The future

[momo]

Hi everyone. I've not posted anything for a while but I have been here! Just wondered if anyone else has difficulty dealing with the future?

I find it really hard to come to terms with the fact that I wont plan ahead.

Sometimes I mistakenly refer to the future in conversation then I feel bad because I know it is so uncertain now, for me anyway.

There are so many things I can't really deal with now, happy family gatherings, birthdays, Christmas, old photographs, the list goes on.

I'm hoping this will get better with time.

Don't mean to put everyone on a downer, just having a bad moment.

I'll give my cat a cuddle, that'll do the trick!

Momo

[Louise]

Hi Momo

Gosh I used to be like that very much still am but nothing like I was.....for me its been 10years which I could never have foreseen in the begining.....

maybe you need to seak with a counsellor/phycologist because I had to go into the rehab hospital I automatically saw a phycologist and that helped no end.....

but I think we've all had that fear, the key is not letting it get to you too much go see your GP and tell him/her about it.....there's no harm in asking....

while cuddling your cat phone the GP....take care....hugs..xx

[Ern]

Hello.

I used to be very pessimistic too. But, like Louise, I was in a rehab hospital & had a psychologist to speak to. I also contact The Val Hennessy trust (I think thqat I spelt that right). They are a charity that helps people who have had SAH and they gave me some extra counselling.

instead of planning for the future, why not try planning a couple of days in advance & gradually building up from there? It's the little steps that eventually turn into giant leaps.

I used to be so vain and loved looking at photo's of myself. I really can't bear doing that now. Like you there is so much I can't cope with.

But you are doing better than me in one respect at least. My cat hates being cuddled. She just isn't affectionate with anyone!

Keep your chin up. Things get better eventually. Just make sure you get someone to talk to.

Ern X

[Louise]

Just thought Headway are very good too.....

Ern, I find that the only way I can remember something (in my past) is to look at photos I also find it theariputic (spelling ?)...........

[Ern]

I never contacted Headway, But I should think that they would be very good. It's that specialist knowledge thing.

I can remember everything before my SAH without any trouble. It's the things afterwards that I struggle with.

My spelling is shot to pieces too

I got over most of my pessimism by talking things through with a series of counsellors, psychologists and the friends I was lucky enough to have.

[Anne Fleming]

Hi Momo

I'm sorry to hear you're not feeling so great right now. After my SAH in November 2007, in Jan 2008 I had 6 months' rehab as day patient at local hospital, Astley Ainslie in Edinburgh.

I was very upset about many things including what the future would hold for me/ would symptoms ever get better etc? None of the professionals could really answer me on how much my symptoms would improve but one thing which I found very useful was a few sessions of cognitive behavioural therapy with a neuropsychologist which I got through the rehab hospital. It helped me not to see things in black and white quite so much.

I'm not sure how much help and support you got after your SAH but it's not too late to request it now and I'm a firm believer you can never get too much help with things.

Let us know how things go.

With best wishes

Anne

[Liz D]

Hi Maureen

I'm the same. I can't plan ahead. I still feel detached from people at times. I've lost a lot of memories of my children when they were young. When some of the memories that do come back, I can't remember which of my children it refers to (I have 3, a daughter and 2 sons). I like to look at photographs of them because it stirs memories.

I'm having counselling and it's helping a lot. My counsellor is giving me confidence that it will get better but it's baby steps. She keeps reminding me that I am recovering from a trauma and that what I am feeling is normal in recovery. You can access counselling through your GP, I got my counsellor through the occupational health department in my work, so I have no limit on the number of sessions I need. She's helping me understand the changes in me/my brain. I thought I was doing fine and had dealt with it but it was about 7 months post SAH that I started to realise that all was not well and that's when I started to feel very low and sad. It was my physiotherapist that suggested it to me, when at one session she asked me a question and I burst into tears! I started seeing my counsellor in January, 11 months post SAH.

Take care.

Liz xx

[KelBel]

Hi Momo

Sorry to hear you are feeling down, I hope your cat cuddles have helped a little.

I hope you manage to get some professional help to deal with your emotions. I had 4 sessions of counselling through work and it did help. I don't have another session booked at the moment as both she and I felt I did not need it again right now; however I can call and book another session if needs be.

I get the odd moment of feeling scared/upset/angry etc... but I know now that it is the emotions of a traumatic experience that you work through.

As the others have said, please call someone and request some help to get through this.

Take care

Kel x

[momo]

Thank you all so much for your replies I really do appreciate it. I went to see my GP over 2 weeks ago and when she asked me what I was worried about, I just fell apart.

So I am awaiting referral to a phsycologist at the moment but dont know how long this will take, yes the usual I forgot to ask.

I would talk to people more about this but I crumble really easily and dont want to put others on a 'downer' so to speak.

Its my Mums birthday coming up, she will be 94, I just cant face it. How selfish is that!

Thanks again everyone, Momo.

(That cats getting cuddled again!)

[Vivien]

Hi Momo, sorry to hear that you are feeling so sad, it seems to be pretty common among us SAH survivors. I also had counselling to help me come to terms with the person I am now and to stop comparing myself with the person I was.I also found that I couldn't really talk to friends and family, mainly because they just kept saying how well I was doing! when inside I felt terrible and couldn't explain.

Nearly 3 years since my SAH I feel much better, I laugh at myself when I forget things or get in a muddle and am happy to be here.

I am the opposite from you in that I like looking at photographs they help me remember and now I take my own and they are a record for me to look at. I also love family gatherings because I am just happy to still be here to enjoy them. ( Although I find too many people a bit overwhelming and limit the time I am there )

I hope that you feel better soon and a bit of crumbling is ok

Vivien

x

[Louise]

The best way of healing is to laugh at yourself.....

Well thats good that you have been to the GP, if you dont hear anything in say 6weeks phone or go see the GP again just to see how long it will take...

The more you talk about whats going on the less you'll crumble so often.

sorry cant comment on your Mum's birthday except 94 how great is that reason to celebrate I think (wished it was my Mum's)

take care big hugs to you

[Tina]

Hi Momo really hope you are feeling a little better....it is good to talk. Hope your GP can sort out someone to talk to. Sadly there is a waiting list.....wishing you well..take care love Tina xx Keep cuddling your cat...great therapy

[paul99]

momo

by writing down how you feel is the start of your recovery accepting what has happened is a start counseling is people helping you by listening and letting you discover how to move on by a series of you dealing with things and yourself finding a way forwards whereas a physiologist deals with the cause and after effects i think you will find it more under post traumatic stress but also help you discover the way forwards but getting you to accept what has happened to your body your first steps have been taken by writing your story down and asking the questions you are asking well done on taking the first step

if we could all change our lives then we would all look the same everyone is different and how we respond to events are also different thats what makes us who we are. yes if i look back there are things i could have changed but would i be any happier ?? my lin is still with me and my love for her has intensified and i have now had to come to terms with my lot now but im always going to be hoping for more from lin and things getting better and thats hard one step forwards three steps back but if i give up then to me life is not worth living with the support from btg i just pick myself up and dust myself down and walk into lins room with a very genuine smile on my face because i love her you will find a way of moving on momo try headway in your local area and keep up checking with your gp there is light at the end on the tunnel promise and there is help out there just don't cuddle the cat too hard and if you go down again that what were here for shout out or drop a line and we will respond your never alone take care chin up don't get down get angry

[momo]

Oh thank you so much.

Everything you say is so right.

Much love to Lin and you are inspiring.

Momo

[paul99]

not really just gone through everything with lin i think i do understand where you are coming from im just me

[Karen]

Hi Momo,

I can understand where you're coming from ....

Time is a great healer and things really do get better ... However, I still can't plan too far ahead, unless I really need to do so. I'm more spontaneous and just kind of see how the day is going .... and if I'm not doing too well, then things can always wait until tomorrow...

I have a neck left on my aneurysm, so I still feel a bit like I've been left in limbo. May be that's another reason why I'm like I am!

I can only speak for myself, but it does take time to come to terms with what has happened and the fact that we've had a taster of how fragile life can be. I don't personally feel, that not wanting to plan too far ahead is abnormal now. I tend to live for the day and not a lot has changed for me, since I had the SAH nearly 5 years ago. I wouldn't worry too much, as I'm sure that things will eventually slot into place for you.

I do book holidays, but tend to do it a few months in advance, rather than 12 months etc ... Over the last few years, I think that I've adapted to the person that I am now, rather than trying to struggle with the person that I was and I do think differently ... but I don't see that as being detrimental, it's just a different way of dealing with life and dealing with it, in "bite size" pieces...

Good luck Momo and wishing you well .... keep talking, as I'm sure that it will help.xx

[perrycornish]

Momo, I can't find a silver bullet anywhere, but this site and sharing comes very close to being the greatest help there is, your referrals will help too, and don't worry about making others feel down, you probably won't and it may help you. I do hope that the NHS soon comes up with your support network. Don't bottle it up, let rip and keep cuddling the cat, mine are nearly all cuddled flat and so is my dog:) The best I can offer right now is hope and the promise that it will improve. I'm two years down the road now and even getting to quite like the new me