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Making the wrong decisions


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Hi all

Haven't posted for a while but hope everyone is well, Its beens nearly 2yrs since my SAH and am still coming to terms with everything - retirement, weak legs and lack of energy - you know!

My daughter married last year and she is expecting a baby in October! so a Grandma I will be!

Anyway my reason for posting is I want to know if anyone has suffered from an inability to logically make the right decision!, I think it is right but then realise its not! its a so frustrating! I recently decided to buy a different car but made the wrong choice! now I dont like it! my husband is very good and understanding . Was very upset this morning, said I cant work, dont go to the gym and cant choose a car - was feeling very sorry for myself!

does anyone else have these set backs? and what is the best way to deal with it?

Take Care

Caroline

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Hi Caroline, sorry to hear you're feeling down, Merrill had her sah just over a year ago, Merrill is still very indecisive, and cannot organize in anyway, she would be the first to tell you that, and as for buying a car and then not likeing it a few weeks later i think we've all done that, Merrill a year on still has no energy, tires very quickly, and still has 2 hours lay down every afternoon, and if she does'nt she is totaly wiped out for the rest of the day, I think nearly everyones situation seems to be different in some way or other there is no patern to recovery like a broken leg,Most of the time Merrill just laughs it off and accept how she is now, although i'm not always sure that accepting it is the right way to go because you lose that little bit of fight that is needed.

Hope you are soon feeling a bit better about things Best wishes Rod

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Hi Caroline :) So sorry you have been feeling so upset xx it is so hard sometimes to come to terms with the new you. I still struggle sometimes too. Good days and bad days, we all have them xx Congratulations to you on Grandma to be :)

Its great to see you posting, you have been missed.

Please take care

Love and hugs

Tina xx

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Hi Caroline,

Congratulations! :-D

I think that I've made bad or wrong decisions before the SAH, as well as after .... and have a tendency to over analyse things since the SAH and have become far too practical! :wink:

I can't work, well not on a permanent capacity and I can't do the gym either! ... and sometimes, feel extremely fed up with life post SAH and feel totally useless .... but, I contribute in other ways, as I'm sure that you do. :wink:

I wouldn't worry too much about the car .... as long as it gets you from A to B and starts first thing in the morning, then it's all a plus ... may be, you'll grow to love it! :lol:

May be, it's a combination of things that you're experiencing at the moment and perhaps the car, was the last straw!

I can't really give any advice, but just to say, that I also have moments of feeling completely and utterly hopeless .... I try to draw on the positive things around me and keep my fingers well and truly crossed!

We all make the odd mistake Caroline, so don't be too hard on yourself. xx

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Hello Caroline :)

I think that we all can empathise with you, I reckon that some of what you are feeling is lack of confidence in how you are now, and frustration at not being able to do the things you used to do. However I am sure there are other ways in which you are a much better person :)

My son got married just over a year after my SAH and I could not decide what to wear on his big day, I got in such a muddle that my husband chose for me in the end! and I look at the wedding photos now and cringe at how I looked :D but I know that my son and my family were really happy that I was there at all :)

Congratulations on becoming a grandmother soon, it is great :)

Vivien x

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Hi Caroline

This is very interesting. My daughter is getting married in June and I was fretting about my outfit. My hubby and I looked a lot of outfits and I couldn't make up my mind, so I visited my sister in Surrey and bought an outfit. I've struggled the last few weeks wondering if I've bought the right outfit! 3 times I've called her and told her I don't think it's suitable and 3 times she's had to calm me down and reassure me! I've never been like this before, I was alway very decisive! Actually reading these posts has helped me understand that it's the lack of confidence since the SAH that's the problem, thank you!

Congratulations about the baby, that's wonderful news!

Liz xx

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I never looked at it as a lack of confidence, but understand how it could be, I dont like the person I am at the moment! and am still frustrated that I cant do what I used to do, I'm not as strong, quick and cant make those decisions! I'm sure I am a better person in other ways, am calmer and slower! hopefully in time I will grow to love this person too!

It interesting Liz and Vivien about you outfits, when my daughter got married a year ago, I went to John Lewis and had a personal shopper! got my outfit and all the accessories within an hour and very stress free, I suppose it was someone else making the decisions!

Karen I think you are right when you say you analyse things more - me too

Thanks for all your help

love Caroline

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Hi Caroline

I tried using a personal shopper in John Lewis in Kingston upon Thames but I found that even more difficult. I found myself getting irritated with her, but I think the lights were too bright and it was too hot for me.

I too was a very strong person, very organised and could juggle lots of jobs at once. I would have faced goliath! Not anymore. I don't like it when there's confrontation and I cannot muti task anymore. I do get down sometimes because I am unable to do or be the way I used to. But my husband says that he can see "green shoots" of the old Liz! He say he sees flashes of the old strength at times, I don't!

I agree with Karen, I think sometimes maybe we analyse things too much but sometimes it's hard not to!

Liz

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I think that we can perhaps lose a bit of trust in our brain and that it will do the right thing ... as it has let us down in the past... and hence the over analysis;-) It's all a process of adapting and coming to terms with not being able to juggle all of the balls, as we were once able to do.... but then again, I really don't want to have to juggle all of those balls now, as I truly believe that it's not healthy.

I wouldn't worry what outfit you have, but enjoy the day and the moment ... and have a laugh at the photos in later years, if the outfit is truly hideous, which I would doubt that it would be! :lol: Mind you, I was looking at my wedding photos the other day ... it was in 1983 ... and I haven't got a clue what my Mum was wearing, she looked like a cross between Carmen Miranda with the hat and Princess Di in velvet .... the 80's really weren't kind! I wore a "meringue" ... :lol:

I shall be five years post SAH in July and do I still get frustrated? Yes, I do and have my moments .... but I'm more accepting as to who I am now and I know that I will have times when I shall be frustrated again and wish that I had bought that damned punch bag .... :wink: xx

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Hi Caroline,

snap, my daughter is expecting a baby in October. I am so much looking forward to being a Grandad. But she is diabetic and a long way to go yet.

I understand your frustrations, I thought I had escaped my SAH without any major disability or problems. But when I stop and think I have problems with my short term memory, fatigue, I say silly things sometimes. Get dates mixed up. Have atota blank of six weeks in hospital. But I have never yet got angry with myself or been bitter about what happened to me. It was totally out of my control. Julie told the doctors she would take me in what ever capacity I came through the SAH.

She cannot believe how much of the old me she has got back.

I think every one of us who comes onto the blog have had different experiences, we all have varying degrees of similar effects. The one really important common ground we have is that we are all still here.

And very important able to communicate via the keyboard with each other. That in itself takes a great deal of skill and ability after what we have all been through.

The chances are we would have made wrong choices in life even without an SAH :shock: so don't be too hard on yourself.

Look forward to your two year anniversary and equally as important your impending Grannyship (word does not exist but it sounds good):-D

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John, I agree with you and I certainly made plenty of mistakes before the SAH and I'm sure that I will continue to do so!

I think that on the material front, I do over analyse before I buy anything or I tend to stick to buying things that I know are "safe" buys and I can't really go wrong .... but, that's probably also because money is a heck of a lot tighter, so I don't want to make a costly mistake..... mind you, that sometimes isn't a very satisfying experience either, because I often wish that I had been a little more adventurous! Hmmm, the complexity of the female brain eh! :lol:

Caroline, I hope that once you get into your third year, that you will find life a little easier .... I have always felt, that the first 2 years were ones where I was recovering and coming to terms with the SAH event. Once I hit the 3 year mark, I realised that I was adapting life around my capabilities and things started to feel more normal. To be honest, I can't really remember what life was like before I had the SAH now .... it almost feels now as though that life, belonged to somebody else.

A few years back I came across a very good peace of advice from another stroke survivor and that was, to compare the person you are now, to the person that returned home from hospital, rather than make comparisons as to the person that you were before the SAH or you will see yourself as failing, rather than seeing the progress that you're making. I can only say, that recovery does keep happening for a lot of us and confidence does slowly return.

xx

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Hi Caroline

Wonderful news about becoming a Grandma but totally agree with everyone else I may manage to get to the gym not as often as I'd like :wink: My confidence is very poor as well and making decisions can be difficult I do dither a lot more now than I used to.

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Thank you all for your advice and kind words. I know I have come a long way since my SAH. Have coped with having to retire after a long and successful career - that wasnt easy!:shock: As some have said I am moving into the acceptance stage, albeit very slowly!:-D I have begun to accept that I cant do some things, but I can do others! At first I thought that in time I would be 100% mended, but realise now that is not the case and I look forward to being maybe 95%!:-D

This site has been very supportive to me and although I haven't posted lately I really do wish everyone all the very best in their continued recoveries

love Caroline

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Hi Caroline,

Don't ever worry about posting .... in some respects, it hopefully shows that your life and recovery is moving forward and that's what this site is all about..... however, we're always here when you need us. :wink:

It will be interesting to hear how you feel in your third year and whether you'll find life a little easier ... think that we're all on a steep learning curve, but it's good to know that you're not alone.

Wishing you well... xx

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hi Caroline

I will be 50 tomorrow and going on my 8th month since sha/coiling, at this stage continue suffering a deep depression and not able to make decisions (not even wrong ones). I used to cope with more than 10 hrs daily work plus running a house. Right now just cooking seems to be a challange. My side effect apart for the typical faigue is a III NERVE PALSY

I realise if I look back at the date i was discharged from hospital with no vision on my right eye (well double vision means no vision) and closed eyelid i have really made a big improvement but not 100%

I am still on sick leave and really dread going back to work as I very much doubt I will be able to keep the pace and find I am rather young to retire. By the way also going to be a grandmother in November¡¡¡

Knowing others are more or less in your shoes guess doesnt make you feel better but at least you can identify your fustrations

Keep us posted, Im new to the site and must admit it helps to put down your feelings, they wont get better but at least you take them off your shoulders and its like writing them down in paper

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Hi Luisa

Yes I felt that I was far to young to retire at 53! but after trying to go back and then some more time on the sick realised that I just couldnt do it anymore! I too used to work long hours and run a house and multitask and now I wonder how I used to do it all!

It is good to know that others have suffered in the same way but you're right it doesnt always make you feel better but their is always hope and being able to express feelings on here is such a big help.

Good Luck

Caroline

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Hmmm this is an interesting thread. I'm not sure about making right or wrong decisions: I don't seem to have made any since I came home from hospital apart from do I want to watch TV or read a book....!

John's post was very good and I can identify with it totally. I think I'm in denial about how serious my SAH and craniotomy were - it's only when people like my GP or the two consultants I work for say "gosh we were so worried about you" that I realise it was serious. I mean, they see life and death every day so for them to worry is quite something.

I don't feel any different to before, really, although there is a running joke in our house that I repeat myself, that I talk rubbish sometimes. In fact last night I had said I felt I had recovered totally and then a bit later on I said something silly and my partner said "you've recovered totally" in an ironic voice. You had to be there - it was funny at the time! I also jokily accuse my daughter and partner of "messing with my head" because they say I've said or done something that I don't remember - as long as we can laugh it off, we'll be ok....

Congrats on becoming a grandma :)

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Thanks Jess - thats what I intend to do! It was as if by having the wrong car I was loosing my identity! who I was - does this make sense?, I know a car only gets you from A to B but I have always enjoyed driving and didnt want to loose this as well as everything else!

Thanks

Caroline:-D

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