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Feeling bad about getting better

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Hi all,

I took a big leap starting last Thursday. I felt better physically as well as started performing well on my cognitive web-tests I've been doing. It is so great! BUT, why do I feel so bad about the change? Why am I guilty...why so blue? I'm already forgetting the strange sensations that I had in my legs that plagued me...why do I miss them?

Anyone else feeling mixed emotions with getting better?

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smiles..its great news you are getting better. I think maybe the blues and anxiety can come from pp expecting too much from you and maybe expecting to much from yourself :) Its such a rollercoaster ride and you are only human, dont be so hard on yourself hun x good luck in your wonderful process and great improvements.

X Alison x

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Hi Kris,

I can think of so many reasons why this might make you feel a bit down. Although it's a good change, it is another change to adapt to. Also, there is the worry that if you improve in some areas will people become less understanding of areas like fatigue if you seem 'all better' elsewhere.

Another thought that came to me was along the lines of what I think is called survivors guilt (I'm sure you will know more about this than I do as you are a psychologist). Maybe the guilt is not only that you survived but are starting to do really well where others sometimes haven't?

Try to focus more on the good feeling you get because you have improved at cognitive tests & feel better than before.

Hope the improvements continue to happen.

Michelle x

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Good to hear you are doing so well ...Be Happy for YOU !! ...don't be down....it is good and positive so keep going onwards xx

Good luck and may you keep moving forward


WinB143 ..see you give us hope (she says sitting here with toes looking like piggy wiggys over heat) lol

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I think that there are a lot of reasons you might feel that way. You have an identity right now and have met a new group of friends here, and getting "better" changes that identity. There's also a fear that getting better might mean people will expect you to "be" better. That's one thing I've found, "You look so good" means "You're all better" when in fact, it doesn't. I know that i see changes myself at times and part of my rejoices, and part of me almost worries...sometimes I don't get that, and part of me is starting to realize it's because a lot of times I'll feel great for a few days and then bam, it's back into searing headache land (I am mainly dealing with the bad headaches, so I'm way better off than a lot of people).

I don't think you have to worry about why you feel the way you do. I think it's okay to just feel however you feel. There may be a reason for it, or there may not be. It might still be some of the messed up brain chemistry/damage that is causing you to have inappropriate reactions. If that's the case, it is what it is. Don't apologize, just experience it and let it be.

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Totally get what you're saying. As I have got better quite quickly (although I am still tired ALL the time!) I often feel like I should be more ill or that other people are more ill than me and that's not fair on them (why not just be glad I'm ok? Makes no sense!). Really daft but you can't help what you feel. Don't worry about it, I'm sure it's all part of the healing process. I'm a psychologist myself and thus have probably beat myself up even more than others might for not coping/coping too well/not knowing whether I'm coming or going, but I guess the best thing to do is not read too much into your feelings and try to 'ride' them out (if that makes sense?).

Take it easy


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Thanks everyone for taking the time to reply!

Louise, your post really spoke to me today as I took a huge turn-around yesterday. I had to lay down in the afternoon (Fatigue), couldn't get to sleep at night until 4AM (Anxiety), and then cried because we had to move all our food to another freezer as our power went out. I HATE the uncontrolled crying!

I keep forgetting that I had a stroke so the odd instances seem to come out of nowhere...like the crying...I can't believe I cried just because I had a hard time getting up and into gear with the freezer food...who in their right mind would cry because of that! Me. I have to accept it even as it is so foreign.

Luckily Win keeps me looking to the bright side; Thanks so much

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Each day is different. There are days where I feel I am on top of the world. There are days where I wonder what happend to the old Carl and there are days where I struggle just being who I have become.

Sometimes I look at the sites that help the brain doing simple exercises and I think I dont want to change. Sure I want to get better but for some reason I want myself to get better not with the help of outside influences.

I know that is strange, I became who I am because of how I reacted to outside influences all my life. I think for me it is the fact that I don't quite know who I have become.

If I get emotional I put it down to the SAH, yet before the SAH I was still allowed to get emotional.

Yes people who don't know me think of me as being normal. those who do know me know I have changed and although they try they dont react the same way they used to.

ramble ramble ramble.

I know I will never revert to the old me. I do like some of the things I have become, but I havent accepted all my limitations yet, or even discovered them all. I think that is why I am not quite ready to totally change.

I wish I wasnt as apathetic as I have become. It was pesky before but now it is quite annoying :lol:

Tomorrow is a new day and if it is as good as today or better then I have no complaints.

Here is to us all feeling better than we have.

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My sister Sylvy as we call her ....said to me "Win I've told people how ill you was/are but you have made such a good

recovery..people do not believe how ill you was...slap ..you make me look a liar " being my Sis I told her about good days n bad

she understands....she saw me at my worse when things were bleak for me......She gives me the most encouragement to get

well again...so lending my Sister Sylvia out.... lol....She is a Special person also xx she makes me sing..lol ....(Blame her)

She and Sis in law made me better by singing...... well tone deaf ....lol xx shhh I never said that xx

Love to you All and KP Keep going xx today the internet....tomorrow the world..lol xx

WinB143 xxxx

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