, doing well, etc... I think I'm going to be back to normal, and then wham! Reality. Ouch! Still working on that acceptance thing. I know it's a process but for some silly reason I seem to forget that bit Hang in there, hon - you're doing it and encouraging all of us along the way Big hugs, Carolyn

Yeah, what the others said!!! You aren't crazy, hon - just going through life with all the ups and downs makes us feel crazy sometimes. You and Dylan hang in there - you're doing it, getting through each day and dealing with everything as it comes. I know it doesn't feel good lots of the time, in fact it really can stop us in our tracks if we let it (was going to type something else that included swear words, so left it out ). Sometimes we need to stop, take a break to get some perspective and back on track. You're a strong, intellegent and wonderful woman - doing the very best you can. Give yourself a big hug from me and one for Dylan too!! Sending you both lots of hugs and healing energy for only good things to come your way HAPPY BIRTHDAY DYLAN!!! Take care sweetie, Carolyn

Congratulations Sandi!!! WooHoo Hope you're celebrating that milestone this weekend! You really have come a long way in a relatively short period of time. I'm so excited for you and excited that you're excited I really love this thread you started - helpful and inspiring to all of us. Thank you for sharing your journey here! Huge hugs coming from the deep south , Carolyn

Wow, sweetie - you had a tough day yesterday! I'm glad you're home and hopefully found some time to rest your pretty little head!!! To be in the middle of a challenging situation at work and have others pulling at you with personal things that aren't a priority at the moment. Multi-tasking has been a huge hurdle for me, even though I'm no longer working. Lashing out was and isn't my style, but sometimes it happens. You just get to a point where your brain is screaming STOP, and still, they just keep coming at you. I think it was Liz, who suggested a sign on your door? Great idea. And also communicating to your staff, that while you are doing your very best to handle it all, there will be times when they have to wait to have their needs addressed. It sounds to me like you handled the day brilliantly, even though your head was spinning and tight. I'm sure things will improve for you with time - you really are doing so well with everything! I'm sure you would like to be able to just get the job done as you used to, think that's where some of that acceptance has to come in, and know you are doing the very best you can. I admire your tenacity and strong will to keep at it Get some rest, drink lots of water, and love yourself for all you've accomplished thus far! Sending you lots of healing energy and hugs, Carolyn

Louise - Congratulations to you, hon!!! 12 years for you and you're still having improvements Your message was beautifully written and so inspiring to me! You have always had kind words of caring and comfort and been very authentic with all you've been dealt with. Your positive attitude alone, is an attribute to which I aspire. I am so sorry your long term memories are not there for you, and this time of the year brings bittersweet thoughts with the loss of your mum and dad! I can't imagine what it has been like for you, but know you're a very strong woman who's kept right on going in life and dealing with everything with a spirit unmatched! Thank you for being here for so many of us as we all recover together Huge hugs from across the big pond, Carolyn

Congrats to you John!!! I think you've done remarkably well and sharing your thoughts and insights as the time has passed has been helpful to us all. Keep up the good work and attitude! Look forward to hearing more from you - whenever you pop in Sending hugs, Carolyn

Sandi - This thread has been wonderful!!! Thank you for starting it. I know it has helped LOTS of people that are dealing with all of these same issues! Have you looked at the numbers who've viewed this thread? Job well done Although the review of your assessment was difficult to hear and process, I think with your positive attitude and now having validation of what you had suspected, you may find more acceptance with all that's happened. I realize it's a tough pill to swallow, but I think you're going to continue to do well!!! I've just remembered that I've not gotten the results of my neuropsyche assessment yet! I think I had it done in June? I'll have to look back now and make some calls. I know I'd made several calls in the previous month or so, regarding it and never heard back, and then sort of forgot about it. Where's my brain been? On vacation maybe! The auditory attention deficit sounds like what I've been dealing with. It makes perfect sense to me and I'm really going to be agressive now, in getting my results. I think it would be helpful to know exactly what I'm dealing with. Again, thank you for starting this thread - most helpful in many ways! Sending huge hugs from the south (can't say across the pond with you ), Carolyn

Hi Ryan - so nice for you, that you're having some good days It's great when they happen, and I'm sure you'll have many more to come! Sandi's post said it all - (thanks, Sandi - you saved me the typing . It's great as well, that you've got good support. I think our environments can really play into our recoveries. Have a great week! Carolyn

Hi David, Welcome to the club! Glad you were able to find BTG so quickly - the information and support you'll gain from this site is immeasurable and will help you along with the recovery process. Wonderful people here, always someone with good advice and folks to lift your spirits when you need a boost! You have returned to work very quickly, and at a heavy schedule as well. Unfortunately, as others have said, the medical community is not always well educated when it comes to SAHers! They are learning right along with us, and sadly, with health care in the US - we tend to be a number and they want to get us in, get us out, and they're done! I do hope you're able to find a different doc who is willing to help you with those headaches, and listen to you as to what you're dealing with. Can you get a referral, perhaps, to see a neurologist? Do encourage your wife to join you here. You're both dealing with a lot of changes in your lives and we're all here to help one another, in any ways we can. Take care. Get as much rest as possible and yeah, drink the water!!! Look forward to hearing more from you. Carolyn

Jan! I'm so sorry to hear things haven't been resolved at this point. I'm sure it must be incredibley frightening for both of you having to deal with the unknowns right now. You've been through the mill and back again. Hopefully the lumbar puncture will bring diagnosis and correct medical care. Obviously not the way you want to spend your wedding anniversary - I really feel for you, hon. I'll keep you both in my thoughts and prayers - for strength and good outcome tomorrow Huge hugs coming your way, Carolyn

Annie - So glad you're here Welcome to BTG!!! I somehow missed the earlier postings when your partner arrived at BTG How wonderful of him to have found this site and you are now able to join in! I can't come up with anything that hasn't already been mentioned by all the previous BTGers. Just know we're all here pulling for you and your husband - and most definitely here to help you both through your recovery. This group of people, friends, have truly made my life more manageable, happier, and supported me through so many difficulties. BTG folks have been my life-line . I look forward to hearing more from you whenever you do post. By the way, I love your avatar - sweet, spooning bananas Hugs to you and yours, Carolyn

Hi Vivien - Nice to see you here ! Thanks for sharing your photography and story of how you've progressed - beautiful. Love all your photos, you've got a great eye and they're all very professional. I'm sure the magazine shot was great fun for you and the kids. Here's to you and your new found career Look forward to seeing many more pics. Take care, hon and don't be a stranger, Carolyn