Macca

Hi Michelle, So many of us have been down this road, and you are right on all counts. We are lucky, short term memory is still a problem, we still have headaches, dizziness and balance problems, and luckily most of us seem to have brilliant partners who you rightly applaud and appreciate. They don't get enough credit in my book because their lives are affected by what happens to us also. But hey, we are still here and we are lucky - look forward not back, we are who we are and you can't turn back the clock, but you can control your future. Make it count. Good luck, and keep posting! Macca

Hi Teechur, What a great post that is! I like that and you sound much more positive than you did when I last posted. Hang on to that too! Don't forget to look after yourself and your business as well though. You need to keep your business healthy as well as yourself but it's really great that you are finding time to help someone else. You can only continue to do that if you are strong yourself. As we Brits would say "Jolly good show!" I'm impressed! Macca

Hi Janey, Great news that you are ok. As regards the drugs you are taking, see your GP as the others say and also read the leaflets the drug manufacturer's put in with them. Doctors in UK (I don't know about across the pond in the US) are only obliged to tell you about the main side effects, not all of them and in taking the medicines you give your consent if you take them.. So read the leaflet in the packs and if you have any questions go back and ask about them again and especially about how they interact with each other. Your health is too important to take risks with!

Iola, Fantastic news, thanks for letting us know. Macca

Good luck Mandy, Bet you sleep when you get home! Macca

Hi Len, Welcome to BTG. Both my first wife (mother to my two boys) and me have had a SAH. It is best to get yourself checked if you can. They wouldn't normally do that here but given that both parents have had them they agreed to do it. Fortunately they appear to be ok. The wondering would have frustrated the heck out of me if it hadn't been done, so please get it checked - it is best to know in my humble opinion! Good luck! Macca

Hi Clare, Define normal! What is normal and by whose standards? The way I look at it is, normal is what I want to do today, If I feel active, I am active, if I feel docile I slouch. Normal is a benchmark you set your self. Re-draw the line and take the pressure off. Go with the flow and listen to your own body. It takes its own time anyway. Relax and enjoy the ride. Frustration is only a problem if you let it be. You have time now. Use it wisely and do what you can when you can. I find that to be the best approach. Best wishes, Macca

Janey, If you are looking in, I hope you are progressing well. You are in my thoughts and I wish you all the very best Macca

Hi Teechur, I feel from reading your post that headache pain is dominating your focus everyday now. Therapy is great but if pain is now such a problem that your business is suffering and it is underscoring everything that you do everyday, then it's time to re-appraise what is going on. I think you are at a crossroads. If you are driving a car and a wheel falls off, you don't keep driving and hope another wheel will grow back. You go and get it fixed. No amount of therapy will cure your pain - all you will get is empathy and more pain knowing that someone understands. What you need is more investigation, diagnosis and treatment, in my opinion. You're not the kind of person to sit back, you're a get up and at 'em type. When I read your post, I felt for you because for you to complain, I know it must really be hurting. That's why it is so important to cast your net further afield to try to find a solution - either correct diagnosis and cure or better pain management. You've stuck with your current regime for such a long time now but are still suffering, perhaps it's time to look for a different answer. Are there any teaching hospitals near you or universities with medical specialisms you could approach - or any other consultants who may have other approaches you haven't tried yet? You don't say why your business has regressed, but if it is because you are trying to maintain your fitness levels, then I would suggest that you swap things around to stop it from going under. Maybe because of the pain you haven't been able to sit down and rationalise what is going on and how to combat it. Maybe it's time to sit down with your husband and talk about things or get a business consultant in to analyse what is going on and how to combat it ie; speculate to accumulate? Can you take a vacation while you think about things, where that is your primary focus with no distractions? The way I look at things is that I am different now. I try to do things not so much differently as smarter. For instance, is there anything in your business you can delegate while you take an hour out to run or relax rather than go running after you have finished the day. That way, your business still runs and you can relax after work rather than go running until you flop exhausted into your bed. Your days seem so max'ed out that perhaps you need some proper chill time to recover fully the strength you have. I don't know, I'm not there, only you can find solutions but carrying on as you are may only result in gradual decline. So change something! You are a positive person. So, make a change, be positive, make your own luck, make something happen (with your health and your business)! I wish you well and please let us know what you decide to do. Best wishes Macca

Hi Michelle, I was 54 when it happened to me - I am 59 now! Stay positive - there's always a blip now and again because your body will keep reminding you from time to time, but that's no reason not to enjoy life. Enjoy your break and quality time with your other half and dog! Best wishes, Macca

Don't feel guilt. You've been looking after Annie so much you've forgotten that you have a life too! You can only help those in a weaker position than yourself when you are in a position of strength. It's no good if you are also pulled down to a position of weakness. You need to have time to recuperate and re-charge your batteries. So enjoy your fishing when you get the chance. It also means you get time to think about things and perhaps even improve your care for Annie. Feeling guilty is to attach blame. For what? You've done nothing but good. Enjoy your reward of a few hours to yourself. What you should feel is pride, not guilt! You left Annie in good hands and you have done the right things. You can't do everything by yourself, everyone needs some respite, no matter how loving and dedicated they are. You should also be proud of your kids, they sound like they have their heads screwed on - and they love their Dad! Best wishes Macca

Hi Michelle, Firstly, a very big welcome to BTG. I had my SAH four and a half years ago. You go through all the emotions eg, What was that? Why me? Bewilderment, how do I recover and get over this? Can I work again? Will I make a full recovery? What about my memory? I think at some stage we've all asked these questions and more. The answers are all different because this condition affects us differently due to differing degrees of severity, our ages, the type of treatment we get and how quickly we get it, our levels of fitness and the like. The brain is a very complex organ yet all survivors have levels of resilience that continue to baffle and amaze me. If we can't do things we did before we find a different way to do it and are creative in our thinking. Human spirit endures in remarkable ways. I look on it this way. Several things have happened to you that you wish hadn't happened. However, it has happened and you can't turn back time. What you can do, though is to seek out the new opportunities that his episode has afforded you. Perhaps you will meet new people, seek different employment, decide to travel, find different hobbies. It is a chance to find the new you. It is inevitable that you will look back from time to time and have your down moments, but don't dwell on them.. Look with positivity at what is in front of you. People are, I find, much more accepting of that. Some will look at you and think there is nothing wrong with you because they can't see anything visible. That is most irritating at times, but to get over that you must continue to communicate and explain, not to the point of boring them, but to the point of them knowing and understanding you! My short term memory was affected, it has improved over time but it still isn't perfect. I make more notes now and I go over them. I keep a diary and notes in my mobile telephone. I don't even think about it now, it's second nature. You will find the path to recovery that is right for you, and we are always here to provide support if you need it. Keep posting and have a good look around the site. Best wishes once again, Macca

Carolyn, We are all with you every step of the way whatever you decide! Teechur -happy to continue teaching discussion in the 'green room.' Macca

Janey, Good luck, wishing you the very best, I look forward to your next post! Macca

Carolyn, Take all the advice and time you need to make your decision. We're with you whatever you decide, but once made embrace it positively. Once you are comfortable with your decision in your own skin, that will be the best time because your belief will be at its maximum and will give you the best chance of positive results. Good luck, and keep us posted! NB: Carolyn, I used to design, develop and deliver training products! Sounds boring but it never was! Macca

Iola, It always seems so unfair when these things happen to good people when you see all the terrible things going on in the world. However good people, like you, are strong and resilient and you have strong personality traits, a close and loving family and the wider family of your faith to help see you through this. If willing you to get better and stay strong is a help, then I am sending you all I can muster. You are a great lady and I'm sure you'll see this off in your cool, sleek and ruthlessly efficient way. You should be resolute in your defiance and believe in your desire to be well. There's no doubt you are being tested, but you know what, treatments and medical knowledge are now much better than they've ever been and if it's been caught early that's a very good reason to be optimistic about the future. Don't jump the gun though, you still may find it's benign, I hope it is. I trust that whatever the outcome you will come through, stronger than ever! You're in our thoughts! Macca

Ring them up. I did and they were very helpful and told me exactly where they were up to. The fault may lie with your doctor and you may need to give him/her a nudge to gee them up a bit! Macca

Hi Carolyn, Well you surprised me this morning! I hope you feel ok. This does sound new and exciting, and you are at the pioneering end of this treatment. I know you feel scared, but think about Orville and Wilbur Wright when they wanted to fly, or Neil Armstrong, Collins and Aldrin when they went to the moon. All pioneers and all successful! Man explores new things everyday and although this sounds new, it seems seven have already gone before you, so it seems there is a success rate already! If your surgeon is excited and he gets instruction from those who have already done this procedure, then there is every reason to be optimistic. This is an opportunity denied to those even five years ago - yes an opportunity - it's a parachute out of a potentially more dangerous situation, but only you can decide whether you should jump out of the aeroplane. If you have confidence in your surgeon then there is every reason to listen to him, but if you have doubt, then walk away or at least defer your decision until you are sure what you want to do. I wish you well whatever you decide. Best wishes Macca - keep us posted!

Hi Teechur, A strange one this! Why would she dump a walking, talking research project, in you? Surely finding answers is what doctors are all about and until they found answers to your problems, they haven't finished. Or is it that she was under pressure from above to make way for fresh patients and you were in the way? In my opinion what she has done to you is inexplicable and is a poor reflection of her as a doctor unless she is under pressures that you are not aware of. I had a holiday in Hawaii several years ago in Waikiki Beach, just outside Honolulu. Did the Pearl Harbor trip and the ranch where they shot Jurassic Park, and Hanamaua Bay where you can swim with the tropical fish. Had a fabulous time, it is a lovely part of the world. Iola, I think you feel ill when you feel you are able to let go after you have done your work and you put in a lot of effort not to let others down and to show you are coping... Please be careful. Good luck to both of you - Teechur, I hope you find a doctor who can give you the answers you seek. Macca

Hi, Welcome to BTG Norima, Now don't hold me to this, but a similar phrase with the word 'olivary' was used to explain to me some of what had happened, but I'm not sure I understood it fully, or at all really. Sometimes I think these guys use this kind of language to justify their own existence, a bit like they do in all of the professions. I can't remember the exact words but I remember the word 'olivary' because it was so unusual. Maybe the expansion bit refers to it growing in size but I am only guessing. I have no idea about 'infratentorially.' Olivary, I believe but cannot be certain, means a swelling of up to olive size on something else - so it cannot exist without a host ie an organ or an artery and the nerves/blood supply that go to it are not distinguishable from those of the host. In other words it is not an entity in its own right, it's an imperfection of the main organ, bit of a parasite or a growth, in layman's terms, I suppose. That's all I remember, and as my memory isn't the sharpest around the time I was ill, I was in two minds whether to say anything at all and I might be wrong. I'm not sure I am right, but when you get answer from your doctor, I'd love to know if I'm anywhere near. I've never heard of this term before or since until you came along. These things, I find, can often be explained in plain English, if only they'd try a bit more! I hope you find the answer you are looking for and share it with us. Best wishes, Macca

SarahLou, You are welcome! Just believe in yourself, be a bit selfish for once, just until you have worked your way through. Remember also, good rest is as important as good studying, so take those regular breaks and do your studying in short manageable bursts and take in the important threads, not every single piece of information. Learn key phrases or acronyms. Make acronyms up if you want ie a well known one relating to aims and objectives, just as an example, is SMART which stands for Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic and Timebound. Those are the labels that trigger your memory for the other things you need to remember and you could write loads of things under each of those headings! I'm not necessarily saying that will be the answer to everything but it was a method I used and it did work for me. Worth a try? You'll get that qualification, and when you do, sing it to the world - you will have earned the right! Good luck SarahLou Macca

SarahLou, Sounds like you're doing great to me, you just don't believe it yourself yet! Belief breeds confidence which in turn breeds belief. If you are doing NVQ, you are already doing the job and it sounds like your colleagues think you are doing great. What they don't see is that inner you when they've all gone home and the lights are off, doubting yourself! Step by step you are getting there - believe it, do it. Memory acts like a filing cabinet - retain,store, retrieve. What you need to look at is the labels you put on the folders in your brain - if you can remember those, the rest will follow. I find repitition is a good way, until a short term memory is converted into a long term memory. I think you need re-assurance from others to help you believe in yourself, but you know what - we, I, believe in you, know you have it in you, to succeed. You are learning everyday, and I bet no-one said it would be easy, yes you will have to work, but it is worth working hard for, but the sense of achievement at the end will be very gratifying and will reward you for that effort. You are past half way and there is less to do than you have already put in. You are getting closer to the summit everyday - see it through girl, you can do it. Just that last push to the finish. You probably feel under pressure, but a lot of that comes from within, because of your perceived ideas of the expectations of others. Try to forget about them and focus on the task in hand. But do you know what SarahLou? Even if you don't make it, you will have tried your best - no-one can ask any more of you - you will still be a shining example to us all and we will be, and are, extremely proud of you. Best wishes

Very accurate, so very very true, I give you lots of credit, credit where it's due, I'd fix your rememberer, but I haven't any glue, And even if I had, I wouldn't have a clue, How to use it prop'ly. I'd need a brain that's new, Welcome to our brave new world, I took my cue from you! Best wishes Poppy, great story and so eloquently put! Macca

SarahLou, My heart goes out to you. Obviously, you are trying very hard. Maybe take a very critical look at what you are trying to do, build in regular breaks, do regular times, build in proper and regular rest breaks etc. Do what is in your best interests, not the trusts, because they will follow naturally from you being in a position of strength, not weakness. Can you delegate any of what you do to others and act in a more supervisory/advisory role? That would take some pressure off at least. When studying, do so in manageable chunks, learn a few acronyms that will trigger your memory on relevant topics - there's only so much you can write in an exam! Spoons coming your way - duck! Macca

Ponigirl, You are most welcome. You are obviously a first rate person, deserving of a first rate life. We are all human with the frailties of life built in. You've been dealt a deck of cards - go and play 'em! Good luck! Macca