Karen Posted August 3, 2011 Share Posted August 3, 2011 (Members note - Moved to forum from homepage by Admin; therefore please post any replies to Neil) Some observations on life after SAH - By Neilhapgood OK this isn't going to be easy! I am going to try and write about stuff I so barely understand myself, however I don't mind trying within this site as I know I have the most sympathetic and understanding audience possible! One thing I now really struggle with is the concept of self and self confidence. I have always had a very fortunate life in terms of work, family, friends and general quality of life. Before the SAH I was very much of the opinion that life is what you make it and therefore any successes I had were purely down to me, so for example if I was having a really enjoyable day at work I would draw great strength from this as I was enjoying work because it was my thing and I was good at it. I essentially lived only in my 'conscious mind', this was probably compounded by being a bloke! However I now feel as though I have a far greater sense of how complex we really are and we obviously don't know how this stuff works, things like, for example, the interaction between your conscious and sub-conscious, the role of a soul if we have one and what actually made us the individuals we are in the first place. Pre SAH if people raised these questions my opinion would normally be well we don't know so lets stop thinking about it and get on with life, after all life’s simply what you make it. Now however I don’t seem to be able to just be normal, I don’t seem to have any consistency in terms of how I react to situations, without an SAH we are all prone to good days and bad however there is still a general consistency in terms of how we react to things and this is such a natural process it feels like you. Now I don’t really have a sense of self and feel as though I am only made up of the neural pathways in my brain. So if I am feeling good I don’t draw strength from this as a person, I just think that the brain is activating a chemical that makes me feel like that. I feel as though any achievements in life have simply been because I was fortunate enough to have a start in life that allowed me to develop neural pathways that allowed me to be confident and capable in most aspects of life and therefore follow the paths I wanted to, and don’t have the sense that ‘I’ (in what ever form this may take) achieved these things. I do consequently feel slightly lost as to how to find happiness and confidence in the future? If this makes any sense to anyone I will be amazed! I am not expecting answers, just wondering if anyone else can relate to any of it? Ps – thank you so much to those who commented on ‘my story’, hugely appreciated x 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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