Greg 21.01.15 Posted January 20, 2020 Share Posted January 20, 2020 Dear All, I haven't visited BTG for a while now, not sure why, I always get such great support and understanding. I think perhaps having found things getting harder over the past year or two, I have wanted to give less "air time" to SAH related problems as they were already taking up more of life than I would wish. This time five years ago, I was just getting started in the gym, a normal session, just a tad late out of work and getting going on the session. Then as we are all familiar with, that thundering pain at the top of my neck. Really thought I'd just messed up a disc or nerve badly, and my main thought was, dam this is going to mess up my ski trip. Little did I know..... For me the anniversary reflections are somewhat cathartic, a chance to vent & reflect. This is the one place I feel I can do this and know that many will share similar experiences and feelings. I have deliberately kept to a minimum that kind of discussion with friends, no one needs an illness bore, and we are in this for the long haul. I reflect that five years ago I had a job that I loved (well 90% of it!), life was good, and we were starting to feel financially a little happier. Now I have had to step back from work completely. That is a life that is behind me, and I do mourn that. I have tried some different volunteering, but even short sessions once a week are too fatiguing. I think the worst thing for me now is the boredom. I was a doer, forever busy, work, exercise, music, travel. Now as many of us have to I have to pace myself, I have my afternoon nap, life is at a different pace. Work provided a purpose for me, a focus to life that I like Targets, things to strive for an achieve. Now it is gone, I miss that "reason to get up". I know this is the one thing I really need to work on, for the sake of my mental health. (any suggestion for non-fatiguing inducing activities grateful received!). I can't listen to music, gigs are a complete no, and I think I frustrate the most by the things I can't avoid. The support one needs to give to family you can't not give. Those times when others need your support, that really highlights for me all my limitations. This is when I do myself the most harm in terms of fatigue, one day I will learn! I know I am lucky, it could have been so so much worse that day five years ago. I have never felt why me, it has always been why well not me? Just dumb luck, nature, the way I was born, genetics, I don't really care. Now get on with what you have got! And for what I have I am grateful, but the initial optimism of the first few years post SAH has given way to the new routine and some realism. Initially we had no idea what the impact was going to be on my life. The medics gave me no more advice than don't go for a run for the first couple of months, after that do as you please. Running is something I don't do now. We all have such different roads of recovery and I know compared to some I am a lucky lucky man in so many ways. I think I do accept where I am, I just need to learn to be happier in that place. Thank you to anyone who has read this far and indulged me in these reflections. As I said this is a cathartic process for me, and in the writing down and sharing of this all, it helps, so thank you. I hope you are all well, and happy. All the best for the new decade, onwards and upwards! Greg. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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