Sandi K

Anna, thinking of you and sending love to your family. Hugs xoxoxo

Dawn, I've been wondering the same but was afraid to ask. I'm still new, next week will be three months. I sure hope to get back full time but don't know if I'll ever juggle the same load again. My boss is offering to get me two assistants, one technical (I'm an I.T. Manager) and one to help with dispatch/schedules and budget. I'm very lucky. I'm just beginning to accept this whole thing and give up some control. I have to, I can't keep up. I'm part time right now and have applied for insurance benefits. Sandi K.

Traci, I know what you mean about that whooshing sound now. I'm having it. Paul, I think I need to let my hubby read your post!! I agree with everything you said! Rihann, I haven't had a panic attack yet but I feel like that's where I'm headed cuz I'm just so tense. I have a massage booked for next Weds so hopefully that settles me down. Chiropractor again tomorrow, that is helping me too. I've been reading the really old posts and it's interesting to me that we share so many symptoms through recovery but my neurologist didn't tell me any of it. Thanks for posting everyone. Sandi K

Hi everyone! Since my NASAH I'm having dreams that are extremely detailed and vividly colored. Amazing bright, bright colors. More often lately the dreams are me falling. It's weird because sometimes when I'm awake laying on the couch I'll get dizzy and a sense that I'm falling. So maybe not so weird that I'm dreaming it a night too. Wondering if this brain repairing or me having concerns about giving up control at work ? Also having the burning head sensation. It can be downright scary. Reminds me of how the dye (?) felt across my head and face during the angiogram. It's usually at night when I'm in bed. And I'm so tense!! My arms, neck, and shoulders are concrete and unmoving. Just tense and very sore. Is this fatigue? Sandi K.

Oh my goodness. I was crying so hard reading this thread a few hours ago that I was unable to post anything and was going to try and just type 'sorry, can't reply yet cuz I'm crying so much' when my husband said 'hey, aren't you supposed to be at the chiropractor?' aaaaaaa! Threw my iPad, grabbed my shoes and purse and off I went! Cried all the way there!!! So first, my husband has also been coping by doing housework. Which is wonderful but I really wish he would add toilets to his long list of things he does (I'm not really complaining, nobody likes toilets!). He also has done lots of little renovations like changing light fixtures, painting, light switches, fans, etc. He's keeping busy. Admittedly, I do sometimes wish he would stop and just sit with me, in the quiet. Just quietly. Just listening to each other breathe. Quietly. Second, Karen, oh my goodness. This forum is my road to sanity. Im sure I don't have to explain to anyone here how lonely it is to come home from hospital with no information and not knowing anyone else whose had an SAH. I was guessing and second guessing all along the way. And making SUCH bad decisions. And honestly, I STILL am. But this forum is where I come back to each day to get grounded. You guys are helping me to open my eyes, to open the door as Lynne says, even if it's ever so slowly, you are helping me to accept what has happened to me. Karen, you have helped hundreds of us. Thank you. Reading everyones posts provides such insight, inspiration, sadness, laughter, but mostly, a sense of belonging or not being alone in this biggest moment of our lives. Thank you. Sandi K.

HI Anna, It's no wonder you are scared, this is a scary thing to happen. My husband felt so helpless when it happened to me. It's really scary when the docs can't tell you exactly what will happen. I'm really glad you found us so fast. The people on here come from every end of it, some are like me and have experienced a hemorrhage, others have spouses or parents or other relatives. Be strong for your mom and feel free to share your feelings and ask questions here. Sandi K. xoxoxo

Hi Hun, welcome to Behind the Gray. I'm going to reply to your other post but just wanted to say hi and welcome first. Hugs to you, wish I was there with you. Sandi K. xoxox

Hi Sam and a very warm welcome to BTG! This is a great place to share experiences and learn from others. Everyone is so supportive. I was lost and felt blindfolded until I found this wonderful group of people. I'm glad you have joined us! I read your story with interest today, you are indeed one of us 'lucky ones' in that your doc sent you to hospital. I read on your other post that you want to create awareness and I think that's fantastic. Most of us had no idea what hit us and many clinicians don't recognize what's happening to patients experiencing the symptoms. I look forward to hearing more from you. Sandi K.

Hi Rhiann! I wonder if barometric pressure impacts the pressure in our heads? I feel awful for you with nausea on top of everything else. I'm dizzy throughout the day but not nauseous very often anymore. Peter and I were in a dept store this afternoon with bright lights, lots of people, and we were looking at mirrors. Ha! Walking down the mirror aisle.... I was really dizzy!! Had to lean against him or the counter by the time we got to the cashier! Dizzy is one thing but you add blurry eyes or nausea or both and that can be debilitating. I just want to lay down when I'm sick to my tummy. I'm glad you are pursuing with your doc. I hope you get some relief! Sandi K. Xoxoxox

Kelvin it's fantastic news!! Thank you for sharing, it warms my heart! Sandi K. Xoxo

It is reassuring to know that everyone else is experiencing this stuff along the way. Talking to you guys (reading the posts) has really lifted my spirits today! I know Ill be down again but right now I feel content and comforted. So glad you are all out there!!! Sandi K

Sweetie I am so sorry for your loss, life is just so unfair sometimes. With the family history you provide it's not surprising that you have concerns and probably lots of questions. The place you need to go is the doctor to be sure of your own medical situation. You will find lots of support from us here, it's a great and safe place to share your feelings. your heart must be broken right now Hugs to you Sandi K. Xoxoxox

Hi friends, it's been an interesting week and I wasn't going to post cuz I'm so darned depressed. But.... thought about it and realized that others may benefit who are coming along behind me. Two and a half months after the NASAH and I'm working too much. The results are that I feel spaced out, can't focus, have blurry and sometimes double vision, feel like I have concrete blocks hanging off my arms, and I cry, and cry, and cry. So this is someone who hardly ever cries and is happy all the time. Even when the going gets tough I'm the one to look at the bright side and find a way out. Leonard Cohen has that song about there is a crack in everything.... but that's how the light gets in. I cry quietly in the kitchen, I cry in the car, I cry in the bathroom, I cry reading your posts. At work, my Occupational Health case worker has really rolled up her sleeves. She's helping me to create a work plan. I received my 'dented image' book in the post today!! Looking forward to reading it and thank you for the suggestion! Can't get into the doctor with my LTD (long term disability) forms until February 22nd. Maybe (squeak), maybe I'll be better by then ? I think the crying is me coming to terms with what's happening. Maybe I should try and do something fun this weekend... Sandi K.

Hugs to your brave little guy!! It takes a strong person to put up with hospitals and operations so please tell him that I think he is brave and strong! And my heart goes out to you both as you go through your recovery. I hope you get lots of couch and cuddle time together, you must need it so much right now. Sending positive thoughts and good wishes to both of you! Sandi K. xoxoxox

I haven't Donna but omg how scared you must be if you've been experience similar symptoms to the original event. Glad to hear you would go to the hospital, I wouldn't hesitate!! xoxox Sandi K

Good news that singing helps to heal our brains! The only place I sing is in the car by myself! Even the dog can't stand it!!

Hi Karen! I thought about you a lot yesterday. I kept thinking how scary it must be and so unexpected. Your determination to move forward despite the seizure is admirable but please don't go too fast. Maybe this is your brain saying 'whoa baby, slow down'. Take care Sweetie Sandi K xoxoxox

Karen, It must have been so scary at the time and so discouraging now! 4 months past the main event! I'm so sorry and sending hearts and hugs to you. Did you have any warning? Did the docs say this might happen? Curious, I've noticed epileptic seizures in some posts but I don't know much about them. Are you feeling exhausted? I imagine it takes all your energy during a seizure. Sorry if I have nosy questions. Sandi K.

I'm home today. Sooooooo tired last night. Was in bed by 7pm and slept 11 hours. I feel ok this morning but will cut back today. Learning balance! Lynn, blue sky and sunshine would be fantastic right now. It's not the rightntime though. We have booked 2 weeks in Playa Del Caremen Mexico at my 1 year mark from the NASAH. November 2011. Timing was coincidence, we're going with friends and they booked the dates. I will dream of that in the meantime to help me relax! Also booked a few days in Vegas at the end of Feb. Booked it months before the event. All those lights, crowds, and noise will be interesting. I will be retreating to my room far more than usual! Will attempt the budget from home today, in the quiet. Thank you for your suggestions and experiences everyone! Sandi K.

Good morning! Traci, I have ringing in my ears and more wax than before. Weird. When I came home from hospital for 2-3 weeks I had acutely sensitive hearing. I could hear the glasses in the cupboard touching each other. The dog barking and husband coughing were so loud. One day when Peter was vacuuming I couldn't stand it and went outside in the cold with no coat cuz I had to escape. He didn't know, I waited it out and still had my hands over my ears outside. I don't remember whooshing but thanks for posting cuz now I'm prepared for it!!!! Sandi K.

Hi Scottish Lass, welcome! I can't imagine 2 years of it without the support of BTG. You must have felt so scared and alone at times. I'm glad you here now! Sandi K. Xoxox

Wow, this thread is really interesting!!!! Amazing to see the commonalities. I would just like to add a couple more things that are similar to others stories. I was in a very stressful meeting when I had my NASAH. In fact, my right hand man who has a brain injury from a car accident 5 years ago asked me to attend without him because he knew it would be too much for him. Poor guy felt so guilty afterward but we talked about it and all is well. Also, for about 2 months before my NASAH I got jumpy and would startle easily when walking the dog every day. I had forgotten. I remember now, thinking, oh it's just from stress at work. Carolyn, It's almost your 1 year anniversary. Another thing I did was take a lot of ibuprofen. I took it for cold symptoms, headaches, back pain, leg pain after the treadmill, monthly period, you name it. I popped em like candy. My GP has since told me that they are the most over used over-the-counter med. I've stopped since the event, only cuz I don't trust anything and the doc said to stop. Thanks for all the posts! Really cool to compare stories. Sandi K.

Wow, can I ever pull the wool over my own eyes. I went through the day with way too much going on. I jumped into help at work wherever I could. Was working on my budget... Which was far more confusing and difficult than normal so I kept finding other things to help the team with. Was cranky all day. Was angry at two directors who rudely didn't show up for an 8am meeting when I (with the brain hemorrhage) was right on time. Hmmmm, I was a half hour early. Meeting wasn't til 8:30. What the heck! Who am I ? Still came home and thought I had pulled one over on myself. And then I read the article from Adam. And burst into tears. Really, at this rate my brain is going to move out of my head! Obviously I'm still struggling with who I want to be and what has happened. This is crazy. I'm going back into the office tomorrow. Cant help but think I have to try. Will try and slow down and approach my tasks differently as suggested. Thanks all! Sandi K - Stubborn as a mule!

Good to hear from you again Rog. Sounds like your wife is a real trooper! She might find that her energy comes and goes. I was under the impression (incorrectly) that I would build my energy up every day. I guess it kind of works that way but everyone's posts indicate that it's normal to feel depleted when only days before they felt pretty good. I've been more tired over the past couple of weeks than I was a month ago at Christmas. Both of you need to rest. She'll rest easier if she knows you are ok too. Take care, Sandi K.

Hi everyone, I've just re-read all of this thread in preparation for tomorrow. I'm going into the office with my eyes open and I'm going to to pay close attention to what I take on and how I feel. Hoping to see my GP on tuesday to talk about reality. Hoping I can 'get real' with myself this week. That's the goal. To put aside my expectations and listen to how my body really feels. I feel like a big talker right now. We'll see if I can actually do it. Have a great Monday! Sandi K.