Winter Blues...

[amexdm]

Hello all:

Been out for a few weeks and am just having the winter blahs. After holiday blues too. Doesnt help with SAH either. Christmas was ok with wife but Xmas Eve was nightmare cause had fight with evil sister in law who showed up at 2pm uninvited for a 7pm dinner out. I was sick and resting, and told her to come back later,sorry not happenin! Wife took my side after much ado.

Ok the point you ask? Depressed lately. I NEVER got depressed before SAH but now not much joy in life. Nothing to look forward to. On anti-d and see many doctors. They dont really care. Trying to plan a vacation in May but seems far away. I'm 48, feel 78 and health is not good. Need a good talk with mum but she's gone.

So far from stabbing myself in the leg with a rusted knife, I'm at a loss to find any rainbows at the mo. GG, can you send Tyler over? I think I need companion dog. They always love ya dont they?You and Dylan are welcome of course too.

I used to be able to just go out on a Friday night and bang one on but that is not really possible anymore. Just went on a new headache med and it knocked me out. Slept for a 12 hours and had wierd dreams of ALL of my family as if my life was passing before me. And as I mentioned another dream that Joe Pesci made me rob a butcher shop and had gangsters chasing me.

Any ideas for cheering me up or shall I jump on a bed of nails to have some sort of feeling in my life?

Stayed away for a few weeks as to try and not bring others down but not finding and lights at end of tunnel

David

[Daffodil]

David

You were so good at cheering me up when I had the blues. Sending hugs.

It's hard to feel anything but blah at times when you've been through so much and its natural to miss the bouyancy and optimism of your old self. I think theres even something in the good book about how futile it is to worry and fret about the future; but Blimey it's hard not too.

I think it's hard to get excited about future events like holidays when you know the fragility of it all. But here's the pay off, becuase we do know that fact the smaller things can be sweeter if we let them. So I'm talking about the walks on the beach, the poker wins, the hug from the wife, the call from a friend. This is all sweet stuff that can fill up your happy tank. Take moments to appreciate these each day and you may find some of your zest bubbling back up. Yes, sweat the small stuff in a good way!

I am learning that It doesn't matter how much time we spend worrying about big stuff that it wont even add an extra hour of life when it comes down to it. What will be will be. I think your mum would have told you that, my mum does me!

Have you tried any Mindfulness meditation? I try to do some most days ( i have a cd) and it let's me come back to the here and now and be a little less worrisome and more grounded. Even with all the stuff going on with my Nan it's helping me not to get too down.

Youre not alone on this journey. 1 in 4 adults will have some form of mental health challenge in their lives with depression being the most common. Having a SAH is certainly something that upsets any balance. Your takin meds, that's good and will help but maybe find something that works alongside that which helps you let go of some of the pain that feeds your black dog! and I don't mean working!!

Itll be ok double D!

[Wem]

David,

Really sorry to hear you have hit a bad patch. As Daff says you are not alone on this journey, all the BTGers are here with you. I am reaching out with the warmest wishes to you, hope they manage to reach you across the pond!

My diary is my saviour when I am down, it gives me the yard stick to see where I have come from on the road to recovery. I also ask myself the question 'What have I done today to make me feel proud' Some days it is as simple as spending time with a loved one or going that bit further on one of my many walks. You have already done so much in surviving one of the hardest times in anyone's life. You have much to be proud of.

Keep going, this life is a roller coaster and you are just in one of the dips right now. Any time soon you will be back in the ascendency.

Take care, Wem

[goldfish.girl]

Hi David,

Remember that this time of year can make the most optimistic of people feel a bit flat & dissatisfied with life. It's cold, it's dark, just a bit rubbish really BUT spring is coming!

A dog like Tyler could be just what you need. Even when someone can't say words that make you feel better I find it helps just to know she's there & concerned and only wants me to be happy again. A bit like me trying to find something helpful to say to you.......Although, unlike my dog, I promise not to trip you up every time you try to move with my overwhelming concern & need to be at your side

Feel better soon

Michelle xx

[DawnS]

Hi David,

sorry to hear that you feel down. I haven't really had depression since sah but have suffered in the past, badly enough to take 5 months off work and I understand how endless it can feel. I also understand the need to chat with mum, I often feel that way too and the inability to do so really adds to the sadness deoesn't it.

When was the last time your medication was assessed? When I was on ADs, I was told that I would probably need to try a few before I found one that really worked for me. In the end, the only thing that really worked was some CBT and lots of exercise. I realise that exercise isn't the easiest thing after sah and especially at this time of year when it seem that all the daylight hours are given to work. Who wants to exercise in the dark? But I cannot emphasise enough how exercise makes such a massive difference to your emotions.

As Daff has suggested, noticing the small things in your life is really helpful. It shifts your focus completely. When I was very depressed, my doctor suggested to me that I try to list each day (in my head, but this was before the memory problems!) 3 nice things that happened or 3 new things that I learned. It sounds a bit daft, but it does make you review your day in a different light.

This might sound odd: I also had a pack of stickers with various smilies on. Each day, I chose one for the calander to represent how I'd felt overall for that day. This kind of tracking can help because it's easy to think that every day has been a bad day, but there are always some that are better and even if the smilie chosen for the day has a straight line for a mouth, if this is not a down-turned line, then it's showing a better day. It's surprising at the end of the month to look back and see that not every day has an angry or sad face on it. I found this very helpful.

Dawn x

Edited January 5, 2013 by DawnS

[SarahLou]

Hey dear Davie Boy,

Others have said some good valid points, given good advice and ideas. Love the smiley face idea Dawn.

I wish that I had words of wisdom to give you Bud, but sometimes there just aren't the right words. If you were here I'd walk along a beach with you (ok, I would be hobbling along!) holding your hand and saying nothing.

You have been mine, and many others, strength many times. Now we can be your strength.

Many years ago I took a long dance along the line with depression so I do know how that feels. With that particular battle you're the only one who can pull yourself out of it but you can get help from others if you want it and are ready for it.

I do not mean to offend anyone as I know a lot of people are on medications for depression but is that really the right answer? There are so many other options.

I miss the old me too David,all the little things that were taken for granted as well as the huge things that have really changed who I am. I still rant and rave, but I still skip around too!

You sometimes seem to be so hard on yourself, be kinder to yourself David. Let go of the things you can't change, dont waste those precious spoons.

Listen to the song 'Everybody's Broken' by Bon Jovi, because you know what, it really is ok to be a little bit broken.

Focus on all the good and positive things around you honey.

Your'll get there, your'll be ok, maybe not right now but you will.

Take care,

SarahLou Xx

[JayKay]

Hi David! You don't know me, but it sounds like you have been a rock for others in the past. Now it's your turn to lean on us. I too have known depression, both in the past and since the SAH. Personally, I have found meds useful and have always been able to wean myself off them without problem. I feel that (if you get the right ones), rather than blanking it all out, they take the edge off the worst and allow you to step back and see the wood for the trees. That way, you can start working on getting better.

I'm another proponent of the gratitude list. It really really works! At first, finding something you are grateful for can be difficult, but if you start with things like being grateful you made it through the SAH, the sun is shining, or that hug from a loved one. Bit by bit things seem a little brighter. I hope you don't think I'm being preachy!!

Hang in there David!

[MaryB]

David, you recently said your doctor changed your medication. Can this be a reason for the "early" winter blues? I say early my dear because you live in MICHIGAN when it is early winter:frown:. Maryb;-)

Edited January 5, 2013 by MaryB

[Winb143]

Cheer up ya mishog xx

j/Kidding David

A song to cheer you up or make ya cry a 3 go Win

I'm always chasing rainbows

I watch clouds drift on by

My dreams are just like all my schemes

They fade away and then they die

Some fellows look and find the sunshine

I always look and find the rain.. Stop stop Win

Cheer up David that's an Order xxx

Love

Win xx xx

[lisac]

Hi David, This may sound odd, but have you had your hormone levels checked since your SAH? I felt depressed, hopeless, emotionless and lack of well being for almost a year. Anti-d's didn't work. I even saw a neuropsychiatrist in Chicago. I ended up seeing a endocrinologist to have my hormone levels checked. My hubby is a family practice dr. and knew that sometimes our hormones get messed up with brain surgery or strokes. Sure enough... my body wasn't

producing any DHEA which is the most abundant hormone in the body. It's converted to estrogen and testosterone. Within two weeks after taking dhea supplements my mood changed dramatically. I feel like my old self now. Energy levels are great too. It's just another thing the doctors don't tell us. According to studies online, 40% of people who have SAHs have pituitary/hormone problems afterward. You might want to check into it, it's just a blood test and could make you feel much better.

[amexdm]

Hello:

Thanks so much to all who responded. Don't mind me, I'm just a dark Scorpio. I was in a rut and couldn't get out. It's what we call the dead of winter and can be gloomy. Saturday I listened to some music. That helped. Then I went and played poker and won a few hundred dollars (I lost last week so I don't win EVERY time) and cashed out my chips.

I asked for some ten dollar bills and drove around the city and stopped a few homeless people who were walking in the street and gave them money. They need it more than I do. These were elderly people walking out in the 15 degree cold. They were very thankful and said I must be blessed to do this. I said no but I survived a stroke and the Lord brought me back to help others. I'll have to be my own Hospice and Homeless helper apparently.

Daff- I used to love the small things, I will again. You make alot of sense. I wish I could do medit but I'm just way too ADD lol, i would be off dreamin in minutes.

GG- You reminded me of my old dog Buddy, he was always under foot as a puppy. Poor thing I stepped on him all the time. Then I realized he was herding me. He was Shetland Sheepdog. Fond memories thank you.

Wem- Thank you, the coaster is going up now !

Dawn- You're so understanding. I need to get back to the small things. Last week my stickers would have been pictures of someone poking their eyes out. Me!

SL- Ty dear. The beach sounds lovely. I might push you down in the sand and rub sand on ya. And help ya up of course! Thats what kids do.

JayKay- Thank you- Nice to meet you. I need to see the forest again. I will.

Mary-Mich winters are long, like my teeth

Pooh- Your song always cheers me up. Nice to see you again.

Lisa- Your idea sounds right. I think others have spoken on growth hormone. a trip to the doc is on the way. TY.

Love to all,

David

[Daffodil]

scorpio , you may think that a rule is set in stone or that a limitation is non-negotiable. Somewhere in your world now, a distinction is not as clear-cut as you may fear

today's forecast !

David, i love the thought of you being a night benefactor to the poor and needy on Chicagos streets. That's a nice thing you did. Just keep Paying it Forward. It will all come good.

You think you couldn't focus on a meditation? i know the feeling...on the one I listen to the disembodied voice actually tells me that it knows that I'll wander off on different thoughts ,' ! Which I do.

SQUIRREL

My friendly voice tells me that it's ok. So I guess that accepting your brain wandering is part of learning how to do it. Give it a try and embrace your squirrel moments as part of it and get some quiet time for your head.

Hugs. Glad you're feeling more upbeat.

[winter]

Top of the morning to you David!

I like what all the others have written and suggested. I too, have been plagued with depression (for many years prior to sah) which worsened after the brain explosion!

I am on anti-depression meds and would NOT go without them. I've accepted the fact, that for whatever reason, my brain is not making the necessary chemicals needed for me to feel "normal". They have made me feel "kind of normal" - whatever normal is! They're not a happy pill, but have certainly helped me to cope with problems that arise. Also cognitive behavior therapy has helped immensely, although I did that many years ago. Teaches you new ways to think about things.

I do the gratitude thing and meditation as well. It does help to see what good things are there for you / meditation - yes, your mind will wander and that's ok. As soon as you realize your mind is drifting, you just bring it back to quiet - if you fall asleep, that's ok too

I still slip into the hole at times, and I tend to stay away from the Green Room for the same reasons you mentioned. I've learned though, that these are the times we need to put ourselves out there and share our feelings. There are so many loving people here and we all just want to help one another. You all have helped me SOOOOO much over the past 2 1/2 years.

Do you remember the old SNL shows, can't think of which cast, but one of the characters had a skit like, Good Thoughts with Andy. He'd look in the mirror and say to himself, "I'm happy, I'm good enough, I'm smart, and gosh darn it, people like me". Don't laugh, but I do this!!! I also put little sticky notes on bathroom mirror to help start my day off with a good thought. Ok, you can laugh, but it does help me change my thinking and attitude.

We've all been through one hell of a ride and we're still on it. Come into the Green Room often and vent, get your feelings out and know you're not alone in this!!!

Sending you healing and happy thoughts ,

Carolyn

[kpaggett]

David,

Sorry so late to reply!

I agree with meditation. Although, maybe not mindfulness. You just need to sit and not require anything of yourself. No concentration, no agenda, no outside distractions...maybe some soft music and just you. Notice all your thoughts/feelings. Are they past/future thinking? Notice and then only think/feel the present. If you find your mind wandering to the past of future again, just notice and bring yourself back to now. Start with just 5min. You are worthy of your time!

Instead of fighting against your state, embrace it. What is it trying to reveal to you? Sometimes we need to hibernate and get all existential. It prepares us for the next phase of what is to come. Remember how morbid I used to be when I first started writing here? I needed to be that way at that time. Now, I am not that way most of the time...maybe I should write some new poems? You might try this too as you seem to enjoy it from some of the things you've written here. It really helped me when I was in my morbid phase. It gave validation for all the dark thoughts I had.

The point, Keep on being you and listen to the stillness inside that knows everything about you before you even think of it. Some call this the spirit. It is a different way of knowing things, but it is just as effective at giving you the answers. It might be time to seek answers from yourself instead of Doctors all of the time. You've said yourself that they don't know what they're doing for you. I think, if you listen, you know what to do.

~Kris

[Sandi K]

Meditation and yoga have both helped me too.

Yoga when I was having loads of problems with balance and coordination and dizziness. Yoga helped me feel steady on my feet again. Connected to the ground and solid.

I've recently begun meditation classes as I've tried meditating on my own and although it's ok I wanted a class to really dig in. It's wonderful to calm the mind, to have stillness and quiet.

My energy boosting meds help loads too.

David I hope you pull out of the slump and that this year is much better than last.

Sandi K.