Kaz Posted March 14, 2012 Share Posted March 14, 2012 For some reason, the last few days I have been feeling sooo angry .... nobody can do anything right, everybody annoys me. I can feel the anger rising up inside me, my poor family are wallking on egg shells .... but I can't help myself. I snap for no real reason. I then get angry with myself for being so intolerant and angry. I just want to tell people to F Off!! I then get worried that these raised levels of stress I'm putting myself under will bring on another SAH! So that of course increases the stress levels even more, the anxiety and then more frustration and anger. How do I get out of this cycle .... if I'm not screaming at people I'm emotional and sobbing having to appologise for being so horrible. This just isn't like me at all .... and that starts off another wave of emotions about the old me and having to come to terms with the new me. Will I always be angry now ... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Louise Posted March 14, 2012 Share Posted March 14, 2012 Aw Karen so know what thats like hun, do something that I wish I had done speak with the GP, I made the big mistake in plodding through it dont do the same..... Its like an endless thing isnt so make the call and an appt with the doc. sending you claming hugs...... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KelBel Posted March 14, 2012 Share Posted March 14, 2012 Hi Karen Definitely go to your GP and see about getting some counselling to help you through this. I still get angry now and again but not like I used to in the early weeks and months... Once my counsellor had said that I was suffering from Post Traumatic Stress and I looked it up online, the way I was feeling started to make more sense. (Although my GP didn't diagnose this, and I forgot to mention it each time I went to them... doh!). I hope you find something that helps you, and this 'storm' passes soon Good luck Kel x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnS Posted March 14, 2012 Share Posted March 14, 2012 hiya Karen, I get like this too and i don't know about you, but one thing that is sure to make me go from frustrated to furious in 1 second flat is people walking on egg shells around me. Bad enough being treated like we're made of spun glass without those around us starting to act like we are about to split the atom! Back when I was me, if I felt this way I would go for a long run and be all serene when I got back. I'm told that this isn't a good idea any more, so the most I do is stick 'Just Dance' on the Wii and have a boogie to myself. This seems to work(ish) though it's not half so effective. Course, the other thing I used to do was a red-wine treatment. This is also off the table these days and it's so hard to find new ways of coping with the new restrictions we have. Are you getting enough time to yourself? If you feel like you are apologising all the time it's deeply frustrating and you can get stuck in a downward spiral. If you apologise for everything always you are technically selling yourself short. By the law of averages, it can't all be down to you all the time. I have noticed that a lot of people on BTG generally seem to have the positive attitude of 'well, I have survived something dreadful, ergo nothing will get to me anymore because nothing is that important'. I just can't feel this way. I mean, don't get me wrong, I don't wish I had not survived or anything like that, it's just that I liked the old me and this new one is tired and bored and boring. I said all this to a friend of mine a few weeks ago and she said something that has really stuck with me - she said 'that's ok, you are just not at that stage in your recovery yet'. This really made me feel like I was let off the hook! It's actually ok to feel narky and fed up and robbed and cheated if that's how you feel, because you feel this way today or this month, that doesn't mean you will always feel this way. I suppose it's like the whole recovery process really, I mean 7 months ago I was in a coma, then 6.5 months ago I was in a wheelchair, then used a zimmer frame, now i can walk anywhere I like unaided. Maybe all the mental stuff is the same. Try not to be too hard on yourself, you have been through a lot! Dawn xxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gill C Posted March 14, 2012 Share Posted March 14, 2012 (edited) Dawn I agree with your friend, recovery takes time & acceptingthat some things that are no longer important & don't let them phase you is part of that. there are 5 stages of acceptance & despite thinking we are further recovered it really does take time. Denial, , anger, bargaining, depression & acceptance are stages to go through(I think that is the right order). When I attended a workshop on this at headway I was convinced I wasn't angry any more but in actual fact I was angry at everyone in the world for everything!! and I took it out on those closest to me. I found hardest bit was being angry at my boy for wanting the old me back, something I couldn't give him no matter how much I wanted it too. And despite being almost 'normal' to most people he wasn't fooled & knew I wasn't the same. I now think differently, he was the reason I got better & worked hard to get out of hospital so actually he is my reason for a good recovery. I still get angry & frustrated but I think this is where the lines between anger & depression are blurred, I'm not depressed either but I did become very low at one stage thinking I would remain fatigued forever. It's useful to down words that describe you pre sah & then post sah. I haven't reached acceptance yet but when I do there will be more positives for the new me than the old. It does take time so yes you are entitled to feel angry, its part of the grieveing/healing process http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/K%C3%BCbler-Ross_model Edited March 14, 2012 by bagpuss Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skippy Posted March 14, 2012 Share Posted March 14, 2012 Hey Hun I was the same in the beginning - I had counselling after being diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress - it helped tremendously - without it and BTG I really don't know I would have gotten through the first six months to a year. Don't try to go through this alone, see your GP and ask for counselling. PTS usually takes about 3 months to surface after a massive event - or so my GP told me anyway. But make sure you make an appointment and ask to be referred for counselling. Take care of you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Winb143 Posted March 14, 2012 Share Posted March 14, 2012 When I feel down my anger turns to ..eff off... also Kaz.so you are not alone ,,lol.... I try to keep calm,,but we all had a boiling point before SAH , So why not now Guess I want to blame something else other than me... ..Anyone want to be blamed for my anger lol Just kidding good luck to us all ,,,,good tempered or sour as a lemon..lol Love to all WinB143 xxxxxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kaz Posted March 15, 2012 Author Share Posted March 15, 2012 Thanks guys ..... hugs recieved and very much appreciated I have taken your expert advice and am seeing the doctor this afternoon. Hopefully between now and then i can keep calm, try not to offend anyone with my language - at least with the kids at school and partner at work murder can be avoided I'm just sooo fed up with having to deal with all these emotions, up and down, my head aches, i know my behaviour is manic at times and i definitately need reassurance it won't explode again. Looking for the next up ...... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnS Posted March 15, 2012 Share Posted March 15, 2012 Hello again Karen, I'm really sorry, although I've been reading your posts for a while now, I can't remember the specifics of your sah. I had a coiling to fix mine and only had one aneurysm. The consultant told my partner that there was now more chance of him having an haemorrhage than of me having another bleed. If your off to see your GP, hopefully s/he can reassure you of the same. Hope you get the help you want, Dawn xxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Louise Posted March 15, 2012 Share Posted March 15, 2012 Karen, thats good your seeing the doc this afternoon, the good thing is that YOU know it isnt right so thats a good start.... onward and forward..... take care, hugs.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kaz Posted March 15, 2012 Author Share Posted March 15, 2012 Update..... have avoided murder and being offensive to anyone!! Well in earshot anyway .... arrogant bus driver got some gesticulations earlier this morning pulling out in front of me Gp has given me some meds to help 'calm me down'. was never one for antidepressants, but the way I feel at the mo am willing to give them a try, he has also given me the name of a counsellor he recommends so i need to contact her. Also suggested I slow down a bit, maybe I am trying to do too much (again). Tablet taken .... now to relax and chill ...... Dawn - specifics of SAH - 3 aneurysms - not sure which one actually ruptured, so coiled the larger 2 and have left the smaller one untreated - its this one I get a bit twitchy about. Still waiting for results from MRI last week - this should hopefully reassure me that it is stable and hasn't grown any bigger. xxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gill C Posted March 15, 2012 Share Posted March 15, 2012 Kaz I have been on low dose anti d's for about 6 months & for sure I am a lot calmer & less angry now. I went onto them to deal with the infernal fatigue issue which was really getting me down & like you I wish I'd gone sooner for help with the anger problem. I would say it took 2-3 weeks to feel happier & gradually over the last 4 months I have felt less & less angry. Take care hon xxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Winb143 Posted March 15, 2012 Share Posted March 15, 2012 (edited) Hope you feel better soon Kaz xx Never give up xx You are better than everyone (well so am I so the 2 of us ) lol Hope you feel better soon and tiggers luv to bounce (Your pic thingy reminds me of Tigger in Winnie the poo) Love WinB143 xxxx alias winnie the pooh Edited March 15, 2012 by Winb143 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnS Posted March 15, 2012 Share Posted March 15, 2012 Dawn - specifics of SAH - 3 aneurysms - not sure which one actually ruptured, so coiled the larger 2 and have left the smaller one untreated - its this one I get a bit twitchy about. Still waiting for results from MRI last week - this should hopefully reassure me that it is stable and hasn't grown any bigger. Hi Karen, now I understand why you've been so worried! Hopefully the anti depressants will help you to stop worrying about another bleed too. Dawn x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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