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Oh Dear! It's been a YEAR!

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Yesterday was the 1 year anniversary of the day my head literally exploded. Sunday was the super bowl (which is the day it happened last year). Both days were very difficult for me emotionally; but even more so for my family I believe. My husband even went to my therapist with me on Monday! That is saying a lot since he has never in his life agreed to go to therapy before. That man is a rock, and my hero.

When the power went out at the super bowl, it felt almost like poetic justice. I felt like the gods were giving me a little retribution for what happened last year. Last year I blew a fuse during the halftime show...this year THEY did! haha.

Yesterday was very difficult for me because all the memories. Mostly the memories my family has because I have very few of my own. February is usually the shortest month of the year, but last year, it was the longest month for my family and friends. The pain and worry I put them through leaves me with immense guilt. I know that there was nothing I could do to avoid the SAH, but that doesn't stop me from feeling responsible for so many peoples emotional upheaval. I don't know how to stop feeling guilty, but I know in time it will get better.

I'm still dealing with the side effects and eye effects of the SAH. I go to see an eye specialist on Friday about my left eye. I have neuropathy in my left hand and foot, but I am feeling really good right now about so many things. I passed that one year threshold and it feels great to be on the other side of it.

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Congrats on your one year annivesary. The next one still has some good healing as I have learned. I am amazed when I "get' something back I thought was lost now. I hope you have continued good health. :)

I saw an eye specialist a few months after the SAH & Stroke. I have vision loss at like 10:00 left eye & 2:00 in right eye. I have adjusted to it but still think I am going to knock my head on something that is not there or do walk into a branch. I decided this summer to wear my big sun glasses over my glasses as they have side protection and a big straw hat so I can go into the yard again without poking my eyes out!! At least maybe not so jumpy about it anyway. LOL

It gets brighter everyday, I told my dr the other day it is so amazing the brain, it fasicnates me when I get a light bulb moment. It reminds me of watching my kids grow up and seeing them "get that connection" on something new. I was secretly worried that if I did not have it back by 1 year that was it but I must say I am surprised at some of my lightbulb moments lately.

Kind Regards, maryb

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Happy anni versary Steph, it is mine too today.

I started out ok this morning, but been in floods of tears this afternoon. On the guilt thing, apparently the first thing I said to my family when they got to hospital was - I'm sorry and I think I have been apologising nearly every day since that dreadful time.

But, the next 12 months WILL be better than the last 12 months, just got to keep climbing this infernal hill!

Take care,


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Sometimes I feel like i have been on a long expedition this past year . Win's analogy resonates with me. It's so hard , unforgiving and scary at times but on BTG I have seen Steph and Wem that both of you are a few paces ahead of me on this journey, and it helps to see you there and know we are not alone.

It spurs me on and lifts me up to be sharing this with all of you...

There you are ploughing on through your own challenges but lifting your head up high and with inner strength and courage.

Ahead of you and pushing onwards on this twisting path there is David, Cath ,Dawn, Mary , Win , Michelle and Sandi, ahead of them is BTGers from years and years back , louise , keith , lin lin and of course Karen and all the original band whose threads even now bring comfort and hope and knowledge to us and those who join us each day.

All of us , some still on their journey , all on different paths but all starting from the same scary, dangerous precipitous mountain top of an SAH. We may not have a safety rope attached to join us but it kind of feels like we do.

Be well. Keep pushing on.

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Happy Anniversary ! It is a milestone just think how far you have come. I celebrated my first in Dec just ahead of you . I hope 2013 is everyone's year for a few steps forward :-)

I am only starting to realise this is a longer journey than I thought xx

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