Emotional Recovery

[Lin-lin]

Hello everyone.

What a lovely little community I've stumbled upon! I've received more warmth from you than from some friends I've known for years. (Did anyone else find out who their true friends were post SAH?!)

I need some advice from experienced survivors - the ones of you who've 'been there, done that' and are currently wearing the t-shirt!

My SAH was on the 21st November 2009 and when it first happened, my only concern was the physical symptoms. I felt fine inside.

However, recently it's reversed. Physically, I'm improving. Granted I'm not the same, but I'm getting stronger every month. (Just battling the usual fatigue and insomnia.)

However, the better I get physically, the more I notice the emotional dip.

I accept that I'm worried about very real problems at the moment. I resigned from my job recently and am battling to survive on benefits. I'm having to cope with bank charges; my car insurance being more expensive because I'm unemployed (?) and I'm struggling to find money to join a gym because I can't afford the fees (despite the fact that doing so would improve my emotional well being.)

I therefore have very real problems which preoccupy me, but am alarmed by these empty, tearful episodes. I cannot stress how out of character it is. I'm the 'strong, happy' person in the group normally. Some people still call me 'Smiler' and I can't help but notice the irony!

I'm doing the right things in keeping contact with friends (the jovial ones!), exercising (within my new limits,) and I hope to commence volunteer work soon.

But I can't shake this flippin gloom!

Did anyone else experience this fallout more than 6 months on? I've an appointment with my Consultant tomorrow and will mention it.

Thanks

Lin-lin

[kempse]

Hi Lin Lin,

I believe many of us on here experience the teary episodes - I know I did. My sah was about a year before yours 8.11.08 and the first 12/13 months were quite emotional for me. You have not only been through the trauma of a sah, but you have added worries, like your job, car insurance etc. which would have an impact on you under normal circumstances.... so don't be hard on yourself, hopefully with time you will see an improvement like I did.

I have had my fair share of turmoil and during that first year my hubby was out of work for 5 months and for 6 months of that first year I had the anxiety of further brain surgery. I sometimes wonder how I did get through it and although things still go pear-shaped from time to time, I somehow feel happier now and knowing that there are people on this website who are willing to listen and give up their time to reply to posts is something I find very humbling. I am sure coming on here with your concerns etc, will in itself bring some comfort to you - there is usually someone who has or is in the same boat. You sound like you are doing really well ,but keep your spirits up - you do have some genuine concerns at the moment so maybe talking to a counsellor would help - I did see one myself but didn't really gel with her but I am sure there are some really good ones out there .

Best wishes,

Sarah

[karen78]

hi Lin-lin and everyone else, My SAH was 4 months ago to the date, i still have not accepted what has happened so reading everything from you guys helps in a weird kind of way !!

And as for friends, i use the word VERY loosely now !!

Take care everyone xx

karen xx

[Louise]

Hi there

Yes you do tend to find out who are the real friends – I know I did....

Its an emotional rollercoaster all this coming to terms with what happened & more so the ‘new you’ that was the hardest for me to master, the ‘new me’ was SO different to the old one...

I know what you did for a living, but maybe you shouldn’t have resigned, (I know that maybe you felt you couldn’t have done the job) but maybe you should have just let it ride for a while then leave through ill health.

Its a battle to survive on benefits, & its a mine field those forms, but you should make sure your getting the right thing since your at the moment unable to work.

Are you back to driving again, wow that was quick...

Maybe if not a gym see if there are any centre’s doing the likes of yoga, walking is a good form of excersice....its doesn’t cost a thing...

Have you spoken to the GP about the tearful and way you feel, maybe they could suggest a councellor don’t be put off by that they’re very good.

YES your doing the right thing keeping in contact with friends they are few and far between well that’s what happened to me they drifted out of my life and at the time there was nothing that I could do to stop it.....

YES do mention it at the consultant tomorrow, and really 6months is very early days although you may not think so....

Hope that’s helped a bit, by the way I’ve been-there-done it-& worn that T.shirt long time now.....

good luck tomorrow, write your questions down that you want to ask....

take care

[maggie]

:redface:Hiya, Li-lin its still early days for you,your going to feel emotional of course you are you have been through so much. I have been 'wearing the T shirt' for 18 months now.At around 6 months post SAH I started to see a neuro Phsycologist who helped me tremendously -this was offered to me as part of after care at the hospital. I am much more emotional now (its different for us all)! Life is all ups and downs so to speak its just that post SAH the dips seem more intense and harder to climb out of at first! But it does get better,alot better. Give it time,and keep doing what your doing you sound like you have it sussed! As for friendships I am still bewildered at some of my friends reaction to my experience. But have started to make new ones and I appreciate the ones who stuck by me. Good luck. Maggiex

[Liz D]

Hi Lin-lin

Yep you do find out your "true" friends but the ones that stick around are invaluable! But you will also find people in general will look at you and think that you are fine! Because we have no visible scars people don't realise just how hard it can be for us sometimes.

Like you, I was always the strong one! I have 5 siblings and it was always me they came to for advice or to just talk. Same in my own family, my 3 children always came to me for advice about life. I coped with everything that came at me and never let it get me down. But since joining this site and reading the posts from lots of others, it's a common trait, strong active people!

So everyone thought if anyone could cope with this then I could. And I did, up to a point. Then it hit me about October last year, 8 months post SAH. The tears and the gloom. My husband and me were also having some problems coming to terms with the changes in me and in our relationship. But we sought counselling and it really helped but she recommended that I get some counselling just for me. This made a great difference. What we experience after a SAH is akin to post traumatic stress syndrome. Once this was explained to me and I was told the effects it has, it was a huge relief! What I was feeling was completely normal after what I'd been through. I found counselling really helped. You can access it through your GP, maybe it will help you.

I also found this site has helped enormously. I was just so relieved to contact people who understood and to hear from people who were further along in their recovery. When I first started reading through posts I kept saying "that's me" and it made me feel "normal"!

But you are still early in your recovery and are doing really well!

[Skippy]

Hey Lin

Yep, definitely know what you mean. People would ask how I was and would say "physically I'm fine, emotionally I'm scr*wed. And I was for a few months - I saw a counsellor who helped a great deal, but I can honestly from the bottom of my heart say, that it was being part of the family on this site that got me through more than anything. It's like having your own therapist on tap - we all know what it feels like and we can all tell you you're not alone.

I know it was partly Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and that it's all part of the natural reaction to something terrible, but it doesn't stop you crying at the drop of a hat or feeling like you're going stir crazy - but just knowing that it was normal helped me a great deal.

Hang on in there and remember 1. you're among friends here and 2. it does get easier as time passes (old cliche I know, but very true).

Looking forward to hearing more from you.

[JayKay]

Hi there! I'm sorry you are having these feelings. I know that the counselling I'm getting at the rehab place is very very helpful. I hope you can get some help too - we've lived through a life-changing event, and some of us need help to come to terms with it. Take care!

[Vivien]

Hello Lin Lin

I think the first few months for me were spent battling the physical effects and not really noticing the emotional effects. It didn't really hit me about what had happened until about 6 months on, I also had insomnia ( still do a bit) and awful dreams when I did sleep. I saw my doctor who thought I might have Post Traumatic Stress disorder and so he sent me to a counsellor. This has helped me enormously and I still go but only a couple of times a year now.

It sounds like you are doing all the right things to help your recovery, and are coping well with the upheaval of not having a job.

So maybe a bit of counselling might help you emotionally.

The neuro surgeon who is my consultant said that it takes a long time both physically and emotionally to recover from an SAH.

Hope this helps

Vivien

[Lin-lin]

Hello again,

I want to thank everyone for taking the time out to reply to my post. I do not think it a coincidence that I have began to feel better. I read all your replies with interest and they really gave me a boost. It's nice to know that I have people to turn to who know exactly what I'm going through.

I start with the C.A.B tomorrow (volunteer.) I am anticipating that the training is going to tire me out. I've agreed to do two days to start. Whilst I feel that I can probably do this, I expect to be washed out by the experience too. I have been honest with my new colleagues about my condition and have told them in advance that I am likely to need some breaks throughout the day.

I will have an early night tonight to give myself the best opportunity tomorrow - I just hope I get some sleep (oh, the joys of insomnia! - ha!)

Thanks again

L xx

[Louise]

Hi Lin-lin

good luck with tomorrow I hope that it goes well and that you enjoy it....

take care

[kempse]

Hi

Just wanted to wish you all the best for tomorrow - I think your idea of warning them is a good idea - I believe we do so much better with a bit of a break - hope you manage to sleep well tonight!

Sarah

[Karen]

Hi Lin,

Wishing you the very best for tomorrow!

You're doing really well and all I can say, is that you have to play it by ear, as to what or the hours that you can do and it's all a bit experimental at first, until you find or your brain tells you, what you're capable of doing... but am sure that you will be helping a lot of folk and the CAB is certainly a worthwhile cause, so well done and I'm sure that it will give you a boost and help to get some confidence back!

xx

[winter]

Hi Lin - I'm pretty new here myself. Have read your posts and think you are doing quite well! Good luck to you w/your volunteer work. It always helps our own soul when we give to others Good for you!

I'm 6mo. post SAH and coiling. Still learning my limits as each day is different! I am lucky to have co-workers who are very supportive and help me when I need it. And too, this site has been wonderful - all here are amazing survivors.

Hope you get your needed sleep and have a great tomorrow!

Take care,

Carolyn

[maggie]

:redface:Hi Lin all the best for tomorrow. Listen to your body, don't push yourself.Take good care of you, have a good sleep tonight. Maggiex

[bogbrush]

Hi Lin,

Wishing you all the best for tomorrow. Yes, you will get tired, but take it easy and remember that you are doing something worthwhile.

[Liz D]

Good luck for tomorrow. You will be shattered but after you've recovered you'll feel fab for doing it! If I have problems getting to sleep I drink a cup of valerian tea, I buy it in Holland and Barratt. I checked with my GP (I'm on blood pressure tabs and thyroid meds) that it was ik to take it and he said yes. It works a treat and I'm not groggy in the morning. But check with your GP if you're on any meds.

[Janet]

Hi Lin

Good luck for tomorrow and yes plenty of breaks do help let us know how you get on.

[KelBel]

Hi Lin

Good luck with starting the volunteer work tomorrow! And like others have said; lots of breaks will help ensure you don't overdo it. Hope it goes well for you.

Kel x

[Lin-lin]

Thank you to everyone who replied.

It's strange reading my first post, because I seem to have moved on. I've developed some perspective and upon reading the experience of others on this site, I feel a little foolish.

I've started my volunteer work at the C.A.B (really enjoying - I work two days per week for four hours,) and I have seen people in very sorry circumstances.

This site and the C.A.B have re-calibrated my mind and I now feel more thankful than resentful. I had believed my SAH to have weakened me, feeling like half the person I was. However, I am now noticing that it has brought with it a life education that no law book has taught.

Naturally, I'm very tired after work and am re-building my confidence, but there are lots on this site who would be grateful if this were their only struggle.

Thanks to everyone who helped me on 'my dip!' I appreciate that you all took my concern seriously even though you had read situations which were worse and maybe had lived through worse yourselves.

L xxxxxxxx

[momo]

What a nice post Lin lin, thank you. I too feel thankful, every single day.

Take care M x

[JayKay]

Aww! I second what momo said. That was lovely. Take care!!

[Karen]

I think that the quote from Alexander Graham Bell summed it up for me in my 1st year of recovery and I would often try to remember it..... “When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.”

For many of us post SAH, I think that our lives, especially in the early months can change beyond recognition and we're lost souls for a little while, whilst we tackle the enormity of what has happened to us and make some sense of it.

My first 2 years of recovery, took me to hell and back, but I believe that it's given me a great deal of inner strength and has taught me to always try to look for the positives in each day, no matter how small they may be and everything achieved is a bonus and a step in the right direction.

Lin, I'm sure that your good work with the CAB will help you tremendously as you move forward with your recovery and start to re-build your life. A very nice post Lin and wishing you all good things.... xx

[Vivien]

Hi Lin-Lin,

I am so glad to read your post and know that you are feeling better. Don't feel foolish, it was your experience at the time, an SAH is a scary life changing event.

Vivien x

[maggie]

HI Lin-Lin ,Lovely to read your post. Remember what happened to you was a personal tragedy and its wonderful that you are recovering so well. Thank you for posting. Your words will give hope to all those who read them. Maggiex :redface: