MaryB

Sandi I was looking for the LIKE button on your post. lol

Good 4 you Kris!! Postitive today was I had lunch with a co worker that I have some issues with but it is only because we are opposites. Also making dinner for a change! AND a birthday cake for another co worker for tomorrow.

Kris, I never cry. I mean never. I wish I could cry I have the opposite problem. My aunt after her stroke cried all the time. Not me I am emontionless about most things. So look at the bright side of that. It is probably better to cry than to not respond properly. I need to read what part of the brain that is that does that. I know my "white matter" are in the oppicital lobe but ..........that is all I can recall. How is your fright reflex? Mine is relaly bad! But I never cry. I need a good cry.

Carl, Your words were wise and well written. I do not think you have to really respond to not responding! They already get it! LOL Ok, that is how I really feel but I ignore people too. I think somtime you can just say when you are not shutting down that you appreciate their patience with your " shut down time". I think I was that way prior to SAH. Lord knows we have been married long enough here that we just ignore each other all the time here and it is A OK but we are rude Americans. I find I lose patience when trying to spell and write. I was just read the paragraph above and it made no sense as I left out full key words. I just want someone to read everything and write for me. PLUS read my mind. Even when someone is telling me the date, or how to spell I cannot get the words in the right order and I get so frustrated by it. AND by there reaction having to keep repeating. I recall answering the phone at work and he was a new client- something that I don't usually do but we all know how to make an appt for someone. He spelled his name several times which was Woolever- which is funny as it is close to the spelling of my last name but I could not hear or understand the letter W so I made his appointment for Mr. Ooolever. I told the receptionist I was sorry but I could not ask him again how to spell his name. I just could not do a "W". I wish I cuold accept this as the new me but I am not satisfied with my limitations which is funny as I was not happy about them prior tpo SAH either. I know I can do better with my "limits and the new me" atttitude but it is exhausting. I guess it is because I look "so good, you cannot even tell". I find havin gto tell people over and over the about my limits like I cannot just do dishes or get dressed mindlessly anymore everything I do goes through an aware thought process. I wonder if I can ever just jump up out of bed and throw on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt again. It just does not work that way for me anymore. It just makes me so tired to have to tell someone that and to be that way still. I know I should be more inspiring but I can't muscle up the energy. I know I am not a lazy person and people would never describe me that way but I am getting lazy. PS I hate supermarkets too. I wish I could just stay home and be a housewife- I hear in America that is a "real" job! We all lead such more busy adn complicated lives now. I have been wanting one of the Office Max EASY BUTTONS for a long time.

Ryan, I can one up you I am selling off stuff that my family would sell in a garage sale for 50 cents or just give to goodwill! I also asked my neurosurgeon flat out if body donation to a teaching hosptial is better than organ donation. I have not been to Bakersfield but my sisterin law and family live in Riverside so I make a trip out there every couple of years and we usually do some short trips. I love CA. I went to San Francisco a few times but mostly stay around Riverside area. My BIL was City of Riverside Fire Chief Tedd Laycock. Nicest people in the world. One year anniversary! Congrats to you! How do you feel? All back to normal I bet!!!! I wonder how many people have SAH a year?? Maryb

~Kris, Let me know how that therapist works out for you! Why don't you just be my therapist? Mary

Hi Ryan, Nice to see you. Where about in the great state of California are you? Hope you are doing well.

I feel my neurosurgeon would of certainly let me have more time off, as would my neurologist but I thought 3 months was long enough. I was so wrong. I cannot understand how they give you no instructions after this. I did not have to have surgery but both Dr.'s felt my brain needed the same time ( 3 months) to heal. I am 7 months post sah today and I am trying to pull myself out of the darkness again. I am maybe coming to terms that this may be the best it will ever be. I so badly want to go see my son and but I know I cannot trust myself to make that long drive. AND I am sad that I may never be able to make that 8 hour trip alone as I love to travel by myself. I think if I did not have to keep my job I could balance my life better as I cannot go to work and not do my share of the load. I cannot do less, just not my nature. I am having a 4 hour stress test on Wednesday and I am sure that will push me over the edge and make me sleep in my car afterwards. Teechur, You do A LOT - I mean you really do. I think if you go back and reread your post you will see how much you are actually doing. Crashing on Monday but you had a crazy week last week too. Do you get some rest during the day? When I am not working I am good for at least 2 hours of napping a day and it works great. Lisa C. Is the therapist someone that was set up for you through hospital? I am thinking that I may need one! On my last visit I felt great and I said I woudl see them in 4 months as planned. But now I have been kickign myself for not following up on some suggestions. Errrrrrrrr.

Thats for sure Mike!

I am 7 month post SAH tomorrow & I simply cannot work and do anything more. I barely make it through a week. I work Wed, Thursdays & Fridays 8 hours and 5 on every other Saturday, I also do all the Sat P.M. & Sundays treatments. Depending if Wednesday is stressful or not I am trashed after one or two days. I simply cannot push to do it. I asked Saturday if I was making a bunch of mistakes & they assured me I was not making more than anyone else but I certainly have messed up at home with bills, appointments and chores. I got lost driving to the Dr.’s this week, I did not pay some important bills, I paid some twice, I can’t figure things out most of the time. I have a hard time reading anything or doing any fine motor skilled project. I relied on the mechanic to not rip me off, etc…….I can’t make decisions. So if you can get some more time off take it. I carry the insurance for my husband and I, I have to work at least 30 hours a week. I simply cannot afford to take time off of work either so that stinks as well. Take all the time you need and when you come back leave the crack in the door that you may need more time. I am sick of explaining to people that I cannot do this or that as well. I need a “smart” pill!

I would just have to lie to Nana. I cannot be on the phone or near people that are like that. Not that there is not any difference between our families! But I think although she means welll jsut have to tell her holdin ghte phone that long makes your headache. I personally have numb arms and hands when talking on phone so you can use that one if you like. I have a relative that is doing radition right now and I cannot even come up with anything to say at all I am so drained. I need some help but in the opposite way! Also I realized yesterday I am no fun, I can't listen to music, stand noise and nonsence. WHen I am nana age I will be a hoot. LOL BIG HUG! mary

Kris, "Hello My name is Mary I am an Over Doer" Yep, I over do or I feel if I am under doing. I have always been this way makes me crazy. I want a clone to sit home and be good mindful mary and let me be wild crazy working circle around people mary. The good day are great but the days in between really suck sometimes. I love the great ones as I do think I am cured.

Good for you Sandi, I hope it works. I am glad you are doing it:) Pro active you are!!

Tom, I am sorry for all you have been going though. I have been hypothyriod for 28 years. I do take xanax at bedtime to sleep- it just makes my mind stop thinking so I can let it go and rest. I find the side effects less than the sleep medication. I was left with lack of emotions, I never cry or feel fear or panic- I frighten easily it is so odd. I was almost in a head on collison a about 3 weeks ago & I never flinched while the car that was in my lane went right pastme and into the field. I broke my foot by "standing up" about a month after my SAH and I was in horrible pain and was depressed thinking I would never return to work or any kind of normal life. We get through it somehow. Just know you can vent anytime here. This place is the safest place on earth. I honestly feel this place keeps me sane. Take Care, Maryb

Good Luck, good health and Happy Easter Sue! Maryb

I was having rebound headaches big time ( around the 4 month mark) and they severity of them got much better when I went off my daily pain meds. I only took migraine or seizure medication 3 weeks because I had a new set of annoying symptoms. I will get headaches which do get worse when I do too much but not nearly as awful as it was. I would score them now at 6 - daily little background ones are about a 3. When I was still on daily pain medications they were about an 8. I woke up every morning with a temple headache until recently and those were about a 7 but eased as I moved about after an hour up. Massage has helped a great deal. I have always gotten a montly massage with the fibro but now I go every 2 weeks - I went weekly for about 6 weeks when I was weaning off meds. I think it made a big difference. I have always gone to the same girl who knows me well. It helps with the tightness in my neck for one thing which in turns helps my head. I love water aroebics but I find the noise/ class overwhelming at times and I spend a great deal of time holding my head. I enjoy the perfect coolish temp of water on my aching body. Also in my one evening a week yoga class I am surprised how simple stretches are making my spine crack and pop. Basically breathing, laying on my back. It is like the stress leaving my body.. I was suggested to take Neurotin ( Gabepetin) but I was already on that for the fibro a few years ago- and it gave me once again another set of side effects or is affects? That I was not tolerating. I BELIEVE in my heart that the nerve pain we all feel is similar to the nerve pain family from fibro- I take cymbalta 60 mg and was told I can double my dose but I am afraid to. I do not know if that matters but Cymbalta is an anti depressant and treats nerve pain. I was on elavil for the fibro maybe 10 years ago. That is one of the earlier anti depressant/ chronic pain medications that help with the seratonin. I thnk those drugs have a place for SAH recovery I am not knocking the pain pills or muscle relaxers but I think it is not treating the main problem. I hoard pain medication even though it now makes me break out in a bad itchy rash......what to do what to do? I need something without codiene (SP) & something the improves memory!

So sorry, I am almost 6 1/2 months and just went 9 days in a row without headaches then I added swim and yoga (& headaches!). They are not nearly as severe but I do not ever push myself when I am having one as hard as I use to. I am taking my blood pressure and when I have a headache it is high. I always had LOW blood pressure until 6 months prior. I need to go to Dr. & see about that. I am still disappointed that they do not think my fatigue and mental loss 6 months prior to SAH had anything to do with the SAH. SO I do not think they really know what to tell us. I am glad you had test done and maybe they can give you some answers. I LOVE my neurosurgeon as he sees me within an hour of my test and gives me results. No one ever mentioned to me of ever having any headaches,side effects or any problems, I came home with no information what so ever. I thought I would be fine in weeks. I am sorry you are still suffering with the headaches. I had an allergic reaction (rash and itching) to my Norco 750's the other night ( 2nd time) I feel screwed as I can't take any codeine. ERRRRR. My stomach gets very upset with medications even tylenol. My biggest problem besides spelling & reading is memory loss right now. Hope you feel better! How did you get your cute dogs photo posted on your post like that??? SO cute! I will have to go look at your photos in profile. M

Yes my dogs have helped a great deal. They always have an eye on me to see if I am heading to the couch in the other room..Really funny. So does one of our cats - she is dog like. The only time it was really bad is about a month after SAH I was standing in kitchen and my foot broke. Just broke by standing there. SO it was hard to keep them off me while I had my foot elevated. I had to wear a brace / cast for 6 weeks and I finally found a way to let them get back on me when I sleep/ rested. ALSO at work as I have stated before that working at a small animal vet clinic I am amazed how fast I was able to handle dogs alone again. I was able to draw blood on at least 1/2 the dogs again by myself with the owner just holding the head - I think the dogs were aware of my brain issues as I could walk in and scoop up a mean dog and do stuff and then find out he normally bites us. Now had I not had an SAH I would of read the chart first! ALso I don't have fear - I don't have that emontion. I have common sense but my "fear" is broken. Dogs sense fear and if you are anxious or fearful you may as well go home. My startle reflex is high but fear is not there. I had a great sense of respect while working a a pit bull who had his face "***** Slapped/scratched bad by a cat today that he shook. But not fear- but I did not trust him one bit. It is different. Also I have seen so many people adopt older dogs and they get such great joy out of older pets. I do not think I could do a puppy right now unless I had some miracle cure - but many older dogs need homes and companions just like we need that special lift from a 4 legged friend. I see myself givng a few good years to older dogs some day. So they can spend their last days in a wonderful home beign loved instead of euthanized or left at a rescue site.

Teechur hahahaha...........I worked like a dog, went to yoga and did swimming the past 2 days. Today it was a killer at work. I need a string of good days every 8 days or so or I get depressed. funny thing is when I feel good I think I am cured. I fall for it ALL THE TIME. With the fibro it falls the same way as this recovery. Sometimes I can't tell the difference but I am starting to see more fibro symphoms (SP) now since I do not rest all day everyday.

welcome, This is certainly the place to come where people can understand what you are goign through. Don't hesitate to ask questions or ever worry about complaining. These BTG people are a great source support. maryb

My top number- systolic has been jumping up high up to 157 at times but my bottom number has remained low. It started 6 months prior to SAH - something I will address during a scheduled physical in the future. WHen I am having a painful day it is usally high. I am going to have my GP recommend a cardiolgist to becuz I think I have soemthing other going. running late for work........... m

Jordan I had a bit of a time issue in the beginning...mayeb first 4 months. I was always very prompt but I could not get ready and judge my time or mangement of time well at all. I would have 30 minutes to get ready and spend 15 minutes looking at all my white socks. I could not just get dressed it was a big process and I needed a nap when I was done. good luck. Mary

Alison, I have looked up the definitoin (SP?????????) and nope not me. But I have words issues, spelling, reading, can't organize a project to save my soul, including reading these post and repsonding or reading & understanding a recipes. I use to be able to multi task and can't now or don;t care to. I may be starting to become kind of mean....... ignorant life sucking people / clients I want to fire. I just don't care and can't stand people that obcess on BS. Nope I do not have Excuctive Dysfunction but I have something! Good lUck, Mary

My memory was bad before SAH and other bleed now I can use it as an excuse...I say "I am sorry I had a stroke" (because most people understand that better) and I cannot recall your name at the moment.

I have people say " You look normal". I am amazed. I do not get angry about this. I think my angry adn joy part of my brain were affected. I know it is so weird. Having the Fibro really made me p'd off all the time, BIG TIME mad about my limitations. When I mentioned this to my neurosurgeon he said "SO you can imagine how dificult this is for someone else?" HUm??? Well yes, but ......... it still makes me annoyed that they offer no information about where I am at and what will improve an what won't. That bugs me. I tthink maybe everything that would make me totally crazy I have just put on the shelf and someday I will lose it. I also educate people whereever I go- But I usually say I had a stroke it is easier for them to undesrtand. I have no problem asking for help.