Feeling very confused

[tennissmithy]

Hi all,

Its been a weird couple few weeks for me and I do apologise for being really quiet, I can't seem to sort out my emotions and what I want to do.

As you all know i'm not happy in my job as a research manager as last week accepted (with no choice) the demotion that was thrown my way to become a research assistant. This is 6 grand less for I don't feel any change of job at all but will see and will shout loudly at my boss if things don't change!

I went for a teaching interview a couple of weeks ago but didn't get the job. However,I have an interview this week at a private school for year 1 teacher and now don't know what to do. I convinced them on the phone that I was back to normal as he said did i realise the pressures of working in a private school. I said I would be fine but seriously with the headaches and fatigue etc, i'm seriously worried.

I have no confidenecabout the job I am doing because of the way I have been treated over the last few months but if I don't return to teaching then what do I do?? Bearing in mind that I need to be able to pay the student loans etc and that we are trying to save in ordre to get the loft converted in time for the adoption (if we get that far)

I just thought my dear friends on here would have some rational advice. As you can probably tell from my message, I'm not making confident decisions at the minute!

Love and hugs

Laura

xx

[paul99]

hi laura

you do seem a little down ive been reading what you have posted and it does seem to be the job is getting you down same job lower pay laura follow your heart sweetheart the position at the private school may not be as draining as your current job you can go for the interview and see what it feels like and how you feel about it emotions are rife in everyone who has gone through what you are going through so thats normal

go for the interview and see how you feel when you get there i take it you have explained what you had gone through so if the interview goes well and you do find its to much tell them they will understand you should see your dr just to clear your mind the way you feel now is i think pulling you down a bit of reasureance from the gp should buck you up but the fact you are thinking about the stress and strains means you are aware of how you feel

sweetheart money isnt the be all job satisfaction goes more if you are happy in the job then money cannot subsitute for job satisfaction i do under stand but your happiness comes first and that is the voice of having the t shirt and wished i did it years ago take care laura and go for it girl good luck

[Janet]

Hi Laura

I agree with Paul the teaching as you know is hard work but possibly not half as stressful as the job you are doing at the moment. You also have the bonus with teaching that it is something that you love that should make it easier to bear.

You may even find with a private school that even though the head thinks its harder work it may be less than what you did in your last teaching position. Follow your heart on this one Laura and whats not to be confident about you were a brilliant teacher and the kids loved you.

Hope you make the right decision for you sending lots of love and hugs.

Janet x

[Ann]

Hi Laura

I feel for you and can tell how stressed you are. Stress, indecision and unhappiness can make you just as tired as mental and physical work. The demands in a private school (I have taught in both) are quite different to the state sector but can still be challenging, on the whole I would say it was less stressful in the classroom but some private schools demand their pound of flesh with a lot of open days for prospective parents etc and more reports and consultation evenings.Paperwork/planning seems to be similar nowadays.Also in the current economic climate pupil numbers are falling and this is putting pressure on some private schools to work harder to maintain pupils.Terms tend to be MUCH shorter though!!! A massive bonus as it not only means more time off but cheaper times to go on holiday.

Of course you already know all this, you are just feeling unhappy and torn. Worrying about the adoption process can't be helping either,plus the extension, you have so much on your plate it is no wonder you are feeling as you do. As others have said, money is not the be all and end all but of course we have to pay the bills and if you are struggling to make ends meet you will get even more stressed.

No one can make the decision for you and if you make the wrong one it is not the end of the world, as long as you admit after a trial that it is not right for you and try something else again.

Try to spend a day in the school and see how you fit in, it always helps. Aorry I can't be more constructive!! Best of luck

Ann

[tennissmithy]

Hi guys,

Thanks for all your help and advice so far. Having just spent the last four hours planning and doing resources for the 45 minute interview lesson, I have decided that I am not going to go for the interview! It bought back to me how long it took me to do the planning and making resources without doing the teaching and all the classroom management etc. I just still don't think i'm up to it at the minute. I do know though still that I want out of my place so just need to decide what I want to do.

I'm sat here in floods of tears writing this as I still really love teaching I just know that I would struggle and don't want to be defeated again! I will be happy and at the minute that doesn't seem possible at the minute especially with the present climate as well.

Open to suggestions, everyone keeps telling me I have lots of tranferable skills so I just need to think! I'm also thinking that if we have a child I'm not going to be wanting to spend hours working on school work out of hours when I should be happy with my family.

I've searched job sites and can't see a lot but will keep looking

Love and hugs

Laura

xx

[donna79]

Laura

you are a lovely person and what you need to remember this is YOUR life x x

Look at it now that you are in a job and keep looking until something comes along that you like the sound of x x

I dont really understand what different areas of teaching there are what is it about teaching that you like the children side or study side if that makes sense and look at what other proffessions there is you could do in that line x

I keep thinking about my job x x one day I like it then another I think there must be more to life than this x x I would like to be a support worker to other survivors but I know that I am not ready for this yet and dont have a clue where to start

What do you feel in your heart and feel comfortable doing x x its so hard because like you say we put ourselves down when we are unable to do something x x but we get through it I dont know how but we do x x x x

Laura If you ever want to come over for a couple of nights and stop at mine you are more than welcome, even make it a girlie weekend ( I will send Jack to his Grandma's he loves it there ) ....... I can help you look at Jobs or even just have a long chat, and a meal downstairs...... The offers there I mean it x x

Tc hun and keep smiling (i'm a great believer it helps)

lots of hugs

donna

xxxxxx

[paul99]

hi laura

have just read your post and i for one understand your desion nd what you are saying i for one support you in whatever choice you make and wish you all the luck and support you need in finding something you like bless you and good luck

[rod123]

Hi laura this is the first post i've repield to but i think all the feelings you are having in the circumstances are feelings we would all have at the mo even with the pay cut you have security, and a change at this time is back to the unknown but only you can make this decision, but what i will say is that doing a job you are not happy in is not good ( i did that for 30 years ) so if and when you decide to change i think that feeling of doubt will always be there thats because you're a thinking person and don't jump in feet first so what ever you decide all the best to you. Rod

[Ann]

Well done Laura, that is a great start, you have made one decision that you know is right for you and that is good. Just deciding not to go to the interview and knowing you are not ready for going back to teaching yet shows great insight. I went back to teaching too early 5 years ago after a very serious illness and it destroyed all my confidence because I was no longer great at the job I was once so good at because I was not well enough to do it properly.It is easy for me to see that now but at the time I just thought I was useless.I am glad you are not going to go down the same route at the moment.

It is horrible when you have trained fro something and you know you are good at it to then find yourself unable to actually do it well it at a given time, it does not mean you will always feel like this. You have a whole lifetime ahead of you still and may find that at the moment you may be happy doing an undemanding job that simply puts food on the table. A friend of mine had his own very stressful business for many years and after an illness he decide to become a postman to pay the bills,get fit and also to avoid stress.10 years later he is the happiest man I know, still a postman, he cannot believe that he ever felt he needed any mental/academic fulfilment from work. He is not too tired to do his hobbies which now give him the fulfilment he got from his previous job.He is not the only one either, another friend who had a stroke was a teacher but now works on the tills in Waitrose and adores it

I have gone on a bit here I know but we all at times feel defined by WHAT WE DO instead of WHO WE ARE. "What do you do?" is often the first thing people ask when meeting new people, it is a question I now avoid asking and my response when people ask it of me is "enjoy life!"

[michelle C]

Hi Laura

I have tried to reply to you and give you some support Laura but have had to delete both attempts as i have been where you are now 10 years ago it is a very very difficult decision that you alone can only make and saying it out loud i found the hardest.

You have as Anne said made the right decision for you, teaching can be a goal achieved later, when you are ready. The adoption proccess is a stressfull and draining process, not realised by me until the end when you get the most precious gift you have been longing for, having a less stressfull job for the moment may give you more time to spend at home with the little ones,

I hope this helps in some way Laura.....

Love Michellexxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[stephen]

Hi Laura

We have been through many issues together even although we have never met. I remember the stress levels you had when you taught. I see the circumstances are similar but i do not think moving back to teaching is a way forward. I think it is very difficult to gauge and make choices after my sah so i will not try to make them for you.

You are a lovely lady who has supported me when i have been down. I know that what goes around comes around, so it will happen for you.

Best wishes

Stephen

[Guest ElaineW]

Hello Laura - sorry to hear of your predicament. As others have so rightly pointed out you have enough on your plate without adding to it. I hope your mind feels more at ease now and hopefully in the years to come you will have enough to think about with the patter of those little feet! around!! (and I don't mean the cat)!!!!!!!

Elaine x

[perrycornish]

Laura my dear......First of all poor you, what horrible dilemmas for you, I wish I could reach from here to give you a hug, but I can't so please just consider it done

I have been trying to think and am wondering, what about looking at the potential of working with Adult Literacy and Numeracy ( if you can add up which I can't ) I imagine that in England like here you have colleges where Adult Literacy etc is offered? Presumably there would be less in the way of lesson prep or resources needed and maybe less hassle as it is likely you would be working one to one or at worst very small groups....... I don't really feel I know enough about opportunities over in the mainland now, but I do know that good teachers are at a premium everywhere.

Good luck Laura, and keep that chin up but remember always you and your family are the most important, but I do understand the stresses and strains of needing cash to reduce the worries. Thinking of you a lot

[tennissmithy]

Well guys what can I say I always know where to turn to for support and advice- thank you all from the bottom of my heart.

Well today has been a big emotional rollercoaster. I got into work this morning and had a text message from a ex-colleague (who left Friday) saying congratulations on your job interview. I queried how she knew and said that i had made the decision last night not to go and she said that the chief executive and the managing director had provided a reference for me on Friday.

Bearing in mind that my workplace seem to hate me i suspected that they would sack me for looking elsewhere. However I spoke to my immediate boss who said he wasn't surprised because I had been unhappy for such a long time but I told himthat I decided not to go for the reasons above and he seemed surprised. I then told the PA to the chief Executive that i wasn't going so that she could tell the chief exec and the managing director.

The managing director (the one who demoted me last week) has been nice as pie to me today and has bent over backwards on two occasions to help me when normally it would have took him days.

To make things harder the private school that I had the interview with tomorrow range me to say that they were really keen to interview and could I make it Thursday. I then started to titter as to whether to go for it and see what happened. Then it clicked that it was the last day of the adoption course so I couldn't go. I rang them back to see if they could change the day again and then I was going to think harder. They said it wasn't possible cos of getting the deputy and the head together at the same time. I feel privileged that they were keen to interview me but I'm not sure if I can accept closure on the situation or not!

Oh what an emotional rollercoaster I've been on today and I haven't eaten much because so worried! Great diet I suppose Anyway sorry this message is so long but really wanted to update you all.

Stephen- an extra special thanks, you really are a true friend, someone who has pointed out the stress I was under 1st time around. Thats the trouble when you really wnat to do something you put on those rose tinted glasses and its only when a friend tells the truth that it brings you back to reality. Where would I be without all my friends on here telling me the truth and providing such good advice and support. Obviously richer as I wouldn't be buying so many tissues to cry into

Anyway I think I'm aiming for the 2nd sleepless night but going to try going to bed anyway!

Love to you all and sorry for so much waffle!

Laura

xx

[paul99]

laura its not waffle i do admire you for making such a hard choice and to come to the choice you made so from me to you a massive hug and cuddles be happy and more relaxed if you can take care xxxxxx

[Skippy]

Hey Laura

Sounds like you've made the best decision for you and your immediate future, which are the two most important things - you can return to teaching once you're feeling healthier - at the moment your health is paramount hun.

Always here for you Laura

Love you loads

Sami xxx