Macca

Hi Victoria, See, listening, caring doctors do exist! he sounds a really good one! Pills, I find, aren't always the answer, they are usually only a short term solution for the here and now. I tried them myself, but the real answer for me was addressing the cause of my upset. It wasn't found in the glass bottom of a pill bottle. I think talking to the right person, being with people who will not let you dwell on your own problems, who will allow you to help them with theirs instead, who will not allow you the time to let your own mind run away with itself can work wonders in the right circumstances! It seems you have some great people around you, as I did! You sound much better now, well done! I hope you eventually managed to enjoy some of those train journeys and the countryside you travelled through! Continue to be well, but if you should falter, remember us here on BTG - we are always here! Macca

Aw schucks Carolyn, I'm blushing now! Just trying to help that's all! I'm just me! (I've been away on holiday so sorry for the late reply!) Win sings all the time, she has a song for everything, but we love her just the same! Those problems you list above - we all have them at times - just stay positive -over time they may well get better and we all learn to deal with them or live with them in our different ways. Keep posting Carolyn and keep that social Carolyn awake - why should you let them sleep when you can't?! Ha ha! Best wishes Macca

I just love your defiance and your optimism! Win, your glass is always half full never half empty! Fantastic! Macca

Iola, There is so much good advice to you on this forum, not least from April and Teechur, above. The one thing screaming out is that you need to slow down a bit and be a bit more selfish in terms of your own health - put yourself first! From what you said previously, you obviously have a lot of faith - so, please, put your faith in your faith and listen to what we are trying to tell you. Be decisive and take some action to resolve your problems. Only you, yourself, can make them happen. The answers are in your last post and those that have happened since. Read them a few times if you need to and then take a few quiet moments for yourself to think what you want out of life and then discuss them with your family - and us if you need to! Your fantastic family needs you and when you look at things from the outside, like we are, all you need to do is get back your sense of perspective, re-organise a bit and you will get back your sense of well being and all of you will benefit! Remember, you have done brilliantly so far, be proud of that but don't try to keep on proving yourself to anyone, not least yourself. Re-condition yourself to a less hectic lifestyle and reap the rewards - they are in plentiful supply! Good luck Iola! Macca

Good luck Sue! I heard a great saying yesterday -"Life doesn't come tied with a bow - but it's still a gift." I don't know who said it, unfortunately, but it's a good way to look at life! Macca

Hi Celia, Sorry its taken so long to reply. One of the common side effects of a SAH is to shake our self belief and our reluctance to accept that something has dared to take away what we always took for granted - our ability to look after ourselves! Well, you're not alone! It's hard to think 'Why me?' but you have to try to put that aside and think instead of the opportunities life has just thrown at you and to make sense of the different qualities you now have! I can relate to that 'baldy' thing! haha! Not that I was an oil painting to start with, you understand! Everybody handles themselves differently, according to their circumstances, but at least you have the opportunity of life and the challenge of making the best of what you have. Please keep on talking, have a look round the site and you will see you're not alone, a big comfort when you're feeling down! Glad to have you on board. Macca

Hi Truzzi, Welcome to BTG! It's hard isn't it watching one you love so much getting such a rough ride. I slept for England after my coiling. It was nearly two years later that they found they had damaged my pituitary gland in coiling me. This meant it stopped producing growth hormone in me. I'm not saying it is that in your Dad, it could be a myriad of things. But there is hope! This affects stamina, concentration levels and sleep patterns. It is a hormone necessary in children for growth (hence the name), but it is just as vital in adults. Don't forget however that your Dad is not a young man and his brain has gone through such a rough ride and it can take a long time to recover, which it will do in its own time. If you look at the story of Michael Schumacher ,the German F1 racing driver, you will see that he is now on the road to recovery, albeit very slowly after a skiing accident where he bumped his head very badly. He was in a coma for months. He won't race cars again, but yesterday's papers here reported he may well lead a normal life again and he is back home with this family. You can look him up on any reliable search engine on the net. Many of us had to step backwards before we went forwards - so yes, there is hope. It is a difficult road ahead, and one that can demand immense patience from those around him. The trouble is that the brain is such a complicated thing and its traumas are many and varied. Keep talking to us, many are still in recovery, years after the event - we are able to function better now but it was a long haul and we acknowledge the love and belief of those around us. Sometimes it almost feels harder to watch the suffering than to go through it! However, the human spirit is very resilient and it is now time for you to stand up and give some of the love back to your Dad that he invested in you as you grew up. He needs you now, so please be there for him! Keep us posted. Good luck, Macca

Iola, You can see what a reaction you caused in all of us - we look after our own - that's what the site is all about! We care about you and your well being! I think many of us looked at the mirror in your story, and saw the reflection of ourselves, and it scared us into action to support you. We won't let you fall through the cracks in the side-walk as long as you communicate with us! When you feel down, flip your feelings over and try to see the positive side - banish the 'guilt' and feel the 'good stuff' from all of us here at BTG! If you can't see it tell us how you feel and we'll find it for you! Give your daughter some quality time and you'll see in her eyes how precious you are to her and the rewards she gives you back! Don't let work interfere with that - it's not worth it! If you doubt it, ask her, in a quiet moment, how she feels when you are away at work so much. Be prepared for the reality check, it may just bruise your soul, but it may also be the best question you ever ask if it makes you believe in yourself and gives you control and perspective back in your life! Good luck to you. Enjoy the day! Macca

Hi Sue, Right now, I guess you feel like you've been dragged through the bush backwards and trodden face down into the dirt! Goodness, you've had a rough ride, but then you're not alone - we understand because we've been there too! recovery is a slow process, but as long as you don't go too fast and go at your own body's pace, you will make steady progress. Keep a diary, you will be amazed at the progress over time! What you have been through is tough but it does get easier! Get your life into focus and look after No.1 first. Learn to say 'No' and just chill for a bit and get yourself better - work, driving etc will all still be there for you when you are ready. Don't be impatient because you will find your body has a sharp and robust way of telling you when it isn't ready to do something! So please be careful! Good luck and let us know how you get on! Macca

Iola, I couldn't get your story out of my head. I've been thinking about it and the pressures you must be feeling. You did a month's work in two weeks! Phenomenal! We are all the hero in our own stories, but this was truly exceptional and you really are a heroine. Please learn to say 'No' when you are asked to do these kind of hours. What a truly amazing family you must have as well, but they must be truly worried about you burning yourself out. Sarah Lou makes a great point above, about "it's ok to be angry, it's ok to cry and it's ok not to be ok," Wise words indeed. Please take some time out for yourself now to get back on an even keel and enjoy the rewards you must surely have earned - and I don't just mean monetary! I can still hardly believe you did what you did, I am staggered by what you achieved! Best wishes Iola, Macca

Iola, Wow, what a powerful post! Stop beating yourself up. If you are guilty of anything, it is brilliance. I am truly staggered by how much you have done! Brilliant that you recovered, brilliant that you got back to work, brilliant that you have forged a new life out of the old, brilliant that you managed to do 150 hrs in two weeks - I bet you didn't do that when you were 'well' did you? Brilliant because you have recognised how hard you have been pushing and are now having a rant about it, brilliant that you have told your boss not to push any more - my goodness, how much can he expect of one person? What he's asked of you is madness, no-one can be efficient pushing those kind of boundaries! If you become ill because of how much work you are doing, the business will lose all of your efforts and experience - madness! When were you at home to see to the house? - it seems you weren't useless, you just weren't there! If you work with numbers, use a calculator, use a colleague and check their work instead. In my humble opinion, the stress you are feeling is because of the fatigue imposed by long and demanding hours, the demands of an unreasonable employer, the demands of your past. The past is gone, get on with the new. I have now taken early retirement, but I lived your existence - long hours, unreasonable demands to travel, targets, deadlines and the rest. I'll let you into a secret. I cried, and often, but not at work - after all, I'm a big bloke and we're not supposed to cry are we? I blubbed like a baby and ultimately it was those pressures that made me take early retirement when the opportunity came up. It got to the point, I felt, that people were getting fed up of me moaning and that made me decide to take matters into my own hands. Now I have stopped, I can see how ridiculous it all was and how bad those people, asking me to give more than was reasonable, actually were. Just take a step back and think about things when you aren't so tired. Think of yourself, not what others think about you. Live up to your own standards, not theirs. Re-evaluate what those standards are now, not what they used to be. Celebrate being a different person now, don't regret it. Stop comparing yourself to the old you and embrace the new you -not worse or better, just different, with new qualities taking the place of some of the old. Slowing your pace can make you a better and more experienced player. You see things more rationally and take the impulse out of your decision making, giving you more consistency in your opinions.for example. Iola, what you have done isn't just brilliant, it's bordering on the miraculous. However, you can't keep pushing to those extremes forever. You have to find a work/life balance for the sake of yourself, your family and your work -in that order! I just take my hat off to you that you've managed all that! Don't stay on that guilt trip -get on the celebratory trip -it's much better. And find a way of reducing those hours -either re-negotiate your contract or find another job - there is life afterwards. You say you don't care as much Iola, but that's not true is it, or you wouldn't be on here? You do care and very much so, I can tell. You are saying that as a defensive, coping mechanism. The problem isn't you Iola, it isn't your family, it is your employer. Take your anger out on him, not your family - they are your rock! I am so glad you shared your problem with us so that we can help. take a bow Iola, I am truly, truly amazed at how much you have done and how you have coped. You were absolutely right to let off steam here, that's what we are here for, but give yourself a break, sit down with your other half and take more control of what you want out of life now. Take those needs and make your life fit them, not your employer! Three cheers for the brilliant, brilliant Iola. Best wishes, Macca

Hi, I think the key to all of this is to be able to identify the problem because once you have done that plans can be made to overcome it. The difficulty with that is that the brain is such a complicated piece of kit and it is different in all of us. After I was 'repaired' with coiling and came out of hospital I felt completely bereft and bewildered - so many things going round my head and so little understanding of them. The hospital team were fantastic, when I was there, but when they are not 'there' then the sense of loneliness and abandonment is heightened considerably even when others are around you - because they don't truly understand our condition as they haven't been through it themselves, even though they may try to, bless them. The lack of follow up therapy and/or counselling is what is lacking and in my opinion is why BTG is so valuable - it fills a whopping great hole, but sometimes I would like to speak face to face with others who know what it truly means to suffer a SAH. I have got to know a couple of others locally who have been through it and they say similar things. Many of our problems are similar but different, yet they are inextricably linked to the common experience we all share. That is the golden thread that binds us together and that we continue to explore every day. More scientific research would be great too. I think there is some of that "if you can't see it it doesn't exist" type of mentality amongst the general population. The more I watch the progress of robots and modern technology, wonderful though it is, I think it is still miles away from thinking in the same way as the marvel that is the human brain, although I do envy their (the robots) ability not to have headaches! As for anti-depressants try them if you need to, but for me, identifying and dealing with the problems (which are sometimes deeply rooted but are accentuated by the infliction of the SAH) that cause depression are more effective, unless the problem is the brain itself. I hope I am making sense - like I said, sometimes I think too deeply don't I? Macca

Hi Marg, None of us on here can give you direct medical advice because we are not qualified to do so. It strikes me, from what you say, that you need/want a second opinion and/or your scan and results. If your GP has no experience of coiling then he doesn't appear to be the right person to ask, but at least he told you so! Did you make it clear to him that your situation was getting worse? If your headaches are getting worse now then that requires some attention and investigation. Go and seek professional help and put other things on the back burner until you have some answers. However, that shouldn't stop your GP from making a referral to the consultant either, so you could be a bit more assertive and more insistent. Clearly your situation seems to be of growing concern to you - they should investigate the reasons when you report problems. Can your local NHS Trust you to another consultant for a second opinion? - the problem there is that you will have to wait and be anxious in the meantime! There is nothing to stop you going private but of course it will cost you - but the cost may be worth it if it buys you peace of mind, that is a choice only you can make. I would suggest that you chase up the scan instead of waiting to hear from them - let them hear from you, be pro-active, they may have made some administrative error for all you know - at least ask the question and bring yourself to the forefront of their minds. I guess what I am saying is, make things happen, don't wait for them to happen to you! I hope this helps, please let us know what happens. Best regards Macca

Hi Carolyn and welcome to BTG, It made me laugh when you said we knew all about that crazy thinking thing! I don't remember this but when I came round after being coiled, I apparently thought it was the same afternoon as the morning when I went in to hospital. It wasn't, I had been there a week! I told the nurse she was the most beautiful person I had ever seen. Nothing wrong with that except my fiancee and my sister were sitting next to me at the time. I thought it was 1956 (which would have made me less than one year old!) and that we were in a nearby well known clothing store and that someone called Diane was prime minister! As for losing weight so did I for a while as I lost my appetite and I didn't recognise some foods so I wouldn't eat them. Sound familiar? Congratulate yourself - you are normal, your brain took a pounding but you came through it and you are still in the early stages of recovery! Here's a song for you - 'All I need is a miracle' - Mike and the Mechanics (It's Mike Rutherford from Genesis). You are recovering thanks to the miracles of science and technology, skilled surgeons and modern technology! As I said to someone the other day on here - you just won the jackpot in the lottery of life! Count your blessings and stay positive! Good luck Carolyn and please keep us posted! Regards Macca

Brilliant post Daff, absolutely first class advice. It's also, I find, you can and you will, just differently and perhaps at a more genteel pace. Shellie, your husband is right, slow down, you aren't in a race now. Think of yourself for once and don't be worried about what others think of you -they already love you -don't try to justify their feelings to yourself. They want what you want and that is to see you healthy and strong. So recover slowly and in the right way - the results are worth it in the end. Regards Macca

Hi, Well it seems you have been through the mire and taken to the brink, but your message is inspiring. You were in a submarine that hit the bottom of the sea, but your craft is beginning to rise, when previously all had seemed lost! Human spirit is dauntless and can rise above situations when you keep your head when others are wavering. My heart goes out to you and your family and by continuing to communicate with your sister and others you can overcome and cope with these problems. Don't become complacent, it seems you still have a way to go yet before you can put them all behind you but at least now you seem to be on the way up. Think positively, take in the lessons you have learned and use them to improve the path forwards. It is likely that your sons will recover more quickly than Mum but take heart from that - Mum is now recovering at her own pace, inevitably slower than those younger than herself, but on the right road nevertheless. Keep your chin up, sleep well -resting properly is as important as being active and you help people best when you are strong - not when you are weak. Look after yourself properly and brightness will appear as with the morning sun! Best wishes, Macca

Hi Tree, Welcome to BTG! You don't say if you are still getting headaches, but I was getting them prior to my SAH but I ignored them because I was decorating at the time and I thought the cause was paint fumes. Then I had a massive headache like I'd never had before - I just managed to ring my partner (as she was then - she's now my wife) and she got the ambulance. I up in the middle of next week (literally), having been operated on and having had three goes at a lumbar puncture - the third was successful. Go and get yourself checked out -at least it will help to relieve the stress and at best it might just save your life! Please don't leave it to chance. We're not qualified on here to give you concrete medical advice - go and see a professional my friend, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain! To win the raffle you've got to buy the ticket! Good luck, Macca

Hi to everyone, It never ceases to amaze me how many twists and turns there are to a SAH. It can only be a good thing that we are made aware of these things so we can help others. Well done to those who found out so much because, as Manuel in Fawlty Towers used to say 'I knowa nothing.' Good luck to all, Macca

Ametrine, Hi, Life seems difficult for you at the moment, but I see hope in your messages. You say that finances will soon be better, your furniture will soon be out of storage and I am sure these things alone will make you feel better. As for your bi-polar friend, well he suffers from something that you do - a condition that you can't see, that makes people think you are ok when you are not. When he is in this mood the best thing you can do is to just walk away and let him come back down in his own time. That seems to happen to all of us at some point. We have to realise as well that although we are suffering with our conditions, there are others who have different conditions that are just as important to them as ours is to us. Therefore we have to be tolerant towards them just as much as we want tolerance in return. Lots of us, me included, have short term memory problems, but now you have another neighbour who is helping you out, so some things are getting better and they will over time continue to do so as you get to know more people. Those things your friend said hurt because you care, so you have an intensity for life and that's good. Does he say things in retaliation for something you said because it hurt him and you didn't realise it at the time, or because he is no longer the sole centre of attention? Or is he just feeling sorry for himself? Who knows? Perhaps you can sit down with him when he's in one of his better moments with a cup of coffee and talk about both your conditions so that both of you understand where each other is coming from a little more. As for doing things, think about doing them in a different way to the way you normally do them. Life doesn't stand still and sometimes you have to go out and grab what's there in whatever way you can. If you can't do it get someone else to do it for you, that's what friends are for. Everybody needs help from time to time, but sometimes you need to speak up and ask - it won't just happen if you don't let them know you need help. Communicate - and there's plenty of good people who will offer help and advice, as long as you need it and let them know! Good luck, Macca

Hi Shellie, Welcome to BTG! Everything you say resonates with so many of us fellow survivors. Tiredness or fatigue is common, and you are still so early in your recovery period. Your body has taken a huge blow and you have done remarkably well to get back to work in so short a time. I did exactly the same. I went back to work after six months - for economic reasons as much as my health. But boy, did I suffer for making such a rash decision. I woke up in the morning went to work, came home and went to sleep again. Some days I didn't even eat! What you will find is that you are the same car but with a different engine in it. You will also need to adapt the way you do things, delegate more and slow down. Tomorrow will be another day on the slow road to recovery and your work will still be there! Although to others you will look the same and talk the same, you are not the same and you need to communicate that to them. Some will empathise, others will believe there's nothing wrong with you and expect you will be as before. You need to resist them and talk to them about what has happened. Where I worked, no-one knew what a SAH was until I said the word 'brain,' then it sank home a bit. Even then they seemed to think I would be ok the next Monday morning. Those who came to hospital and saw me wired up knew differently, and although I didn't really appreciate their visits at the time because I was very ill, over the longer term it helped because when I did go back they were very defensive of me and knew what a terrible time it had been for me. Don't underestimate what you have been through. It is a life changing experience. Once that clicks, you can move forward. From what you have said in your post above, you are coping brilliantly, you just don't quite believe it yourself yet! But you will. You are physically and mentally different now. I can tell from what you write that you are already re-evaluating things and understanding what is really important in life. You will also find out who your true friends are over this time and they will be invaluable. I know it's difficult but try not to compare yourself to what you did before, you are now on a voyage of discovery where you find new ways of doing and coping with things. Try to enjoy it. You can get a lot of satisfaction from doing things in other ways and sometimes wonder why you weren't so inventive previously! (I know I've kind of contradicted myself there - doh!) You are lucky - you just won the jackpot in the lottery of life - make the most of it! Just don't try to do too much too soon! I'm four years on and still get tired! You still have a lot of life in you - grasp it with both hands! You are normal! Enjoy your life! And occasionally, let others look after you for a change! (I hope you're not an English teacher! I know I shouldn't start sentences with 'But' or 'And.' I hate lines!!) Best wishes, Macca

Hi, I know a few people locally, including my first wife (so we are worried for our two sons in the future), who have had a SAH with varying recovery rates and states of well-being. It is incredibly thoughtless of your sister to say what she did. If she had experienced one she wouldn't be saying what she is. Maybe she is panicked by your mother's situation and what you got is a natural, emotional, and therefore irrational reaction? I don't know, I wasn't there, but maybe your sister needs support too. Maybe talking with someone outside your family would help as they don't have all the emotion that goes with the territory. Your sister is putting us all down with those comments, and believe you me, we are all with you! You need to sit down with her and any other siblings/close relatives and decide how, between you all, that you can cope with this situation. Constant bickering and emotional outbursts won't get anybody anywhere. The important person here is your Mum, not a power battle between the rest of you. 'Power of Attorney' is a very important role and is something you need to sort out with a solicitor. If your sister has removed money and jewellery without your mother's consent or without power of attorney then that could be said to be theft. It belongs to your Mum. You need to sit down with her and try to reason with her that you need to do what is best for MUM. If your Mum has made a will then material things will be divided at the appropriate time in accordance with her wishes. With respect, that could be many years away yet. Your sister seems to be acting prematurely. Focus on care for Mum, please don't fight over possessions, they really aren't worth it. You only get one Mum, please put your differences aside and do what is best for HER. I wish you all the best, Macca

Three cheers for Conrad, and what an inspiration you and your kids must be to him! Excellent fighting qualities and he won in the end! You are absolutely right to be livid with the treatment he received, but is someone carrying on for others who have now to put up with it? It makes me angry because the treatment I got was absolutely first class - I could not have asked for better, even if I had gone private!! It's so annoying that there are people drawing wages for not doing their jobs properly and for not even having the grace to admit 'there but for the grace of God go I.' Where is their milk of human kindness? Don't let them get you down -you have fought and won, rise above them - maybe you can forgive but not forget? After you report them! When you are vulnerable the last thing you need is people without care, compassion or humility - you shouldn't be kicked when you are down! What goes around comes around! Good luck to you and your family! Macca

April, Hi, what a thread this is! Time is the biggest healer. I still worry about re-occurrence four years down the line but it gets slightly less with each passing day. Perhaps going to see your optician to get some tinted sunglasses -invest in a quality pair not just an off the shelf pair - that are specifically designed for your own eyes. It's worth it. It is probably too early to do art but perhaps you can look at art in book form or on the internet and adjust the lighting to suit your eyes. You can also get filters that cut glare on your screen. As for dizziness and light headedness, do you know I used to pay good money to do that on Friday nights? It was called 'six pints of beer!' Only trying to make you laugh! Seriously though, I suffer dizziness sometimes but not as often as I used to, but particularly when I stood up or sat down or when I got tired. It's your body's way of telling you it is struggling to cope with the pace you are moving at and you need to slow down. Annoyingly it will keep telling you this for quite a while yet as it is still very early days for you! The good news is it will probably get better over time, as did mine. Patience is a virtue, my mum used to say and how true it has turned out to be! You will realise what's important is that you put yourself as number 1 and things you want to do come second - but they will come to you eventually! Good luck April Macca

Go on to gov.uk. There's lots of information on there. Benefits seem to be a minefield at the moment there's so much change going on! I would suggest keep getting the sick notes though as without them you would have to sign unemployed and be fit for work which you clearly are not. Macca

Wow -Pat, Welcome to BTG! What an introduction! Rolling over down an embankment sounds really scary and unlucky, but when you read the rest of your story, your jackpot lottery ticket just came in! You survived and everything else you have said about headaches, comas, strange pains, aspirin and all of that is extremely normal for people who have been coiled! And a fractured skull as well! B-Blimey! You should write a book! Memory loss is also normal and again, over time your brain may re-wire itself a little and your memory may well get better but maybe not completely back to normal. Everything that gets better is a bonus -be positive and be thankful for that! Recovery from all of this will be slow but hey - you are still with us and every day now you will look at as a huge bonus and your perspective on life will have changed and you will, over time, re-assess your priorities in life! Sometimes things can be difficult to deal with but you will find a way even if it isn't the normal way you would have expected to! We're always here on this site and no doubt some others will re-count some of their experiences for you on here as well! Enjoy your win in the lottery of life! Have a look at some of the forum discussions on this site and you will see many things that will be familiar to you now! Thanks for telling us your story - there are many similar - without the spectacular rolling over bits of course! Have a great weekend! Regards Macca