Macca

Hi Jennab, Plan your wedding and enjoy your day. All of us on here are survivors and have different, but positive tales to tell. We have the video and the tee shirt. Yes, it can be a problem but a second opinion would be good for you and then enjoy your life. Don't live life saying "What if...." just grab it with both hands and live each day as it comes! Every day is a privilege, every journey starts with a single step! You are young and strong and if the worst does happen, we are living proof that recovery is possible, it just takes differing amounts of time! The human body is sometimes fragile but can also be incredibly resilient! Life is a risk. If you cross the road you can get run over but you don't because you take care, if you drink you can become alcoholic, but you don't because you take care, if you smoke there's all kinds of risk, so you don't smoke or you reduce your consumption and take more care of yourself. Just because you have an un-ruptured aneurism doesn't necessarily mean it will rupture! Be more moderate in the things you know cause you discomfort. Now don't forget that second opinion! Go and enjoy your life and if you want to rant or discuss anything we are all here for you whenever you want us to be! I wish you all the luck there is - and enjoy your big day Best wishes Macca

Daff, I was on antis for a while recently, they didn't do a thing for me. I think sometimes real situations make my imagination run away with me when there's no-one around to provide me with balance. Like Kris, things can make you worry until you learn to recognise what's wrong and then find a coping mechanism. That's brilliant if you can learn to do that. Hats off to you Kris!! When that happens to me, I find that being in someone else's company quickly dispels your worries because you now have something else to focus on and talk it through with, or talk about something completely different. Then I can become irritated and want to be alone - just down to the mood I'm in I think! Sometimes I dwell on things too much, think too deeply. I think that we all seem to do that to some extent, because we all had that close call. Subconsciously I think we're all looking for, or are at least trying to explain, the meaning of life itself. Here's to still looking for many more years yet!! Best wishes Macca

Welcome to BTG - now I have to confess, I'm not pregnant - I just look like it sometimes! I wish you well and hope it works out for you and that you can have another baby - I hope you get all you wish for! Mind you, he/she will be hard work - are you up for the challenge? Best wishes Macca

Iola, Make sure you wear a 'reasoning' hat and a 'leisure hat'. Don't go back to what you did before, that was probably a contributory factor to your illness. Life is for living - work to live, not live to work! I know you have to pay the bills and all of that, but you must find a way to cut down a bit - your family need you awake and alert, not comatose because of work! i wish you well - go and have some fun with the little one in you photo - she's more important than work - take stock and give her some quality time - not just a bedtime story!! Macca

Iola, If you didn't care you wouldn't have asked the question - great that your boss stayed with you but shame that they don't know better! Don't work crazy hours - set time limits and stick to them - if you were working that many hours then they should be employing another person, not trying to get blood out of a stone! Don't run yourself down or dare to feel guilty - your employers should feel shame. To get the best out of you, they should be looking after you - their asset - a human being with valuable skills, and a life outside work! If you go back to your old ways that will be the quickest way back to hospital. You need to change your ways and do some time management! Don't be a hero - the cemetery's full of them! All the best to you Macca

Win, I do feel for you when you put this type of post on - you're usually the one pepping us up with songs and gags and one liners, sometimes you make us feel you haven't got problems and we forget - bless! Remember when you were little and you'd ask yer Dad for some toffees - he'd say no! what did you do -you went and saw yer Mum who'd cave in because she didn't know yer Dad had turned you down! Well your doc's yer Dad, now go and see another doc, AKA yer Mum, and get a second opinion like they're all telling you to!! Goodness gracious me! There's a song in there somewhere! Macca

Well done Dawn, you seem to be doing really well - keep it up! Iola - are you sure your boss isn't chastising you because he/she can? If you feel you are doing well, then stand your ground. Even so, there is no excuse for chastising in public - you should be taken to one side. If they know you had a brain injury then shame on them. Perhaps you should approach and ask why they did that? At least then you'll know what the problem is and can address the problem whatever it may be. Go on girl, you can do it - you may even make them feel guilty for the way they treated you. Don't lose any sleep over it! Best wishes Macca

Great to hear your news! What brilliant support you've given over this time and thankfully you have some rewards from it. Trying to get away from the alcohol though will be a tough one also. You'll probably have to think of something out of the box, like going to a hypnotherapy session or Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) session or two. (no guarantee they will work, but maybe worth a go). Talk it over with his doctor. You are setting about it the right way however, talking to him when he is sober and lucid. I wish you the very best of luck as this is a difficult problem and he, himself, has to want to stop drinking. Best wishes Macca

Hi Leanne, Welcome to BTG. I would say don't shut people out completely. It is entirely natural to want to be on your own. I would ask people to give you time and space and in the meantime -email them, text them, facebook them - but when you want to do it. Your message will let them know you are ok, that you still care but still need space - don't say things that require an answer - just say something small about yourself and let them know you'll be in touch again soon - that way they'll understand you will contact them - then go back to being on your own again until you are ready again. Do things at your own pace - it's not easy and it can be a long road but please don't sit and do nothing - try and find an interest even if it's a solitary one. Let us know, when you are ready of course, how you get on - we won't intrude but if you are feeling alone or down, we are here with what we hope is impartial and positive advice - bespoke tailoring, just for you! Good luck Macca

SarahLou, I'm retiring in June, 18 months early, with a bit of luck. You can have my spoons! I've been treated dreadfully recently at work, which is why I have decided to go! My story is a bit like Canadian Carl's, but I've just passed the 40 year mark and decided to go. It's such a game changing decision bringing much needed mental relief - it's a stress buster,and without wanting to sound conceited - they don't deserve me! That's the way I want to look at it anyway! Enough of my problems - I am extremely happy for you SarahLou - just be careful not to overdo it! Dawn - great news from you also - I hope it works out for you over the longer term! Sandi - you deserve to get paid for that 'voluntary' stuff. Put in for a raise but don't accept them if they offer you them in hours!!! Macca

Hi Penny, How true all of this is - and usually said in such a condescending manner. Also to tread you into the ground so the other can advance at your expense ie, convince everyone else that you are mad and not the same capable person you were before. Absolute rubbish but if they say it enough times without challenge others start to believe it. I've seen it enough in my own job and it irritates me no end. I complain about it and then they call me unstable! Can't win, so I stay calm now, listen to what they have to stay and then bite with a lightning quip - rehearsed usually, but they don'y know that - if it's good enough for Morecambe and Wise it's good enough for me. I think they only do it to cover up their own lack of ability or competence. If that's the only way they can get at us we're doing ok - it's their problem not ours! Long live Behind the Gray - best support group ever - do they get a Grammy for that? or a Brit award? Ha ha! Seriously, let them get on with it - if they are concentrating on us they're taking their eye off the ball and are weakened themselves because of it! Thanks for bringing it up Penny - I'll get off my soap box now! Regards Macca

You're welcome! try exercises that don't involve contact or jarring movements such as cycling or swimming. When you first start exercising, do it at home - at least you won't get lost and you won't become stranded and feel 'how am I going to get home!?' It also means you can stop the moment you feel any discomfort - close to your medication and family/friends. Don't do too much too soon! It can be very tempting when you have a good day but the payback can be awful when you have a bad day (which is usually the day following in my case!) Take it steady and easy - good luck - I wish you well! Macca

As bagpuss says above, you can get trouble with your pituitary gland after SAH so it's worth getting it checked if you can - I don't suffer with PMT (unless it means pre-match tension!) but I have to have growth hormone injected daily and now I am developing problems with my thyroid because of lack of thyromine also produced by the pituitary, I believe. You can get more advice from pituitary gland foundation easily found through all the common search engines. I would suggest you speak to your doctor when you get the chance. Hope everything works out for you! Macca

Hi Yvonne, Always difficult this. It is difficult when you are so far away - and expensive too no doubt! However, an important thing to remember is that in order to help the weak, you have to be strong and stay strong - is no good and no use if you are slowly dragging yourself down to a position of weakness. I would suggest that you at least give yourself a break to recuperate yourself and then discuss a visiting pattern with your partner's parents. What really matters is that when you do go - it is quality time. Perhaps when you don't go you could write a letter that could be read to him so he knows you haven't forgotten him or send a DVD of yourself he could watch on a portable player. You need to stay strong, both mentally and physically - you can't do that when you are doing a 500 mile round trip every week carrying that heavy conscience with you on top of everything else in your life. Don't be so hard on yourself. Discuss it with the parents, I am sure they will understand - but they won't if you don't ask - the key is to involve them in your decision making processes. Good luck Macca

Superted - great name - bore da!! recovery is a tough road sometimes. I'll answer your questions firstly. Driving - I didn't drive for ages - although my licence was never taken from me. I started driving after returning to work after six months after getting a letter from my doctor to confirm I was fit enough to do so (as long it was for a short time and for short distances - due to tiredness) I went back to work after 6 months - I was desperate to go but with hindsight it was way too early. My body, as you appear to be finding out from what you say, kept telling me in its own inimitable way that I wasn't ready. I wish I had listened to it more at the time but I was determined this condition wouldn't beat me! I was stupid! As for being on my own, people insisted on being with me for what seemed like ages and it could be irritating at times, but they meant well. I think it was for their own peace of mind as well as for my well-being. I am glad it wasn't the other way round ie that they didn't want to be with me! Accept the help with good grace. Those people are on your team, you lucky thing! nature has its own way of telling you that you're overstepping the mark and that you need to slow down a bit. I'm just over three years in and it still tells me to slow down even now. I am better than I was and continue to improve, but you will learn the signs and nobody more than you will know it is time to stop and take a rest! You are different to how you were before - it just takes a bit of getting used to. You will still do a lot of the things you did before - just differently and often more slowly. Sometimes finding that new way can be a challenge but rewarding when you do. When you think you can't do things - try not to see yourself as a victim - see it as an opportunity to meet a challenge and congratulate yourself when you overcome it. Works for me, but I can still be a bit down if I can't find the answer straight away! Well we have to keep it real don't we? Good luck Macca

Hi Michael, sorry to be joining this at such a late stage, I haven't been on here for a while. One of the best pieces of advice I got when I first joined was that 'every journey starts with a single step'. It is so true. we often think about the person afflicted, but we also realise in this group that friends and relatives lives are affected deeply also. Your brother has had a major blow and the important thing is that he is allowed to recover in his own time. He is probably disorientated and confused as some of the others have said earlier and it will take him time to assimilate the enormity of events to date. When I had my SAH I was in a coma for several days and I had to be taught to walk and talk again and how to do every day tasks. Progress was very slow to start with but picked up over time. What I discovered from talking to others though, was that everyone goes at their own pace and that their achievements should be encouraged and applauded, no matter how slow it might seem to you. The brain is an amazing thing and can be very resilient. What you should do is be there for him, believe in him and not lose hope that his recovery will improve over time. He must be able to see and feel that hope in order to have the inspiration to keep pushing himself when he can. You've already started that process by coming on here - what you will note is that you are never on your own. The support you will get here is incalculable and is a great source of inspiration even in what may seem to be dark moments at the time. We've all been there at some point or other to greater or lesser degrees but understanding your problems is the point at which you will take that first step on the road to recovery. You've already made that step. Well done! Best Wishes Macca

Congratulations Kris, Look forwards not back, great to see you've adapted - well done, I am very proud of you. Change is inevitable in all aspects of life not just post SAH - so see it as opportunities opening up, not losing what you think you had - you didn't -you just thought you had! So grasp your new chances with both hands! Go girl! Your new outlook is so psoitive and fresh - may it bring you all that you desire and more! Macca

I get this. Also can't do very much before I start to lose co-ordination and become disorientated and have to stop. I just don't do it now. I walk rather than run and when I feel it coming on I stop until the feeling dissipates. It comes whenever I exert myself beyond normal. I've got used to it now but I can do more than I did but the feeling can be distressing particularly when I am in a place I don't know and can feel lost. then I just sit down and wait. Fortunately, I now know what is happening to me and I can recognise the feeling at its onset. Hope this helps. Macca

SAH 1st Sept 2010. Since then I learned how to do so many things again, not always the same way, but differently. Finding those other ways are achievements in themselves - not only the physical things, but also the way I deal with people. I had to learn who some people were again, how to make a cup of tea/coffee, a piece of toast, how to walk again, how to deal with memory loss, upset, how to deal with the days when my head said get up and go but my body said stop right there or I'll make you ill. So many things, but I am grateful to all who helped me. Right now I have depression on a grand scale, being medicated and off work, but I am coming out the other end now - that's why you haven't heard from me for a while. I come on here, look at what you've all achieved and wonder what the heck is wrong with me, what have I got to moan about? I am in awe of you all. As always your stories are inspiring, and my troubles don't seem as great as yours, even though to me they are very real and I have to live through them. It always lifts me when I read these stories - thank you everyone. Sorry to off load! Macca

Teechur, Life is for living, but nobody said it was going to be easy! I liked the old me, but I am not the old me any more. I am the new me, a different me and I have adapted to my different capabilities. If the pace is tough, then delegate some of your duties to others and get them to share some of the load, have a rant get it off your chest and then find another way to produce a solution to your problem. That in itself can be just as satisfying. Life is about dealing with change, not staying as we are. If you do that you will get left behind. Did you still expect to put your carton of milk in a bucket of cold water to keep it cool even after you got a refrigerator? Did you still count on your fingers when you got a calulator? I admire your strength and your fortitude, you seem to have more energy than many of us put together! Channel your frustration and your obvious intelligence into a force for good, don't waste it on what might have been. Stay positive and keep that fire in your belly, I like it and wish I had more of that. Keep looking for a solution to your headaches and when you find one, tell us what it is so we can all join in! Good luck Teechur! Kris, you keep going girl, all those docs and nursing staff worked on you for a reason and every day is a bonus, not only for you, but for them, not to mention your family and friends - and that includes us on here, we all need you Kris because we all provide support for each other and for those who are about to suffer what we did and who are then pointed in our direction on this discussion group! They, like me, need your advice and support - stay strong! Best wishes, Macca

Hi Daff, You have done remarkably well so far, so well done! I have similar feelings of anxiety sometimes, you know, 'I know there's something wrong, is this the one that's gonna get me?' type feeling. Then you realise it's rubbish and you then feel daft for having been so worried! I have been overdoing it at work, and because of changes and unreasonable demands, I have now come under such pressure that it is affecting my health. I can't remember the last time I slept properly, I am nearly 58 and I have two years to go until I collect my occupational pension - I could take it early, but it would be reduced and that would last for life. So tomorrow, after 39.5 years, I am handing in my notice and I am going to live of my capital until I hit 60 in 2015. I want to see my grandchildren grow up and if I carry on as I am, I dread to think what would happen. So pace yourself, your health is more important than anything. I can't take the pressure or the mental anguish any more so I am going to relieve the pressure by getting out. Yes it will mean lifestyle changes for a while but I have to do what is right for me and my family. Good luck Daff, you are doing just great. Best wishes too to you David, Carl, Sandi and anyone I missed, I can't remember and I was only looking two minutes ago! I should've written everyone's name down! Macca.

Daff, Carl, Mary, Sandi and everyone, All well said and I doff my cap to all those wonderful efforts you are all making. For me, the thing that has been a constant is fatigue, and as you say Mary, being less able to cope with stress. I am back at work full time and was has floored me occasionally is that conditions/ilnesses, call them what you will, seem to morph into something else over time, ie headaches, to nausea, to aching and sore limbs, to shaking and balance problems, to excessive forgetfulness etc. I've suffered all of these at various times. Or is it just me? If I've over exerted, that's me wiped out for a day or two! Macca

Michelle/Dawn/Mary/Davida nd everyone else, I think working creates added pressure, but then not working replaces it with another but equally telling pressure - no money! I suffer now with nausea, heaadaches, light-headedness, poor balance, poor memory but I am able to work because I can sit at a computer all day. Anything physical floors me and when that happens I could give Rip Van Winkle a run for his money! We all suffer this together it seems, but Mary you seem to have pain worse than I do and I feel for you, I really do. On a lighter note, my wife Sandra said to me a few days ago when I felt ill "Why don't I tread on your foot and take your mind of it for a while?". I won't tell you my reply! Stay well, stay strong everyone, we're stronger together than on our own! best wishes to all Macca

Sandi, Agreed, it is terrible, I didn't even remember having a phone on me - I have two, my own and a works one! Even if I had I'm not sure I iwould have known who to ring anyway! That was my worst experience - I have had others but not as bad. Touch wood, I seem to be ok at the moment, I hope that's not tempting fate. It all seems to be linked to fatigue and stress though! Nice to hear from you! Macca

Tulip, I know this is a tough time for you, but don't go through it alone. Stay in touch and share your problems, we will do our best to help you through. Good luck. I wish you all the very best. Look after yourself - and your Mum - she needs you now more than ever. Macca