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I am new here and am seeking help on supporting someone who suffered SAH


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Hi there. My name is Heather and I am contacting you for I am in search of learning how to support someone who suffered from SAH. A friend of mine whom I have known for 20 years and have currently come to be in a relationship with suffered a double SAH 2 months ago today. He came through amazingly, so amazing that he was back to work in healthcare in just under a month. As amazing as he has been I have some concerns and am unsure as to how to support him. He seems to have no time perception, a week can go by and he has no idea, it's like he lost it. The most recent was that he had not seen me in a week and didn't realize it. I have done things such as leave little sticky notes as reminders as to what he might need to remember to do that. He expresses his appreciation for these!

Feeling as though I am ranting now, I am writing for I need to find out what I can do as an outsider who has no idea what a person who suffered SAH is thinking or feeling. When I ask him how I can help he responds with things like "if he knew he'd have done it himself". I even went so far today as to contact his doctor just to ask non HIPPA questions about how to help a person who has been through this (I was unaware that there were support groups out there). Just basic non-related to a certain person questions. But they wouldn't talk to me without him there. I just wish to be of some help and support for this feeling of helplessness for someone can be quite overwhelming.

Thank you in advance for anything that you can tell me that will allow any ease the pain that I can't imagine he is going through!!!

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Hello,

Welcome Heather. You came to the right place. I have learned 10 times more here than I ever learned from the doctors. I know there are some useful references on the site here or I have a brochure that I could email you that I found very helpful. It seems the UK is pretty far ahead of the US when it comes to SAH care and information.

The most important thing you will need for your partner is patience as it is a long recovery process. And each person recovers at a different pace. That is often said but in this case very true.

Welcome to the site and I'm sure many more will follow. Good luck and please ask questions.

David

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Hi Heather & welcome to BTG.

Your partner has made an amazing recovery if he is working at a month post SAH. I would sound a note ot caution though cos that is very early days & perhaps he is struggling more than he lets on. The brain really does need to heal & he is running a marathon with it before its really up to it (just my opinion).Maybe if he took things a little slower with work some other things such as memory would gradually fall into place.

You haven't said how he was treated but I guess from the quick recovery it was probably coiling? I would advise you read a letter from your brain under the inspiration link on the home page & that might give you some understanding.

Mostly he just needs time to heal & sleep lots (if he is tired) & the rest will follow in time

Good lcuk to both of you xxx

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Hi Heather!

Welcome to BTG, this is a brilliant website and I don't know what I'd have done without it! Although my partner is not a member here, he used this site while I was still in hospital to learn as much as he could about sah and what our life might be like afterwards.

I agree with Gill that your partner has returned to work remarkably quickly. I am about to go back to work in a few weeks time and it's been just over 11 months since my sah. I haven't felt ready for work until now and even now I am not sure because of the fatigue I experience on a daily basis. The problem with brain-fatigue is that it cannot be pushed past. You have to give in to it and it's not like physical fatigue at all. My memory is still rubbish, but I can remember so much more than I used to. I use a diary at all times and I keep it in the same place or I wouldn't be able to remember where it is! There are a few threads on here that discuss coping mechanisms so it might be worth searching for these, like using a timer to remind yourself that you are cooking. It's hard to describe the memory loss. People keep saying to me that they have dreadful memories too and while I appreciate that it's most likely true, I imagine that they do know if they have eaten today or not or if they have an appointment later or whether or not they have taken pain killers today. These are all things that I have to write down, especially the pain killers so that I don't overdose!

It's fabulous that you want to learn about sah and for that you have come to exactly the right place!

Dawn x

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Thank you all so very much for your time and support! I agree with everyone on the fact that its very early for him to return to work, and to answer one of the questions, yes, it was coiling. As I had said before, nurses are the worst patients!!! A lot of the suggestions that I have read have been utilized, such as setting alarms for cooking and meds, as well as sleep and rest. Unfortunatly I feel that its as though his pride has been crushed for he feels that he needs to rely on others for help, and therefore will not ask for it. I have offered numerous times to help mow the lawn or other odds and ends around his house just to free him up to be able to do the things that he is supposed to do such as sleeping and resting! I have actually thought about going over and just doing these things while he's at work, but I feel as though I would be over-stepping in some way if I had. If I hadn't said before, we have been friends for 18 yrs, but as far as the relationship aspect, it is new to us so I am not wanting to push, but at the same time I feel as though I need to, yet need to figure out a way to do so without crushing his pride. I am however learning to be patient for it's not one of my strong suits, but I must admit this is also changing me for the best as well!

Not only am I new to the site, but I am also new to threads and am unsure as to how to use these or navigate around this just yet, but I am sure I will learn very soon and fast! Again thank you so very much for all of your time and I am soooo thrilled to have found somewhere that I can vent, ask questions and share concerns!

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Hi there & warm welcome to the site, glad you found us.

Wow I cant believe how quickly he's managed back to work, way to quick if you ask me you need time not just to heal but to get your head around whats happened ( excuse the pun none intended)

Yes we all dont like asking for help but if its there grap it because people will stop offering and thats just as bad sometimes.

tell him there are others out there thats all been in just the same scarry place who know & so understand....

good luck you'll get a lot of support on here take care

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Heather

Give yourself time also ....He will need you and will need a rant so that's where I found that BTG puts it all into proportion...

Keep you spirits high...and Welcome to BTG ...Good Luck both of you ..I put my family thru it...not rmy fault...never is..lol

Best wishes and smile n sing xx ( my answer to all ills )

WinB143 xx

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I have found that most of my personal struggles are worrying that it will happen again and no one will be around. He lives 1.5 miles away from me. I have found that whenever I hear the ambulance in the area I am contacting one of the members to make sure they are not going to his house (I used to be an EMT so I have a good rapport with them). I also feel as though I have done something wrong when I haven't seen him in quite a length of time, but he doesn't realize how much time has passed. And again I just feel awful because he won't let me help do things around the house. So I think tomorrow I will go and mow while he is at work...maybe he won't know ;) @David, I would love to see the brochure!!!! Again I am not familiar with how to use this site yet...or any kind of thread for that matter. I may have to ask my teen to help me for they seem to know it all! Thank you in advance for that! If anyone can help learn to navigate this site that would be great!!! I know already this will help me tremendously!!! Thank you all for the warm welcome!

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Hi Heather

Firstly, do not assume that your partner will have an 'easier' ride because he was coiled. Obviously the less invasive operation carries less risks during the surgery but certainly does NOT make things any easier. The problems left behind are more likely to be caused by the bleed rather than a successful operation to stop the bleed. Like your partner I went back to work very quickly - 8 weeks later whilst waiting for a second brain op at 12 weeks. Personally, I believed that I would get better and better (a bit like recovering from the flu or something) as long as I kept trying and kept pushing myself. It can take us very independent types a long, long time to understand that we do need help & accept that some parts of our lives beforehand cannot just slot back into place.

I didn't find BTG until 2 years later & even then found it hard to believe that some people hadn't got 100% better. Joining this site also helped me to understand that it is OK to not have made a full recovery, no matter how hard you've tried. It would probably be a huge help for your partner to join himself - it's fine for him to read others journeys and still be sure his will not be the same. But the relief for many of us is to read that others have similar issues, it stops you from feeling so alone.

As it is still really on in recovery for your partner, there are likely to be MASSIVE improvements as the weeks go by.

Good luck to you both!

Michelle xx

Edited by goldfish.girl
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Hi Heather

I worked in healthcare, an anaesthetic technician in theatres and was the Clinical Equipment Manager. Unfortunately my employers terminated my contract following my SAH:-(

With hindsight it was the best thing for me but at the time I was very upset. If I am honest I wouldn't have been able to do that job any longer, the assessments done by my physcologist proved that:-(

Has your partner had any assessments done in that respect? In the healthcare setting I would be surprised if he hadn't, particularly when you say he couldn't remember not seeing you for a week. Could such memory lapses impact on his patient care? Sorry to be negative but it is a very speedy return to the workplace :-(

I am still not in a position to go back to employment and I have no obvious physical disabilities.

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Hello again Heather,

at the top of the web page on the right hand side, there is a search box. Type in a keyword or two and that will bring up threads that contain the words you are looking for. It took me a while to get used to it as this was the first forum I'd ever used. I still have no idea how to add a photo or a link and it's been months!

Dawn x

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Thank you Dawn!!! Yes, I have tried to use threads before for other things but I have always found them so very confusing!!! I must ask...has anyone ever heard of anyone after SAH experienceing "being easily manipulated" or "impulsive buying", I seem to have noticed that as being a change and wondered of anyone else had this experience! It sort of scares me!

Hello again Heather,

at the top of the web page on the right hand side, there is a search box. Type in a keyword or two and that will bring up threads that contain the words you are looking for. It took me a while to get used to it as this was the first forum I'd ever used. I still have no idea how to add a photo or a link and it's been months!

Dawn x

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Guest Zong Mo

Yeah i also think'd the same way that if some one needs some help he must have really try and search on the web or at least ask his/her friends and if not finding any way then forums posting is the best way to do caring and helping for others..

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