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Finding this difficult but feel so selfish


zoe1zoe1zoe1
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Hi all.

It is now 8.5 weeks since Richard had his SAH. He is getting more depressed by the day and I am now finding this very difficult to deal with. I know I have said all this before but sometimes it just helps to write things down. He now has some slight movement in his left leg but stilll nothing in his left arm. He said today he was scared of not being able to work again and look after me and the kids bit what do I say - I too am scared. Within the next few weeks the financial strain will hit us as Richard will go onto statutory sick pay and all I can think about is losing the house. We had no cover so unfortunately we are in this on our own. I am just finding this all too much to cope with and am taking it out my two gorgeous kids (aged 3 and :cool: and they don't deserve this. I have stayed so positive but reality has now hit and I am petrified. I know when Richard has been into rehab (soon hopefully) he could be much better than he is now but I still imagaine I will be a carer to some extent. We had such plans - baby number 3, me training as a midwife and now this has all changed - my life has taken a sharp u-turn that I have no control over.

Sorry to be so depressing but just need to get this off my chest.

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Hi Zoe

I don't think your being selfish I think you are saying how it is. You are under a huge amount of stress. Have you spoken to your doctor? You need to be supported through this. When anyone said to me after my SAH "oh you must have been so scared" I always tell them that it was more scary and stressful for my family. Neither should you have to worry about money, maybe you should go to your citizens advice office and ask them for advice.

Take care.

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Hi Zoe,

No, you're definitely not being selfish and the financial worries are something that many of us have had to go through. Thankfully, I wasn't the major wage earner, so even though we struggled at first, the impact wasn't as big as it could have been, so I feel for you.

I totally agree with Liz's comments and please ring up the Citizens Advice Bureau to see what help you can get with your finances and what benefits you are entitled to .... take all the help that's on offer ... and ring up your building society and let them know the situation .... they should be able to help you..... it's in their interest for you to keep hold of the house, so hopefully they will be able to offer you a solution to reduce your repayments in the short term.

Wishing you the very best of luck xx

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zoe

you are entitled to say what you need to say it was a massive incident and a massive shock for you and Richard you are still in the early days as for yet and everything is so new to you both its going to take time to sort things out let me know what ward Richard is on and the visiting times and i will try and get over this Wednesday evening to see you both i know how bad it gets and how you are feeling if i can be of any help i will do what i can yes you do need to see or try and get into see cab i would also get hold of the carers ass i will pm you their number the lady who's number i have really helped me i will try and get someone in telford and their number for you they are brilliant and very helpful please call me i will return the call chin up everything will turn out ok and by all means let it out on here thats what we do take care xx

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Zoe, don't panic, you did the right thing letting of steam here! I was in dire financial straits after my SAH as I was the sole breadwinner (partner was self-employed and contracts dried up). I said this somewhere else too, but I phoned the Council because I was scared of being repossessed, and they put us in touch with a debt counsellor at the Council itself. The guy has been AMAZING explaining what help is out there, helping my partner complete forms to get mortgage interest relief, etc etc. Don't sit there and worry about things, but get all the help you are entitled to. CAB are also good, but in our case it was the guy at the Council. Call yours first thing and find out if they can help.

Also, please tell Richard that my mother had a stroke in her 70s and couldn't speak/swallow/move her right side at all, was in nappies etc, got c diff and MRSA and we really thought the worst. Well, she had intensive physio, speech therapy and occupational therapy and she is doing amazing. She can walk, use her right hand, talk etc and is living alone with just a home help a couple of times a week. There IS life after stroke, and he WILL improve if he just sticks at it. Please tell him we are rooting for him!!

Take care and PM me if you need to chat xxx

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No your not selfish, its natural to feel like that, reality has kicked in, it is all swings and roundabouts, I think tho men take it more badly more to heart as they are the money earners - protectors and when they cant well they just seem to fall apart.....

Dont think there's no help out there, first stop would be citizens advice...

Rehab can make such a difference......

take care, cuddles to you both

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I agree with the others, you are not at all selfish, just faced with a lot of worry and responsibility. Please keep writing on here to let off steam, we understand :)

Wishing you and Richard all the best.

It will get better.

Vivien x

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Hi Zoe...my heart goes out to you....you are not at all selfish...just have so much to deal with. The others have given good advice. Wishing you and Richard all the best...take care...love Tina xx

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Hi Zoe, I am so sorry to hear you are having such a stressful time.

And no, you are definitely not being selfish. Not at all.

As the others have said, you do need to gain some support from your GP, and hopefully you will be able to get hold of someone equally as helpful as Jen's council debt counsellor, who seems to have helped them out immensely.

I can't imagine how difficult it must be for you.

Good luck, and do keep posting to let us know how things are going, good or bad. We are all here for each other.

Big virtual hugs for you

Take care

Kel x

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Hi Zoe

My thoughts are with you hun and I agree with everything thats been said. You definitely need to speak to the building society and find out what benefits you're entitled to with Richards condition.

Good luck and we're always here to listen

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hiya zoe , after my sah my hubby was in pretty much the same position as yourself we have two little girls and had just bought our house so had a massive mortgage , i agree with the rest of the guys about seeing the gp .....my parents were a great help luckily i would of probably lost my house ......go to citizens advice they are fab and when it comes to benefits they are the best , my hubby rang my mortgage company and they were very good and sympathetic it might be worth a quick call....keep your chin up hun wish you and your partner the best its a shame theres not a pot of money that people in this situaton can acesss i will try and rack my brain and if i think of something else to help i will let you know take care lynz .....and by the way you are not selfish you are wonder woman !! and super mum !!!!all wrapped into 1 xxxxx

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