iola

I believe your body is still healing from your injury and you will most likely be susceptible to more "bugs". Body is working hard to heal so your immune system takes a bit of a beating. Your are like the child that goes to school for the first time and comes home with every sickness. You will build those immunities back up with time. Happy you put your tree up. I know what you mean about last year. I was sick and did not do as much either. I do hope you have a wonderful holiday this year! Iola

Teechur, Some folks say they like their new life better. Well, I'm with you. I miss so much of who I was. I am blessed by clarity and pure reality I am not immortal. Life is fragile. Bad things really do happen to good people. I am so much closer to the Lord and for that I am eternally grateful. No pun, really eternally grateful. That is refreshing to me. But, I miss feeling my old 100%. I have a new scale now I measure my "feel good" days with. There is always something not quite right. I am active and walk/jog, cut grass, garden, run up and down stairs, etc...Running still hurts my head though. I swear sometimes I feel my brain moving around. I believe most of us do have some type of epiphany after surviving. A new meaning to life. A new sense of direction and a road blinded to us that continues to reveal itself in bits and pieces. Well, that's my philosophy. Now, if I could just remember simple things like what someone said 3 minutes ago....... Iola

Hi, I do hope you are still feeling well. Pace yourself please. I am a big over achiever and there are times I feel great and times I am totally exhausted. I started working part time at 4 months and that was way to soon. I wanted to be better and show the world I could conquer this terrible thing that happened. Well, the world really did not care and I ended up with terrible headaches. I'm not saying lay in bed and do nothing, that absolutely does not work but do rest when you need to rest. It's hard with kids, I know. Mine was 7 when it happened to me and after the third week I had to get up every day and get her ready for school. Pretty hard thing when you feel like you have an elephant is sitting in your head. My doctor told me 12 to 18 months to feel "normal" again but not to compare to who you were because you were no longer that person. Well, 18 months has come and gone and I'm not who I was in many ways. You will begin to discover this new person you will need to get to know. Iola

Hi, Mine was non aneurysmal as well. I did not have surgery though. I did have three angiograms to confirm it was not an aneurysm rupture. you will learn so much in the upcoming months. Some good and some scary. The first year is really a year of coming to terms, which I'm still having trouble with a year and a half later. Rest your weary brain and drink plenty of water and heal. i

I hear ya loud and clear. Dizzy is my new middle name! I was crying a few weeks ago while telling my husband I wanted my old life back. To get up every day not even thinking about what I felt like and ready to conquer the day. Now I am intimately aware of how I feel and some nights I go to bed praying the next day will be better. I tell myself there is always tomorrow for that great day. You are a very busy person so maybe give yourself a break and see how that works for you. I

Hi, Make sure you are approved first. I know from experience HR is not your friend. It's all about liability and legality. I know my HR dept was incredibly heartless when I was sick. Still are. You do what you need to do to be happy. It's a struggle but you know in your heart what you need. I have been struggling with quitting myself and I think guilt is standing in my way right now. I have heard that most folks are turned down at least once and you have to continue to fight for approval. I see and read about so many on disability that are just robbing the system and then I look at folks like you that are deserving and wonder what the heck? You will make the decision that is right for you. I

Janet, I am so sorry you have had such a tough time. It does all seems to come on at once. I will keep you and your family in my prayers and hope for a brighter 2015! Iola

Yep, that's me alright. Love it.

Hi, I have terrible sleep patterns. I had to take my nemodipine every two hours due to my BP being so low. It lowered it even more but made my heart race at the same time. No fun. I was also on anti seizure meds that made me a cryin fool. Anyway, I wake up every single night. Most of the time around 2:30 - 3:00 am and I have a terrible time getting back to sleep. It's been this way for over a yr and a half now. I am always tired but push through. However, there are times when I must lay down. You are still in the early stages and need lots of rest. Sorry, I have no great advice. Hope others will. Iola

Hi Tamsyn, After a very stressful two months on a project and total meltdowns my project at work was done and do you know what my boss said to me? He said, "You had to work through the pain and fight for your healing and push yourself to see your success." I literally laughed in his face because he has no clue the fight I have fought. What I fight daily. We are the champions. In his defense he would not have a clue and how could he? I chalked it up to a poor inspirational attempt to motivate me. Blah. I

Hi, I know exactly where you are. My job is high stress and it does not help headaches. I am a yr and a half from mine and it can be a struggle. You start to feel good again and feel like you have jumped forward and then SLAM you feel as though you have fallen back six months or more. I seem to go in cycles. I told my husband I do not remember what it is like waking up and not thinking about how I am going to feel. I am always very aware. You need to step back because you will break down. I think we push ourselves even more now because of what we are trying to prove to ourselves and others. Don't become the patient. Take care of you and pace yourself. You can still do your job, just differently. Iola

There is no way you can just bounce back like nothing ever happened. Nice thought though. After three weeks I had to take my daughter to the bus stop and the side road I live on is fairly long and there was no way I was walking that. My husband bought me a golf cart and off we went. It was still painful and I actually did run off the road and I can't tell you the number of days I cried all the way back to my house after I put her on the bus. Give yourself breathing room. You can only take it one day at a time. I

Thank you Macca and to all. These past two months have been eye opening. I CAN say it's okay to be different than before. I must admit I struggle not being Wonder Woman. But then again, I am! I survived something so incomprehensible to most and discovering there is such strength in surviving and living. This thread has helped on a multitude of levels. I really do appreciate everyone! I

Hi Phil, I had a bleed from an unknown source. Non aneurysmal bleed, but, a bleed on the brain nonetheless. I am a year and a half out and it does get better but it is a slow walk on this road. Take your time. Just because folks can't see any outward signs of trauma does not mean there is no trauma. You are experiencing trauma mentally and physically. Not sure of the meds you are taking but the ones I took made me a blubbering fool. I cried over everything. Actually, I still cry but not nearly like I used too. You are scared and of course you are! You have every right to be. Think about what your body had endured. Poor brain is like a babies brain right now and needs lots of nurturing. Your confidence will return but it's not magic, it takes one day at a time. Keep posting. Everyone on here truly cares. I

14 years is such a wonderful achievement. I look forward to saying mine was 14 yrs ago. You are correct, one life stops and the other one begins. We didn't ask for it but we got it. I get angry and frustrated but then I turn to see others that have such incredible struggle in their lives and thank God I am here and can proudly say I AM WONDER WOMAN! I am sorry you have such pain and I am sure you have been through the ringer of trying everything to control the pain. Chin up and forward move. That's all we can do. Iola

I would like to thank everyone for such inspirational words. Really touched me and has me thinking. Macca, you're right I do care. Failure is not in my vacabulary and I need to come to terms with, it is okay to say NO. I've always been a people pleaser and over achiever but this week I hit a hard meltdown. Talk about losing my temper. It was awful and basically kicked a person out of my office. I was just plain angry and my nerves were shot. My mother used to say that and now I understand. I didn't cry then but I sure did later. I do not bounce back like I used to and I need to come to terms with that as well. I suffer from the fatigue, and I hate it. That one sentence, "you are rarely appreciated in the end." How true that is in the eyes of an employer. Your kind responses have given me something to think about. Yes, I'm a thinker. . Thank you so much everyone. There truly is a God, for I would have never had the wonderful pleasure of all of you if He did not guided my hand to this site. Iola

Hi all I am now a year and a half from that dreaded day that changed me forever. I am back at work and I do most everything I used to but not like I used too. It's all so very different. 100% is now based on how I feel a good day is and not what it used to be. I go in cycles. I have a few weeks of good and then slam and hello headache, heavy head, and fatigue. I have been working crazy hours because of a project I need to accomplish. When I say crazy I mean 150+ hours in two weeks. I am totally exhausted. I told my boss I simply cannot push like this anymore and not to ask it of me again. I don't think like I used to. I'm not as quick anymore. I work with numbers and my attention to detail has just gone in the can. I swear I see things that are not there! I have been useless at home and my house hold is turned upside down. The stress has gotten the best of me and I have been having terrible outbursts of anger and then crying spells. Guilt, guilt, guilt. That is all I feel anymore. Guilt that I am unable to do the job I used too, guilt because I don't care as much anymore, guilt cause I miss my old life, guilt cause I am a different person now, guilt cause I am not controlling my emotions, guilt cause I want to quit my job, guilt cause I want to be happy. Seems never ending, this guilt of mine. Iola

Hi Shellie, You have been blessed for sure. It's incredible when we do tell our stories and realize just how fortunate we are, even through the most difficult of times. I returned to work, after my bleed, after 4 months and worked part time from home. I found it to be very exhausting and painful. I am almost a year and a half now and working hours that I find I simply cannot do anymore. I am so beat and I have a terrible time focusing. Do not be hard on yourself. You are not even one year into recovery from something very traumatic. Let yourself heal. I truly believe it takes at least two years to finally recognize some type of normalcy, whatever that is these days. You are not the same person you were before and that is quite okay. Everyone else needs to accept you are who you are now. Iola

Hi Becky, My bleed was non-aneurysmal as well. No surgery but three angiograms. You are back at work very soon and do not be surprised if you just shut down for a few days. Mine is over a year now and I still get headaches and dizzy. I work but I do suffer from fatigue. Does not keep me from doing what I want but I always know something is off kilter. Be kind to yourself and give your brain a rest. Remember, this is not a broken arm this is your motor that functions everything and needs time to be babied. You did have a bleed, regardless of how it happened, and your brain needs time to heal. iola

Hi April, Oh, I know all about dizzy! I still suffer from dizziness especially when I am tired. At my 6 month mark I went to see my surgeon because I was not at the place they told me I'd be and he said it could take 12 to 18 months to feel "normal". But, to make no mistake that I had gone through a life changing near death experience and I'd never be the same again. This is very true. Normal is different now. I still go kayaking, hiking, mowing the grass, etc... But, I get tired more often and headaches are a daily thing. I take Tylenol most of the time and some times Midrin in the evenings when I am heavy headed. Midrin is non narcotic. I have to sleep prop with a couple pillows. Sleeping flat makes me dizzy and I've noticed I favor my left side now. My eyeballs actually hurt in the evenings. So, I do understand and feel for you. I was terrified for such a long time it would happen again but one comforting thing to know is your brain has been looked at in such detail that if anything were to be wrong the drs. would have seen it. Rest is so important. Iola

Hi April, I had a bleed that was non aneurysmal as well. I am healthy, fit, and could not believe it when it all happened. I have learned a bleed is a bleed regardless of how it happened and the brain is hurt and needs time to heal. Be careful not to push to quickly. It will get better but there are days that will force you to rest. It is hit-or-miss some times. I am at 16 months post bleed and it's been a long haul. Give yourself time and patience. Of course, I am the worst at giving that advice because patience is a quality I am still learning. Iola

Hi Vanessa, I am 16 months from my NASAH and I still have periods of headaches. Its very frustrating and depressing. I, too, become nauseous when the headache sets in. I push myself to walk because it seems to temporarily help. I have been working for almost a year and I never feel 100%. All my tests come back normal so why should I not be 100%? I still suffer from vertico, which I just hate. After I hit my 1 yr mark and did not feel great I decided to give myself another 6 months and I guess I will continue for, well, forever it seems. Iola

Hi, My pets stayed by my side from day one. They would lay in my bedroom with me all day. I was alone throughout the day a week after I came home so they comforted me. They saw more of me than anyone did. They saw me cry, pray, beg, sleep, fall, struggle; you name it they saw it. Thank goodness they do not speak. They keep my most haunted secrets. I love my animals. Iola

Hi Dawn, I'm only 14 months out but I can tell you work puts a hurting on my head. This week was terrible. I do suffer from dizziness and when I am tired it gets worse and so does the headache and then get scared. I had an anxiety attack taking my daughter to camp this week, while driving. Not good. I think I just do too much. You can only do so much and I have so learned the hard way the brain just shuts down and hurts. I told my boss today I was thinking about quitting. He did not like hearing that but the stress of the job weighs on me. I know what you mean though about not knowing what to do if you did quit. I am trying to figure that out myself. I'm a doer so I'd have to keep busy. Take care of you. Iola

Hi Susan, Congrats on the first year journey! I am right there with you in so many ways. Still waiting for the full recovery. Ha! Yes, my hubby and I are much closer now and I so appreciate my family and life more. Toasting life! Glasses up! Click click. Iola