Near Death Experience

[kpaggett]

I was near death when I was in the ER. I had to let everything go including my loved ones etc. I didn't die...but Because of this I realized that death isn't something to be pushed away until the last possible moment...because it doesn't matter when you die, but being ready. Our society promotes rejuvenation instead of aging and fighting conditions because death seems to scary. I'm having a real existential crisis of trying to figure out what living means when dieing isn't as bad as people think it is. It seemed so peaceful and carried with it no deficits to deal with.

I have gravitated towards a daily practice of meditation to help me with the search, but if anyone has anything that might help, please I'd love to receive it.

~Kris

[MaryB]

Kris, Last month when I went to my yearly with my gyno Dr. as he was getting ready to leave he stopped and came back, took a seat and told me of his near death experience and how it was not scary at all. In his mind he felt he made a choice to go back to life as he just opened his practice, was not married yet or had children etc. It was really heart warming to hear this from a Dr. that could of easily of left the room and said "See you next year!"

[Louise]

Kris, this is a bit beyond me in a way, they say I died twice but I have no recollection on this I survived & Im so pleased I did thankfull everyday, for a while I did wonder 'why' but I think that instead of searching for the answer just be glad you did & move forward live your life as it is dont dwell on the past or what happend move forward honey.

I too spent time wondering & honestly its not healthy where I apreciate thats maybe how you are I know that its not really all that healthy you've come through something that an awfaul lot dont manage....

ok this maybe a drone but I know both ends of this one why Im droning....sorry...

[DawnS]

I remember getting to A&E, the receptionist telling me that I was 'clearly having a panic attack' and to go sit down. I remember slumping on the floor and puting my head on Andy's knee and him stroking my hair. After that, there is nothing for several weeks. I do know that I assumed I was going to die when it started because I knew I was having a brain haemorrhage when I heard the 'pop'. Sah is what killed my mum and I had no idea it could be survived. What I do know is that I lived in fear of death for almost 10 years prior to my sah and then when it happened I knew nothing about it. At all. What a relief! I am so glad to be rid of the fear both of death and of having a brain haemorrhage. It has been a part of my life for so many years and I feel so much lighter now. I am not afraid of it happening again and now I know that I am capable of surviving such a huge thing, there's not much I am afraid of anymore.

[Winb143]

Well Put Dawn.and Louise....I am proud of you both..Well Done my SAH Pals...sorry you are stuck with me..lol

Love

WinB143 xxxx

Edited July 18, 2012 by Winb143

[Gill C]

I didn't nearly die as my anni didn't burst but was told afterwards if it had burst I would be an ex Bagpuss!! Thats kinda hard to come to terms with as for 6 weeks I walked round with a ticking time bomb in my head completely unaware how serious it was. Its only when I heard the stats about how few people actually walk into the hospital with an unruptured anni it hit home.

I sure do have a guardian angel or possibly many more than just one that looked after me those 6 weeks! They sent me Mr Sparrow & I'm eternally grateful he looked after me so well

[Liz D]

Hi Kris

I think I can relate to your post. I've thought about the meaning of life a lot.

I was very poorly but wasn't fully aware of just how ill I was. I was told by the doc (a colleague) that I was very seriously ill. My memories of the first few days are a bit mixed up. I was going into organ failure and do remember seeming to go off into blackness but being very peaceful. Then I remember someone shouting my name, which cut through this blackness and when I opened my eyes there were quite a few medical staff around me and administering a lot treatment. It was at an appointment with the consultant a year later that he went into detail of what they had to do keep me alive and again stressed that I was their miracle for 2009. This kind of shocked me and started me thinking.

This is one of the few vivid memories I have of those few days. The thought of death doesn't scare me because of this very peaceful feeling I had but no way am I ready to go yet! I often wonder if this is why I no longer get angry and am a very laid back person.Before I would get frustrated and annoyed in some situations, now I tend to smile and just get on with things. I just can't see the point of wasting energy on this emotion, life is for living and enjoying every moment and particularly enjoying my family. I really don't understand why some people are grumpy and horrible to one another. This laidbackness could be down to some damage but I really like the way I am and the way I view life.

I keep telling my husband that life is all about memories and that life is a very fragile thing. He works very hard and long hours and I keep telling him to make sure he has time to enjoy his life because if it were to end suddenly does he want his life to have been about work, work and more work! When we're not here all that's left of us are memories. So I want to leave as many happy memories as I possibly can. I know I see the world very different to others because of having had a SAH and all that came after it. When I'm no longer around I want my family and friends to be able to smile when they remember me because they knew I was happy.

Edited July 18, 2012 by Liz D

[SarahLou]

Hello guys,

Liz so many of your words are exactly how I feel too.

I know I danced along the line of death, got very close and really shouldn't be here.

I wanted to pass, I mean really wanted to. But it wasn't my time.

I do view life differently now, I do not have the spoons to waste on things I can't change.

Life sure is all about making memories. Spend your life with the ones you love. Live your dreams and reach for the stars because you never know what tomorrow will bring.

SarahLou Xx

[Winb143]

My Mum would not let me go with her...after SAH and I believe this to be true...been scoffed at but I know there was my Family and a very tall man...Who told me to laugh and be happy and gave me sweets...I told someone this and they said ("yeah it was your guardian angel).... I thought..ohhhhhhhhhhhh ...shut up.. this was my near death thingy..lol..how dare she tell me who was there..ha ha...

Be well and Happy All

WinB143 xxxxxxx.

Edited July 18, 2012 by Winb143

[kpaggett]

I'm really energized to think on the memories idea. You all are right (and I hope to embrace the idea) that memories are all that's left in the wake of death...so do you want to leave good ones or bad? I'm in agreement...good.

Thanks as usual to my strange posts. The replies really do mean the world to me.

~Kris

[lisac]

Hi Kris, I know exactly what you're saying. I remember coming home from the hospital and knowing that I could have died - just slipped away and

it wouldn't have been scary at all (I went unconscious shortly after the aneurysm burst). I remember being scared of death before all of this and now, it seemed like no big deal. I thought the same way... what's the purpose of going through the hassle of living if death isn't a big scary thing. Death lost it's power of being the motivating factor of trying to live a certain life. Shortly after, I read a really interesting book, called Dying to Be Me: My Journey from Cancer, to Near Death, to True Healing. This woman had a near death experience that has been well documented. She learned from her experience and came back to life with a whole new outlook. She realized she was living her life based on fear (fear of illness, divorce, religion, etc.) and didn't love herself. After the NDE, she totally changed herself and her reason for living. It's a very powerful book and helped me put things in perspective. You might enjoy it too. I got it from amazon (Kindle version).

[Winb143]

Did anyone like me see, loved ones who had passed on.......or as my hubby says "Shurrup Win ya losing it" lol,......gentle man.. but doesn't like hearing it..... as Him n Daughter lived it.......ahhh they are my Loves of my Life xx

Be Well All

WinB143

[Louise]

Yes Win I did its like a very vivid dream that I had, saw my Mum, Granny & others in sort of silloette but knew who they were. So I must have been loosing it too hun..yes they lived it but hey talk about it....

[Skippy]

Yes Win - saw my grandad, who died when I was 19 - I was 35 when I had the SAH. I'd always felt him around me before the SAH but not since, so must have been waiting to save me. Actually gives me comfort now that I don't feel him around as it must mean I'm safe now

[Anya]

Kris/ your posts often resonate with me. You ask important questions others don't think to put...e.g., the theme on 'death'. I know it's not to everyone's taste as we are all alive and recovering in our ways. But having had a close shave really brought it home how fragile and short life is. Having had a sah was a 'wake up call' to change my entire life script. I investigated the subject on death soon after my discharge. I bought the Dalai Lama's book on "Advice on Dying...And Living a Better Life". To continue a much deeper search on the subject, I enrolled on a krishnamurti (Indian philosopher) weekend retreat on 'Death', which surprisingly wasnt in the least bit depressing. It answered a lot of my questions, put to rest fears and gave comfort, as well as teaching meditation. Of course I can't remember the contents of it now, but I thought you can track his conversations online if it helps.

Win/I thought I heard my brothers voice in the back garden the night before my sah. It was dark and I was about to enter the house when out of the blue, loud and clear, he said "you're going to be very ill, but you'lle be okay. I was so startled I turned around expecting to see someone standing there. I asked him to repeat himself, which he did using the exact same words. I have never forgotten it!

[Winb143]

Thanks as I was in dreamland for quite a while as it was a big bleed so I am told...

I know I saw Mum she had black net on head...next time I saw her she had a bright scarf around her neck and I put the bright scarf

with happy times as she smiled at all around her.. .but still she was stern with me.....Reason she loves my Sarah, her favourite as my Sarah used to sing with my Mum..wonder where she gets it from ..lol Was a real good party lol xxx

Be Well All

WinB143 xx xx

[kpaggett]

I love all of the perspectives!

I too had a premonition before my SAH. As small voice in my head said, "You haven't really had anything bad happen, if it did you'd have a greater understanding." Then I said, "What are you saying! I don't want that" Then SAH hit not 5min later. Weird.

Also, in my meditations since I first posted this thread, I've come to know that all that's important is the love you leave behind and the joy that you brought to your life. How simple sounding, but yet we all worry about what time will we do this or that and what is proper and let me pay all the bills and rush off to the next thing I don't really want to go to.

Just be in joy that's all.

~Kris