Nessie

Thank you all for your compliments. I receive them gracefully I hope. It was a very exciting day, and the aftermath was not as big as I thought it would be. Getting back on my feet again, although I think I have 2 days of tears ahead of me now.. I received a massive amount of reactions, and am lost in all of that. So i'll put it aside for now. Aside from remembering my speech (which was the hardest part) the noise and light were suppressed with extra medication. I was nervous, but not tooo much.. I believe the part in my brain that worries what people think has sustained some serious damage! LOL When I went to the rehab center today they had already seen it and received me with a silent applause. And that was heartwarming too. (they hope they might get a decent internet access now and will show it to their bosses). For now: lot's of sleep and trying to get things back to normal. And once more: thank you!!!

OMG they put mine online first! I'm soo proud! (next time I'll bring some water on stage though!)

shopping helps LOL Thank god for online shopping! And so very true... I think I bought more shoes, clothes and a really nice bag in the last 5 months than in the previous year! ( I have put my creditcard in the freezer for a while..

hey Sandi, I can't believe that Peter thinks your not trying hard enough!!! I think he might be scared for you that you don't get it... (hahah ik think you used these same words to me a while back) My mind works like that as well. Something can go well, and the next day there's like a brick wall in my head. Visualising doesn't do me any good. I can visualise my house, but have a big , big problem with abstract conceptual thinking. And I can only visualise something (anything) when I am doing absolutely nothing else at the same time!

Hey Shelley, Welcome to BTG. My date is close to yours as well. 4th of June 2010. Not at work yet, as I suffer from a lot of sensory integration issues and some cognitive issuess.. ( that and being exhausted al the time) Good to have you here!

Hi Juliette, Welcome here! *waves*

Hey Gill, It could have been me writing that.. Today it the psych We were talking about that as well. The question was if I could cope with it all happening again (question part of EMDR treatment). I broke down in tears. I think I feel like I can cope, but I feel horrible for my husband. I did, still do and also for the future feel like I am a weight around his neck sometimes. Mind you he does NOT say that or show that at all. It is just me. The fact that I caused him so much grief and sorrow is just... *cries another lake* *sends big hugs*

Good to read your story. It is filled with optimism. Thats the kind of thing that keeps me going. Although I am far from it, I Do think that in time I will be albe to work again, see friends and do all the other things that make life LIFE. Thank you for sharing!

When I was in hospital they asked me about my family history. If relatives suffered from related illnesses. My answer was no. (brain not working) My sister's answer was yes. My dad was 37 when he had his first heartattack, my mum's twin sister suffered a SAH aged 41 (survived), my dad's brother was found dead after a cerebral heamorrhage aged 48. My grandpa died of a stroke aged 82 (but that seems more natural than the others in my family). And after my SAH a lot of aunts and uncles came forward telling my parents that most of them have been treated for high BP for a long time. I was wondering; how Is that in your families? (hopefully I put this in the right place, if not.. and it gets moved.. please let me know in the daily bit where you move it to.. #easilylost

My BP has been high for the last 14 years, and I have been on pretty much all the pills they have for it. (some didn't work, some made me a zombie) On a good day it was ( like michelles) 140/90 but there have also been times that I was happy if it was 140/110. I am strictly monitored now, on medication that works, ánd doens't really give me bad sideeffects. Probably for the rest of my life..

Hi Karen, I was told in the emergency room that I had a stroke. The difference with a 'normal' one is that the bleed here doesn't flood into your brain, but between the membranes around it. Maybe that's a reason why our symptoms differ.... between these membranes the blood can do odd places, and the bleed or obstruction can cut off oxygyn for various parts of our brains. It is easier to tell people that I had a stroke, 'cause it is easier for them to relate to. People who know a bit more about these things I tell that it was a SAH. They all react the same: WHAAAAT?? 'cause the chance of surviving is a lot less (is that how you say it in English?) because in fact you have an arterial bleed in your head. (one of my first patients when training to be a nurse ( in 1991) was a patient with SAH. He died after a few weeks. I didn't know the how and what then, but this man has been in my head since it happened to me.. So we have you to thank for setting up BTG?? (where can I send my sea of flowers???) Wow. What a difference you have made for many people!!! #kudos!!!!

Hi Fiona, I can't remember the when of my appointments, but I thinks it was about 4 weeks after hospital. (got admitted in rehab center after, cause it didnt really go well at home. I keep forgetting all that is said in a doctorapp. So I take my camera and tape it. (just point at the wall so I don't have them on camera.) I always ask if that's ok, and it has never been a problem. Saves my husband time since he doesn't have to tell me 100 times what was said and how. My first neurologist appointments were just talking ( and a depression scorelist which is standeard here apparantly with stroke patients) , then after 6 months an MRI, and a new MRI in May coming up. Hope that helps..

So much said.. So I'll just wave! Hi! And welcome.

Hi Ian, Welcome. The more the merrier! (as long as you all keep quiet)

Hi Fiona, Welcome! I have only just discovered BTG myself, and I am so glad I did! The fluids and rest-thing that has been mentioned by all the others seems to be the most important. BTG and the fact that all people on here KNOW what it's like is comforting, a knowledge-database and increases my understanding of myself. Hope it brings the same for you! Good luck, and talk to you soon!

After my SAH there's 2 weeks missing. My first memory after SAH is of a bad dream. I have had bad dreams ever since for about 5 months. Every night, every nap. They are decreasing in number now, luckily, for they are just horrible. (down to 2 or 3 a week) I can't remember what I ate yesterday, or what I have seen on tv, but I remember all my dreams. They are vivid and always violent and ******. When there's something important or exciting on the schedule I can count on my dreams being back in full force. Usually I know they aren't true when I wake up. But htere have been times when I had to go look in the shed or the garden to see if there weren't any traces or remnants of my nightly killings... pfftt.. (not always killing myself though.. I get killed a lot as well...) I think it is me trying to make sense of what happenend to me. I feel victimised and am very angry with the world for being really noisy and loud and bright... I hope they will further decrease, 'cause it just sucks! Started EMDR a few weeks ago to see if that helps me.

hi ladies, I have always had a bad week before my period. It still is , only now with an even shorter fuse. ( ovulation time is also a nice one. trying for kids when having a killer-mood has always been fun) When my period starts however, my mood clears up. (before SAH it didn't) Last month I had a great one where I was about to do something with a cottonswab (what u use to clean your ears).. I was thinking that something wasn't right.. and at the last possible moment realised it was not a tampon I was holding in my hand. Sorry for the visual, but I made me laugh! It is a typical example of the little things that go wrong in this house though...

hehe I added it in the original post.. that they are looong talks.. thanks for reminding me.

Just wanted to share 2 of my favorite TED-talks About adversity and vulnerability http://bit.ly/hOlXbo ( they are both 20 minutes, so make some coffee first!) maybe there's something in it for you!

All I can say is that I recognise a lot in your story. I just passed my 9 months after- mark so it is still reasonably fresh for me. I started with EMDR last week for traumatic stress and hopefully that'll do me some good. I am not depressed, but do struggle with who I am and all the things I cant do anymore. Also the friends and family getting on with their lives.. It is hard sometimes. (last week got a letter from my best friend since kindergarten where he said MY SAH was one of hte hardest thing that happenend in hís life. My husband says he visited me in hosprital, but I cant remember. havent seen or heard him since.. Maybe it was too traumatic for him?? I started to use twitter and that helps a lot. there's always someone on, and it makes me feel less alone. Very interested in the rest of your stories... How do you, or did you get on?

I had a high blooodpressure since i was 22. On and off medication for it. Used loads of different stuff. I was told that the height of BP is not always the issue, as long as it is stable. the medication I am on now (and used between 2002 and 2007) is candesartan and it is the only one that doesn't give me ANY!! side effects. I switched to labetolol and L-methyldopa while we were trying to get pregnant. it gave me a year of headaches, then alomst 2 years of no side effects, but then.. Got the SAH. since the SAH I wanted my old meds back. And they suit me fine now!

O how I recognise this!! (also trying out the quote button. see if it works!?)

The card looks very handy! Could have used one last month when they gave me the wrong pills at the pharmacy and I completely broke down... I wonder if they would send one to me in NL. (never seen or heard of an equivalent in dutch and not creative enough to make one myself)

Just out of curiosity jen, what kind of card is it and what do you use it for?

also Lynne, the fact you tell people you have a brain injury is something I will think about. It makes a lot of sense!